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nonmerci

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Everything posted by nonmerci

  1. I think the best way is to find a compromise. It is uncomfortable for you but on the other hand you can't forbid her to see people in her own house. So yes, the best way to do it would be for you to know when she invites people so you can be sure to not see them.
  2. I don't really have an advice except "be prepared to answer questions". In particular "but weren't you having crushes before" if someone thought you were. And then explaining you were saying that to fit the norm or because you thought having crushes just meant thinking someone is nice or funny.
  3. And when it's not romantic, people find a way to interpret it in a romantic way.
  4. People seek romance because the only way sex is tolerated is if it is corelated to a romantic relationship. The problem is : it does't fit the asexual community.
  5. The other day, a friend of my mother came to visit, and the conversation ended up on how both I and my brother have never dated though we are respectively 27 and 31 (I don't know if my brother is aro though). When my parents were complaining that we just seem to not be interested in it, their friend said it was not a problem and that young people today just focus on other things like career. And I was just there thinking "Go, Madam! Defeat amatomormativity!"
  6. I love romance for other people and in fiction. However, since I discover I am aro, I became more upset with forced romance, because often romance in fiction only happen as an obligation and ended up to undevelopped to make sense (at best; sometimes it is developped and still don't make sense). However for me, this is no. I don't want a romantic story.
  7. Ta to animals. I'm not a travelling person and I'm sure animals would have a lot to say. Would you rather reach the top of a mountain or win a marathon?
  8. I don't know. Maybe it's a mix between demi romantic (attraction olympique after you bonded with someone) and aroflux (having your attraction changing)?
  9. In my theater class, we all had to play the same romantic text (the point was, we were supposed to tell the text to someone who doesn't looking at us, and the person should turn if they think we tack to them... I'm stil lvery confused about how it works lol). We all do it, and strangely, I was the one who did the best. I think it is because I didn't care about the feeling. I just thought about how people talk when they make a romantic love declaration (the intonations, the breath...), and I imitated it. (It made me think, in the play we did at the end of the year, I was supposed to kiss a guy on stage but we just faked it. Before the real performance, the guy asked if we could kiss for real on stage. I gave him such a look, he never asked again. The idea just never crossed my mind, except with the desire to NOT do that.)
  10. Yes I don't think it is a problem. Plus Todd is not even an idiot (or at least, not that much), more than he lives in his own world. And even if he has some dumb ideas, he is also kind, always ready to help other, and very creative. A character doesn't have to be perfect to be a representation. A sterotype of the aromantic would probably be the guy to intelligent to care about feeling, so I guess a dumb character as aro would not hurt. @GeorgiI never watched Lucifer neither but I think it is not the first time I see someone talks about this possibility.
  11. I was reading the Artemis Fowl books, who are very "aro friendly" considering they don't have a lot of romance in it (or any romance at all if you take the first books, it only started at book 5 because the author decided his main character reached "puberty", and even like that it is not a lot... I mean the only serious love interest for Artemis only appears in book 5 as if the author wanted to get rid of her, the other characters never dated or only one, and the only character who get married does it "off-screen" (I mean not off-screen because they are books, but you see what I mean)). To be honnest I even wonder if the author didn't put the few romantic stuff because he felt like he had to. But now I just finished book 6. And even if it is said that it won't happen again and the romantic nature of that kiss is left ambiguous , it was so unnecessary and weird. It doesn't change that these two characters have a wonderful friendship, a perfect "ennemies to friends" narrative. But it somehow upsets me more because I know what happened. A lot of fans ship these two characters (because in the world of allos you can't have a deep relationship that isn't romantic). So the author decided to give these fans what they want for one book. He tried to make it less weird with the age thing and left the romantic nature ambiguous so the fans who don't ship them won't be upset. But in the end I'm sure it satisfied anybody. Well at least the book established it won't happen again, though shippers will always ship. I know that there are more disturbing or upseting romances in other books, movies or shows, but I just finished this book and also, I was so convinced it would never happen that it upseted me more than a book where I see it coming. But don't get me wrong, these books are good and to be honest, they are even good for aros because there is almost no romance in it. It is just this particular book that was messed up in that regards.
  12. I don't drink. Or maybe in some family reunions like weddings, champagne to fit the norm, but that's unlikely. I don't go in bars or things like that with my friends so I don't drink with them. I just don't like the taste of alcohol. So I don't drink it lol. And the idea of being drunk never attracted me so it can be a motivation that would justify that I forget my taste.
  13. When I first enter the community I thought we didn't, because aro's problem is amatonormativity, not cis or heteronormativity. But if we follow the idea, then gay/bi/etc should not be in the same community as trans because cis and heteronormativity are not the same either. Now, I just take the idea that everything queer is in the LGBT+. As aros are queer, we belong to the community. I think LGBTQ is about differing from the norm in term if romantic and/or sexual relationship, and/or gender. And aro fits that definition even if it is not in the same sense as other orientations. It is not as visible but it is still different.
  14. "Why fall in love, when you can fall asleep" describes me so well.
  15. We won't have to face the "does he/she/they love me back or not?" phase, and that's perfect.
  16. Yes, everytime you come out you have to turn into a dictionnary and it sucks. I remember when I was having a discussion about Jughead in Riverdale and someone said "we should not learn to teens to throw themselves into their box because then they'll close themselves to romance" or something like that. That's just so stupid. Usually when we identify with a label, we have a reason. Of course it could turn out we were mistaken, but that doesn't invalidate anything we felt on the moment.
  17. To keep it simple it is used by aros who don't differentiate their romantic and sexual attraction, or aros who think sexual attraction is not relevant to their identity. I personnaly don't use the term but I see why some people do. I never really cared that much about my ace side. I don't feel the need to talk about it, to search about it, I don't have the feeling that it affects me that much. On the other hand, aromanticism affects my life in a lot of ways. So it makes sense to me that some people just don't label their sexuality, if they feel it is not that important for them.
  18. nonmerci

