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ScarfOfSexualPreference

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  • Name
    Rj
  • Orientation
    gray sexual, aromantic
  • Gender
    gender non-conforming
  • Pronouns
    she/he/they/it

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  1. OH MY GOSH why is every single song about love or sex?? Especially in pop, but even in jazz too. I’ve started to really enjoy songs like Devils Train and Fine Print that just tell stories. There’s also a song called Live Alone and Like It by Cyrille Aimee that is opposite of romance, and I LOVE IT! Moses Sumney is an aromantic artist that has some funky music, but it’s kot romance. Also, Ritt Momney is one of my favorites right now and he has a ton of songs that are very personal and not focused on relationships and I really love them. Whenever my friends put on music they’re all breakup songs, and it’s just really tiring. You would have thought society has moved on by now, right??
  2. I just had my first prom a couple days ago, actually. I went with one of my friends as their platonic date with two other couples. Not my favorite, especially since there was some underlying drama. My favorite homecoming, however, was one where we went as a huge group of friends and had dinner, went to the dance for a little bit, then ditched to go get frozen yogurt. I know there's already a whole bunch of advice, but even if dances aren't your thing, I'd suggest that people grab a friend and go for at least a half hour, try to warm up to things, and if it's still not working out, then just go get some late-night ice cream! It'll turn out to be a great night either way. One of my goals for senior year is to go to a dance with a fake date and confuse everyone as much as possible.
  3. That sounds awesome! So you aren't really looking for a long-term romantic relationship. This could also fall somewhere near demi-sexual, so you might relate closer to that label. Also, today was demi-sexual day in the pride month, which is pretty cool. I feel that! Doesn't sound like a whole lotta romantic attraction there. :) Again, it's all up to you, but those were some questions that helped me along. Hopefully you can just understand yourself a little better through this exploration.
  4. Trying to let go of labels is REALLY HARD! I definitely feel that. So far it seems like you don't experience much, if any, romantic attraction. A couple questions you can ask yourself could be: - If I never got married, would I be upset? - Have I ever looked at anyone and wanted to date them, or does it take time to get to know them, or not at all? - Does the idea of a romantic relationship seem appealing? That's just a start, of course, and a really nice place to start would be the 'YMBAI' (You Might Be Aro If) Thread to try to see if you relate to any of the stuff there. In regards to sex, I'm not quite as versed at that, since I'm still trying to figure it out myself. I'm kind of in the same boat as you, where if I do have/want sex, I don't want there to be any strings attached, or rose petals or candles. I don't know if you've checked out AVEN at all, but you should definitely explore over there if you haven't for more aspec stuff. Good luck trying to figure stuff out, and don't say yes to anything you're not sure about! I know the labels thing is really hard, but don't think 'what would an ____ do,' just make decisions for yourself.
  5. Aesthetically, I like the 50s boys with tight blue jeans and they like comb through their hair with a pocket comb, but one little piece falls out of place. Jury's still out whether it's gender envy or not, though. Platonic-Personality-wise, I just want someone who doesn't anger easily.
  6. I definitely agree that it should be represented in the LGBTQ+ community, but should be distinct in that Asexual, Lesbian, etc etc are all sexualities, and that has no ties to Romantic Orientation/Identity. You can be a lesbian aro, a bi aro, an ace aro, but you don't really have a lot of lesbian aces or gay pansexuals, you know? I absolutely believe that someone who is heterosexual, cisgendered, and aromantic should be part of that LGB... community, but aromanticism shouldn't be lumped into the LGB... bubble. It's a queer identity, just as Trans and gender identies are, but it should be distinctualized.
  7. That’s one thing that I don’t think I’ll ever be capable of fully understanding: ‘why don’t you just pick someone else’ or ‘what’s worth all that?’
  8. Only you can know what you feel, but that sounds very aro-spec to me :) That also sounds super frustrating, especially if people kept telling you you were cold and distant and you didn’t know about aro identities. You should know that you’re not cold or distant, and it’s perfectly fine to not want a romantic relationship; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. :) I’d suggest to keep reading forums and exploring. A great place to start is the YMBAI (You Might Be Aro If) thread, and see if you relate to any of those. But the other thing is that whatever choices you make don’t have to fit under any label, so make sure you don’t box yourself in! Good luck on your personal journey!!
  9. Everything tempesta said is super right, but I’d also add that you should think about the character’s personality. Is she ashamed about her aro-ness, or has she accepted it and is out? Because of her personality, she may try different ways to turn them down. For instance: describing the truthful situation, saying she’s not interested in a relationship, saying she’s already in one, lying about her sexuality or romantic orientation to save feelings, or just politely declining without a reason. hope this helped!
  10. How do allos manage? How come you can't just not-be-in-love with someone that doesn't like you back? Is kissing someone you're romantically attracted to different than someone you aren't? How can you know that someone is The One? While I'm constantly frustrated by the lack of aro representation, I count myself lucky, because being allo must SUCK
  11. You are the only person who can know how you feel, but from what you're describing it seems like you may be a romance repulsed aro. Some things that helped me when I was questioning was reading lots and lots of threads. One place to start would be the 'you might be aro if' thread (YMBAI), and even explore AVEN, since there's lots of content there. If you feel you relate to those... you might be aro! The other thing is, it's really nice to have a label, but it can also be good to let yourself live and make decisions, and see how those decisions and actions fit into a label. Whatever you do, NEVER feel like you should feel a certain way or do a certain thing because of the label you chose. Try to look into yourself to find what you want, and don't rush into things you have reservations about! Good luck figuring yourself out :)
  12. One thing I like about identifying as aromantic outwardly to most people is being able to reject people without feeling guilty at all. I know I don't owe men or women anything, but whenever someone puts themselves out there to ask me something, it's really nice to be able to say "oh, I'm aromantic," and that way they in no way feel like it's their fault. Another perk is that friends I've 'come out' to don't catch feelings for me, or if they do, they can try to get over it rather than thinking there's a chance, you know? Maybe that's a callous way of thinking about it, but it's nice to have that freedom.
  13. UGH! That video is so good! Part of the reason I don't like romance movies is because they make it seem like being in a relationship is the goal. Like "the busy business woman putting aside her business for the funny guy." Getting married and having kids shouldn't be the goal in life.
  14. Woah, woahwoahwoah. I think I just had a sexuality crisis from this post, so that's fun... It's just almost unimaginable that I could have an experience with sex that doesn't also involve emotional connection, and sex feel so vulnerable and unsafe and scary. I definitely feel ace-spec, though, since I don't I've ever looked at someone and seriously thought 'I want to have sex with that person.' Not sure what I'm going to do with this newfound information, but thanks for bringing it up. 😅
  15. Hey! I don't have any diagnoses, but I'm super glad you were able to understand yourself a little better! I do think I have anxiety though, and I'm on meds for it. Some of my favorite fidgets are super small and quiet that can just help ground me, yk?
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