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  1. YMBAI how you describe your ideal relationship sounds a lot like how you describe your ideal friendship
    10 points
  2. While I don't feel quite qualified to give definitive 'this is absolutely the best way to handle this kinda of situation' advice due to lack of experience, I do want to say, ghosting him is absolutely not harsh given the context. If you told him you weren't interested even once, the respectful thing to do would be accept it. The fact that he didn't listen to two rejections and then aggressively manipulated the situation to get your number (checking the first number like a creep, insisting you call him, etc.) is honestly a big red flag. That is not a guy who is going to respect your boundaries in any kind of relationship.You don't owe him any explanations or justifications of any kind. Blocking his number would be one thing to do. As for the risk of seeing him again in person...is there any way to take a slightly earlier train when you need to use that route, or arrange to have someone trusted with you if you can't? It's technically possible he doesn't use that route/time consistently too. Otherwise, all I can think is that if ghosting doesn't get the message across, then reporting him to the authorities if he bothers you again, or looking for a friendly stranger to stay near/subtly ask for help from (this is definitely more of a last resort, but in general staying in public and getting the attention of others I see as advice for dealing with a threatening person without escalating things). If anyone else with more experience with this kind of situation has more informed/detailed advice to give, then that would probably be better to listen to. But definitely you are wholly in the right to want to get rid of this guy as soon as possible, the situation isn't your fault for not being forceful, he should have just respected you in the first place.
    9 points
  3. So I randomly thought up this lovesong for queerplatonic partners. Since I can only write the lyrics for now I'll do so, then share the audio of me singing it so you will know the mellody when I figure out a good way to do it. But for now, here are the lyrics: Your Something Verse 1: I never want to be your one and only, Not interested in fulfilling your every need, I simply want to be there when you get lonely, A unique love growing from a custom made seed. Chorus: I wanna be your something. Don't wanna be your everything, Let me be your something, A unique love that flies on custom wings. I wanna be your something, Cuz we both know one size does not fit all, Let me be your something. I'll give you space, but lift you when you fall. That's all I have for now, I might think up more verses, we'll see. Also if anyone knows of a good place to upload the audio so I can link it here, I’d really appreciate it. Thanks! ☺️
    8 points
  4. Hello people. So I am in a not very comfortable situation right now. While I was waiting for my train, a guy began to talk to me, and in the end, ask for my number. The fact that he looks for a romantic relationship is obvious, even if I said I am not interested and said no to a coffee with him. I mean, one of the first question he asked was if I was married and then, why I wasn't... Anyway, usually in these cases, I give a false number so I don't have to justify myself after I said twice that I wasn't interested. Unfortunately, the guy was clever enough to verify the number, and then he gave me his and asked that I call. I did and realized only after that if I call him, then he has my number... I don't feel comfortable because : I really don't want to see him again. I don't want a romantic relationship (as you must guess), but I also don't want a friendship because I know what he will want from a friendship, which is not a friendship. However I also feel guilty because I feel like I wasn't strict enough when I said no. I did say I wasn't interested at least twice, but I also give my number... Not that I really wanted to give my number, but as you see, I am not very good at saying no. Anyway I don't know what to do. Ghosting him is harsh, but I'm scared that I have to justify myself if he calls me and asks me out. I am also anxious at the idea to see him again, because it is possible that we will take the train at the same time again. I miss the time when I look like a teen and that doesn't happen... Any advice? EDIT : not exactly the same subject, but I want to hide that something that annoys me, is that when he asked why I was't married or interested, I wanted to say "because I am aro", but didn't because I knew I would have faced negationism, and it would have made me even more upset.
    7 points
  5. the pressure to be in contact all the time? i felt like I was supposed to want to talk to him all the time, so I would force conversations and find reasons to text him and it just felt so fake and awkward. but that's what you're supposed to want when you have a crush on someone right? (rhetorical question lol)
    7 points
  6. Problem solved, I've found it: Romance to be honest it seems a bit boring, I have no idea why so many people want it.
    6 points
  7. I realized that two books I've both read fairly recently have aromantic characters: A lady's guide to petticoats and piracy has an aromantic and asexual main character. Her life goal is to become a doctor which is hindered by the fact she lives in the 1700s. The midnight bargain has an aromantic side character. It's a fantasy story about two women who try to avoid marriage, because of they get married they are not allowed to practice magic. The main character is in love with a guy and is torn between wanting to be with him and not wanting to marry. The other woman is aromantic and want to spend her life researching magic. I like that both these characters are clearly stated to be aromantic, even though the word of aromantic doesn't exist in their societies. Have you read any books recently with aromantic characters?
