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  1. @EmilyWritesSomeStuff first of all: yes, its a choice for every single person. and as you are heteroromantic asexual and I am not, I think that you might – of course – have more interpretational sovereignty than me here^^ But just some thoughts of mine: being a choice DOES mean that nobody is allowed to exclude all heteroromantic aces from lgbtqia+ spaces as long as the person doesn't say, they are not queer, doesn't it? so, heteroromantic aces do belong into queer spaces as long as they don't say they don't... and I don't understand this thread as "why every heteroromantic ace belong in lgbtqia+ spaces" but as "why heteroromantic aces do belong in lgbtqia+ spaces – as long as they feel they do" yes, you talked about you personally, but I just wanted to add this :) of course your feelings are valid and I don't want to say anything against them! I beg your pardon if this was somehow encroaching or invalidating your feelings. this was not meant to be about you! the rest is more in general about aspecs being queer... lgbtqia+ spaces are not and should not be about oppression. they should not be discrimination olympics, they should be safe spaces for queer people, spaces in which normativstes (hetero-, cis-, or allonormativity) can be broken, spaces in which queers don't have to feel "different" or "strange". yes, many people in lgbtqia+ spaces face oppression and yes, others face more oppression than het-aces (even if discrimination against aces DOES exist (eg disease mongering…)) yes, I see that lgbtqia+ spaces ARE fulfilled with A LOT of allonormativity, and a lot of them are aspec unfriendly, but this is something the community should work on. this is not our fault and no argument to exclude het-aces collectively from lgbtqia+ spaces... and, last but not least (this isn't really the topic here but I just wanted to add it): aspecs are queer (yes, if they WANT to label themselves as queer). I just walked through the city a few days ago and just realized how everything is fulfilled with allonormativity, you can't escape from it, and how much the whole world tells you that "you are not the same" and that's literally the definition of queer? I do not feel as if the way I am is "normally accepted" or "considered normal" in this world. I do feel queer. but yes, in a different way than allos (as I am aroace and by now I do consider my aromanticism as more important for my queerness than my asexuality, this might be a very personal view which doesn't say anything about heteroromantic aces, I don't know...)
  2. unpopular opinion (maybe) but: actually I personally would REALLY like to know it, especially when the other person (you) knows that I'm aroace and therefore has no or only low expectations or "hopes". so telling this seems just as getting something out of the way which could stand in between you? bc the person can feel that "there is something" without being able to tell what it is and that could be very nasty... when the aroace person is a relaxed person this shouldn't change a lot. also some aroaces do want relationships so never say never^^ but as @nonmerci mentioned: it relates on the person and whether you think they would be uncomfortable with it or not
  3. hey ya all :D you don't seem very active by now, but I found out there will be an Aspec Meeting (18+ yo) in Münster, NRW in July. As some of you were from this area I thought I could share it here!
  4. I guess I have a squish (not 100% sure but about 95%) and it's just amazing how much happiness I feel bc I know that the person is in an amazing romantic relationship
  5. Fruits wyr be able to know your own future in detail or the future of one single random person you might never met
  6. that I can chose whether I want to socialize or not and can go home when I feel it without having to take anyone into consideration that I can chose to work all night or going to sleep in the early evening without anyone who has other plans that I know the concept of amatonormativity and allonormativity bc I love it to have knowledge about concepts I can complain about hahaha (but it's kind of sad that alloallos don't wanna see that it may harm themselves too)
  7. I love this I think I might be polyam (or polyplatonic whatever, but I guess I would feel good in a polyam relationship) but I've still no idea how to find an monogamous qpr so...^^
  8. didn't realize but my trousers were showing very much aroace pride today
  9. I watched to an “blind date experiment” show on YouTube and wtf are the allos okay??? Cause I don’t think they are???

    (of course they are. But it was all just… so… cringe…)

  10. A snake. I find fishes I can touch disgusting. And the others are just boring (i mean they can look great! But I would just forget to feed them after a few days). So a snake. Snakes are cool. But I am afraid of snakes. Umm. i take the snake to try out my parsel wyr fly to mars or dive into the deep sea?
  11. Well there are lots of acespecs who are sexual attracted sometimes. There is no “challenge” of who is “more asexual” Also, someone could e.g. use the label bisexual asexual when they could imagine to have sex with more than one gender but still don’t feel sexual attracted to them.. I guess there are plenty of reasons to use more then one label and thats okay
  12. 2 aromantic moments, one very ironic and one kind of frustrating the ironic one: I used to play in a improvisational Theater group 1 1/2 years ago. We had this exercise in which we had to play emotions. I got “to be in love” wekk I had no idea what to do and just acted as if I would be nervous and in a shy way excited to be with the other person I was with... and in the end they told me that I was very good in pretending that I was in love lol the 2nd moment was just a few days ago: I was talking to 2 roommates and the girlfriend of one of them. My 1. roommate talked about how bored she is in her job and that she has nothing to talk about with her colleagues. So the girlfriend of the 2nd roommate recommended to talk about sex (*) and my roommate said that this wouldn’t work bc she doesn’t think that anyone of them (she works together with people around the age of 17/18/19) has even had a serious relationship or something like this. And my 2nd roommates girlfriend just commented how unpleasant this was Earlier on this evening I almost told her boyfriend about my aromanticism but then I was kind of glad I didn’t *so this is an asexual moment as well cause the ace in me doesn’t know how sex can be the topic she mentioned first
  13. my friend wanted to hear a song which is quite popular at the moment and all I thought was “oh pls not this amatonormative shit again”
  14. @nonmerci this just sounds as if labelling yourself would put you in a prison. But in fact it frees you. (or at least it can)
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