The Newest Fabled Creature

Yeah, I would not have made for a "gold star aro" since I technically dated someone in a QPR before, thought I had crushes when I was younger, am loveless, and I'm not really romance-repulsed at all. I fail this version too, lmao I fail the whole entire list

I get that. Two of my most favorite fantasy book series ever (Daughter of Smoke & Bone by Laini Taylor and Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard) does have that heternormative-it-really-doesn't-have-to-be-there romances. They are great fantasy examples, don't get me wrong, where DOSB has Chimera, Seraphim, resurrection, and soul magic, and Red Queen has revolutionary-people-with-powers shit - both I do believe are worth it to read, but the romances are only really good for the side characters? Like, the main characters in DOSB have a very soulmate type romance which is somewhat stomachable in how it's written, but I do see that trope a lot and get tired of it sometimes, and Red Queen's main characters are very unstable and I feel like should've had way more time to be by themselves and to heal. Both series' side character romances I was way more invested in, to be honest, and especially Red Queen's who has some queer relationships that feel way more organic then the straight ones.

I legit have had more people ask me that now that I've come to terms with being aro, where I swear - no one confessed to having crushes on me, or tried to ask me out, or asked about my romantic life, before I even thought about questioning myself on being aromantic. Now, if someone ever asks me in what I would find appealing in a future partner, I would say, "The capacity to walk away."

I do find it that lot's of aspec people don't like romantic and/or sexual media, and it can be liberating to talk about that dislike or disconnect, which can lead into emotional and important topics associated with amatonormativity and allonormativity. All of that is completely valid! But, it's also 100% valid to like those kinds of media, too! I'm aroallo and I still love romantic genres (although, I am quite picky), and sometimes I ship characters romantically more than platonically, or queerplatonically (unless a character is blatantly aspec, then I ship them queerplatonically with others). There's nothing that makes you any "less" aroace, like how me loving romance every once in a while doesn't make me any less aro. Think of it as this: if you don't consider other aspecs any less because of the media they consume, then that means you're not any less for the media you consume.

There could be other terms that I'm just not aware of, but in my opinion, I'd say that you can definitely call a potential relationship a QPR even if there's romantic attraction involved sometimes! QPRs are supposed to be liberating relationships that consist of non-normative feelings, relationship styles, or identities. You don't have to be aspec to have a QPR, nor do you even have to be queer, and sometimes romance (whether that be the action or the feeling) can be incorporated into these relationships. Being aroflux is just another beautiful part of the aspec community, and another sacred queer identity, and however you want to define a future relationship is entirely up to you and your partner(s). Some arofluxes may define their relationship as romantic when they do experience romantic attraction to their partner(s), and some don't at all and may still define as it was before. There's no need to sweat it though. Your identity, and any relationship you may or may not have, is valid and welcomed here, no matter how you want to define it; and if anyone says otherwise they're wrong.

I can see why you think there's no point in romantic relationships because of your aromanticism, and I relate to that. I do see aromantics who enter QPRs or who enter romantic relationships, though, and there are aromantic people who are already married when they discover their aromanticism and may still want that relationship, or some who already know they're aro but still want to get married to their partner(s). To some, as @organs and bones said, they just want a connection and may even feel a strong attraction toward who they're with but it's just not romantic. QPRs are usually the types of relationships I see aros and aces enter, though you don't have to be aro or ace to enter one, nor do you have to even be queer to have that queer relationship; and QPRs can consist of neither romantic and sexual things in the relationship, or only sexual things in the relationship, or only romantic things in the relationship, or a secret third thing, or include romantic and sexual things in the relationship. Some people ask, what makes a QPR that has both romo and sex in it any different from a romantic relationship? The partners deciding that it's a QPR, that is.

It was nearing Valentine's Day, I was at work and some random customer asked me if I was dating anyone, and I only ever seen this guy one other time in the store, and so technically one other time in my whole life. I told him (while smiling to lessen the blow) that no I wasn't dating anyone, but that I was not interested in dating. He smiled, said, "Okay, I just wanted to know," and walked out. A few days later he comes back in and I hit him with the cold treatment, and I haven't seen him since. I don't know if it's because of that last interaction with him, or if he found someone else to bother (because yes, I find situations like these as bothering me), but I have been placed on night shifts for a long while, so it could be that he has been frequenting the store but I just never see him. I literally dress so butch though and have a boy's cut, and go by a gender neutral/masculine name, so I to the Gods above, don't know how he was attracted to me, but it could be that he's a straight dude that's into that, or that he isn't straight. I know it's not right to assume something like that of a stranger, but this happens quite a bit. Not to say that there aren't straight people with gaydars, but I have seen that it takes a lot more for straight people to know that who they're talking to isn't like them. I guess in summary, just say you're not interested in that kind of thing, lie and say you are seeing someone, or just say a stern "No" and leave it as that.

