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nonmerci

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Everything posted by nonmerci

  1. Not allo neither. I don't think this is true that the parents necessarily prefer the new children, though the old children can feel that way and that they have been replaced (in particularly if they change home from their dad to their mom and so have less time with them than the new children). But when this happen, I suppose it would be because the old children can remind them of their exs, or that they want to focus on their new family. About the desire of having children connected to romantic attraction, I think there is different reasons : -they may think only a nuclear fam
  2. I think it is difficult to write a song about a strong bound that isn't romance because allo will romanticize them anyway. For instance the other day, on the youtube section of the song "Unsaid Emily" from Julie and the Phantoms, I saw someone say "I wish my boyfriend would sing this to me". Which is weird because in the show, the guy sings this to his mother. How can she saw romantically something a guy wrote about his own mother? I'm not saying that it can be interpretated as being about romance (in a show, a character thought it was), but this girl watched the show so she knows what it was
  3. Oh and I forgot : For good, from the musical Wicked.
  4. In France we have the song "Ta meilleure amie" ("Your best friend"), which kinda iconic even if the song and the singer are seen as for "little girls". Same for "True friend" from Hannah Montana. But they are still about friendship. If I ever think about something else I'll com back.
  5. You seem to have a great idea, nothing about that sounds hurtful to me. Don't know if it will work with your story, but I think one thing that is exclusive to aroace is thinking that we are bi or pan because of equally lack of attracted in all genders make us think we are equally attracted to them both, instead of unattracted. On the other hand, some aroaces know very young they are not into relationship at all. It depends. But it sounds different than what I heard from allo aros, who can confuse their sexual attraction with romantic attraction. Something you can think about too i
  6. I was going to suggest that too. Aroflux can fluctuate from having ni crushes to having a grey or even an allo experience, during a certain space of time. It varies for each person.
  7. Oops I got it wrong with my grammar. I should have used preterit. He is not following me now, it happened a few years before. I don't have any recent experience of people liking me, or I am not aware. But yeah he was kinda a stalker. If he met not only me but a member of my family in the street, he would change his entire way to stay with us until we come back home. And at some point he pretended we were dating though we were not. That was not very comfortable, but I don't see him any more, he doesn't live in my town anymore.
  8. Ice cream like what eat the steoretypical rejected girl in tv show, yeah, I think I heard about it. Pizza I don't know. Maybe because that's someting we eat with friends?
  9. Difficult situation. I can't really help. Confessions happened to me twice when I was a teen. For one it was a guy I don't even ike as a friend but who still follows me everywhere and thretened to commit suicide when I rejected him... I don't need to say I talked to him after that, I told the suicde threat to is mother and let her handle it. The other, the guy confessed when he was 12 or 13, and we became friends only the year later (before I hated him lol). I kinda knew he cold still be interesting but didn't bother. Our whole class shipping us was more bothering than his actual fee
  10. Yes of course! What aros have in common is the lack of romantic attraction. But then, all aros are different. Some are repulsed by romance, some are not, some would even enjoy being in a romantic relationship. It all depends on the person. Personally I don't want romance for myself, but I can enjoy it in fiction, depending on how it's written.
  11. Oh yes, I always forget dating in France and in the USA is different. Except the first (romantic) dates in France, it is not likely that you are dating someone if not in a romantic relationship. While in the USA if I get it, it is more common to have multiple dates and only become a romantic couple after a big talk about it. Which confuses me a lot. I think it depends. If you are the one who broke up, I don't think it's logical to be devasted because the relationship probably didn't work for you, so break-up was the logical thing to do. It is different if you are not the one you
  12. I would not say it that way (this way, it's like saying asexuals are not human... that's probably not what you meant, but it hurt a bit). I think it all depends on the person. If the person they date know from the start they are for short-time relationship, then everything is clear and I don't think it's a bad thing, just their way of being. If the partner complain about that even if he/she/they were told from the start, for me the one to blame is the partner, not the one who explained it in the first place. Now, if the person didn't say anything, it all depends on the intentions
  13. That's the difference between attraction and love. I can't realy explain as the line is a bit confused for me, but romantic love is more intense I guess. When someone has a crush, it is not in love yet, though it can lead to that if they explore this relationship That's how I see it : a crush grows into romantic love. That's why the "I love you" thing is such a big deal (wich confused me for a long time). Maybe, it's a bit like the difference between thinking someone is nice and it would be good to be friend with, and actually be friend with this person.
