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Everything posted by nonmerci

  1. nonmerci

    Am i aromantic?

    You're the only one who can answer this question. But for what you said, yes, there is a high probability that you are aromantic.
  2. Because these movies are always about a guy being immature or using women until the right woman comes and "cures" him. I never saw any movie where it is not the case. So say that aromantic allosexual are represented by character that are seen as asshole who need to and will change thanks to true romance... that's weird. Like saying aro ace are represented by any psychopath or character unable to feel emotions. We all know aromanticism are not about that. Also, for reading some aro allo experiences, they seem far from that cliché. On the contrary, a lot of them seem not interested in one-night-stands, I even see some of them said they were still virgins because they want committed relationships, and it-s hard to find a sexual committed relationship that isn't romantic.
  3. I don't think so. Yes, sometimes I think it would be either to be hetero. In particular for someone like me who wants kids. But would I change my aroness if I could? I don't think so. Or for one day, for curiosity. I just don't see what romance would bring in my life. Am I missing something? Maybe. But I am not lacking something. (ok, don't know if in English this distinction works as it does in my head). It's like, I don't know, someone who doesn't like chocolate : this person would miss something that I think is amazing, but if this person hates the taste of chocolate, what does he misses except discomfort? He doesn't need chocolate to be happy. Same with romance : a lot of people love it and look for it, but it doesn't mean it is inherently good or necessary to have a meaningful life. As I said, I don't see what romance would bring to my life. If I didn't know it exists, the idea of looking for it must have never crosses my mind. I have other things that I care about.
  4. Ah-ro-cah-lips. As @Leton. said, the French prononciation. I also say ah-ro instead of ay-ro (Frenchie forever, I was so confused to learn this is not how English people pronounce it). And it is the combination of aromantic and apocalypse... I always love the name of this forum for that by the way.
  5. I don't know if I said it before but... YMBAI listening to "can you feel the love tonight" from the Lion King, you relate to the par of Timon and Pumbaa, not Simba and Nala.
  6. Like @Holmbo, I split it in two words to learn it. And even like that, I was often looking at how people spell it to make no mistake. Long words are hard to remember.
  7. It remembers me when friends of mine passed a not serious "test" to know how "pure" they were. Most of the questions included sex, fantasies, the rest was about alcohol and drugs I think. One of my friend told me if I passed the test, I would be the purest of them... and that was true because of all the questions about sex. But being asexual doesn't mean I am naive or innocent. Ask my family : they are shocked sometimes because I have no shame and if their is a sexual joke to be made... count on me lol. True. That's why I care more about my aromanticism. My reaction to being asexual was : ok, no sex for me, no big deal. But being aro changed my life plan. Getting married and all... I'm not saying sexuality is not important, in particular for aro allo. But for me as an aro ace, aromanticism is more important to my identity. Now that being said, I don't know if asexual is more included because of how people view romance and sex. I think that people are juste un-educated. As people said before me, split attraction model is not well known. People, including LGBT people, probably think that asexual means asexual and aromantic. So they don't include us because they think they did... except, they didn't. Because this is not the same.
  8. Personally, I canon Gypsy from the show Flash as aro allo, but that's personal. She is there only in a few episodes of season 3 and 4, and is the girlfriend of one of the main character, Cisco. In season 4, they break up because they realized they don't want the same thing. The way I interpret it, Cisco wanted a long-term romantic relationship. But Gypsy enjoys his company, she enjoys having sex with him, but she is not in love and she doesn't want a real romantic relationship. Their break-up scene is very touching for that : it shows that though Cisco did nothing wrong, Gypsy just can't love him, she felt broken for that but as Cisco says to her, there is nothing wrong with her. Another version of that is : a man (usually it's a man) who have sex with a lot of women but never fall in love. Until the female character arrives and "fixes" his behavior.
  9. I had an aro-ace character who is a sociopath (though I'm questionning a bit the aro part) so I get you with th android thing. Just because there is a stereotype, it doesn't mean you are not allowed to use it if this is three-dimensional as say @Oatpunk. Stereotypes are meant to be played with after all. I don't have anything to say as I am also ace, but I am interested as I may write an aro allo character someday. So I'll look at others' responses.
  10. Yes, it is possible. There is even a word for aromantic who still want to be in a romantic relationship : cupioromantic. Though in the aromantic community, you find a lot of people repulsed by romance, it is not always the case. Personally, I can enjoy romance in books and movies, for instance, even ship characters sometimes (though I am not crazy about my ships). Also, you list sex in the romantic things, but sex don't have to be romantic. Aros are not necessary asexual. The same way, all your desire for doing these things are not necessary linked to romantic attraction. Maybe you just enjoy physical contact.
