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About Blake

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  • Birthday April 17

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  1. ^ I think this is very important for people to understand. That there are people that just...can live without having sex and enjoy life jusst the same way anyone else does. (Bit of a rant here) It is so annoying that people think they are entitled to know parts of my life just cuz they can. It is my life, and I do whatever they (insert bad word) I want with it. It by no means affect your life so shut the (insert bad word) up and leave me alone. If I am having sex, it is my business who I am having it with. If I am not having it, it is still my business. Right now, it has been over a year the last time I had sex, and I haven't died nor I think I am losing anything important in life. (end rant) Like Quim said, it is unimportant to me. Maybe I will have it in the future, but that is up to me and the other part who would be involved to decide. Also I would like to add (this is more of intersection between sexual attraction and meds), for those of us who take meds: antidepressants; anxiolytics; antipsychotics. They do affect how we feel sexual attraction. I do not have a study that correlates them specifically, but from my personal experience I can speak. Getting aroused was easy before being on meds (I could focus on an image and maybe I could start getting in the mood), after I started taking them, my libido is 10km below ground (I had to really put effort in it and the outcome was so little that I just got tired and stopped trying). When changing meds, my cleaning weeks (1-2 week of not taking meds so I can change from one antidepressant to the other) I got my libido back, and then it dropped again 2 days after starting new med. And the combination of meds, is not something pretty but I am fine with it since it keeps me alive. So I guess that what I'm saying is that doctors don't tell you about the secondary effect of basically losing your libido when taking meds, and it may lead on taking life from a different perspective. It is not bad, not having sexual attraction, it just means that we can conquer the world easier :3 (also that we are dragons) Edit: I forgot to mention why it happens. Ok, a bit of anatomy and science. If you have a male body, the penis gets it's erection because of the increased blood flow, so what the meds do here is (not every drug is exactly the same way but the concept is similar) regulate your blood flow and levels of some neurotransmitters (serotonin) and hormones (dopamine). So when you think an image that makes you aroused, your brain see it and treats the rise of blood pressure as something that should not happen so it kinda blocks it, but since it can only block some and not all, you still get an effect, but not the one that originally could have happened. For the female body is basically the same effect, but the blood pressure doesn't play a huge role, what plays the role is that the brain blocks rises of dopamine levels, and this leads to the brain shutting the body of arousal. So yeah, this is a lot more complex but this is somewhat the gist of what is happening
  2. Welcome mate, it is great that you joined in ^^ hope we can help you discover your label. You got some ice cream, so here some coffee (insert tasty coffee)
  3. Ideally, 3 or more persons not sharing the sleeping space. But it is because I have insomnia and basically can't sleep with anyone nearby, cuz I wake up at the slightest of sound/movement nearby. I have tried sleeping in the same bed with someone but it is not a pleasant experience for me since people move a lot when they sleep. Also I have certain rituals that help me sleep and I do not expect someone that wants to sleep with me to do (I need to have a constant sound like a/c or fan all night to damp the sounds of animals at night; I absolutely cannot have sunlight in the bedroom before I wake up or when I wake up it is like I haven't sleep at all; and some other things). Basically I am not an easy person to sleep with and I know about it so I prefer to sleep alone. But if I can share the house with other persons it would be great cuz then more people to hang out, split rent, split food, etc. Also I like the idea of everyone having their own space to hoard their things (like dragons ^^).