    6 points
  8. For anyone who wonders, I ignore the call for two days. I thought I may send a message explaining I'm not interested if that continues, as you suggested, but he stops calling then. Thanks everyone for your advice and support.
    6 points
  9. Reminded me of this old meme.
    6 points
  10. Every morning in my english class we do this thing where the teacher asks us a question (things like what's the best compliment you've ever received, who's the most important person in your life etc) and then we get to ask him a question. This time it was something very simple and quite cliche (seriously Mr. Pait you're an english teacher you're supposed to be creative) what did you do this weekend? I don't remember very many of the stories, mostly because I was still half asleep since this was my first class of the day, but one story really struck me. Basically this guy was at work and saw his female friend and wanted to say hi, but didn't because her boyfriend was with her. Like, wha? 😮 Even more shockingly was that I seemed to be the only one who finds this weird! Even the teacher agreed that he did the right thing! Are you seriously telling me that once you succumb to the odd human custom of of a romantic relationship you're not even supposed to talk to members of the opposite sex? For hetero relationships anyway? Seriously, allos? Seriously? I mean come on, this cannotbe healthy! Please tell me that I am not the only one freaked out about this!
    6 points
  11. Well, I do understand the assumed unprofessionalism of being social with non-coworkers while at work. and if the female friend and her boyfriend were clearly in a 'moment' in their date, like feeding each other or making out then I doubt they would appreciate a greeting from someone else. But otherwise this is just reinforcing amatonormative ideas about the heightened specialness of romantic relationships. Sorry no one else spoke up in class, this stuff has to start being called out when we see it!
    6 points
  12. I didn't like holding hands. My hands are mine and constantly holding someones hand made them sweaty and then I had a sweaty hand and it was awkward to say to give me back my hand to wipe it up and try to hold hands again. Because now we are not holding hands and resuming the activity seems redundant since the same results will happen. But my ex-partner liked it and I did not wanted to smash their expectations. It was after breaking up and some months later than I realized I was aro, but at that moment I felt guilt for not comforming with what was expected of me in a relationship by society's standards.
    6 points
  13. In our fantastic aro-themed world-trip “Cautionary Tale of Romance” we start at the lovely French ville of Saint-Amour, where we try the local wine (you definitely need wine!), from which we fly directly to the U. S., reaching the back-country of Arkansas, the town of Romance, renowned for its taxidermy. And from there our next stop is again in Europe, Germany. A borough of Berlin called Wedding, once famous for its industrial production of light-bulbs (“Osramhöfe”) 💡 – representing genius ideas like “Maybe I don’t want to get married…”. We then take a long flight and reach Disappointment island, New Zealand, where we marvel at the many wonderful shipwrecks there. Finally our journey ends in Australia, Useless Loop at Shark Bay. Cause in romance there are many sharks you need to be aware of. And you’re stuck in a useless loop.
    5 points
  14. Maybe you should have asked them what makes them so sure being alloromantic isn't the result of some trauma....
    5 points
  15. 💯 💯 💯 Let's take a look at this guy's actual actions, during your first interaction with him: When you said said you weren't interested, he continued to pressure you When you said you weren't interested a second time, he continued to pressure you When you were reluctant to give him your phone number, he forced you to reveal it in a way that couldn't be circumvented This isn't a well-meaning nice man, this is a modus operandi. He may have "sounded nice", but this guy has proven definitively by his actions that he has no respect for your comfort or boundaries, only in getting what he wants out of you. You don't owe him, or anyone like him, any politeness or respect. Ghost him, block his number, make sure you aren't searchable by phone number on any social media platforms, and make sure your WhatsApp profile or anything else tied to your phone number doesn't reveal any more personal information in case he goes looking. Society teaches women to be polite and respectful no matter how many boundaries men trample over, and that's bullshit. I know it's not always safe or easy to do so, but next time someone tries to pull something like this on you, try just telling them outright, "No, please leave me alone." You may discover very quickly just how "nice" they actually are (so again, only try it if you're in a safe place). But I find that every time you practise enforcing your boundaries like this, it gets easier. You are under no obligation to pretend to like a total stranger who has decided they want something from you. "No, please leave me alone" is a perfectly polite thing to say.
