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  1. Yesterday
  2. When I was 16, a girl asked for my number and we got to talking. For a few days after that, even just the smell of her deodorant on my clothes was enough to make me fall in love. Now, six years later, I’m fully aromantic. Infatuation is beyond me. I miss it. That relationship ended uo begins seriously emotionally abusive, and I think that it scarred me against romance. I guess in a sense that would make me artificially aromantic? Like I wasn’t born this way, but became aromantic. What are other people’s thoughts on their time before aromantacism, and what made them aromantic?
  3. I drink, mainly white wine and mixed drinks. And I try to drink in moderation (a glass of wine a night for a few days in a row, or 2-3 on a weekend). Though there are a handful of times where I had too much :p I like feeling tipsy, but about half the time alcohol just makes me tired/groggy.
  4. Welcome, and enjoy your stay. Also love the quote signature, pretty nice!
  5. I don’t think it was a bad idea, it was very brave of you to tell her how you feel, good job. From here I would recommend waiting for her to come to you, if you come to her about the letter it may appear like you are begging for her attention, and it will make you look clingy. It may even make you look to demanding of her attention. You know what they say in the movies, don’t call us we will call you. Wait for her to process the events, and the letter, and see what she says. Also, I should offer a disclaimer, I am no dating coach, or professional by any means. One more thing, I am sure you know already, but in case you are confused by the replies, let me quickly explain what aromanticism is. Aromance: Typically experience little to no romantic attraction. A lot of us do not experience crushes, nor do we think romance is the end all be all of love. We have a different love language, causing us to express our love differently than the romantic norm put upon us by societal pressures such as having a marriage, going on dates, ect. Yooo, I just realized this post is from 2019..... R.I.P. Uhhh hey man, I hope it worked out.... If she is gone, then maybe try this advice in a different situation. Should I even post this ..... Oh, what the hell...
  6. The way I have heard most people talk about true love. "They are made for each other.” “After all the years those too are still happy with each other.” I heard a story one time, some guy was riding a bike, and saw a beautiful woman, love at first sight thing happened (whatever that means) and he crashed his bike. Kind of like back to the future if you have seen that. Then I remember whoever told me the story, I don’t remember who it was. The moral or meaning of the story was they both act and feel the same way as when they first met. Oh and of course the saying, there is somebody right for you, everyone has got somebody. What is the common theme that is connected to these examples of true love I have described? I would describe the main theme as a destiny filled with romantic vitality. Do I believe it? There are three ways I can answer this question One answer: (Im happy for you answer) Well, I believe when other people believe it for themselves, if finding their true love gives them meaning, good for them. I believe they know what gives them meaning, and that they have found this larger than words person who they have been happy with for a long time. If hypothetically I where to not believe it, this doesn’t make the experience not true for the one experiencing, and for them personally. Second answer: (What does it mean? I know.... it's a plot piece!) I share the confusion the other people on this post have. I can do the best I can to parrot what other people say about true love, and find commonalities between the different cultural views behind true love. Although this true love business seems like an overly dramatic story arc to me. I always thought the true love was simply a plot device to make movies and songs interesting or entertaining. I never liked the plot device. I instead enjoyed the chosen one plot piece, and it's similar to true love in the sense it involves destiny, and life purpose fulfillment. Third answer: (Destiny sounds nice, just take away the romance) Destiny is a nice thought. The idea that there is someone you may meet one day, who almost seems to be given to you as gift is an optimistic notion. Take away the romance and you have a friendship gift from the universe. I believe in true love in the friendship sense. True love friendship: A friendship where you can be yourself, loved for who you are, love the other person for who they are. Learn from each other, grow together. Contribute to society in some way together if you have similar interests. Enjoy a community of friends who are unique, and help make you stronger. People who don’t drag you down from your good qualities, but strengthen them, and make you a better you. You return the favor to them, and this love is not done for some other advantage but for its own sake, for its own good. Yada, yada yada, that is why I believe in true love. Just change the romantic connotations and you get two people who share a friendship filled with vitality and real love. Real love being a friendship where you can move passed the surface conversations and feel comfortable being real with people. Engaging in deep talk as I heard someone else put it. Diving deep and seeing the submerged iceberg not just the flakes on top. Thanks for reading this big monster, holy cow is it ever longer than I wanted it to be... Anyway, hope I contributed something interesting to the conversation...
