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About Blake

  • Birthday April 17

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  • Name
  • Orientation
    Aro ace
  • Gender
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  • Occupation
    Future Grad Student

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  1. Aro and kinda ace moment that happened yesterday, I was speaking with a friend about my aroness and my friend asked me what did I do in the bed when I was with someone. My response was "well talk and rant about the world and society", and my friend looked kinda confused cuz I didn't mention hugs/cuddles/sex. They knew I was aroace so it was a legit question, and apparently my response was like something that was extraordinary. Being in bed with someone and just talking was extraordinary, that is what got me. Idk, I felt that my answer was kinda obvious but well no idea now. What you guys do with someone when you are in bed?
  2. Thanks. My first coming out went pretty well. My mother accepted me, she has questions but she handled the news pretty well. So I am in safe, going to wait few months (maybe till december) to come out to the rest of my immediate family). At least I know some of my fam has my back where I am.
  3. Rant all you want here. Yes, I do think that more aro-spec visibility is crucial for a better future. Feeling broken is not something I wish to anyone. However, lets celebrate the small victories. You are here, you discovered, or are discovering, your romantic orientation. You got to this part, so you didn't die feeling broken. Others will follow, this forum is a resource for us, and also it is a start in visibility. Think on where we gonna be in a few years, more people, more connections. I saw that there is a work on an app. We are making progress ^^ so live today,celebrate the small battles cuz I won't lie, we are somewhat invisible, but the moment the world acknowledges our existence, they will try to erase us for being different. We are part of a community that is marginalized in every corner, but together I believe we can do it. The old people with close views of the world are dying. In a few years, more of us (lgbtqa+ community), will get into positions if power and it will get easier. That is what I believe at least.
  4. Hello there Thiel, fellow scientist here ^^. Don't worry, we are here to help you in your self-discovery journey. I love fantasy too and my go to is horror mixed with with creature feature. You can't kiss if you running for your life.
  5. It was interesting to read. I love doing things alone because I can take my time doing it, no rush. When I am with friends, I have to think that we all should be enjoying ourselves so the activities done should be "worthy" which brings a bit of stress if someone gets bored. Thus, being and playing alone is very satisfying for me because is for me (I usually didn't do things for me).
  6. I never gone to a club before, and in the words of a friend: "What would I get out of it? I do not drink nor am interested in dancing with strangers". Never felt the urge to go to a club after those words, because is true. I do not drink nor like strangers be near me dancing. I understand some people like it, but it isn't for me. Does my aroace influences it? well kinda, because i wouldn't hook up with strangers. A question I had was, would a gay club(I want to say queer club but honestly I never seen people say it like this so idk) change my opinion? knowing that the people there will most likely be queer people? well I thought about it and my answer would still be no, because of the same, I don't drink nor want to hook up. If it was a place where I could sit and talk to people without the worry of being asked out, and they sold non-alcoholic beverages only (coffee I am thinking of you) I think I would go, because it would be a semi-non sexual no alcohol place where I could actually connect with people. But again, that may be a fantasy of mine.
  7. Hey, I can tell you as someone who has your exact thoughts, the base for any kind of relationship is trust. If your qpp told you to trust them on this particular issue, then try your best and do so. Yes, there will always be a "maybe they will leave me", but you cannot leave on only maybes, try to build again your trust in partners. Sadly, there is not much you can do, except trust their words. Don't let bad apples from before ruin the next apple pies, you are hurt, you are afraid and it is perfectly fine. Communicate with your partner, communication is key, let them know that you were hurt before. In time, if you let yourself look past your past experiences, you can start building a better future for you and your loved ones.
  8. I heard, but I haven't seen Sex Education for fear that it doesn't represent young queer people well. The character that I say is controversial by some: There is discourse since the actor that plays it is believed to be straight (at least he hasnt confirmed nor denied anything) and no action is viewed as "standard" sexuality of straight.