    5 points
  16. Wow I swear to god arocalypse seems more lively over the past few days than I remember pretty cool that
    5 points
  17. What i absolutely don’t like in romantic relationships is first of all the whole monogamy concept. Like why being with one person that you after some months or few days don’t feel any attraction, love or have any feelings for anymore? Secondly what i hate too is the kissing, cuddling, holding hands and eating valentines day chocolate together. I mean what’s the deal with being in a relationship/married? That’s why i don’t understand the whole valentines day concept.
    5 points
  18. lots. what stands out most is probably his displays of his romantic attraction to me. like certain things he would say, like compliments--which generally of course would be a good thing but in a romantic context, the tone of voice or the way i felt obligated to respond...idk. and sometimes he would just look at me a certain way, like we'd just be watching tv or whatever and i'd just be reminded it wasn't like hanging out with a friend. also more obvious stuff like holding hands, cuddling, kissing goodbye, celebrating a semi-anniversary. but it was more about the vibe than the actual stuff we did.
    5 points
  19. Sad thing is, those ideas of creepy looking guys are largely rubbish and based on making fun of men who don't conform to societal standards of beauty. Agreed with the other comments. Do not respond and do what you can to keep away from him.
    5 points
  20. Maybe, try to figure why it is so hard to accept, and then work on that? For instance, it was hard to accept for me because it was hard to accept that things I planned (getting married for instance) will never happen. When I accepted that I won't get married (which was make it easier when I realize that I never really wanted it anyway, it was the amatonormativity in my mind), I accept my aromanticism, and I even like it now.
    5 points
  21. A random feminist : saying lesbians are the best feminists because they will never been tied to a man. Me : does that mean I am the ultimate feminist because I will never been romantically tied to everyone? (I know the answer is "no")
    4 points
  22. Hey, Figured I’d introduce myself and have a shufty round the site! After thinking I was broken for my whole life my sister pointed out that I may be asexual. So the last 4 years I’ve accepted this as who I am. Though now I’m thinking I may be aro as well. So basically joining this site to find more out, chat to others, and see if this is true! That and try and stop my fear of being alone for eternity. aside from that I work in forensics and I have a passion for cycling and travelling! Hope you’re all well and have an awesome night! ThreeCs 😄
    4 points
  23. I tried to draw my own coat of arms, but then I just like the funny griffin and aardvark so much, I thought I started from there... Now there's a vector version, an easily editable SVG file, to which anyone can add elements to (e.g. ice cream…). I made some minor adjustments (shading, claws/paws, arrows, pedestal).... I just need a place to upload the SVG file…!!!! ... ok well I admit it, I'm the unoriginal art thief from Mars, and should now ask for permission… so belatedly I ask for permission. 😄
    4 points
  24. yesterday i told my friend i'm aromantic. her reaction was: "isn't it because of some trauma? have you talked to your therapist about that?" thanks for doubting my existence, i guess
    4 points
  25. Aro and kinda ace moment that happened yesterday, I was speaking with a friend about my aroness and my friend asked me what did I do in the bed when I was with someone. My response was "well talk and rant about the world and society", and my friend looked kinda confused cuz I didn't mention hugs/cuddles/sex. They knew I was aroace so it was a legit question, and apparently my response was like something that was extraordinary. Being in bed with someone and just talking was extraordinary, that is what got me. Idk, I felt that my answer was kinda obvious but well no idea now. What you guys do with someone when you are in bed?
    4 points
  26. Thanks. My first coming out went pretty well. My mother accepted me, she has questions but she handled the news pretty well. So I am in safe, going to wait few months (maybe till december) to come out to the rest of my immediate family). At least I know some of my fam has my back where I am.
    4 points
  27. 4 points
  28. what's something in a romantic relationship that you didn't like? Something that made you uncomfortable, or repulsed.
