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Oatpunk

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About Oatpunk

  • Rank
    Member

Personal Information

  • Orientation
    Greyro
  • Pronouns
    They/them
  • Location
    Sweden

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  1. Yes! Except I've had this problem with friends as well. Once I was sitting with my friend at McDonald's and I'm just sort of leaning on him when he goes "Are you trying to kiss me?" It was really uncomfortable for several reasons and so unnecessary. I am sorry, I shall never get within 2 feet of you again, lest you believe I'm trying to shove my tongue in your mouth. I also feel like these assumptions don't stop with physical affection. You can't even smile at someone or laugh at their jokes without being teased for being in love. Like do all allos just hate their friends? Do they never smile at their phones when they get a text from someone they're not crushing on? It's absurd.
  2. I would love to find some cool person, get platonically married, adopt some animals, and get a house with separate bedrooms. This has been the plan since I was a teenager, even back when I was in a romantic relationship. We were talking about growing old together and I was like "but can you imagine getting married to your best friend? And just like living together without expectation of romance?" 😅
  3. I'm sorry you went through that, and thank you! I suppose moving on is the goal. Yeah, I get it. Of course an apology won't change the past, but I think it's an important step in being able to move on. If someone can't even own up to past mistakes, that says a lot about their character. I hope it will get easier with time even if you never get the apology you deserve!
  4. Oatpunk

    Hey!

