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Everything posted by Acecream

  1. @EmilyWritesSomeStuff first of all: yes, its a choice for every single person. and as you are heteroromantic asexual and I am not, I think that you might – of course – have more interpretational sovereignty than me here^^ But just some thoughts of mine: being a choice DOES mean that nobody is allowed to exclude all heteroromantic aces from lgbtqia+ spaces as long as the person doesn't say, they are not queer, doesn't it? so, heteroromantic aces do belong into queer spaces as long as they don't say they don't... and I don't understand this thread as "why every heteroromantic ace belong in lgbtqia+ spaces" but as "why heteroromantic aces do belong in lgbtqia+ spaces – as long as they feel they do" yes, you talked about you personally, but I just wanted to add this :) of course your feelings are valid and I don't want to say anything against them! I beg your pardon if this was somehow encroaching or invalidating your feelings. this was not meant to be about you! the rest is more in general about aspecs being queer... lgbtqia+ spaces are not and should not be about oppression. they should not be discrimination olympics, they should be safe spaces for queer people, spaces in which normativstes (hetero-, cis-, or allonormativity) can be broken, spaces in which queers don't have to feel "different" or "strange". yes, many people in lgbtqia+ spaces face oppression and yes, others face more oppression than het-aces (even if discrimination against aces DOES exist (eg disease mongering…)) yes, I see that lgbtqia+ spaces ARE fulfilled with A LOT of allonormativity, and a lot of them are aspec unfriendly, but this is something the community should work on. this is not our fault and no argument to exclude het-aces collectively from lgbtqia+ spaces... and, last but not least (this isn't really the topic here but I just wanted to add it): aspecs are queer (yes, if they WANT to label themselves as queer). I just walked through the city a few days ago and just realized how everything is fulfilled with allonormativity, you can't escape from it, and how much the whole world tells you that "you are not the same" and that's literally the definition of queer? I do not feel as if the way I am is "normally accepted" or "considered normal" in this world. I do feel queer. but yes, in a different way than allos (as I am aroace and by now I do consider my aromanticism as more important for my queerness than my asexuality, this might be a very personal view which doesn't say anything about heteroromantic aces, I don't know...)
  2. unpopular opinion (maybe) but: actually I personally would REALLY like to know it, especially when the other person (you) knows that I'm aroace and therefore has no or only low expectations or "hopes". so telling this seems just as getting something out of the way which could stand in between you? bc the person can feel that "there is something" without being able to tell what it is and that could be very nasty... when the aroace person is a relaxed person this shouldn't change a lot. also some aroaces do want relationships so never say never^^ but as @nonmerci mentioned: it relates on the person and whether you think they would be uncomfortable with it or not
  3. hey ya all :D you don't seem very active by now, but I found out there will be an Aspec Meeting (18+ yo) in Münster, NRW in July. As some of you were from this area I thought I could share it here!
  4. I guess I have a squish (not 100% sure but about 95%) and it's just amazing how much happiness I feel bc I know that the person is in an amazing romantic relationship
  5. Fruits wyr be able to know your own future in detail or the future of one single random person you might never met
  6. that I can chose whether I want to socialize or not and can go home when I feel it without having to take anyone into consideration that I can chose to work all night or going to sleep in the early evening without anyone who has other plans that I know the concept of amatonormativity and allonormativity bc I love it to have knowledge about concepts I can complain about hahaha (but it's kind of sad that alloallos don't wanna see that it may harm themselves too)
  7. I love this I think I might be polyam (or polyplatonic whatever, but I guess I would feel good in a polyam relationship) but I've still no idea how to find an monogamous qpr so...^^
  8. didn't realize but my trousers were showing very much aroace pride today
  9. I watched to an “blind date experiment” show on YouTube and wtf are the allos okay??? Cause I don’t think they are???

    (of course they are. But it was all just… so… cringe…)