The thing is, with the concept of a "late bloomer," it's meant to be considered someone being late to something "important," when romantic attraction and relationships aren't the most important things in the world, really (though, I'm not saying that to try to diminish the relationships that minorities have fought for). It can be important to an individual, but for the whole world to experience? No. In my opinion, there is no late bloomer, there's just people who experience romantic love later on, and people who never do experience it later on. You do seem stressed about potentially being a late bloomer right now, and so you need to ask yourself, "Is it important to you for you to experience romantic love? or "Are you afraid of not being aromantic "the whole time""? Because, I can tell you two things: (1) There are arospec people who experience romantic love and relationships rarely, or under certain circumstances. (2) There are people who "faking" being queer in a certain way wouldn't be worried about becoming "un-queer" or "not being queer enough," they would be more concerned about faking it right or enough.

You can absolutely sing love songs as an aro! In fact, I find it empowering when someone who can't feel romantic love sings romance songs to steal it from the allos (lmao). Some of my favorite songs that are supposed to be love songs I can actually see it being about a different kind of love (i.e. "Till Then" 1958 by The Mills Brothers, I really only see being about familial love), and there's some love songs I just love singing (i.e. "The longest Time" by Billy Joel).

I feel like my depression and anxiety were getting better over time, but my physical health has taken a nose-dive in some departments, and so my depression and anxiety has been rearing their ugly heads. I found that it's really hard for me to keep up with communication between friends, I totally forewent any contact with extended family members at this point, and it's hard for me to do things I really enjoy like writing, singing, doing theater, wanting to join diverse organizations, etc. To be honest, I have no clue what was making my mental illnesses "easier" to cope with before, but I can only hope to learn to deal with it all over again with these new tribulations. I guess reassurances that things will be okay would be nice. Or seeing people who went through the same physical things I'm going through right now tell me that I can still have a life of my own, that it can get better, and if it doesn't then there are ways for me to live comfortably still.

I would say to do research. Learn what and what not counts as flirtatious dialogue, while also keeping in mind that some places may give you outdated or cheesy dialogue, or may be biased in what counts as flirting - so try to look into different places about it. You could also ask allo people/friends about what counts as flirting!

Welcome AroAceGamer! I hope you enjoy your stay on the forum! It's not perfect, but it's a really cool place here! To answer your questions: I basically found out that I was aromantic from asking myself 4-5 years ago, "Why haven't I had a crush in literal years?" And then when I started applying the aro label to myself (after needing a while to accept myself), I realized that my past "crushes" were actually meshes (an alterous attraction version of a crush), since I didn't want romantic relationships with the people I liked and felt dread at the prospect of them liking me back romantically; even if in fantasy I "wanted" them to like me like that. I came out to friends first, then to my brother who's very much a "Live your life as you want dude 😎" kind of guy and ally. I was hesitant to come out to my sister, because although she's very much an ally to the queer community and finds bigotry of any kind fucking stupid, she did show hesitance in accepting polyamorous relationships as actual valid relationships, and so I was worried she would view QPRs the same way, and in causation, view aspec people in the same way. I came out to her via text rather than face-to-face (which was how I came out to my friends and brother) and she accepted me! I did tell her how I was worried about her possible non-acceptance, and she said that she was sorry for making me feel that way, and that to her, it makes sense for aromantic and asexual people to exist. I still haven't come out to my mom, though, who I can see accepting me for the fact that my mom is completely done with any romantic relationships and had even confided in me about two very aro things she said ("I think people choose who they fall in love with all the time!" and "I think I was only ever meant to have kids and no partner what so ever"), but she's also the kind of person to literally say things about how people can change who they are like 180 in five years 🙄

So, I don't know if this should've been placed in "Off Topic," but "Sexuality and Gender" also seemed like a good spot, but has anyone else who is trans (or trans-adjacent) been experiencing this? It's not that you can't talk about being trans around certain family members because it's "shameful," or something that shouldn't be talked about, or that it's something little kids "aren't supposed to know about" or "couldn't understand," but because you're afraid of your little family members accidentally outing you to other people? Living in a Southern State makes it kind of scary to talk about being trans, and it's not that there aren't plenty of trans people, or queer people in general, in the South (I've met quite a few middle-aged-to-elderly transfems at my retail job which is located in a very conservative small town, so huge amounts of respect to those girls), nor am I saying there aren't any accepting folk, but there's plenty of intolerance here, too. I live in Kentucky, and although recently we've been shown to be the most queerest State in the U.S. and we've made governor a trans/queer ally, there are a lot of people who have been supporting politicians that are very transphobic and anti-abortion around here. A transphobic law prohibiting trans kids for seeking out gender affirming healthcare had been passed quite a long while ago, against our current governor's wishes (Drag Queens and Kings have been prohibited from having any shows, and "any female or male impersonators" are to be reported, which includes trans people indefinitely in that statement). But, I was wondering if anyone else has been going through this kind of experience, regardless if you're trans or not, where it's not necessarily you sharing your experience with your family being the problem or enlightening them about your communities, but instead outside people possibly finding out?

As what is stated above, you should tell them that it's making you uncomfortable. I understand the feeling, though it comes from my family members more often than not. My siblings know of my aromanticism, so if they "shipped" me with anyone it is obviously a joke and it's actually never with irl people but fictional characters I hyperfixate on. My mom doesn't know about me though, and will actively try to investigate my platonic relationships with guys and even girls sometimes.