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nonmerci

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Everything posted by nonmerci

  1. I don't really know. I suppose some will pass to my friends, but I would probably give to associations against disease like cancer, or for mental health.
  2. Did you share it on AVEN? I recently made an account so maybe some people here would be interested.
  3. I surely don't want a romantic relationship for myself. It sounds not appealing to me, for various reasons. And for marriage, the appealing things for me are the dress and the cake at the wedding. That was probably a big sign that I was aromantic for a young age. Thinking about what I would wear at my wedding? A bit. Thinking about the person I would marry? Never. I think the thing I get the least is why romance is treated so different athan other relationships. People congratulate new arried couple like they win some kind of prize, applause people who are married for a long time but would never do that for any other kind of relationships... That's a mystery to me.
  4. Thanks for the replies. Same. I always say : What makes you happy us fulfulling your goals in life. Romance is not one of my goal so why would it make me sad to not have it? I get it. I think a lot of people do that when they try to figure out their orientation. Though I always think that having no clue what romance is like is a big sign of being aro. I won't say it is for sure because you know, everybody is different, but still a sign. Yes. Problems with romance is that a lot of actions you find in romantic relationships can be find in other relationships too. Yeah that's the problem. We are expecting to know what we lack of to describe ourselves, but how could we describe something we don't feel?
  5. Hi everyone. So, I don't know if this something that crossed my mind because I spent some time in a place where definition is discussed a lot, but I just realized something : I don't care about how we define romantic attraction, or how it feels like. I don't need that to know what I am. Same for sexual attraction by the way. I am not denying that definitions can be useful, in particular when you enter in the community and you are questioning. You can want a clear definition to know if you fit or not. But the thing is : defining clearly the different type of attraction is impossible anyway. How can you describe a feeling with words, and most of all, describe it to people who never felt it? It's like trying to describe the color red to a blind person : you can't. Now, describing by the actions don't work neither, because a same actions can have different causes. It's like saying "sadness is wanting to cry", except you can also cry because you hurt your finger, or because you laugh too much (which is, the opposite of being sad). And I just realize that I find all these attempts of definition pointless (at least for me). I just know I don't feel it, and that's enough. Same for sexual attraction. I don't have to know what it is, I just have to know I don't feel it.
  6. Moral of the story : the USA need aromantic judges. More seriously, I'm with you here. Romance is too often paint as this pure thing that justifies every actions (usually by opposition to sex... you do something for romantic love you are cute, you do something for sex you are an idiot; talk about double standards here). Our society really need to understand romantic feelings are not some angelic thing. Oh no, please don't feel that way. If society think this is an acceptable excuse, then society is broken, not you.
  7. You might be aro if someone told you "you recognize LOVE when you feel it" and you still have no clue what it is, because you never felt it and so never recognize it.
  8. Maybe, try to figure why it is so hard to accept, and then work on that? For instance, it was hard to accept for me because it was hard to accept that things I planned (getting married for instance) will never happen. When I accepted that I won't get married (which was make it easier when I realize that I never really wanted it anyway, it was the amatonormativity in my mind), I accept my aromanticism, and I even like it now.
  9. I don't really have an advice. Identifying as greyro before identifying as aro helped me (I thought I had not intense crushes but no). But I won't advice to do that, because that's not a good reason to identify as greyro (greyro people are not there so aro can feel better or deny their identity, if you see what I mean). Feeling of lost and confusion will vanish with time, though I guess that's not what you want to hear.
  10. I thought I was allo but not for the same reason. First I didn't know aromanticism was a possibility so I thought I have crushes or that I will have them eventually. Then when I discover aromanticism, I thought I do have crushes or maybe squishes because I haven't realize yet that I just think of people like that because I felt like I have to, not because I was attracted to them. I also wanted to be alloromantic because I wanted children and thought children need a father and so I need a husband lol. So realizing I was aro was realizing that I made up crushes because amatonormativity convinced me I have some and I wanted it, but that I actually didn't.
  11. nonmerci

    Questioning

    Yes, Luna Lovegood. My favorite character in Harry Potter. Labels are meant to be useful. If you don't want to use it, don't. Some aces use "just ace" because they don't feel the need to label their romantic orientation.
  12. nonmerci