  7. Last week
  8. Partner dancing is one of those mysteries to me… what’s it for? What you’re supposed to feel? I simply do not get it. I do not get it all!! I mean we all learn that it is deeply entangled with romo stuff. Also that it’s supposed to be a “launchpad” for romo stuff. But how often is this the case exactly? I mean allos sometimes must also just dance for fun without any romo motives. But more importantly why is there this connection to romance in the first place? You’re physically a bit close and you’re moving around and that is enough?!? That takes quite some imagination! Do allos regularly develop romantic feelings to e. g. their physiotherapists? I guess / hope not! I also do not understand the strong connection of dancing and eroticism; it’s a bit more understandable, but I think you must have a rather wild imagination, too… I’m always amazed about this convoluted romo culture which combines maximal complexity with maximal shallowness. We were forced to do partner dancing in school. I found this completely unnerving. /rant-end
  9. you and i both. i have no idea what it even means
  10. I don't even understand what true love is supposed to be. doesn't mae any sense to me.
  11. Looking forward to seeing some of you tomorrow. Don't worry if you have struggled to listen to the podcast for any reason, it'll still be great to see you tomorrow if you can make it :-)
  12. What’s that…? Never seen it, never heard of it. I read the description and it seems like the lowest of the low… very cheap UK cider in giant 3 l plastic bottles, high strength (~7% ABV). I only know the cider from Normandy (~3-4% ABV) and Hesse (~5% ABV) and those are not white. Is white cider even made from apples? 😉
  13. I believe that true love exists. But it says a lot about romantic love that “true” has to be specifically emphasized. The general assumption must be that romantic love is “untrue” to some degree.
  14. Hi! so, I am so sorry if this is already a discussion in this forum, but I just wanted to know what are your views on the thing society calls true love, or true love stories. Or even the concept of it. for me, personally, I never believed in those, even before identifying as aromantic, but now it makes even less sense! thank you! toodles!
  15. 1. I’ve had between 1-3 squishes every year for the last 6 years or so, and I probably fall somewhere between 5 and 19 total. 2. Over a year, and it’s my current squish, so I feel like that carries some meaning. Most would fade either after a few days or at the end of the school year when I would no longer see them frequently. However, this one has grown, despite the usual setbacks (if setbacks is the right word. Hopefully you know what I mean) 3. I would say that gender usually factors into who I squish. I have only ever squished females, and I think that the way they look has played just as much of a role as the actually important factors such as personality, interests, etc.
  16. I’ve had several squishes over the years, and for a while I always mistook them for being crushes, which looking back I know they definitely weren’t. My current squish is a girl who’s a year younger than me. She’s smart, funny, honestly kinda cute, and just a great person to be around. We’ve talked a few times but I wouldn’t really say we’re close yet. Hopefully I’ll get an opportunity to become better friends with her though :)
  17. There's a lot of possibilities here, and of course only you know the truth. You might be craving a QPR (queer-platonic relationship), or something similar. A deep bond with this person, without making it romantic in nature. Maybe you're experiencing a squish? You're grey-ro, or demi-romantic! Worth looking into I definitely get not wanting to hurt them, especially if you are unsure if these feelings might fade overtime, or you misinterpreted them. I'm glad you don't want to treat them as your test subject. The best way to avoid this is simply to be open with them! If it feels safe, tell them how you feel, and that you feel confused and don't want to hurt them. Maybe they would be willing to try something, fully with the knowledge that it may not develop into anything romantic? Maybe they're willing to try a QPR?