    4 points
  29. All those labels, while true, are not relevant in every situation. Many of these terms are useful once you get into details, but less so when talking to people out in the wild, who don't know what these terms mean anyway. I have not heard 'neptunic' before, but from your context I take it to mean that the gender of the person isn't as relevant as if they are feminine presenting? If that is the case, I'd reduce the list to aromantic heterosexual (and consider that to be trans-and-enby-inclusive), or aromantic pansexual (and think of the 'neptunic' part as being your type). Start with just the broad strokes, even if it isn't the full story. Otherwise, you just say these things with words when they become relevant. "I like sex, but I don't like hugs and kisses, and I am attracted to feminine people" is a lot easier to understand for a regular people than "aro asen neptunic-aesthetic neptunic-sexual." Those labels are still true, so you can still use them when they are relevant, but to some extent I think it is better to think of the detailed labels as useful for you to understand yourself, and useful shorthands in places like this where most of us understand the terminology. But they're not really useful for introducing yourself, in my opinion.
    4 points
  30. yeah i'd say straight up block his number, don't even engage tbh. you've already rejected him twice, he doesn't need more engagement (good that you're ignoring him! but in case he calls again)
    4 points
  31. Thank you. He hasn't texted me since the "hello" he sent le on what's app just after he left (like, man why bother find me on what's app), so hopefully he get it after I ignored him. Edit : forget what I said, he just called me (on my lunch pause, like I don't have anything better to do at this time lol). I ignored him.
    4 points
  32. I don't think I have skipped events for romance-avoidance reasons. I did skip my big high school formal but that was because I thought it would be terrible (it was) and I didn't want to pay almost $100 for a ticket. Though I did get a dress, I just wore it for other events. oh wait. scratch what I said. Yes. I avoided heaps of events. I had a friend who wanted to set me up, so I consistently avoided all the parties they invited me to. There were at least 3 a year for 4 years while we were at university. Though that may have had something to do with me working out that groups of young drunk Australian men tend to be aggressive and I don't like being cornered or groped.
    4 points
  33. Movies/novels/etc. where the main plotline is about nothing but romance. It's fine if it's a sort of side goal, but I'd quickly become disconnected with the plot if it's only about romance. I get that allo's really like that kinda stuff, but come on just let me have this one book ;-; Also I really don't like when the main protagonists just randomly confess their love for each other when they are about to get killed or some other really bad thing is about to happen. First do your job, then get to the lovey stuff so I can fast-forward/page skim, thank you very much.
    4 points
  34. Does anyone else has this fear that when you're to close/nice with people they'll think you have a crush on them? It happens a lot with me when I hang around with guys [stupid heteronormativity :( ]. I become paranoid of being "to much" and them thinking I like them romantically. Sometimes even to the point where I out myself, just so they know I'll never be interested in them. I hope that one day I finally will get over this and don't let societies point of view on affection destroy my platonic relationships <3
    4 points
  35. ghost him. his forcefullness and insistence was very rude. you owe nothing to this guy, and you don't want him to have your number.
    4 points
  36. Ye i'd ghost him because the way he forced the number out of u is not nice that is creepy how he got you to ring him, most people do not go that far. He took advantage of ur courtesy and it's not ur fault u didn't say no. I am one who thinks ghosting is very bad however if it is like putting u in an uncomfortable situation then it is warranted for sure as this is a rando who forces out ur number. I'd even block. If anything maybe it will teach him a lesson not to mess with others like that, it is not the way to treat other people at all. I don't know what he wants to get from it.
    4 points
  37. absolutely agree with Autumn there 100%. Ghosting is not harsh at all, especially as this guy is a stranger. He's the one in the wrong here. You said you were uninterested, he pestered you for a phone number essentially. I wouldn't even want to be an acquaintance of his knowing he acts like this.
