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About Oatpunk

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  1. Oatpunk


    Heyo! Alterous (and other types of) attraction are separate from aromanticism and can both be felt or not felt by aros and non-aros alike. Aromantic spaces are often the ones talking about these other types of attraction because our non-normative way of having relationships kind of forces us to, but aromanticism is only defined by a lack of romantic attraction, nothing else. You can be heteroromantic and still feel alterous attraction. If you want to define it, you can always slap a prefix on it, like bi-alterous, etc. Good luck with your friend!
  2. These are my exact feelings about my greyro identity! I don't get attracted to people and even if I did I don't think I'd want a romantic relationship with them anyway, so what does it even matter? Me probably being in love with someone as a teenager feels like such an irrelevant thing now.
  3. Hello! I see you've already gotten around to making some posts, but welcome anyway, I'm happy you found us! I'm not apro, but I have been in a similar situation where I thought I felt romantic attraction, confessed it and then had to break it off. It's an awful feeling that I think a lot of people here can relate to. It's easy to feel like it's your fault but staying in a relationship with someone you're not attracted to is only destructive for everyone involved. Romantic attraction is an abstract mess and for many people the only way to figure ourselves out is to experiment and learn from our mistakes. Have some aro ice cream and don't be so hard on yourself
  4. I'm not even allosexual but stuff like this is part of the reason why I don't feel comfortable in ace spaces. It's insane how ignorant and self-involved it's possible to be, even when ace people do in many ways face similar misconceptions and erasure as aros. It's so fucking interesting that aces seem incapable of letting go of the concept that aromanticism is just a subset of or another word for asexuality when aros don't have the same issue. Who is misinforming all these baby aces? And why doesn't aven use their platform to try to clear up these misconceptions? It's concerning that you appear to have told your friends off more than once, but they still act like this. I really hope you sit down and have a proper talk to them about it!
  5. I'll add you to my to-be-thought-of list! It's getting long, but that's fine since aros occupy most of my thoughts anyway..
  6. Ayyyy, I love Ash! Their videos really helped me as well when I was younger. I think it's really cool that you're openly aroace at university, it probably makes us visible to a lot of students who had never even heard of aspec people before. I'm glad you're so positive about it, and we're excited to have you here!
  7. AUREA has a list of research on aromantics here. I haven't read them myself, but that's pretty much the go-to page if you're looking for info on aros! Also also also, is your name a dragon age reference?
  8. It totally sounds like you could be! What a mood, this pretty much sums up my past relationships as well. In my experience, it's really common for aros to mistake their squishes or sexual feelings for romantic attraction, which can play a large part in why we generally take so long to find out that we don't feel it. Pretending to have crushes, jumping through hoops to convince yourself you're feeling something you're not, being disinterested in romantic plot lines, simply feeling different, are also all common discussion topics in aro spaces. That you enjoy taking care of the people you care for has nothing to do with your potential aromanticisim, since these actions have nothing to do with romance. There are plenty or aros who want to have close relationships with others, just as there are plenty of aros who don't. Ultimately, as I'm sure you know, we can't decide for you, but it definitely seems like you're on the right track.
  9. Hello! I think a lot of us were raised with the expectation to one day get married and have kids and it can really mess us up. That probably goes for most people, but it's of course extra harmful for aros. Marriage is seen as this magical end-all, but... you know, society has been wrong about a lot of things, and this is just another one of them. So, to your question: What now? Well, the best thing you can do is get to work on unlearning these norms. There's unfortunately no quick fix to rid yourself of them, but I think arocalypse is a good place to start. Here you'll find a lot of people who are living happy, fulfilling, unmarried lives and just seeing that is really powerful in itself. If you are repulsed by the thought of being in a romantic relationship, you simply don't have to be. There's no "destiny" for you to follow any path but your own. I know it may be hard to just start to believe that after spending a whole lifetime being told the opposite, but if you repeat it enough it can become your truth. And welcome, both of you!
  10. I'm resurrecting this because I saw some tumblr posts today that made me laugh.
  11. I find that every time I reach an issue like this in my writing the answer is always: add more characters!!!! If you're worried about the credibility of her going and finding some aros and aces after the story, maybe she tells someone how she feels, and they realize that they feel a similar way. If this is a culture where aromanticism and asexuality are not discussed, there are going to be a lot of people who don't have a word for it, and she can be the person to prevent someone else from going through what she did.
  12. Yes, I think this is exactly it. Concepts like "platonic soulmates" and "love is what makes us human" are just amatonormativity with a new coat of paint. We need to shed the idea completely. Human beings are defined by being a wrinkly brain in a vertical meat sack and that is literally it. Nonmerci described aplatonic pretty well, different people seem to have different definitions, but basically people who don't get squishes. What I meant by loveless was the aros who are uncomfortable with the concept of love and don't want that word applied to them, neither when talking about friendships or familial relationships or hobbies, etc. Yeah, and maybe thinking that what they are experiencing isn't an "aro experience". As if how they're feeling is just something else that's wrong with them, or that they are sullying the name of other aros by living up to a stereotype.
  13. I can't believe I haven't seen these yet! They're great! I've never seen pacific rim and it's honestly a bit ridiculous how affected I was by that scene. It was so cute! We really need to see more types of intimacy in films.
  14. Yes, I definitely agree with what the others have said about valuing friendships higher and feeling abandoned by friends when they get romantic partners. I also think my aroness is at least partially responsible for why I'm not super into physical affection. I don't like cuddling even if it's entirely platonic, and I'm averse to certain types of physical contact. This has put me into some awkward situations with friends!
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