  18. cheers, big ears. i thought the signature would work perfectly since the game it’s from (persona 4) emphasizes on friendships and the bonds you make with people, and that has been very close to me as i relate a lot to it
  19. funnily enough, my mom really doesn’t care if i’m married or not (and by extension, having children). it’s a huge sigh of relief knowing i have nothing to live up to in that regard
  20. i can agree. when i was first exposed to the term i denied it very heavily, since i thought it couldn’t be possible at all. but eventually it was flat on my face and i couldn’t get around that
  21. Guest

    Am I aromantic?

    So guys I don't really know where to go to chat about these kinds of things. I am 21, go by he/him pronouns and I identify as a aromantic gay man. Or at least I have been up until now. I'm having some mixed feelings regarding romantic attraction. I'm very open with my friends about how I enjoy sex and i'm usually completely open about my feelings. Recently I've been feeling like I have closer bonds with people than i've ever had. I've been close with people in the past but I find myself craving intimacy and someone to be with. I have been thinking about 1 friend in particular, we are really close and I feel like I want to try to date them. I dont want to hurt them, or ruin my relationship with them. They're one of my favourite people and we have a level of intimacy / sexual chemistry I've never had with someone before. I dont know if this particularly means i'm not aromantic... or if im greyromantic or do I just have commitment / trust issues. Am I also just young and inexperienced? I'm just very confused. Has anybody else ever felt like this?
  22. My parents definitely think that I should have kids, and by extension get married in the future, and it's really annoying. I have no desire to raise a kid through their childhood years, and they just don't really understand that I guess
  23. It is an interesting survey. It is sad to see that 33% of people don't feel welcome in the aro community. I was hoping we made a better job in included them but obviously, we do not. I wonder what we can do to improve that. It was also interesting to see there is no clear majority bing romance-repulsed, neutral and favorable. It made me think of this survey on AVEN, when it was the case also for the aros who are there, but it is very clear that for sex, sex-favorable asexual is a minority. I think it is interesting how romance don't have a clear difference for aromantics, but sex does for asexuals. I also think it's interesting the part about ace-spec aros being included in alloaro label, because I sometimes think that if we are very vocal about acespec people using the label ace if they want to, we sometimes forget that people in the grey area don't necessarily identify with the ace umbrella but with allo people. I like the part about if alloaros identify with an orientation more than with the other, because I once see someone who were not aromantic say that aromantic people would identify more with their (LGBT) sexual orientation if they have one because she couldn't see how the contrary could be possible. I wish I could have linked her to this survey to show that there are not a clear consensus on the subject. I also think it is interesting that some alloaros consider their orientations linked, because it is something I see discuss for aroaces people (that they see the aro and the ace part as a whole), but that I never thought about for alloaros. Well, I will go to bed more educated today. I would be interested to learn more about it. Is it linked to the fact that a lot also consider the aromanticism influence their sexual attraction, or is it another reason? I am also curious about the fact that most people feel that way than the other away, with sexual attraction influencing their aromanticism... I am curious about all of this, do you have links where I can learn more? Yes, in particular when you compare it to the AUREA survey when it was 48% women versus 15% men... I don't know what to think about it, but it is interesting. Anyway it was interesting, thanks for sharing.
  24. Hi It's so cool that there are places for people like us to find each other, hope you enjoy being here
  25. This came up on the discord and I thought it was worth sharing here as well to see what people think of it https://alloarboreal.tumblr.com/post/665675322978697216/survey-results https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WlLiH46EkjQmEJcm05N6ApppKJlD9jsi4V_zlR4YpGE/edit 647 responses and a fair few interesting points being made, some that I am wondering about are: While the majority (35.4%) did feel at least somewhat represented in the general aro community, a large amount of people (33.1%) did not feel fully welcome or did not feel welcome at all. 85.5% subscribe to relationship anarchy. No clear majority for romance-repulsed, -neutral and -favorable. I also found it interesting that when looking at gender, man/boy was only a few percent behind woman/girl in the responses which is something I am really not used to in aro communities. Anyways, have a look. This looks like it has had a lot of care put into it and hopefully it will be shared about a fair bit.
  26. Hello there! Welcome to the forums, I hope you enjoy lurking around here 😁 Also, I like your signature quote "Bonds of people is the true power."
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