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Showing content with the highest reputation since 11/04/20 in all areas

  1. 9 points
    Since I've realized I'm Aro I feel so much happiness and affection for this piece of me and I hope others here feel the same! So please comment why you love being aro or what makes you love your Aroness! I'll go first! I love the way I love unromantically. I feel like I get to experience more varieties of affection and intimacy that alloros may miss. That makes me really excited. It feels like more colors were added to my life! I hope this will spread some aro self love as well! So please go wild and let me know all the good feels!
  2. 9 points
    I love how I can focus on other things in life. Alloromantics seem to put to much effort in finding a partner, then keep their partner, having their relationship works... It seems like a lot of energy is give for that. But as I am aro, I can put this energy in other projects and I have more time for myself. I love to not go crazy about shipping and enjoy shows for their plot, not for the couples. I also like how I can look to romantic relationships in a more analytic and logical way.
  3. 8 points
    This is something I've thought about for a time. I will preface it with that I have no concern over anyone's personal choices. When I was younger I used to feel empowered by the narrative of being single. That you're strong and independent and don't need anyone. That you can focus on your career and move anywhere you like without being tied down by a partner. However, as the environmental crisis has worsened I've begun to look at this narrative with critical eyes. To me it seems like just another part of this toxic individualism that so many societies today favors. I feel like it shames people who are dependent on others and make people isolated. And also the idea of someone totally independent is kinda fiction. We're all dependent on others, it's just that an "independent" person often pays money for what they need (either services or things). This drives them to work longer hours and consume more. So I don't like the individualist approach to celebrate my uncoupledness anymore. In fact I want instead to be tied to even more people than the traditional coupled person. It's just not gonna be as tight with one specific person. How do you all feel about the narrative of being single? How is it now in your country? How would you like it to be?
  4. 8 points
    One great thing about being aro is that we give the best relationship advice (aka break up). Or, we actually give really well articulated advice because of how unrelatable some of the situations are, so our perspective isn't muddled with emotion.
  5. 7 points
    I love that the journey to finding out I am aro has led me to interesting thoughts on friendship and the weight put on people by our ideas of love and what a relationship would do. If I wasn't aro I would likely never have heard of the idea of amatonormativity for example, despite it explining so many things even for people who aren't aro. I probably wouldn't have heard of relationship anarchy either, or basically any idea of how to live life besides grow up, get married, have a couple of kids. Also while there is a cost to being single it is freeing to be in control of my own income in way which is not possible in a relationship. I can make the financial sacrifices I want to save money if I am comfortable making them without worrying about whether someone else would agree to that. Similarly anything I get as a luxury is defined by what I want, I don't have to worry about being in a relationship with someone and having to come to agreement over what we are allowed to get.
  6. 6 points
    Anyone else like "Technically not out, but I just don't care anymore"? Like, technically I'm not out (whatever this means) but I just don't care anymore. I'm so fed up with not having anyone to speak to, I frequently post aro/ace/queer memes and awarness post in my IG stories etc. and don't care who reads it (as long as my mum doesn't read it because I have no motivation for having that discussion with her) Also I became very outspoken about the state of my mental health lol.
  7. 6 points
    Allo's say they 'can't focus on stupid work bc I am thinking of themm <3' which to me sounds awful, especially as I have ADHD, meaning I already have problems with productivity. But I am also not trying to impress people I don't like, on dates I don't enjoy. I am not constantly having to sacrifice things for my parter, telling them everything I intend to do so as not to offend, or stepping round their emotions, always wondering if I said something wrong. And thank god; I find my companions not based off of oxytocin and dopamine releases, chemicals which will inevitably fade over time, but those who I have a genuine, great love for as a person, those who I have similarities with and enjoy being around. I think somehow this is more real, it's certainly longer lasting than romantic attraction, which I consider to be an embellishment to platonic love. This love is put first for me, while allo's will chuck their friends to the wayside, a result of finding that dopamine fix.