  11. I think Diana from Anne with an E may be somewhere on the aro spectrum. Maybe that's just because I would enjoy a character from this show to be so. But she doesn't seem very interested in romance for herself, in particularly compared to the other girls who all want to date. She only noticed and showed interest in Jerry after Jerry offered to walk her home (which was considered romantic if I understood; she was suprised to find him ready to walk with her). And as the actress who played her said herself, Diana may have kissed him, but she wasn't in love with him : she only dated him because he is from a different world and be with him gave her an illusion of freedom : she escaped her house and all its rules. But when she realized how different they are, she didn't enjoy his company anymore because they have nothing to talk about. And when she compares her experience to other girls, it was clear for her she didn't love him. So she may noot be aro, but if it was revealed she was on the spectrum, I wouldn't be surprised. Also, she and Anne can be seen as QPPs, totally.
  12. I can see different reasons. 1) Having a word for that is quicker to express the feeling 2) Not wanting to be in sort of relationship can have various reasons. For comparison, if you say you don't want to be in a romantic relationship, people will think that you still feel attraction for other people and that you don't want to be in a romantic relationship because you are shy, scared of commitment, traumtized by past experiences, or whatever, which is not the case. Also, not feeling attraction implies other things than just don't want to be in a relationship, like alienation when people speak about crushes as an universal experience. That can be the same with squishes and queerplatonic relationship, I guess. 3) A feeling of legitimity. The ability to put a word on what they feel is important for some people. And even more when words already exist to describe the opposite, and that's the opposite is valued by others. 4) Having researches more easy when we search articles about that, or people to talk with about this subject. I remember how I googled in the past things about never having a boyfriend before, and things like that, and never finds something that talk about aromanticism. I'm pretty sure the same thing can happen about aplatonicism. In particular in scientific researches, though I don't know if some already exist about aplatonicism (probably not). 5) For some people, it is important for their identity, and there is nothing wrong with that. I won't say "anything". Though it can be a lot of things indeed, it is supposed to be a strong partnership, different from friendship and romance. And some people, like me, don't look for that type of relationship.
  13. Same. I love to write and it's frustrating when I can't because I am stuck. Also, I love when I finish something. I also say music, in particular American musical. Don't ask me why because nobody in my family is into musical and I am not American. I can't even see them live. But I love the music, and the unique way of melting songs into the story. But I know no one who share my passion for that. I also enjoy some video games, but my father says it's for little kid and I should grow up. I'd like to see him win Fire emblem Fates Conquest in the hardest mode. Then we'll talk.
  14. @DeltaV ok, I never thought about that before. That makes sense. @Coyote I opened the link, and I thought it was a bit weird how some people include in their definition who can use or not use the term. I saw several times that it is a word that should only be used by aromantic... which is ironic considering that the person who created it was not aromantic. I get why they come to that conclusion : the fact that platonic attraction and lack of platonic attraction is a lot more important in aromantic circles, considering how platonic bonds are valued here. But I don't get why it should exclud people to use it (though I would not consider a hypothetic alloromantic allosexual aplatonic person LGBT, which seems to be the reason why people want to prevents them from using this term... anyway, that's another debate). I think the difficulty here is that there is no fixed definition, and that it is difficult to have one considering how people who are using the term now could feel excluded if their definition is erased. But from what I see, there is different things. First, there are two kind of kind of definitions : some that define the term about attraction, some that define it about relationship. But most of all, it is used to talk about platonic AND queerplatonic relationship. Which are not the same for me. I think it shows something : as we didn't have any term to speak about lack of interest in QPR, we use a term that already exist, aplatonic, that was a bout platonic relationship. I think that this ambiguity in the word "squish", that is about "platonic attraction" but seems also link to the concept of QPR. I'm not saying we should not use aplatonic that way (to be honest, I do identify to the term because of that, though I guess now that "nonamory" fits more... in terms of platonic attraction only, I guess I'm in the grey area, I don't really know, nor really care I think). Anyway that's interesting to see how the definition evolved.
  15. Wait, "platonic attraction" and "squish" are different things? I thought it was synonymous.
  16. I heard the books are a but different (I haven't read them though), but I can tell you tell he show is amazing. I see what scene @Oatpunk is talking about and yes, that's amazing. All the fandom is all about Anne and Gilbert, but what the show os really about is family and friendship. Anne and Diana's friendship is amazing too. And what about Bash and Gilbert, who are like brothers to each other? I love that show.
  17. I remember when I describe the first crush of my character, not exactly "love at first sight" but he was indeed attracted to her at soon as he saw her. And it was si strange to write, the while time I was thinking "but that doesn't really happen in real life". Now that I know I'm aro, I understand why I feel this way about that scene.
