Jump to content
Robin

Common Misconceptions About Aros

Recommended Posts

36 minutes ago, Korbin said:

"So are aromantics sl*ts, then?" My mom upon being explained what an aro is after she asked. 

Tldr: Aro =/= slut. You are human and want something and that is ok.

It is so much more than sex. You do not sleep with every person you see. And there are much more attraction than sexual or romantic ones. My answer for your mom would be if she would sleep with her friends, and if she says no, ask her why. That way maybe she can see that not everything is about sex. Only my best friend knows I'm aro, and they answer was, "ok, want some cookies?" And that was the best thing that happened to me cuz I was scared that they thought we became friends just to sleep with they.

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/11/2016 at 12:56 PM, Mikasa said:
  • Maybe you have commitment issues? 
  • Perhaps your standards are too high, just give people a chance!

I used to think I had commitment issues because I didn’t like the thought of being in a relationship for the rest of my life. Then, I found out I was aro and it made much more sense

On 6/24/2016 at 2:50 AM, UncommonNonsense said:

We've all seen stories and shows that feature an Aro character.  And most of them are undeniably cringe-worthy.  

Mostly, that's due to certain incorrect ideas that romantic society has about people who don't experience romance, romantic drives, or romantic idealism.

 

Which of these really chaps your hide?  Which bugs you more than the rest?

 

For me, it's that we're emotionless.  

I can be called a lot of things, but emotionless sure isn't one of them!  I don't like to *show* a lot of visible emotion, but I get overwhelmed by my emotions easily (gee, thanks, Depression) and sometimes really struggle to contain them.

 

Emotionless?  Anyone who'd say that can kiss my pale Canadian ass.

You say we’ve all seen an aro character I some kind of TV show/movie/book but I most certainly have not

 

also, the misconception that we’ve been traumatized or we’re depressed and that why we’re aromantic is that one that really gets to me. As someone who is depressed, no. No, no, no. That’s not how that works at all and how dare you use my depression and my struggle to dismiss my identity. That one really makes me angry.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry for my English I'm Italian

  • you are too young to know
  • you are only afraid of suffering
  • you haven't met the right person yet
  • you are a heartless bitch
  • you are a heartless bitch
  • you just say it to get you cool

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
  • we think romance is bad
  • we're all manipulative
  • we lie to our sexual partners in order to get sex
  • we're all cishet frat boys who discard women after having sex with them
  • we all think we're oppressed for being aro/that allo privilege is a real thing
  • we don't understand what material oppression is
  • we're all white
  • we're all cis
  • we're all either straight or ace
  • we're all immature and shit on other people's happiness
  • we're all homophobic
  • those of us that are LGBT make the LGBT community look bad
  • we all lack empathy for people who are going through romantic problems, or who are discriminated against for being in a romantic relationship (i.e. gay couples, interracial/interabled/interfaith couples, couples that involve nonbinary or trans or gnc or intersex people)
  • we don't really know what we want
  • we never shut up about being aro and shove it in people's faces even when we don't have to and they literally don't care
  • we all use the word allosexual/romantic
  • we don't have a consistent definition of romantic attraction and therefore don't exist
  • we all think that everyone who doesn't identify as aro/ace is just constantly falling in love and wanting to fuck 24/7, obsessed with romance/sex, and has the exact same uncomplicated relationship with their attraction
Edited by Finn
wanted to add more

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very recently I was told that I didn't seem aromantic because I cared about and loved my friends a great deal. Another person said aromanticism is about NOT wanting to connect emotionally with anyone. I'm certain this in this thread a lot but it bears repeating.

 

We are not capable of any sort of love or deep emotional connection because we don't feel romantic love.

I am quite tired of hearing this. I certainly don't try to befriend people who think so poorly of me and the love I have to offer though they ASK. Ew. 🙄

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/10/2020 at 9:41 AM, Korbin said:

"So are aromantics sl*ts, then?" My mom upon being explained what an aro is after she asked. 

What about us aros who are also asexual? What does that make us? Prudes?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

-“So you’re into casual sex?”

Ummmmm no.  Not the same thing.  Alloromantic people have casual sex all the time these days, besides.

-“But you get obsessed with (male celebrity/fictional character)!”

And yet, obsession is not love?  It’s being a fanboy or thinking they’re cool (or goodlooking.) It does not mean I want to date them.

-“You can never have a healthy relationship with anyone!”

Romantic attraction is not an indicator of relationship health.

-“You should buy a realdoll instead of inflicting yourself on a living person.”

This one was straightup bigoted. Assuming not only that every person on earth wants/needs to combine emotional intimacy with sexuality, but indirectly telling me that I am a silicone doll instead of a person and my needs are beneath significance.

-“That’s unfair to people.”

It’s unfair to people to assume their emotional needs are the same as yours.

-“You are dangerous and should not have intimate relationships until you change.”

Another iteration of the psychopath! stereotype.  I don’t go around lying to people and intentionally deceiving them into one sided crushes.  I have known alloromantic people who did.  My aromantism does not make me any more or less dangerous than anyone else.

-“Have you considered chemical castration?”

Have you considered that eugenics lead to atrocity?

-“Nobody would want to be with someone like you anyway”

Except for maybe another monoplatonic fellow...but even so, great!  I went decades without a partnership and didn’t spontaneously combust.  The above is still a rotten thing to say though.

-“But you can’t be aro if you aren’t ace because sex always involves connection and intimacy!”

Nope it doesn’t.