  8. 6 points
    I love the fact that I feel freer as an aro. For example, I don't get crushes, which I think lock a person into a mental prison. I will not desire to spend thousands for a wedding, because I'm never going to get married. Without the burden of commitment to a romantic relationship, I can focus on other things in my life, such as school.
  9. 6 points
    I mean, maybe asexual aromantics would be, but probably not me lmao
  10. 6 points
    courtesy: kirstendraws.tumblr.com
  11. 5 points
    @El011 the only thing being pointed out is that the idea that "ace-aro spectrum does not exist" is just shit used to keep people from identifying with what they feel most comfortable with. that the ace-aro spectrum might exist as a valid model does not mean you have to identify with it at all! it just means that you can if you want to.
  12. 5 points
    This can also have assumptions of introversion or, even, misanthropy. Possibly because this is least challenging to the idea of amantonormativity There are several studies showing that single people tend to be more "community minded" than those who are coupled/married.
  13. 5 points
    this thread is so wholesome, i love it! I feel like I value my relationships more than my allo friends. They focus so much on their romantic relationships or on seeking for a romantic relationship, they seem to put their other relationships aside. During my self-discovery journey, I found out about so many new interesting terms and was able to reframe my idea of love. It made me think outside the box and reflect on what I truly want and what I don't. I think if I wasn't aromantic, I wouldn't try to understand my feelings in such depth. And I love understanding more about myself! (also I love the aromantic flag very much, green is my favorite color)
  14. 5 points
    Can I say that I like how it makes me feel kinda unique? Is that okay?
  15. 5 points
    Did you know that, in China, there's an unofficial holiday for those who aren't in relationships? It's called Singles Day. As aromantics, let's take a few moments to celebrate ourselves!
  16. 5 points
    Man, they're so many signs, that I was aro as kid and teen. Sign 1: Never understood others crushes on classmates or a celebs. Usually my friends would have crush on this one classmate, but all I would see was just a classmate or possibly another friend. Remember 'High School Musical'? A few friends had a crush on Zac Efron, back then. I remember covering my ears and cringing as they screech, when he appears on screen. Had absolutely no clue, what they were seeing and just didn't get it. Sign 2: When I played dolls with my friends, my doll never had a boyfriend, unlike my friend's dolls. Even when we were playing a storyline from a fandom, I could never act out a romantic relationship with two of the characters. My friend always had to do it. I'm wondering how I didn't notice until now. Sign 3: I never had a crush, not even on a celeb. Classmates? Well, they were just classmates to me, some I wanted to be friends with. Celeb? I love their work and it would be cool to get to know them. I use to make the excuse that, I maybe just haven't found the right one or I would need to get to know them first. But once I was in my 20's I started to question myself a bit. Sign 4: When someone says they like me. I have two reactions, complete confusion and think "Why?" or Oh, please no. Sign 5: Never jumping on the teen romance book/movie bandwagon. Remember Twilight, Divergent, Mortal Instruments, Fault in Our Stars, Love Simon? I had no desire to read the books, even though everyone around me was. I saw some of the movies, due to a friend or cousin who wanted to see it. The only thing I liked about Twilight, was the take on the vampires and werewolves. Not gonna lie, watching people go from "loving" Twilight, to absolutely hating it, was quite hilarious. Sign 6: Could never figure out what my "type" is. My friends could have a list of things that would make someone their type. I however, could only come up with, is nice, has humour and things in common. The rest was lost to me.
  17. 5 points
    I'm not a fan of romance but sometimes I get invested in unlikely couples or romances between characters that have to fight for their right to love. I hate what I would call 'social' romance (high school movies, soaps,...) when social status and gossip is more important than love itself. But can we even call it true romance?
  18. 5 points
    The label makes me feel freerer. I'm finally able to sort out my feelings towards other people because I know they are not romantic. And I feel less like an outcast now for not wanting a relationship. I'm at peace with the fact that platonic affection for my friends and family is enough for me.