  18. I identify as aromantic since 3 years now I think; at the time I must be 22, now I'm 26. First I identify as greyro because I had one crush I think, and aso convinced myself that I had more, but in fact not. i had been in denial because getting married was in my plan (mostly because I want children, and because brides have super cool dresses... the fact that the husband was almost optional in this plan was a hint lol). Now, I am more confident that I am aro. And since then, I don't think about romance for me at all. Before, I saw it as something I should find, so I picked boys that seems cute and nice to be my crushes.But since I'm aware that I'm aro, I don't do that, and I never had a "crush" again. And that for me proves that I'm aro. If you are certain you don't feel romantic attraction, you shouldn't doubt yourself. When I was doubting myself, it was when I didn't want to be aro. Because as I said, I wanted to get married, have children... OK, I still want the children, but it is a lot more difficult when not in a heteromantic relationship. So I didn't want to be aro, and tried to analyze my feeling to convince myself that I was not. That's also why i admit immediately I was ace (litterally, I read the definition, and my only doubt was about this definition not being the norm lol), but that my aromanticism took moreintrospection. It was only when I get rid of the amatonormative thooughts that I fully embrace the aro label. I'm not saying you have the same problem as I do. But for what you say, it seems you fear to be a "special snowflake" who identify with a new label just because it is cool. I don't think you are; but maybe, this fear makes you less confident in your identity? I don't know.
  19. Oops, I made a mistake while writing (in my language "like" and "love" can be translated by the same word, that's why; but I think the meaning is different in English and "love" is stronger than "like" so it may have been confusing). I think that it is enough to just edit the first post as you did. I think my problem was that I didn't understand you were paraphrasing in the first place. I don't really know now, I think your previous post get answer my questions. Maybe if I read again the conversation I will find, but where I live it is late,I should sleeping, so let me think and I'll see. Thanks for asking. For this, it was an example because of what John Rambo said some posts ago, about not missing friends. And I relate to that part. But I get that all people don't. OK, I see what you mean. Maybe you are right and this is a false equivalence as you said. I think what confuse me here is that I see the same false equivalence between aro and ace, but that's another subject.
  20. @Coyote You're right that we should have apologized for going so hard on you. So sorry for that. Re-reading the post I can see that it was not meant to be hurtful but it was mis read because, as you said, we are used with questions not being questions. (Though I still think the "I don't like my friends" was reductive and badly written, so yes for editing with "this is not supposed to define all aplatonic people" or something like that) (Though to be honest, what annoying me was not that you didn't give apologies, but more than the clarification didn't came from you but others, which makes me confused about if you agree or not : before your previous response I had no idea what you truly think about all this, and that makes the discussion a bit hard... now I can understand why you don't want to engage in the conversation if you have an history of being called out, but it makes me think that left me confused and ignored) OK, I get your point. But I disagree. If we take just ace and aro groups, the same problem can arise : for instance if some aros want to talk about why sexual attraction is important to them, but that aces are sex repulsed and are not comfortable with kt. Of if some aces want to talk about how romance is more than friendship for them too, which would frustraste aros. But we still group them together because we think the similarities are more important than the differences. And that's how I feel about aplatonicism right now. Does anyone else want to address this? I don't think this fit on the current discussion, but maybe make another thread?
  21. I say later that why I reacted that way was because for me, aplatonic, aromantic and asexual problem are similar, and that's why it makes sense to group together, to fight against the issue and discuss about their experiences. Of course a-spec is not the only way to acknowledge struggles matter and the purpose is not to make a list of people who has problems, or everyone would fit in the label and it will make no sense at all.
  22. You describe why I felt upset with the comment of @Coyote. Immediately speaking of the possibility of an allo allo person using the term as an argument for not having them in the a-spec community, gives me the feeling that aplatonic struggles don't matter in themselves, or that they matter p ly if you are aro or ace. Which is why I said I read the commet as "these people don't have real problems". Now, I get that's not what @Coyote meant. So, to answer the original question ("what does an allo allo person who doesn't love their friends has to do with me?"), I would say that : the problem face are similar. People are supposed to need each other company. For instance, in the aro community, loving our friends is seen as something that humanizes us, because "we don't love romantically, but platonically". And to take the same example as @John Rando did, if you tell someone "I didn't miss my friends during the confinment", you will be seen as weird because you are suppose to love them and so miss them. Also, as @DeltaV said, aplatonic people are often invalidated as being "sociopath", or they are laugh at... which is a similar problem (aromantic is still synonymous with psychopath for some people, both aro and ace people are outside of the society noms when it comes to relationship...). Aplatonicism could be regarded as a mental problem or, a scare for intimacy, commitment... like aromanticism and asexuality. And that's why for me I wouldn't mind an allo allo aplatonic being included. Because this person won't be there because "I don't like my friends", but because "I don't like my friends and because of that I share similar problems with you". Because if not, I don't think an allo allo people would feel the need to identify with the label in the first place. (I hope I am clear)
  23. Personally I think I could wat a roomate, but not a partner, let alone a QPR. Friends are fine, I don't need something else.
  24. What? I never said such a thing. In fact I said exactly the contrary? As I said eing aromantic as nothing to do with what you think about romance. I really dont understand how you could have get that from my comment... I never said it was. I said it was about the attraction... Really, I feel like you take all I said and turned i it into what you wanted me to say to start a fight...
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