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nonmerci

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Everything posted by nonmerci

  1. To add to what @DeltaArosaid, there is also the fact that the ace community appeared first, and then the aro one. So a lot of people view aro as a subtype of ace, and think that adding asexuality is enough to include us.
  2. Non merci means no thank you in French. This is how I feel about romance.
  3. You had nothing to apologize for. Best thing to do is to interact with her as little as possible. If she is not making any effort why should you? She was the one in the wrong and she doesn't even take responsability for the things she says and thinks. You don't want to talk to a hypocrite person anyway. So do your life, be polite if she is in the room but don't engage with her more than necessary.
  4. About that I don't think it is only about sleeping with someone else, but also about breaking the agreement the relationship is based on (which is why cheating is also possible in a polyamorous relationship). Now it is true that it is strange that other betrayals are not seen as important, but I suppose it is because it touches the relationship itself and because people have thoughts like "if they see someone else to fulfill what our relationship should fulfill, then it is not working". I have an understanding of romance mainly based on fiction, which makes sound like not a great portrayal but a friend of mine said to me that fiction do represent how it works accurately, though it exagerates how crazy people can be about it. So not optimal but not an unacurate understanding.
  5. I didn't like O. I made a whole poste about it so I'm not going to repeat myself, but I didn't like that the way the debate was set up made me think she was lying when she came out. I can't watch this thing without remembering how her saying "I'm asexual" made her pass from "not my favorite" to "I hate her, please Otis destroyer her even if you are a complete idiot who was in the wrong the entire time". Even if I know now she was not lying, it has a bad taste in my mouth. The elevator scene redeems her a bit for me because this scene is absolutely perfect, and I really recommand people to watch it even if they don't watch the show. Most relatable thing ever. And yeah I agree it is stupid that there can only be one therapist too. A therapist can't be good with everyone no matter how great they are, so people need to have the choice. I guess it's better they decide to work together but still. Sorry ha ha, you may guess that I'm not a big fan of O. I just think she is representative of the whole season for me : she has potential but was wasted. I would have appreciate more if we had one more season I think, just like we dis with Adam that I ended up liking a lot.
  6. This guy is red flag. Don't bother explaining things to guys like this. Say something like "what I don't like about you is that you don't know English, considering you don't know what no means" or "I don't like the fact that you are about to get trouble for harrassment", and eventually denounce him if it doesn't stop. People like this don't want an anwser to why you don't like him, they just want to know how to convince you to date him.
  7. Also if I remember there were studies that show asexual people don't have hormones deficiency. I'm sure the same thing would be found of someone make researches for aro people.
  8. I don't know if it counts. Once my dream started with a date. It ended up with the school being zombified. This dream scared me, you have no idea, I felt discomfort for days everytime I thought about it.
  9. I think about it as the non-binary relationship, if that helps. If you take gender, you have the whole non-binary spectrum that defies the idea that you have to be either a girl or a boy. In this spectrum, you have agender people, bigender people, demiboys, demigirls, etc. Depending on the specific label, they can have things in common with male and female gender, or be completely disconnected from them. However, they all have in common one thing : they are neither a boy or a girl. That's the same thing for QPR. They are defying the binarity between platonic and romantic relationships. For some it will be close to a friendship, for some ot will be close to romance, for other it will be both at the same time, or it will be neither of those. It really depends on the people involved, no QPR looks the same. However, they all have one thing in common : they can't be synonymous to friendship or romance. So if it is true to say that QPRs can sometimes have romantic components, it is not accurate to say they are romantic per se, or that they are the same thing as a romantic relationship. In fact, from the experiences, I've read, those who enter a QPR thinking "it is just like a romantic relationship" are usually disappointed and the relationship doesn't last.
  10. If you don't feel the drive for it I don't think you'll be lonely. What matters to not be lonely is having your social needs met. If friendship are not part of your social needs, I don't think you'll be lonely.