  19. 5 points
    I don't have to worry about suddenly becoming irrational & obsessive over someone. I won't act like a pervert or abandon a friend for a chance to get closer to someone I just met. You know, I'm glad we can talk like this on Arocalypse. At AVEN the rules are like "don't say it's an advantage to be ace, that's discrimination!" But from a minority perspective:
  20. 4 points
    I don't know if it needs to be said, but obviously I don't agree that one way of experiencing romantic/sexual attraction is "correct." "100% allo" in my eyes would be the societally "acceptable way" of experiencing attraction, as in completely. As in, the way nearly all (American, at least) media depicts attraction. Romantic attraction is widely considered an inherent human trait, we are all "expected" to feel it, etc etc. Asexuality is becoming more of a mainstream idea, but there is still an underlying societal assumption that everyone experiences sexual attraction. Obviously, both of these attractions are felt on a spectrum, and labeling one side of the spectrum as "normal" is not a helpful way of looking at things-- and it is also the way that the world looks at things. "Normal" (or, until very recently, "correct") means allosexual/alloromantic. You can see how most people are expected to feel that way by pretty much every step of the way. Baby onesies say things like "watch out, I'm already breaking hearts" or "hey baby, your crib or mine?" Books written for preteens and teens often throw in romantic subplots because they believe it to be an excellent marketing tool for their demographic. So, so, so many books/movies/shows that are written about high-schoolers practically revolve around relationships and/or sex. Questions like "when are you going to find a boyfriend", "when do you want to get married", and "who do you like" are constantly prevalent from the moment you emerge from puberty. The entire concept of virginity! Society is built to support an allosexual, alloromantic world. Being allosexual or alloromantic is obviously not a bad thing. But the narrative that the "norm" is to be so can be hurtful. I'm allosexual and I can still understand that it's a very sex-centered world. I feel for my ace friends; it can't be easy to realize that you don't relate to what feels like a central part of the human experience. It's similar to realize you're aromantic.
  21. 4 points
    I think it won't solve anything to answering erasure by erasure, you know what I mean? Grey area is not allo or aro per se. Some people consider themselves allo, others consider themselves aro. And we shouldn't say that one of them is wrong, because it depends to their personal experience of attraction. I think it is up to the person to define which group they feels closer to. Also, I really don't see how saying that aro and ace are spectrum is watering them down? How could it do them wrong? I can get why a grey person would feel upset if they consider themselves allo. But alloromantic who are in the "norm"? That's not their role to decide where a person fits.
  22. 4 points
    Reading this, i just remembered a wedding barbie doll that my mom gave to me, it was her's when she was little, and I've since given it to my younger sister. There was one time, not long after my mom married my current stepdad, that I prepared a wedding for her and all the other dolls were present, but it didn't matter to me that there was no spouse. It was just Barbie walking down the aisle alone, having a good time with her friends, and I was fine with that.
  23. 4 points
    i don’t have to worry about crushes anymore. or... make up elaborate reasons and stories about how i totally definitely have a crush on this one person. it’s... very freeing realizing that i’ll never have a crush on someone no matter how long i wait; i don’t have to wait anymore.
  24. 4 points
    I feel like I'm even more connected to the place I live as a single person than I would be if i was in a relationship. If I wanted to move and was in a couple then I might be able to persuade my partner to move with me and have that companionship and support in that new place, but as it is I have half a dozen close friends who I can't bare to move away from. The "independent and don't need anyone" was sort of true for me when I was younger, there was the better part of a decade where I didn't spend more than 18 months in one country, but in the end it was the need for companionship and deep connections that made me settle down. I've never really thought about it before but now I do I don't really like the "strong, independent" narrative. I'm sure it's true for some singles, but why shouldn't it also be true for coupled/poly people? And why should single people have to be strong and independent? Everyone should have a community to rely on, and it's a tragedy how many people, especially the elderly, end up terribly isolated when they lose their partner for one reason or another.