  4. Hello there mate! Well starting section by section. I can't say if you have a crush or not cuz I'm not you :3 Only you can say if you have a crush/squish. Now, if they are ok with you being aro and they don't have a problem, that is fantastic mate! cheers for you, really. I understood that they treat romance between them, your gfs, and they accept you as aro and all that it brings with that. Also, props to you on wanting to have the convo about boundaries, that is very important. Your heart beating faster may be because of anxiety (again idk since idk if you suffer from GAD (general anxiety disoreder) or any variant) BUT it may also be because you want the qpr to work and are happy that you found it. Thinking about them and having dreams is normal (at least i see it like that, you describe as aro not a robot nor an unemotional being) so yeah, you want to spend more time with them, that's fine. Something that get me curious is that you feel invalid. Mate, you are as valid as me, and the other person who is nearby. Do not think for one moment that you are not valid, cuz you are here right? that is what matters. Being aro and having gfs is cool, you do not have to experience romance to be in a relationship (look at you for example, here there are qpr of all flavors (pun?)) Do you have a crush? You are the only one to decide that. Affection/thinking about them/wanting to be with them are things that we all do with people we care about. How do you tell? Well alloromo asume that crushes is a strict progression of cause and effect but actually from a non-romo non-lovely viewpoint It's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly crushy poofy stuff :3333 What is attraction? Mate...you find that answer and I personally give you the Peace Novel thingy. Is your heart beating faster bc your nervous about them? Well...your heart is beating to pump that blood through your body ^^ making you stay alive and making you have thoughts!!! so yeah from a non lineal pov, your levels of dopamine get high enough that makes your heart beat faster ^^ And the rest, well it has been answered already :3. Hope it helps you ^^
  5. Not a problem. Glad I could help you mate. And happy thoughts for you and her. Cheers
  6. Hello there mate, Ok starting from the top. I don't know the situation completely since I just have what you told me to go on. Your friend told you without going around that she is in love with you. Not that she thinks she is, but that she is. This means that she wants to spend time with you, and you only, not another friend. Idk if you told her that you don't know your identity yet or what you meant with getting a little carried away(below). Before entering into a relationship with someone that is alloromantic, you have to understand that it is gonna be kinda wacky if you are a-spec. Since that other person is feeling things that you maybe don't feel. Also, what may be obvious or normal for you, may not be for that person. The example is when you said that you wanted to bring a friend. That is ok, but think if she would want that above spending time with you. Maybe she had plans for later, but now it can't be done because of that friend. Now on what I consider is the important part. Under no circumstances should you enter a relationship to just "try it out" before telling that other person that you are not sure what you feeling, that this is new for you, or that you want to try being in a relationship but just want to know how it is. It is very important that the other person knows that you are testing the relationship to understand it. Because if you do not make those warnings, you will hurt the other person. This is a person, not a toy, she is giving her time for you, she is expressing feelings for you. And you told her that you accepted them, that means that she trusts you, and if you betray that trust by not taking it seriously, it is a bad situation. My counsel, as someone that got in a relationship without telling the other person that my feelings where not romantic, is that you sit down with her, tell her that this is new, you have zero idea of what you are doing, you do not know if you are a-spec, meaning that maybe you will not be able to reciprocate her feelings. To not get her hopes up, not until you explore your identity. In my opinion, if you do not know what you are feeling, you will hurt the other person giving them false hopes. Be in a relationship if you are crystal clear with that other(s) person that you are a hot mess (pun??) and that you are discovering yourself. Hope it helps
  7. For me, my pansexuality is far less important than my aromanticism for the same reasons that @nonmerci described. Being pansexual doesn't really impact my life as much as being aro. Having sex is just another activity for me, but who I want to spend more than a day with is far more important. Also, more on the topic, I like to use my label of aromantic because it holds more weight for me than my sexuality. Being aromantic makes me choose more things than being pansexual, like how I speak around people I barely know, cuz then they can think I am flirting, which is annoying.
  8. 1. "It's ok, you are depressed af now, but you don't need to fix someone before you. So get your arse to fix yourself first" 2. "Yes, that boy in summer camp was the first sign that you where aro" 3. "You don't need to fix someone. I repeat, you. do. not. need. to. fix. someone. Mate, you are a mess and that is ok. No need to shame yourself for giving up, you did your max" 4. "That time you cried your heart out of the shower was what you needed at the moment. Trust me, you needed to let it out before it made you kill yourself. So yeah, it is always ok to cry." 5. "No great city was built in one day, it takes work and dedication. So take care of your body, one day at a time" 6. "Look up for aromanticism and pansexual, it will save you years of your time. Also, let go of that squish of middle school. She literally doesn't deserve your time, you know it's not gonna work ever. She is alloromantic and you know that she wants romance, so let go and save yourself the grief."