    Welcome! I'm from Sweden, so we're sort-of neighbors! Unfortunately, being the only aro in your local LGBTQ+ communities seems like a pretty common aro experience, so I'm happy you found us. We often get completely forgotten amidst all the love talk which can make us feel alienated even by other queers. I hope you'll find the community you're looking for here!
  5. No, never. They don't like to acknowledge it and just show that they're sorry by not doing it again. I think it's because they feel guilty but none of them have ever told me that so I don't actually know. I haven't really thought about it but I think you're right that that's where some of the anger comes from. Yes! Someone asked me if my dad is gaslighting me by pretending not to remember the shit he's said, but I genuinely don't believe he has it in him to manipulate someone. It just wasn't important enough for him to remember and he can't imagine himself saying something like that in the present, so it must not have happened. I also don't know how much it plays into it that they thought I was over-reacting. Like even if I said over and over again "please don't do this, it's transphobic and hurtful", I don't think my mom was capable of or willing to understand how or to what extent, so she just waved it off and eventually forgot about it.
  6. Heyo James! I can relate both to liking rom-coms (too damn much) and shallowly dating around. No one has asked me to move in with them, thank god, but I have been in the situation of receiving an "I love you" and then questioning if I'm even the least bit attracted to them. It's an awful feeling and it's so easy to dig yourself deeper into a bad situation because you don't want to hurt their feelings, but of course you end up hurting their feelings even more by stringing them along. Your intense anxiety when being in a longer relationship also sounds a lot like my own aro experience. I think the thing with romance in media is that it's easy to get swept along into it and apply it to your life in theory while thinking that that is the way it's supposed to be. But as the others have said, there is a large difference between fantasizing about marriage and actually having to be in a relationship. Best of luck with figuring it out!
  7. Hi all! So basically, when I came out as trans to my parents the reception I got wasn't great. They were very much in denial and they victimized themselves while continuing to do things that they knew hurt me deeply. After a while, they begun to educate themselves and listen to me and we spent a few years healing our relationship. Now I'd say our relationship is even stronger than it was before and I feel completely safe with them in a way that I never did during my teen years. But while I've for the most part left the past in the past, I still have this bitterness that sometimes rears its ugly head. When I think about certain things I'm still filled with anger and resentment, not only because I was treated that way but also because I'm the one who has to carry this while they get away scot-free. It was traumatizing to be a teenager rejected by my family and this pain and grief has played such a large part in shaping me that I don't think that I will ever be free of it. What was a bit of a rough patch for them was for me a life-altering event that nearly killed me, if I'm allowed to be dramatic. Yet I still feel guilty about my anger towards them because they genuinely didn't know better. They have changed so much as people and now they not only accept me, but they understand and celebrate me. I don't know how to deal with these feelings, if I should talk to my parents about it and, in that case, how I would even go about doing that. I'd really like to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation (not necessarily about gender identity).
  8. I used to do this, but with celebrities! I would just pick the next j-rock singer with a cool style and gush about him on the internet until someone told me I was trying too hard. I also used to believe that romantic attraction was dramatically overplayed by everyone, because obviously people don't actually feel that way. Butterflies in the stomach and heart palpitations just sounded like some unsettling medical condition. Because of this, I genuinely thought that I was like everyone else for a long time and, ironically enough, it wasn't until I actually felt romantic attraction that I realized how fucking aro I am.
  9. As you said, I feel like comfortable is a more fitting word for me than grateful. I am very happy and cozy up here on NoRomo Hill but I don't really feel like it's something to be grateful for. It just is. I wouldn't say I feel grateful for being queer, either, even if love it. Like, why would I feel gratitude for being all these things that are considered wrong? I would never want to change myself because I've fought very hard for who I am now and yada yada, but I don't think our oppression is anything to celebrate. My teenage years sucked major ass because of my queer identities and while the trauma made me stronger, I shouldn't have had to be stronger in the first place! Having a wonderful aro community is amazing but it's also a result of everyone else hating and ridiculing us, so gratitude for the identity rather than the people seems ill-placed.
  10. "That's just how the world is".... god, people just don't have any respect for us, huh? What's the point of playing a game if we're just forced into the same shitty reality we're already living? I'm sending strength for you to talk to them about it!
  11. Hello! An official introduction! It's nice to meet you! I'm all about using queer as a catch-all term. Romantic orientation? Queer. Sexual orientation? Queer. Gender? Queer. Also nonbinary, and I have been identifying as such since i was about 16 so feel free to talk to me about it. @emmafriendly I think part of it may be that we don't really have an issue with sex since many aros don't want a relationship? Sex is not something that is ever on my mind since I stopped dating, because no one is expecting me to have sex with them anymore. I'm not reminded of my asexuality or made to feel guilty about it in the way that aces who want a relationship are. Friends and acquaintances don't randomly ask me if I've had sex recently. But they do bring up dates and romantic partners and talk about the future as if marriage is inevitable. I more often feel "othered" because of my aroness and thus it's a label I cling more firmly to.
  12. I'm happy to find someone who agrees! The "We're not cold, we can still love" mindset is too common for me to be entirely comfortable in certain ace spaces. Also, I saw this poll on AVEN where some people had filled in that aces are a part of the lgbtq+ community but that aros are not. Like.......what. You would expect a community that gets so excluded to be less ignorant. ayyy, we're having a big validation party here! And yes! Love is what makes us human. Everyone knows this! Who needs consequential thinking or passion or creativity since none of those things defines me as a person :))) Without love I might as well just wither away. Disappear on the spot because I don't actually exist.
  13. I'm also aro-ace and I totally get the android thing! I think it's a useful metaphor for our experience and I love it when queer people turn their stereotypes into something genuine and three-dimensional. I'm following this because I'd also like more insight into writing allo-aro characters and I'm fucking clueless when it comes to sexual attraction. Good luck with your comic and welcome! I hope you'll want to stay with us (we're cooler than AVEN).
  14. I just need one energetic feelgood song and that's We are golden by Mika. It's about brushing off hardships, letting loose and throwing yourself at life full speed. I'm especially fond of the line "I live for glitter not you".
  15. I'm currently playing a bard in my dnd campaign and he's busy with, you know, trying to save the world, so there's not a single thought in my mind to ever flirt with anyone. But then I was told that it's common knowledge the bard is "supposed to" seduce everyone and I was like "ooohhh.....yeah, I don't want to do that". We ended up having a heated discussion about it where I said that I've never flirted with anyone in my whole life and I'm not about to start now, and these people retorted that dnd is my "chance to do that"! As if everyone obviously has some deeply rooted want for romance even when they have explicitly told you about their aromanticism. Another Aromantic Moment(tm) was when my character ended up under a spell so that everyone was super attracted to him and I was so uncomfortable. I knew that they were just roleplaying attraction to a character that's not even me but god did I want it to end. I have no idea how to deal with that and it just sort of made me realise how different I am. Like, what would I have done if someone else had gotten the spell put on them? I wouldn't be able to continue acting like normal without feeling really put on the spot and having to start a conversation about how my character is aroace even though I never told the DM about that because it never struck me as something relevant!
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