  25. 4 points
    when i was nine, i had a diary that had little questions to answer about yourself, like "what's your favorite food?" and stuff like that. a few months ago, i found it while organizing my shelf, so i started reading it and there was a question that said "what is your crush's name and why do you like them?". i chose a random classmate's name and to explain why i liked him i literally wrote "because when someone asks me who I like I have to have an answer" THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WROTE WORD BY WORD KJKFDHFKL reading that sentence now knowing i'm aro was the funniest shit ever, but it's also kinda sad that i was already affected by amatonormativity at the age of nine when i was thirteen, my mom asked me if i liked boys or girls, all i said was "i don't know, i don't really care about that" imagine my mom's concerned face when i was fourteen, some of my friends and classmates started shipping me with my best friend. my friends asked me several times if i liked him and i would always be like "i don't know??? how do you know if you like someone??" and they would explain to me how it feels to have a crush and i would be like #?$@error 404%#* (turns out he didn't like me neither so it was fine, the shipping didn't change anything (also shipping your classmates is so weird why do people do that))
  26. 4 points
    I have never been interested in romantic relationships and I didn’t like watching cartoons, TV series or movies when there were romantic scenes, it was always discomfortable for me. But on the other hand, when I was a teenager I desired to have a romantic partner but I think it wasn’t really me, but social espectations. Other thing is it could be only caused by the fact my parents were ignoring my needs and I needed to have a person to hug and do things like it.
  27. 4 points
    I’m aware of being aromantic for several months, but I’ve seen enough to agree. I’ve seen a lot of arophobia in LGBT community in my country and one situation stuck in my head and I can’t forget it. There were two nonbinary persons who said: ’ah, yeah, asexuality is normal, but it’s not normal to be aromantic. These people are psychopats/sociopaths! They don’t have feelings!’ I’ve reported it to admins and they removed the topic but I can’t erase it from my mind. The lack of information about aromanticism made me to start educating people in minorities of minorities, including intersex. And I’m planning to make a channel on YouTube to talk about arospec and being aro. I’d like to start to be an aromantic activitist in my country.
  28. 4 points
    If there's rules about swearing then I sure as fuck ain't seen anybody enforce em lmao
  29. 4 points
    That's like the serie You (inspired by a book; a weird mix of romance and thriller). In the show, we follow Joe who is a complete psychopath and do everyting in the name of love. In this cas, I didn't find it boring (at least the first season), because we really enter his logic which is completely deranged and it's kinda fascinating how they managed to do that : making you enter the characterr's logic and at the same time dismissing it. Though we follow him, the show clearly portray him as a psycho. He does awful things in the name of "love", and by awful things I mean it begins with stalking and end with murder. It shows how someone who can seem perfectly normal and as the ideal boyfriend can in fact be crazy. BUT there are people who will tell you that Joe is the good guy! That the girl doesn't appreciate him enough and all the things he does, and that he is so romantic. And yes, for their defense we could say that the show plays with the lines (Joe never kill a likeable character and is sweet with his neighboor), but at the end of the day, the guy lies, manipulates, stalks, kidnaps, and kills people. (major spoiler) How is that romantic? People can be really blind when it comes to romance.
  30. 4 points
    I don't like romance when it is abusive or treated as "all the rest doesn't matter now". And also things like "romance requires sacrifices", in particular if the sacrifices are one-sided. One of the things I hate the most : when one of the character says clearly they are not interesting, but the other kept pushing until the first character realizes he is the one (I say "he" because usually, it is the man who flirt with the woman). This is harrassment, not love! But I like romance when the people involved grow together, when people have thing in common that justifies the relationship, and when it is useful to the plot (as a motivation for characters for instance). I also love one-sided romance. And the phase before people get together. Maybe because I am not interesting a lot to see people doing stuff they do when they are a couple.
