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About Tarantulapaws

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  • Birthday 06/24/2000

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    coffee cryptid

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  1. I never heard of either of these terms, but they ring true to my experiences. Especially disenfranchised grief. When you lose a friend it's often like you can't even talk about it, as if the pain can't be comparable to losing a romantic partner. And maybe it's because I'm aro, but breaking up with a romantic partner never hurt me as horribly as losing a friend. So while it's possible to avoid some grief in not getting into romantic relationships... If you make connections with people, chances are you'll experience loss in some form anyways.
  2. 42% demisexual....33% aromantic, 8% the other two options... Hm. Kinda off. This quiz made little sense. Couldn't wrap my head around some of the options at all, none of them corresponded with my thoughts or experiences. Or they did and the wording was confusing.
  3. Thank you. I appreciate this comment a lot- sorry it's been a whole month before a response, but I'll keep all this in mind.
  4. Just laying around. Might be mutually playing video games or saying something now and then.
  5. Read this for a second time and almost spat my water out. And the thread had been intended to be about gender expression and aromanticism. Essentially, does the concept of gender expression (or gender roles) being tied to couple things, effect aros any way in particular? I'm sorry I rambled the way I did in the original post. I didn't quite understand my own question until nonmerci put it to better words. Edit: Still messed this up. Intended to go on to say that I wondered if it affected the gender expression of aros.
  6. Prefacing this by saying that it is nearly 2am and that I'm on here waiting on my phone to charge. I may not make much sense. I... think I could have been right about being aroace, just, I may be gray ace. This explains a lot to me. Realizing that there was a reason I feel a disconnect between my body's function and the act of actually doing things helped a lot. I ended up finally processing that I really have boundaries due to the conversation I had with the ace person who made me realize this (the story is really funny). That being said, I'm still attached to the label as a bi aro. I still relate to it. Leaves me feeling like I'm in this weird spot where both are technically right. I don't always genuinely experience sexual attraction, but when I do it's potentially to 2+ genders. Basically, question: does the both is good gif apply?
  7. Further context. I probably forgot to give. She identifies as demisexual. I think she's just in the mindset surrounding sex of 'damned if you do and damned if you don't'- so yes and no? Not about herself for sure but she is a hypocrite. Sometime I'll have to ask her what she actually thinks of the acespec community.
  8. O: another aro bi! Awesome to see you here!!! I'm sorry about what happened with your friend... and I hope you like it here!!
  9. Dangit could have sworn I looked for a thread before I wrote this. Also YES. This was what I was attempting to describe in not so many words!!
  10. Been meaning to ask for a while now, but does anyone feel that their aroness interacts with how you express your gender? While I am already a nonbinary person, I find that one thing that factors into how i present is that I'm not trying to attract anyone's attention in a romantic way if that makes sense. I also find that when it comes to not doing that I have a tendency to go for looks that are in other lgbt+ people's tastes rather than the tastes of cis straight men. I guess I was just wondering because I hear a bunch about gay/lesbian orientations and gender non-conformity, but very little about aromantic or bi and pansexual instances of this. Do aces do this too? Edit: Maybe I should specify that what I mean above is that when given the choice to present femininely, I often won't. And when I do it's in non traditional ways. One reason I do this along with dysphoria and just aesthetic is that sometimes I really don't want anyone's attention. It often doesn't work so well when it comes to friends forming crushes on you as I've learned, but it's still something I've done for years that ties into how I look on a daily basis.
  11. Quick response to all of these. I've been really stressed due to a bunch of different factors, and its getting to the point that I need to stop with some of my hobbies which sucks but it's unrelated. Point being I have no energy and I'm sorry I left all this untouched for days. I'm grateful for all these words of support, it means a lot and reading them the first time made me feel so much better!!
  12. I don't know exactly where to start this so I'll just go. I believe I'm experiencing internalized biphobia due to a history of being slut shamed regardless of my lack of sexual activity. That was an idea a friend in a server had and I guess I wanted to share and vent my frustrations a little. My mother has been known to sex shame, I remember this once being directed at me when I was 14- telling me I looked like a sex worker (this is in kinder words than what she really said) in a costume I was wearing. Specifically it was about the thigh high socks with the colorful lacing on them, which covered more than they showed. I was a budding goth tween, and wanted to look like my goth teenage sibling. My sibling dressed like that and seemed to have fun, so why should I have expected her to say that? I thought it was cute, and it was, because I was a kid. Developing body aside, I really was a kid and I have no idea where she got it in her to say something like that. Along with that, while I don't think this part was implicit, she refused to let me shave. These things together caused me to cover up to avoid the bullying from home and school alike. I did this for years and only recently at age 19 have I come out of this self imposed shell. Recently she asked me what aromantic meant. She is demisexual, and in her own words also sapiosexual (I could go on for a day and a half about how much I hate this word, but lets not open that can of worms tonight). So when she asked, I had first assumed it was in good faith. What instead happened was she scoffed at my explanation and then asked if that meant all aromantic were sluts, then. My pain at hearing that aside, in this conversation she'd learned I was aro. She didn't choose to retract this statement, she didn't choose to simply not say that. Once I had a friend pressuring me to date and hook up with him. Long story short, we met up at his place under false pretenses and he continued to pressure me. I argued with him, at which point his mother came home. I went to leave, and she began yelling as soon as she saw me, blaming me for being there and calling me a harlot. Which.. another painful experience even if the use of harlot made me laugh a little. I'm sure that my experiences overhearing slut shaming did not help either. I used to think I was aroace. and I felt like I was broken. But even then, at least I wasn't filthy, right? And then I started actually growing into my own sexuality without being informed by what others wanted for me and that fell apart real fast. Now I feel wrong telling my sibling that I was wrong about my being aroace. I feel dirty. I feel like my bisexuality proves these people right. Especially given the fact that I fit the stereotype of bisexuality just being aro, not making romantic connections. Sometimes I really want to stop using the sam model and just be aro to avoid this.
  13. banned for the adorable good turtle
  14. 1) I'd like to see a human aro. Like nonmerci said, mental conditions and stuff are fine as long as those things aren't linked. 2) Nope, never seen something fit this very, very small criteria. Literally all you would have to do is write your run of the mill protagonist and make them aro. Doesn't even need to be a main one.
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