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About nonmerci

  • Birthday May 27

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    teacher/librarian... yes, both at one, I don't think there is en English equivalent

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  1. I don't really know. I suppose some will pass to my friends, but I would probably give to associations against disease like cancer, or for mental health.
  2. Did you share it on AVEN? I recently made an account so maybe some people here would be interested.
  3. I surely don't want a romantic relationship for myself. It sounds not appealing to me, for various reasons. And for marriage, the appealing things for me are the dress and the cake at the wedding. That was probably a big sign that I was aromantic for a young age. Thinking about what I would wear at my wedding? A bit. Thinking about the person I would marry? Never. I think the thing I get the least is why romance is treated so different athan other relationships. People congratulate new arried couple like they win some kind of prize, applause people who are married for a long time but would never do that for any other kind of relationships... That's a mystery to me.
  4. Thanks for the replies. Same. I always say : What makes you happy us fulfulling your goals in life. Romance is not one of my goal so why would it make me sad to not have it? I get it. I think a lot of people do that when they try to figure out their orientation. Though I always think that having no clue what romance is like is a big sign of being aro. I won't say it is for sure because you know, everybody is different, but still a sign. Yes. Problems with romance is that a lot of actions you find in romantic relationships can be find in other relationships too. Yeah that's the problem. We are expecting to know what we lack of to describe ourselves, but how could we describe something we don't feel?
  5. Hi everyone. So, I don't know if this something that crossed my mind because I spent some time in a place where definition is discussed a lot, but I just realized something : I don't care about how we define romantic attraction, or how it feels like. I don't need that to know what I am. Same for sexual attraction by the way. I am not denying that definitions can be useful, in particular when you enter in the community and you are questioning. You can want a clear definition to know if you fit or not. But the thing is : defining clearly the different type of attraction is impossible anyway. How can you describe a feeling with words, and most of all, describe it to people who never felt it? It's like trying to describe the color red to a blind person : you can't. Now, describing by the actions don't work neither, because a same actions can have different causes. It's like saying "sadness is wanting to cry", except you can also cry because you hurt your finger, or because you laugh too much (which is, the opposite of being sad). And I just realize that I find all these attempts of definition pointless (at least for me). I just know I don't feel it, and that's enough. Same for sexual attraction. I don't have to know what it is, I just have to know I don't feel it.
  6. Moral of the story : the USA need aromantic judges. More seriously, I'm with you here. Romance is too often paint as this pure thing that justifies every actions (usually by opposition to sex... you do something for romantic love you are cute, you do something for sex you are an idiot; talk about double standards here). Our society really need to understand romantic feelings are not some angelic thing. Oh no, please don't feel that way. If society think this is an acceptable excuse, then society is broken, not you.
  7. You might be aro if someone told you "you recognize LOVE when you feel it" and you still have no clue what it is, because you never felt it and so never recognize it.
  8. Maybe, try to figure why it is so hard to accept, and then work on that? For instance, it was hard to accept for me because it was hard to accept that things I planned (getting married for instance) will never happen. When I accepted that I won't get married (which was make it easier when I realize that I never really wanted it anyway, it was the amatonormativity in my mind), I accept my aromanticism, and I even like it now.
  9. I don't really have an advice. Identifying as greyro before identifying as aro helped me (I thought I had not intense crushes but no). But I won't advice to do that, because that's not a good reason to identify as greyro (greyro people are not there so aro can feel better or deny their identity, if you see what I mean). Feeling of lost and confusion will vanish with time, though I guess that's not what you want to hear.
  10. I thought I was allo but not for the same reason. First I didn't know aromanticism was a possibility so I thought I have crushes or that I will have them eventually. Then when I discover aromanticism, I thought I do have crushes or maybe squishes because I haven't realize yet that I just think of people like that because I felt like I have to, not because I was attracted to them. I also wanted to be alloromantic because I wanted children and thought children need a father and so I need a husband lol. So realizing I was aro was realizing that I made up crushes because amatonormativity convinced me I have some and I wanted it, but that I actually didn't.
  11. nonmerci


    Yes, Luna Lovegood. My favorite character in Harry Potter. Labels are meant to be useful. If you don't want to use it, don't. Some aces use "just ace" because they don't feel the need to label their romantic orientation.
  12. nonmerci


    I would ask : do you fantacize about romance in general (the idea of being in a romantic relationship feels nice, for instance) or do you feel that way about someone specific? One thing that makes me realize I was aromantic is that I never look for romance because I feel that way towards someone, but because romance is the norm and I never think that not having crushes was an option.
  13. Maybe it is because I am not an English native speaker, but someone could interpret as "isn't into anyone" as "into anyone for now", something that is less likely to happen with "isn't into any gender". Now, if you want to be sure people get it, you can use the word aromantic (if it fits the universe), something like "Actually, he's not into any gender as he is aromantic", but I don't think it is necessary.
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