  9. Hiya everyone who will read this. So i will get straight to the point. I am thinking on coming out to my parents as non-binary transfemenine aroace. I started talking with doctors first, I drafted and have a letter with websites for resources for parents/guardians. I have a backup plan in case things go south, and I would be starting with my mother and step-father because they are who I currently live, but I would be expanding in the next weeks to more close family members. However I am scared. I know I can answer any question they would have about aro/ace/trans issues (most questions here since I am still learning about this part of me). I can set up an evening when both of them (mother-stepfather) are relaxed, but any tips on how to start the convo? How to deal with rejection? what should I prepare for additionally? I want to do it because it is part of who I am and living a lie is killing me since maybe they will accept me and I can show them all I have learned and expand their knowledge. My brother has my back and I can live with him, I have friends who I can stay for some days in case of bad bad rejection. :3 I just need some motivations/tips or anything on how to put the subject on the table and start developing. My bro is queer and is open to my fam and he got some rejection from my father but he came around eventually. my mother was supportive of him, so maybe she will for me, but i am scared to take that step. help? and ty for reading this
  10. A qpr can be between an a-spec and an allo, yes. Further than that, I have little experience. As long as every person agrees to the qpr and knows all the info, there shouldn't be a problem. How do you get into one? Well when you have the persons and you trust them financially, emotionally and physically you can ask them if they would get into a qpr and you explain what that entails. There is not a guide to be in a qpr, every qpr is special and can be different. As long as everyone is commited, and happy there should not be a problem. Hope this helped.
  11. I understand that. Also, there is so many things I can be doing that are better than dating or having sex you know? I can travel the world, learn a new language, learn how to use a bow, survival skills, deep diving. I can be doing so many things that bring me joy. Hell even eating, exploring local cuisine of a foreign country has been one of the best experiences in my life. (Truth, you need to be safe cuz food allergies and food poisoning is real). If dating someone takes me 2 hours per week (not counting trip, just time with the person) in 1 month that is 8 hrs. In 6 months, 48 hours. In that time I can draft a paper and polish it so I can publish and get funding. More $ means better equipment and more research.
  12. You could say that you are focused on your job and you do not want to see anyone. If he insists, just let him know that he will never have a chance to be with you in a sexual nor romantic scenario. If he takes it like a challenge, say you challenge him to leave you alone for 50 years. If someone cannot take a no for an answer, they are being childish. Safety first, and when you can restore your original schedule with the bus, I would say to block his number. Usually people don't continue to pursue someone when you don't talk to them for a long while.
  13. I don't get a strong sense of repulsion toward romance, but I do get tired of always being there in everything I see. I love horror movies because they run more than they do romantic things. I see romance and I know that it isn't for me, but as a good scientist, I had to make an experiment to myself to be 100% sure. I got into a relationship to know what it felt like and if it was for me. The results was that indeed it wasn't for me, I didn't like it. Being "tied" with someone is like giving away my independence, and that is something I am repulsed by. If I can still be independent, no string attached, no sex or maybe 1 per 100 years, enjoy being with all my friends, get to know their family but only for Christmas, and a lot of other things, I wouldn't mind as much being in a relationship, but I guess my standards are impossible for any "normal" relationship. Well I guess I'll die alone, but I will travel the world, I will do all I want to do in this world, when I want to do it and how I want to do it. If someone wants to make the journey with me, we can do some things, but not all. I wasn't born joined to anyone (except umbilical cord but come on, it was cut off) so I will die the same way. People don't value enough being independent, it is sweet to not have to consult anyone of your plans, that if you want a vacation you can take it. Idk, maybe my ideals are too radical, but I like them all the same.
  14. I love cuddles. My best friend hates them so I don't cuddle with them, but I can do it woth just about anyone else of my friends. With family I do it sometimes when watching movies, but when theres a sleepover, my friends and I just mess with cuddles. I would love to enjoy spooning but I like to sleep alone, I wake up easily so having someone else makes it harder for me to sleep well. Cuddling and spooning have no romantic nor sexual meaning for me, and my friends think the same, its just something we do that makes us feel good and close.
  15. In the fancy restaurants is almost non-existent, but on restaurants like Chili's or fast foods, is the ones I know has happened. I worked at a fast food for quite some time and I heard it a lot daily. ^^ and yes I try to be professional always, idk the background of a person so I play it safe whenever I can. In my case, I refer to my family with their titles (mom/dad/aunt/etc) if they are older than me or by only names if they younger than me. That is how I was teached so I never questioned it. For strangers, it seems so strange that you are taking assumptions that just aren't yours to take. Glad I am not the only one that thinks those words are weird for strangers.
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