  14. Can't speak for allosexual of course, but I can say to you that sexual attraction and arousal are different things. I suppose there can be arousal when sexually attracted, but I'm not sure you have toi, and you can just have that physical reaction without any desire to have sex.
  15. True, a big fan of fantasy here. TPBM prefers to watch movies rather than series.
  16. EI011 received a warning for offensive or bigoted content. This behavior has been repetitive and did not cease after official moderator warning. Since this is his third active warning, he is now permanently banned. We don't think it is productive to continue this conversation, in particular now that the one who started it is not here anymore, so we will keep the thread locked.
  17. Thanks! That's very helpful, it answers a problem that I had. I have two scenes right now where this is relevant : a conversation when this is a discussion (he has a little brother not aware of his asexuality and in need of advice, I let you imagine), and one when the exposition to sexuality is more direct. He was not comfortable with his brother's questions but it is nothing compare to the other situation. It's good to know that sexual repulsion can fluctuate according to the situation.
  18. Thank you all for your responses, it was helpful. Thanks! So I'm going to keep his sexual repulsion.I may just give it a less intense, I don't know, I didn't imagine it would be so affected at first. But I think it could be a good way to do "show don't tell" in regard to his sexual orientation, even if of course not all asexual are sex-repulsed. Thanks! So it may be consistent. I just wanted to know if his sexual orientation fits the label, but anyway I don't say the label (in a medieval universe he doesn't have the word), so knowing that it's not an allosexual experience is al
  19. Please, keep it civile. You apparantly don't know that but some people were actually raped because of their asexuality, by people who say they will cure them like that. And I think it is disrespectful to say it is just misogyny. In particular for the victime who are men. And of course it is nothing compare to conversion therapy, but it is very difficult for an asexual or an aromantic to find a therapist, because most of the time asexuality and aromanticism is seen as a symptom of a pathology or of neurodivergency, and so the therapist will try to change that. Now,
  20. Personally I identify as greyro for a few months or maybe a year before identify as aro. My case was different (I had felt romantic attraction once and I thought I may have not very intense crushes because I chosed cute guys and decided "why not have a crush on them?"). It helps me to accept my aro identity, because saying that I felt not intense and not often romantic attraction was less scary than saying I felt none, at all. Then when I made peace with the idea, I naturally stop thinking myself as grey and say I was aromantic. I think it may be even harder to prove you are gr
  21. That's sad. They should not do that, in particular now that we know everybody don't want a straight relationship. It forces kids to suffer in silence, or to come out and educate people so to suffer at loud. Not great.
  22. I only have one squish in my life I think and it was like @hermi1e described. As a crush instead I wanted to be friends, not to date. Very weird. I just look at that girl and felt a urge to befriend her. It was the only time, usually I don't get squishes.
  23. Sorry you had to hear that. I can be wrong but I think in this context it was more "she misses something if she doesn't date you" rather than "if she doesn't date women". Which is still confusing. We can have meaningful relationship with people without dating them! When someone says that, I try to think about analogy. I do think that people who don't love Harry Potter (books or movies not the character ha ha) are missing something. Are they less than me for that? No they are not. And they probably have other interests that I don't have and think I'm missing something to
  24. Remind me when I talk about asexuality with my mother. I don't know how to translate her reaction in English but it means "another new concept probably useless that this modern society created". And she is the open-minded one (well, she has an "as long as they are happy this way" view, which is better than my dad who screams "pédé" (insulting French word for homosexual) everytime a homosexual is on TV...) ! I think there is a gap of generation too. I am always more at ease to talk about that with people my age because I know that they were educated about LGBT+, though not about aromanticism ne
  25. I'm 26 too. My parents are not as annoying (pardon me I couldn't find a better word), but it's clear that they are frustrated that neither me or my brother have never dated (my brother is 30, don't know if he is aro or not, he says he doesn't see the point of having a girlfriend if they always fight... yeah my parents fight a lot). My father always complained about the fact we are not dating, in particular everytime my brother has a new job he asks if there is women who have the same age as him, if they like the same things as him... Lucky me, he doesn't do that with me... for now at
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