    Questioning

    I would ask : do you fantacize about romance in general (the idea of being in a romantic relationship feels nice, for instance) or do you feel that way about someone specific? One thing that makes me realize I was aromantic is that I never look for romance because I feel that way towards someone, but because romance is the norm and I never think that not having crushes was an option.
  13. Maybe it is because I am not an English native speaker, but someone could interpret as "isn't into anyone" as "into anyone for now", something that is less likely to happen with "isn't into any gender". Now, if you want to be sure people get it, you can use the word aromantic (if it fits the universe), something like "Actually, he's not into any gender as he is aromantic", but I don't think it is necessary.
  14. Not sure if it fits because I only write, I don't do role play, but anyway. Most of my characters are not aromantic. I think I have only two and maybe three. Most of the time, I don't really chose my character's orientation, they chose it themselves, which can explain why they tend to not share my orientation. I write romance as some plot, though I recently discover that I'm more efficient with the phase when the characters learn to know each other than with the phase when they are an actual couple (not that I am not at ease or repulsed by it, but it is not very natural so they speak to much as people who are not a couple).
  15. No need to apologize. Arocalypse is here for that too. 😉
  16. No need to apologize and your question is not stupid. For some people "aro" click immediately, for others it comes woth some questioning, this is not a big deal. Only you can define your feelings. All I can say is that from what you say, aromantic is indeed a possibility (maybe somewhere between romance-indifferent and romance-favorable). I think what you can ask to yourself is : 1) Some people confess to you, but did you think about anyone as a potential romantic partner if they haven't confess first? 2) If you think about romance with someone, is it something you really want or is it more something vague like "if I have to be in a romantic relationship, it would be with this or this person because this our this reason?" In other words, is it a specific person that makes you think about romance, or is it the idea of romance that makes you look for people to be in a relationship with? 3) If you feel attraction, what exactly do you feel and what do you want to do with them? 4) You say you get excited when people confess, but you don't want a romantic relationship with them, so why are you excited for? Is it link to romance or is it something else? I don't know if these questions help you but if some do, maybe answering can help you too.
  17. I really love Never been in love by Will Jay too. I like to call it "the ultimate aro song" lol. I also like "oh no" from Marina and the Diamonds. However my favorite is a French song, called "Mon coeur mon amour" , who makes fun of the cringe things romantic couples do. She even imitate the song whil she sings (the part about the phone in particular). If some are interested, here's the song and the translation. I don't know if it sounds as good in English though (there are a lot of expressions and a culinary metaphor and that's hard to translate, to be honest I go simple). Also, you'll see, it's catchy.
  18. The one I think about are in French. Some are not specific to romantic relationship, some are not. Things like "darling" or "sweetheart" are not weird to me. May not be the most common, I don't know, but I heard "nounours" (Teddy bear) and "doudou" (comforter/blanket), and... I don't know, I guess I couldn't like to be compared to toys.
  19. Yeah, I can ship characters too. What I find tiring is more when this is the only thing that is talked about. Or when some people dislike a character just because this character "threatens" their ship (even when we perfectly know the ship is "endgame" and that the third character is awesome).
  20. When I was in high school, we wrote the play we will play at the end of the year. At some point, we had something about a wedding in it. And I ask "can I play a woman that hate weddings?"
  21. I'm happy I never heard the cutesy voice irl, it would be so weird lol. Usually, pet names makes me laugh (well, it depends on the pet names, but some are realy weird). Usually for me, it will be more with tv shows and fandom. I get that it is important for some people, but sometimes, 90% of a fandom is just romance, and some tv shows only relies on ships and not on the plot after a few seasons, or will do unnecessary romance just because romance sells. In real life, some thing hat was tiring once, was when I was eating at McDonalds. There were three people next to me, and one of the girl was explaining her problems with her couple. It was something like "I love him but our couple doesn't work and that makes me sad". It lasted during all the time I was eating and went in circle. I wanted to say : "You are not compatible? Break up! It hurts on the moment but you'll find someone you are more comfortable with. That's simple, no need to argue during 30 minutes".
  22. I don't feel any attraction so I can't help. For what I understood, the feeling is different, but I can't explain more.
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