  31. 4 points
    I'm usually okay with romance, but one of the main things that puts me off is when the main character falls for an absolute jerk who treats them like trash, yet by the end, they're together and everyone treats this like it's not going to turn abusive. Another thing that I find particularly annoying is when a character obsesses over their love interest and doesn't have any life aside from their job at a local grocer and a friend or two to confess their "love". Both of these tie into my hate for underdeveloped main characters, they have the exact same goals as in the beginning and hardly change as a person, other genres are held to a general standard, so why should romance be exempt from that?
  32. 4 points
    I googled it once and was like "okay, kinda makes sense... I guess...", but then I kept googling it because it just doesn't make sense. What even is a crush? I still don't understand and I've probably googled it way to many times to count. YMBAI you didn't understand why everyone in school was always so focused on relationships when there's far more important things to worry about. And if you overheard someone talking about that stuff, you would start feeling like you are missing some kind of piece to solving the 100,000 piece puzzle that is attraction and you'll probably never find it, despite trying as hard as you can to understand.
  33. 4 points
    He's FIRED! And the second-highest glass ceiling in the country is broken too!
  34. 4 points
    YMBAI you googled what a crush is for the 7th time
  35. 4 points
    Up top! All a siren's gotta do is flash that side shave, D&D enamel pin, maybe do that thing where you put your arms over your head and your shirt rides up-- I'd drown myself in about four seconds.
  36. 4 points
    Greetings, Adventurers! I realized when I was reading through the Aromantic Moments thread (and posting one of my stories) that this might be a nice thread to have, and I couldn't find one that already existed. There seem to be a good number of other people who play around here, and I'm interested in hearing how people's aromantic/aspec/etc identity affects their game and characters. As for me, I'm aro and ace and I've realized recently that it definitely affects how I run the game, especially in the light of handling some of my players. I DM for a pretty allo party, and among the characters at my table I have a Swashbuckler that might as well be a stereotypical bard and a Barbarian who came with "lecherous" as one of her flaws (although thankfully that almost never gets activated, because the player doesn't bring it up and neither do I). I used to have a Sorcerer whose player had the stated goal of acquiring a girlfriend as part of his character arc, which was weird for a number of reasons but... irl stuff happened and I removed him from my game and brought Barbarian in from the group I used to play with instead. When I'm a player, which isn't often, I never go for flirty/seductive characters... I mean, seriously, the first character I really got into playing was a Shardmind. And since then everything I make tends to turn into a tree/bird that just wants friends and adventures, regardless of the system. [I'm starting to think I need to actually come out to my players, but since I'm running everything online now because... well, obvious reasons plus I moved and now live on the other side of an ocean from most of them... I haven't found a good moment or reason to do it.]
  37. 3 points
    I see one of the proposed topics is "hardship", and I'm wondering if there could be like, a "joy/pride" category to go alongside that? I know you wanted to narrow down rather than expanding, but yeah :3
  38. 3 points
    I'd be available on Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays. In December, I'll be in the US with my family, so I'll actually be on Eastern Standard Time as well and I'd be fine with anything after 10:00 (so 15:00 UK time). Maybe using some sort of calendar planning could be helpful, such as https://whenufree.io/. Is it an idea to share this with the Arocalypse discord once a date/time has been chosen? I have a suggestion for a first meeting (or as an intro part during the first meeting). Have any of you listened to the AOK podcast? I was thinking we could do something similar to how the host interviewed people, it could be a nice way for people to introduce themselves. First she'd ask people what they identify as exactly and what aromanticism means to them (what is their version of being aro). Then she'd ask them to discuss a favorite hobby or important activity in their lives. She would then always end with asking people who is someone important in their life. I'm not sure if this could potentially be too personal for people on a first meeting, though.
  39. 3 points
    Many people feel like they have to change their presentation after they discover they're non-binary, but you don't own anyone anything. You can be nb and present however you want, even if the name/clothing/pronouns you choose are associated with the gender you were assigned at birth. Don't want to change your name yet? That's cool, I'm non-binary and only use feminine names. Change is only needed if it makes you happier.