  9. Ok, hello there mate. I broke the text in parts so you can understand it better, it is a lot of themes so one step at a time. Treating her as another friend is completely fine, you initially thought that she wold be different, and that is fine too. Do not look into the past, yeah it kinda sucks that you vision her as another friend, but you cannot oblige yourself to love romantically someone anymore than you control the future. It is ok, really, own that part of you ^^ that is my counsel. This is very common here, mistaking platonic for romantic. I won't speak for anyone here, but this happened to me too. I thought that what I was feeling was romantic love, but really it was just loneliness and craving for a connection with someone that had romantic feelings for me. To cut it short, we broke off and they where devastated. I blame myself for it, but I can't look in the past, so I accept that I hurted them but I also accept that if I wasn't in that relationship I would not have discovered I was aro, and I would have made both of our lives miserable. So yeah, you thought it was A, but it was B. Mistakes happens, now you know what you are feeling and that is the important thing. ^^ This is what I referred above. You know it is platonic feelings. You can tell her this, this is something that is real, this is knowledge about yourself that at the beginning you did not know. Do not expect to know every answer about yourself from the start. The path of self discovery is what makes us better people. So if you want to break it off, this is something you should mention in the conversation, because it can help her understand a bit more. You did not lie. Do not believe that you lied because you didn't know at the beginning. You love her, just not the same way that she loves you. There are different kinds of love. Amatonormativity tells you that romantic love is above all, but that is not true. Your love to her is just as valid and important and strong as her love to you. If the first part is true, then it is ok. But before you make any decision, my honest advice is for you to speak to her and explain her your feelings. Explain to her from your point of view what you feel, how you feel it and why. Do not end the relationship if you have any kind of love for her, not before explaining to her your side of the story. I think that you are a bit scared because you think you lied to her for years, but your feelings are not a lie. Yeah being single is awesome, and if that is what you want, go ahead and tell her that you don't think it's gonna work anymore the relationship and end it. But maybe you can find a happy medium with her, maybe you she accepts you as you are. Idk your situation, and there are lots of variables, but what is core is that you have to have a deep convo with her. And for that I recommend that you have a lot of patience (and coffee :3). Write every point that you want to discuss with her in a piece of paper so you do not forget, sit her down and just start talking. Take it slow. If by the end, one of you agree that the relationship should end, then that's it. But I don't think ending it without talking to her first should be done. A dear friend told me that giving an explanation about why it's happening (the break off) is the least I can do when ending the relationship, cuz we are all humans at the end of the day, and having an explanation gives peace of mind in the long road, for both (that is what my friend believes). Hope it helps, here some coffee (insert tasty coffee cup )
  10. Hello there Quimey, Glad you are here! In this website, hope you can find comfort and have happy discussions here. :3 Here, an ice cream, hope you like it (insert tasty ice cream)
  11. ^^ yay. Well the anime is pretty new, but if you want the webtoon, it is some years long and i have loved it since the beggining. Yeah Steven Universe is very lovable, Connie and Amethyst are my faves.
  12. Hello there yancy. Starting from the top, I have heard that discourse too, but it has been centered more on the fact that people want us to choose just one label. Personally, I identify as pansexual, aromantic straight from the go to the LGBTQ+, but it is easier for me to explain to someone who is not in the community to say that I am genderqueer. I do this because in my case as aro/pan, people don't think I exist basically. So I see genderqueer as a more general term, and then pansexual and aromantic as more specific ones. People are more likely to believe me if I start as genderqueer, because it is a term that people are more familiar. Now, this doesn't mean that for being aro/pan I am not genderqueer, because it is a label that I like and I want to own it. In short, use as many label as you want, there is nothing wrong with that. If someone doesn't like it then eat them :3 A label is something to use to feel valid, welcome and in peace, people have no say in that, and they shouldn't make you feel less of a woman/genderqueer/lesbian for using more than one label. Hope this can help you ^^.
  13. Yass One Piece, i think I will die before that manga is over. which I am not opposed to since it is great. Haven't watched DuckTales but maybe will give it a try (the reboot). If you are looking for a new anime, i reccomend you Tower of God and ofc Steven Universe ^^
  14. I can see your point here and I can certainly agree if it is used like that. Yeah I like LGBTQ+ for the inclusiveness. It is rarer for me to hear about LGBTQIAPN, but I like it too.
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