  10. A snake. I find fishes I can touch disgusting. And the others are just boring (i mean they can look great! But I would just forget to feed them after a few days). So a snake. Snakes are cool. But I am afraid of snakes. Umm. i take the snake to try out my parsel wyr fly to mars or dive into the deep sea?
  11. Well there are lots of acespecs who are sexual attracted sometimes. There is no “challenge” of who is “more asexual” Also, someone could e.g. use the label bisexual asexual when they could imagine to have sex with more than one gender but still don’t feel sexual attracted to them.. I guess there are plenty of reasons to use more then one label and thats okay
  12. 2 aromantic moments, one very ironic and one kind of frustrating the ironic one: I used to play in a improvisational Theater group 1 1/2 years ago. We had this exercise in which we had to play emotions. I got “to be in love” wekk I had no idea what to do and just acted as if I would be nervous and in a shy way excited to be with the other person I was with... and in the end they told me that I was very good in pretending that I was in love lol the 2nd moment was just a few days ago: I was talking to 2 roommates and the girlfriend of one of them. My 1. roommate talked about how bored she is in her job and that she has nothing to talk about with her colleagues. So the girlfriend of the 2nd roommate recommended to talk about sex (*) and my roommate said that this wouldn’t work bc she doesn’t think that anyone of them (she works together with people around the age of 17/18/19) has even had a serious relationship or something like this. And my 2nd roommates girlfriend just commented how unpleasant this was Earlier on this evening I almost told her boyfriend about my aromanticism but then I was kind of glad I didn’t *so this is an asexual moment as well cause the ace in me doesn’t know how sex can be the topic she mentioned first
  13. my friend wanted to hear a song which is quite popular at the moment and all I thought was “oh pls not this amatonormative shit again”
  14. @nonmerci this just sounds as if labelling yourself would put you in a prison. But in fact it frees you. (or at least it can)
  15. Oh wow that’s exactly what my mother said aswell. in addition to: „I don’t think it’s good to label yourself, do you really need that? I just don’t want you to stick yourself into a box.”
  16. He is, but there is a big amnesia, so unfortunately he gets out of prison after a few days i wish I wouldn‘t have any courses of university this week
  17. I wonder why so many alloromantic people (at least the ones I know) stop meeting people they like after they realize that their will be no romantic relationships with them. like, a lot of my friends start dating and then, after a few dates, they tell me that they really like the other person (and the other person likes them back), but not in THAT way. So they stop meeting each other. why can’t they just continue meeting as friends? I mean, they like each other? Why doesn’t this count when there is no romantic potential?
  18. Acecream

    The Future

    @Rainy Robin this sounds wonderful :)
  19. Acecream

    The Future

    Like having “polyamorous” QPRs (Polyplatonic :D) or not at one time?
  20. Yeah it’s all in the title aromanticism is just invisible, nobody talks about it, nobody knows about it, nobody outside the aspec even uses (or knows!!!!) the SAM. not using it denies that aromanticism even EXISTS because NOBODY cares about romantic orientations Being aromantic is just like being non-existent. And I HATE IT. edit: I don’t hate being aromantic. I hate that nobody knows anything about us.
  21. Hhpey, I just want to leave this text here... bc I feel like it has some very good points and I thought some of you might like it, too. Feel free to share what you think about it! it’s from an aroace perspective so I thought it’s maybe better here than in another thread, but I don’t know the thread-structure of this forum that well haha the article ” And yet, most aroace people we get to know or heard about or read about – they mostly and firstly identify as ace. We ponder why this is the case? Why aromanticism feels less important to them in this amatonormative world? We can’t get our head around this concept. We are aroace too, but thinking about it – we feel more aro than ace. Aromanticism is about relationships. It’s about friendships we have that won’t turn into another kind of relationship – a romantic one. We feel fine about them being ‘just’ friendships, but also we ponder if this doesn’t make our friends feel like ‘they don’t have a chance’ in a romantic sense, with us. And we ponder if they won’t put as much heart and work into those friendships as we do – because even if they’re not romantically interested in us, they would be in someone else. And then maybe they see those romantic relationships as needing more from them than any friendship would. Maybe not. But we ponder that nonetheless.“ i personally “started” my journey by identifying more ace than aro as well - but it changed through the last weeks/month. I am happy when I see ace representation, but I am searching for aro-rep and i do not find it. I am happy when others understand asexuality, but I want them to understand aromanticism - and I don’t know how. People understand that asexuality is a sexuality and that I CAN know I am ace - but I want them to understand that I CAN know I am aro despite I have not met every person in the world yet. I want people to differ their sexual from their romantic orientation, even if they are heteroromantic heterosexual - bc if they don’t, I feel as if I would not exist. As if aromanticism could not exist. i am happy for every ace-meeting or ace-group - but I want to have aro-meetings and as far as I’ve seen, there is NO aro community in my country. Nothing. At least aros can join ace spaces but I want to have a soecific aro-area, I want to meet Aros, even alloromantic aros, I want to hear their experiences, their happy endings, I want to hear how they discover friendships, I want to talk about them. i want to talk about aromanticism.
  22. You have the fastest internet in the world, but you have no phone and no laptop and nothing you can use it with i wish I would not feel that alone
  23. Spaghetti sweater is awesome! I‘d just guess that there is one language (or more) in, which doesn’t use pronouns and has a very “gender neutral” language, so that the translator afterwards just guessed the pronoun^^
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