  11. Oh I've met alloros apl, but I didn't know one coined the term! Yeah a lot of people think one need to be aro to be apl, but it is not the case. I don't feel platonic attraction, which is why I identify with the term. But I still enjoy their company and I help them if I can.
  12. I don't think so. It just that the media like the dichotomy "emotion vs intellect" and so selle the idea that those who are into "intellectual" stuff are less incline to romantic relaltionships because they are all about the mind. If you have a character that is good at science, it is likely that they'll have trouble expressing their emotions, but if the character is an artist, it will be the opposite. But in real life, it is a lot more nuance than that. You'll find people that fit the stereotypes of course, but also a tone who don't. Personnaly I am a person who doesn't like the intellectual stuff. University were hard for me partially because you have to study a lot of essays and I just don't like that, I easily get bored.
  13. Oh I hate Otis too and I think he is completely in the wrong. Which is probably added to why I didn't like the coming out scene cause it makes me side with Otis when I really don't want to : O has all the reasons to hate him. I'm good with O being human and flawed as all other characters. But I'm not a fan of how they framed it. For instance if before the coming out, they showed other things about her, it would not have made me think she was lying. I love what she says in the elevator things as well, it redeemed the character in my eyes which I thought was impossible (cause believe me, to top Otis as my least favorite character, you have to really screw up, I always had my doubts about it but he was particularly awful this season, claiming he is the only onz who can therapize people and using Ruby for his own gain), but if some of this things came before, I would actually believed her when she came out. Also I disagree that she is not more manipulative than other characters. She is not more manipulative than Otis I think, but for the others... I don't think that I would have thought any other characters able to lie about their orientation to get away with things. And even though it turned out she weren't, the fact that I thiugh she could say sometjing about how they write her. I heard as well that they cut out a lot of things about her and I think it was a bad idea cause it would make her more nuanced. I guess what I really hated about this scene is that it made O looks like she was lying to be redeem and that this is something that this is something that we always hear about a-spec people : that we are faking it for attention.
  14. Who watched season 4 of Sex education and what did you think of O ? I have really mixed feelings about her. That are very tied to her coming out scene and how she is writtten in general. Cause I was so sure she was lying when she came out that it felt like a personal personal attack. When Otis asked her if she was lying to make him look bad she was like "that's a fucked up thing to say" but I thought the question was valid as anything we knew about the character so far made me think she was : she is manipulative, constantly turns tables or give unsollicited opinions on people's lives when they talk to her, she pretended to not know Ruby, and in the debate she used Otis's dad to make Otis look like he's sexist even if he is not, which can socially destroy him. So of course when the second after that she says "I ghosted people but that's OK I'm asexual, look how Otis is bad for forcing me to come out" (which she wasn't even forced to, she could have said the same without coming out), I thought she was just doing it to get out of the situation without being the bad guy. And even if it turns out that she is really asexual, her whole coming out scene is still her using her identity to justify shitty actions, and for some reason everybody applauded that. Like what ? Why ? Since when struggling with your identity is an excuse to ghost at least three people ??? I agree that all a-spec characters can't be saints, but come on. I expect that the few coming out scenes we have are not just a character instrumentalizing their identity to get away with things. There is also the fact that the show never said the word aromantic even if O is using "asexual" to say "aroace". And they know the difference as in season 2, Jean explains to Clemence that she can be asexual and still fall in love (though still not using the word). Even if O is someone who identifies as just ace or non-SAM ace or another identity like that, so she doesn't label her romantic attraction... I think there should be a discussion about that as right now, the show just reinforces the misconception that aromanticism is just a subcategory of asexuality. Which is even woest considering the show is supposed to be educational. But on the other hand, what O said to Otis in the elevator sounded very relatable. It is very accurate of how it can be to grow up as an aroace in an amatonormative society. I liked it. I'm also glad that we finally have an a-spec character who is a bit developped after Clemence and, according to his shirt, Aimes's boyfriend. That's why I got mixed feelings instead of only bad ones. Did someone else watched the show? What are your thoughts?