    wlw appropriation

    I don't think so. I mean, I am not a lesbian, but for me these things have nothing to do with being a being one. The stereotypical lesbian can be seen that way but for me, it is just a boyish style. Short hair was even a sign of woman emancipation before. I didn't know winged eyeliner was associating with lesbians, I think a lot of girls do it. And if you think flannel are great, I don't think wlw think of it as their symbol. But again, I'm not part of this culture.
  19. I don't thin it would be a real issue. Some aros are allosexual or not sex-repulsed, and if this is a modern society, there is way to have children without sex anyway. And I'm sure an aro society ould have think about how a non-nuclear family could work. The only problem I see is how many aros would want to have children, as many aros seem to not desire them.
  20. As a French, when I see prom in American movies or shows, I always thought "sound like a fun way to en high school". Then I notice that people only care about is dating. And I am glad we don't have it here. More seriously though, I don't think m we should care about people who think they are losers for going alone, in particular if you are aro. Those people probably don't know who you are or they would know you were alone by choic, or at least because you didn't care if you are not out.
  21. I can't really answer but I think the difference is in the feeling involved. I suppose romantic date implies feelings that we don'y really understand. I can't tell but people often speak about butterflies in their stomach, feeling light, warm, and things like that. It's difficult for me to describe it but I hope you see the idea. It's like, I don't know, seing your parents vs seing your friends. You can go to the restaurant or see a movie with all of them (or you could before covid), but it's not necessary the same feelings involved.
  22. I suppose it won't be annoying if I have the possibility to quit one day if I want to.
  23. The best thing : they were old. I mean, not that old, they were in their 40 or 50, I don't remember. But for a marriage that's old.
  24. Oh yes, Big bang theory. I headcanon Sheldon as demiromantic asexual, but I can understand why this character upset people... in particular, I still remember this scene when he says he was broken and Amy cured him, I wanted to scream at my computer.
  25. Depends if you call your video "aro moments" or "aspec moments" I guess.
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