  40. 3 points
    If I ever have children, it would be via adoption, and that is a big if cuz I love being by myself on a cruise or on a trip. People underestimate how good is traveling without children, the places to eat, places to go and all the fun you can have alone. I want to enjoy life first, my life, then and only then would I consider adopting. Maybe it sounds selfish, but I want to enjoy myself as a priority cuz is my life and people should understand that having kids will cut some experiences from your life. "If you want kids, that is fine by me, but don't oblige me to have them too", is my line of thought.
  41. 3 points
    Oh man, this has been bugging me for AGES. I've had a really hard time figuring out where I lie on the gender spectrum, mainly because a lot of people in queer internet spaces put so much stock into personal pronouns- specifically, on the hardships they face when they are not used correctly. But pronouns have never been that big of a concern for me! I'm totally fine with the fact that everyone in my life uses she/her to refer to me, since I'm afab. If they wanted to use he/him or they/them I would also be happy, but I don't need them to do that in order to feel comfortable. I also can't relate to the gender dysphoria that many, many genderqueer people go through. I've never really minded my own body. Again, it's a case of- well, if I had he/him parts, I'd also be happy, but I don't need them in order to feel like myself. At the same time, I can tell I'm not "just" female. Consistently since childhood I've felt a pull towards masculine presentation. I've resisted dressing in traditionally feminine clothing and preferred masculine or androgynous clothes instead, particularly for formal or important occasions. I refer to myself as a guy sometimes, and it feels natural. Sometimes I imagine my body as if I were a different sex- sometimes I wish it were. I also am comfortable presenting in a feminine way sometimes. And sometimes I like both. So I think I'm bigender-- or bigenderflux, if I wanted to get really specific about it. I like this label over "genderfluid" because it implies that two gender identities can exist at the same time, even if the proportions of which is more present tend to shift around. (Basically, I have some days where I feel more feminine and some days when I feel more masculine, but I don't constantly have "boy days" or "girl days" where I know for sure that I am one or the other, and being referred to as the opposite would upset me.) It's kind of tough. I've struggled to relate to (and honestly empathize with) a lot of my friends who are genderqueer, because I have never understood what it feels like to be misgendered. Obviously I believe when they say that being misgendered causes them pain! At the same time, I don't have a problem with any pronouns, so I have a hard time putting myself in the shoes of others who do. I just feel like everyone I see has such a strong take on pronouns and dysphoria, and I haven't seen or met anyone else who feels more easygoing about it like me. It makes me doubt myself and whether I even am genderqueer, whether maybe I'm just a cis girl who just wishes she was a boy sometimes, maybe because of the way men are allowed to exist in society in ways that women aren't, or because dicks seem more fun than their female alternatives? Idk!! It's really hard to parse out all my feelings.
  42. 3 points
    Realising I am aromantic has been a rrally difficult thing to come to terms with. Much more so than realising I’m asexual. The weird thing is I always thought I was straight and had crushes on guys growing up... until I realised I never wanted them for romantic reasons. I guess I desire some kind of hetero-platonic relationship without all the romance. I really want some kind of life union with a partner. I still think I want love with someone, but the truest form of love in my eyes is non-romantic. Am I pretty much gonna be alone forever realistically? Or are there other aros on the same wavelength with this? Because I love the idea of having a family (via adopting), and being in true platonic love with someone... without that physical or sexual affection. Is this uncommon for aros? If it’s possible... how do I go about seeking a partner who will accept this and want the same? Any aros out there with successful non-romantic life relationships?
  43. 3 points
    honestly I usually don't mind that much, but there is a bit of me which is constantly thinking 'what am I supposed to be doing' so I very quickly feel awkward.