    4 points
  38. I definitely understood this difference from your own post. I have a lot of illogical feelings myself that nonetheless have a large impact on me. I still feel like I have to react to "All f e m a l e s want X" though, when I see it crop up. It reminds me of the way incels speak. And I don't mean that only as is being disrespectful to women, but also in it being very inherently pessimistic as a way to look at things. There is a hopelessness to that worldview that I think is unhelpful. That does explain your thinking a bit more. Thank you. I still think that this is not necessarily a great way to look at things. Even if most people do feel like you say they do, I think building relationships with people is best thought of as building relationships with individuals, and not see those people as a one instance of the majority opinion. Risk assessment is fine, but that isn't what this looks like to me. You are 'anticipating' obstacles that you then consider to be inevitable. And your foresight isn't really rooted in reality. "People have less time once they have kids." is a reasonable assumption. But "all my friends will inevitably get married then have no time for me, and women will only marry jealous assholes who will see me as a threat, and thus friendship is unlikely to work" is not a reasonable assumption. You are starting with some 'most people' and 'most likely' statements that are sourced from your own brain, and then extrapolating them to 'inevitable' later on in your logic-tree. That's not good foresight, that's catastrophising. And I am not necessarily saying that you need to immediately go out and befriend women, but I am saying that this way of looking at your fellow humans as a hivemind and a logic-puzzle is kind of unhealthy and I don't think it will serve you. (Also when talking about humans, 'women' is the noun and 'female' is the adjective. So "a female friend" is correct but it should be "most women". It bugs me when I see people refer to women as 'females'. It makes it sound like we're not people, but an interesting animal in a documentary.)
    4 points
  39. you might be aro if you've ever just looked at the least unappealing person in the room and thought... "do I have a crush on this person..." "do I...?!" (no. the answer was always no.)
    4 points
  40. Being alone with my now ex romantic partner. I was fine being in a couple in public or with friends, but when we were alone it was just so bloody awkward and I wanted to crawl out of my skin. You'd think I would have realized I was aromantic and romance repulsed/ adverse fairly early into the relationship, but no. I dated him for 13 months thinking it would magically click on day and not be weird... #%^$ me, was I wrong on that front. 20/21 year old me was stupid and naive.
    4 points
  41. Non-assassin! 😃 It’s really an aro stereotype, but it would have its upsides if it were real… “Cupid’s arrow? Try my poisoned blade instead… No time for amatonormativity!” (Image: Battle for Wesnoth assassin)
    4 points
  42. You might be aro if you mistook sexual, aesthetic or sensual attraction for a crush. You might be aro if you thought romantic feelings described by others must be exaggerated. You might be aro if you never notice when someone has a crush on you, unless someone points it out to you. You might be aro if you broke somebody's heart by accident, even without realizing it, simply because you underestimated the intensity of their feelings. You might be aro if you felt suffocated and overwhelmed in a romantic relationship. You might be aro if the pet names people gave to their partners, always felt artificial and ridiculous to you.
    4 points
  43. I find the complaint about having being queer as someone's whole personality largely rubbish. There might be a few but consider how many people have their entire life set around a straight relationship and nobody bats an eyelid. I have met multiple people who have been told that they are that person, that their sexuality is all they focus on and they are always just not. They talk about being that way far more than most people are used to but it is never all of their personality. It is inevitably that they are too openly queer for some straight person's taste that gets that accusation levelled at them, rather than it really being all there is to them. Which is shit and I think the response is to be gayer and raise a middle finger at those who don't like it.
    3 points
  44. One main advice to me is to be patient with yourself and give it time. Try to read and talk with others (who are supportive) about aromanticism and you will probably feel a shift. Also try to dig into the underlying assumptions that causes your feelings. My favorite guide for this is The book Feeling good by David Burns. He gives lots of tips for how to deal with our thought traps that causes negative feelings. You can use that for your aromanticism thoughts.
    3 points
  45. 200 € …………… you have to be a very wealthy aro… I think that matcha could also be the aro tea. Because it’s the greenest tea of all. The tea plant is shaded from the sun for some weeks which makes it produce excess chlorophyll (and caffeine). In my experience a good matcha simply costs 1 € or more per gram … it’s extremely expensive for a tea (well, Japan is a high-wage country compared to China and certainly India)… but 1 liter of the prepared matcha just costs 10 - 20 € … basically nothing compared to this Aro wine!
    3 points
  46. Expression as I seen it defined, as how you express yourself to the wider society, and some people dress a certain way to fit in. Gender identity is a inner sense of gender, but I don't think everyone has one or in the same way. I guess I seen both things being mixed up a bit. But yeah they are seperate as a Woman can dress stereotypically masculine and a Man stereotypically feminine that would just be their "expression". I feel like no clothes is inherently masculine and feminine tbh a lot of that is culturally assigned more than anything, probably differs also depending in where you live (and ofc which part of history you are in if ur a time traveller ha) Honestly I just dress what is comfortable really, it's only annoyin when a certain few ppl complain and don't like that. My gender is more just what other people see me as and that I don't think it matters in a lot of ways until the situation makes it matter. At the end of the day I just do what I want (unless I really have to) much simpler.