-“I hope this doesn’t mean you’re a (attracted to inappropriate group of people/animals/things)”

I have no rejoinder this doesn’t even make sense

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, LoveIsZaxlebax said:

“You should buy a realdoll instead of inflicting yourself on a living person.”

You heard a lot of idiot, cruel and ridiculous things, but this one... Didn't see it coming.

For people who speak about intimacy, they clearly have zero empthy...

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/5/2020 at 7:52 PM, The Angel of Eternity said:

What about us aros who are also asexual? What does that make us? Prudes?

Further context. I probably forgot to give. She identifies as demisexual. I think she's just in the mindset surrounding sex of 'damned if you do and damned if you don't'- so yes and no? Not about herself for sure but she is a hypocrite. Sometime I'll have to ask her what she actually thinks of the acespec community.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/11/2020 at 7:57 PM, LoveIsZaxlebax said:

-“But you get obsessed with (male celebrity/fictional character)!”

And yet, obsession is not love?  It’s being a fanboy or thinking they’re cool (or goodlooking.) It does not mean I want to date them.

YES. Thank you for putting this into words!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A funny thing (Read: actually really fucking annoying) is that since we have all these negatives stereotypes, there are also a lot of people trying to combat them by instead pushing the idea that aros are super soft and fluffy and warm and sentimental and touchy and, most importantly, normal.
"Sure, aros may not want a romantic relationship, but we still have queerplatonic partners. It's pretty much the same thing! And sure, aros may not fall in love, but love is still the very core of our existence with our love for cats or art or nature! Just like a normal person!"

As if touch-repulsed aros, aplatonic aros, promiscuous aros, loveless aros, etc, are nothing but negative stereotypes and not real people who may very well consider their aromanticism to be integral in shaping the way they see the world.

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh yes... Like the "but we still fall in love" from allo aces. I think we should find a way to educate about these things, without marginalizing other people. Because yeah, some aros want QPR, but some aros are also aplatonic and as valid and human as the others.

Maybe, one way to do that would be : stop to try to compensate  the lack of romance with something else? I mean, we have different priorities than romance, but they differ from people, so saying "we don't have love but we have that instead" will always left people behind.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Oatpunk said:

A funny thing (Read: actually really fucking annoying) is that since we have all these negatives stereotypes, there are also a lot of people trying to combat them by instead pushing the idea that aros are super soft and fluffy and warm and sentimental and touchy and, most importantly, normal.
"Sure, aros may not want a romantic relationship, but we still have queerplatonic partners. It's pretty much the same thing! And sure, aros may not fall in love, but love is still the very core of our existence with our love for cats or art or nature! Just like a normal person!"

Which leads to people questioning if the are aro (enough) if they don't want a Queer Platonic Relationship or Platonic Life Partner. (Similarly for aros who don't do squishes.)

1 hour ago, nonmerci said:

Oh yes... Like the "but we still fall in love" from allo aces.

It potentially works for allo aces. Since romantic relationships look very similar regardless of if they are sexual or not.
 

1 hour ago, nonmerci said:

I think we should find a way to educate about these things, without marginalizing other people. Because yeah, some aros want QPR, but some aros are also aplatonic and as valid and human as the others.

There are also aros who want relationships which are neither romantic nor QPRs.
 

Edited by Mark
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Oatpunk said:

A funny thing (Read: actually really fucking annoying) is that since we have all these negatives stereotypes, there are also a lot of people trying to combat them by instead pushing the idea that aros are super soft and fluffy and warm and sentimental and touchy and, most importantly, normal.
"Sure, aros may not want a romantic relationship, but we still have queerplatonic partners. It's pretty much the same thing! And sure, aros may not fall in love, but love is still the very core of our existence with our love for cats or art or nature! Just like a normal person!"

As if touch-repulsed aros, aplatonic aros, promiscuous aros, loveless aros, etc, are nothing but negative stereotypes and not real people who may very well consider their aromanticism to be integral in shaping the way they see the world.

Just curious, what are aplatonic aros and loveless aros?  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Aplatonic are for aros who don't feel platonic attraction (squishes) or don't want QPRs.

I suppose that loveless aros are for people that don't relate to the concept of love as people use it (aka loving friends, families, etc)? But I'm not sure.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Maybe, one way to do that would be : stop to try to compensate  the lack of romance with something else? I mean, we have different priorities than romance, but they differ from people, so saying "we don't have love but we have that instead" will always left people behind.

Yes, I think this is exactly it. Concepts like "platonic soulmates" and "love is what makes us human" are just amatonormativity with a new coat of paint. We need to shed the idea completely. Human beings are defined by being a wrinkly brain in a vertical meat sack and that is literally it.

1 hour ago, Violet Stars said:

Just curious, what are aplatonic aros and loveless aros? 

Nonmerci described aplatonic pretty well, different people seem to have different definitions, but basically people who don't get squishes. What I meant by loveless was the aros who are uncomfortable with the concept of love and don't want that word applied to them, neither when talking about friendships or familial relationships or hobbies, etc.

1 hour ago, Mark said:

Which leads to people questioning if the are aro (enough) if they don't want a Queer Platonic Relationship or Platonic Life Partner. (Similarly for aros who don't do squishes.)

Yeah, and maybe thinking that what they are experiencing isn't an "aro experience". As if how they're feeling is just something else that's wrong with them, or that they are sullying the name of other aros by living up to a stereotype.

Edited by Oatpunk
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...