  44. 3 points
    After I finished Loveless today (great book btw) I had this thought. It's a little bit jumbled and I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. Is it just me or is aro representation really missing in media? I mean, even ace is not properly represented. But when you happen to stumble over an aro character, they are typicially aroace, rarely allosexual or somewhere on the acespectrum yet not inheretly ace. Like, nothing against aroaces.... It's just that when the rare case of aro representation happens, it's to 99% paired with asexuality. As an bi-graysexual aro I would like to have a little bit of that representation too. The struggle of being caught between ace and allo. The struggle of being aromantic but not asexual. Maybe also a demiace aro for example. Or a demiaro ace. In Loveless you have two side characters who are aromantic bisexual and gay asexual which I love but the first one does not appear as important as the latter. Anyways, I like that they exist and that it's not the typical black and white picture that we are normally presented with when aros and aces get representation. I hope that made sense...
  45. 3 points
    just had a look. According to wikipedia, which as we all know is never wrong, they sing: Once he hears to his heart's content, sails on, a wiser man.We know all the pains that the Greeks and Trojans once enduredon the spreading plain of Troy when the gods willed it so—all that comes to pass on the fertile earth, we know it all! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siren_(mythology) even if I wasn't starving that would be a tempting option. maybe the sirens could offer aro icecream
  46. 3 points
    Yeah, me too. I just like to see that kind of representation because it is almost always done well, and there's actual effort put into it. Straight relationships are so stale they just feel factory made.
  47. 3 points
    YMBAI you had to google what having "crush" felt like.
  48. 3 points
    Upon one of my friends asking me, "what my type was," I responded with, "Um, I don't know, nice?" 🤣🤣 Goodness gracious, sometimes I'm so aro/ace it makes laugh.
  49. 3 points
    I stopped getting teased like this after I started calling those people insensitive arses, whether they were friends or not. I read an article recently (I even dug out the book it is in so I could reference it properly!) called 'Racism: How Ironic' by Rowena Grant-Frost for Frankie Magazine which talks about the same situation but rather than romance being the topic in question it is a person's heritage. Basically people say 'I was just joking', 'I was being ironic' or 'no offence' as a get out of jail free card to say mean and hurtful things. They think by saying these disclaimers they can ignore your feelings as being irrational, overemotional, too sensitive or too unsophisticated to understand their higher cerebral humour. They cast themselves as being smart and frame you as being stupid, so they can avoid blame or responsibility for the horrible things they say. The truth is you should call them out on this bad behaviour all the time, because they should feel guilty for doing/saying things that make you feel bad. Maybe make them think about what they say if it was a different topic, like race, ethnicity, gender or would they be saying the same sorts of things if you were alloromantic and homosexual? (< because being seen as black-white racist or homophobic seems to be the greatest social sins in the culture I live, it may be different for you and your social circles) I had a Cis Allo Homosexual friend who would romantically tease me like your friends do, but my ex-friend would also say misogynist things and a-phobic things. It took me a long time and an assault to convince me it was a toxic relationship. But yes, consistently disregarding my feelings about being romantically teased was one of the earlier red flags I ignored. I hope your friends do take your feelings into account when you explain to them. It will probably take them time to learn different behaviour if it is habit but if you keep pointing it out they (hopefully) will understand that it is hurtful and that they are treating romance harassment as different from other harassment topics.
  50. 3 points
    Amatonormativity~~~~ I grew up with a lot of that kind of narrative. Marriage as an established norm, and basically a "normal" stage in adult development, akin to learning to talk and walk as a baby. I never questioned it until my parents started asking me, "Sooo have you got a boyfriend yet??" It definitely is frustrating because people who aren't married are often viewed as selfish or aloof. However, I have noticed recently that more and more people have been treating marriage as just a ritual. There are people who don't want to have a grand marriage ceremony (a coworker of mine said she and her husband just eloped - signed papers and stuff). I also know that there are more people I have heard of recently than I had when I was younger who are getting married for the benefits, not for the 'love' or whatever it was supposed to be for. That definitely isn't the norm yet, but I feel like some of the Millennial generation and younger is popularizing more flexible unions and slowly stretching societal norms. So there's hope!
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