    3 points
  47. I’m glad I found this thread right now. I’m having that kind of days this week where I easily feel fragile and I’m thinking a lot about the struggles and challenges of being aromantic. im 38 years old and I found out about aromanticism in December. It was when I also read about asexuality, I’m ace too. It was such a life changing experience but very liberating and empowering because I’ve been having a hard time before that making sense of why I was different and - what was wrong with me. Such a relief to know that I’m not being weird, I’m not broken and there’s even a pride flag, a wonderful community and a whole new perspective in life! so I am happy being aromantic. It’s just that - there ARE challenges. I don’t want to pressure myself anymore into feeling things I can’t feel. I don’t miss things about romance that I never have liked in my life anyway. But what I AM wondering about how I’m able to find a solution for is the need for companionship, intimacy and so on….. things that can be found in friendship, but it’s hard with friendship sometimes. Im also struggling a bit right now with this whole coming out process - before I knew I was aroace I never thought of myself as queer or lgtbq+ and now I’ve found about this! I’ve got a hard time figuring out where I fit in. And although my friends are accepting and understanding and so on, they don’t seem to understand how exhausting this whole process is for me and how vulnerable it makes me. Well, I’m sorry if I’m over sharing. It was just nice to find a thread about struggling with being aromantic. I am very proud of this identity and it gives me strength, but as I said - right now I’m feeling very vulnerable and I’m wondering a lot about my future right now. Thanks for reading 😌
    3 points
  48. After me realising in December last year that I’m aroace I’ve thought a lot about my many aromantic moments in my life. I postponed learning about asexuality since I didn’t think that could be me - because I felt so obsessed with sex. That was all I could think about! (Funny thing is that it’s not more than that - I like to think about it sometimes, that’s all 😂😅) But the thing is, I THOUGHT sex was more important to me than it actually is because I never thought about romantic love AT ALL. sure, I’ve been thinking about it like something I need to get done in life, but then always felt the pressure. It simply doesn’t come naturally for me. It feels fake and like a burden that before felt like something I had to get myself to feel in order to live a whole human life (ha ha it feels so ridiculous now! 😅) In life, before knowing about aromanticism, I felt very weird. I knew something was different and odd about me, I just didn’t know it was totally valid and not something that needed to be fixed. I learnt how to mask how I really felt - I learnt what was expected of me to say when comments came about “everyone falls in love sometimes” and things like that. But sometimes I’ve just blurred out things not thinking of what I’m saying and this moment I’m going to tell you about now is one of those moments. I was in my 20s and I sat talking with a friend who was married at the time. I guess I was older than 25, something like that. I remember from our talk that she was very worried about me cause she thought my flat mate was in love with me - everybody did at that time since me and my friend was VERY close (platonic love 😌) (actually me and my ex-flatmate are still best friends and I’m also a close friend with her wife 😃) anyway, this friend that I was talking to, raised concerns also over the fact that I was single (I’ve always been single) and said something about “so when are YOU going to find someone?” and I blurted out, spontaneously: “Yeah, I need to find someone to have sex with.” She said: “Ehhhh, I meant of course someone TO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH” Me thinking: “oh right! 😅 THAT was what I was supposed to say!” (I’m 37 years old and I haven’t “found someone” to either spend my life with OR have sex with - instead I found out about asexuality and aromanticism and turns out I don’t have to change, I’m already 100 % valid 😃💚💜) (I haven’t “found someone” since I haven’t been looking 😏)
    3 points
  49. Hi there, It can be quite difficult to accept your aromantic. I know I certainly struggled to accept it. For me part of it was because I bought into the belief you needed to be in a romantic relationship to be happy and feel fulfilled in life (an example of amatonormativity - "the belief that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship"). I have come to realize that is not true. It's more about the connection, the quality and depth of the relationships in your life, not the type of relationships in your life. I also struggled with wrapping my head around the idea you can be aromantic and still want a romantic relationship. I think its great that you have found the community here. One thing that I found really helped me was connecting with/reading other aromantic people's experiences. The more I read that I relate to, the more I realize that I'm not alone in my experiences. That really helped me start to accept myself as aromantic. It is a process. Be kind and patient with yourself.
    3 points
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