  15. Also I like to headcanon Felix and Sylvain as either close friends or eventually QPP. A lot of people read them as romantic of course. Haven't think about Claude or Hilda though. I think Rhea could be seen as aro : lived thousands of years and no indication that she was dating at any point. (If only I could stand Rhea)
  16. I don't know how to explain but I guess season was a bit more... feel good? Season 2 was too but it didn't give le the feeling that the show was giving me a virtual hug that covers me with cuteness, or at least not that much. Now it may just be because selon 2 didn't have the charm of discovery like season 1, and that I had very high expectations I didn't have before.
  17. I enjoyed it though I like season 1 better. I really liked the finale scene between Charlie and Ben. I was disappointed at first when I saw the speech Charlie gives to Harry in the book was cut, but the disappointment were gone when I realized they were just saving it for Ben.
  18. Yeah that's a trope that I hate. Everytime a character, usually female as it is also part if the "I am not like other girls" trope, says they are not interesting in dating or things like that, it is just a code for "another character will make them change their mind". And so that's what people hear everytime an aro says that.
  19. Hum... I never reamly think about it honestly. But I think I do. Like, I did tell a coworker she may have adhd as I recognize in her the things that adhd makes me do, so...
  20. Not really but I don't think it is linked to my aromanticism. I don't know if there is a cause, but I just... don't experience that I guess ? For a long time I thought it was just a way of presenting things, to say "I recognize I have things in common with these characters", but then I realized it is something more powerful than that. Sometimes I think it is due to my emotional empathy being low but I don't know (emotional empathy = the ability to feel what the other person is feeling, for instance when seeing someone crying makes you cry too).
  21. Nothing about what you say is normal. The only thing that may be typical is people pretending to love what you love, but I think it is more something young people do when they are still learning how to proceed in relationships. So that's not typical alloromantic things, but big red flags. I'm sorry to see how unlucky you were with guys. Seem that you met a lot of toxic assholes.
  22. I think that as with everything, it depends on the people involved. I was, maybe friends is not the word, but class comrades. It never was a problem with him that the guy was in love with me as he knew that no means no (and maybe, the way I said no scared him). The rest of the class though... the shipping was hard. But it didn't affect how we both interacted. However I think it only works with people who respect other people bondaries or who don't catch feelings. And also, people who don't struggle with their romantic feelings if they are caught... which is not the case of most people as even if they respect "no" as answer, they often need to distance themselves to get rid of these feelings (and they usually want to if they struggle with them). So, yes, I think it is possible, but that if feelings are caught, it often means the end of the friendship or at least the end of how it was : it either turns into romance if the feelings are mutual, or create distance if they are not. So possible but complicated.
  23. I think the alloro experience is more : chosing if you act on the feelings or not. Now I don't talk enough about this stuff to know, but I have the story of a girl who told me trhat her boyfriend at the time had an appearance that she didn't look at all (she usually was into more conventionally attractive guys) and yet she was attracted to him. I guess she would not have chosen him if she could. There is also a friend who told me that at first, she just wanted sex with the guy but then romantic feelings developped. I am also not sure that she would have chosen it if she could as it was not her initial intent. Also, heartbreak would be a lot more easier if people could just chose to not be in love anymore.
  24. It depends on the person really. For some it is because they want to share an important with their closed ones (in particular after the self-discovery phase). For some it is to explain why they are not dating. For some it is to shut down questions and pressure from others (that doesn't necessarily work cause arophobia but...). For some it is because they are looking for QPRs and don't want people to assume it is romance. Some are just proud. Anyway lot of reasons can be involved. Personally I just mention it in a conversation if I feel like it when the topic of my relationships is brought up. Cause I feel like I would be lying or hiding the truth if I don't explain I don't date cause I'm aro. Not saying that was everyone who doesn't share their identity is doing, but that's how I feel about myself. To sum up : if you don't think coming out is important for you, then don't.
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