Common Misconceptions About Aros

[Rising Sun]

Unless if it's meant as an insult, I find being compared to AI flattering I wish I were that perfect !

[Natkat]

Well I used to be like that too, but then ---.

 

I wish I didn't feel either, feelings are difficult.

 

why not just say you are single, instead of this label.

 

I'm also confused about my sexuality.

 

your not into romantic men? Not at all? But don't you enjoy wine and cheese? (This one were actually hilarious) 

 

[Cassiopeia]

21 hours ago, 46odnetnin said:

Same, whenever we manage to transfer concousness into a robot body I'm down for volunteering.

Not sure if that's a good idea. They have no problem assigning romantic feelings to a robot. Like Wall-E? It doesn't even talk but... people assigning gender, sexuality and romance to it.

[omitef]

10 hours ago, Natkat said:

I wish I didn't feel either, feelings are difficult.

 

why not just say you are single, instead of this label.

 

I'm also confused about my sexuality.

 

your not into romantic men? Not at all? But don't you enjoy wine and cheese? (This one were actually hilarious) 

 

 

Appropriate responses:

 

That's okay, I can help with that. *breaks the other person's bones* You won't be feeling anything for a couple weeks.

 

Why not just shut up

 

I'm also confused about why you're still talking

 

Have you met men

 

 

[46odnetnin]

3 hours ago, Cassiopeia said:

Not sure if that's a good idea. They have no problem assigning romantic feelings to a robot. Like Wall-E? It doesn't even talk but... people assigning gender, sexuality and romance to it.

damn, well I guess it'll be more obvios I'm agender at least, and I can ask for them to omit the romance and sexuality software I hope

[Rising Sun]

13 hours ago, Natkat said:

your not into romantic men? Not at all? But don't you enjoy wine and cheese? (This one were actually hilarious) 

 

If ever you need help about the romantic French stereotype, I volunteer...  

[artemis]

You're just more mature than other people at your school.

 

I'm in High school, so people are pretty immature sometimes, but not everyone is, and I get along with most  people anyway.

[breaddd]

I came out to my friend, and he told me that someday I'll "understand".

[RedNeko]

This is a thing from tumblr so maybe you don't want to count it in this, but there was a big thing about how if you're a man and heterosexual, aromantic then you are automatically a misogynist. I suppose the whole thing of there being some 'ways' of being aromantic that are more 'acceptable' than others would be the generalised version of this.

[Cassiopeia]

12 hours ago, RedNeko said:

big thing about how if you're a man and heterosexual, aromantic then you are automatically a misogynist.

 

No, this is a very real problem, lets talk about it. Heck, even I feel awful and predatory and all sorts of horrible sometimes because of this, and I'm also a girl.

 

No wonder hetero guys started the voluntary celibacy topic.

 

Wanting only sex from someone isn't predatory or misogynist or a bad thing. If you communicate honestly. respect your partner, respect boundaries and ask for consent, then there is nothing wrong with that. Just because you cannot give them your everlasting romantic love, you not going to treat them like a piece of meat...

(Not like romantic love ever stopped them anyway? Respect and common decency aren't results of romantic affection?!)

[peridotty]

On 4/11/2016 at 7:02 PM, Cassiopeia said:

• "how can one be LGBTQ+ AND aromantic? Omg, you are oppressing the LGBTQ+ people by dragging arospec people into the same group?! You are straight and just wanna be in the ⁓special queer club⁓" (@some confused and furious alloromantic lesbian online) - oh girl, do you seriously think I'm so bored that I'd be playing oppression olympics online? seriously? I have loads of ideas about what to do with my sparse free time, I don't have time for your gate keeping nonsense

 

ive been in this Exact conversation before, like its so hard to comprehend that aro ppl arent ~straight ppl looking to invade queer spaces~, like if i never said i was aro youd have no trouble accepting a genderfluid pansexual into ur lil gay club but now that i said that suddenly im cishet and dont belogn???

 

^{i have complicated opinions on cis heterosexual aros and hetereromantic aces being considered 'queer' but if i say smth out of line pls bring it up privately}

[Dodgypotato]

What about the misconception that aromantic people, "Just can't get a date."

 

"Why are all aromantic people ugly?"

[Mark]

On 22/05/2016 at 3:19 PM, Dodgypotato said:

What about the misconception that aromantic people, "Just can't get a date."

 

There's possibly some truth here. In the sense that many aromantic people may either not want to date or would be interested in a QP (rather than romantic) relationship as a result. Thus from an allormantic POV "go about things the wrong way".

[Mark]

On 14/05/2016 at 11:21 AM, Cassiopeia said:

No, this is a very real problem, lets talk about it. Heck, even I feel awful and predatory and all sorts of horrible sometimes because of this, and I'm also a girl.

 

No wonder hetero guys started the voluntary celibacy topic.

 

Exactly. Consider also that LGBTQIA spaces can be far less sex negative than str8 spaces.
 

On 14/05/2016 at 11:21 AM, Cassiopeia said:

Wanting only sex from someone isn't predatory or misogynist or a bad thing. If you communicate honestly. respect your partner, respect boundaries and ask for consent, then there is nothing wrong with that.

 

In many cases wanting only sex is considered socially and politically incorrect. (Even without accusations of "predator" and "misogynist".) So negotiating consent under such circumstances is going to be extra difficult anyway.

 

On 14/05/2016 at 11:21 AM, Cassiopeia said:

Just because you cannot give them your everlasting romantic love, you not going to treat them like a piece of meat...

(Not like romantic love ever stopped them anyway? Respect and common decency aren't results of romantic affection?!)

 

Most likely actual predators are capable of faking romantic interest.

[Cassiopeia]

On 2016. 05. 22. at 3:19 PM, Dodgypotato said:

What about the misconception that aromantic people, "Just can't get a date."

 

Its hilarious, cos usually the case is:

(X)

[Dodgypotato]

19 hours ago, Mark said:

There's possibly some truth here. In the sense that many aromantic people may either not want to date or would be interested in a QP (rather than romantic) relationship as a result. Thus from an allormantic POV "go about things the wrong way".

What you said is true, however they say it in the way meaning that we are only calling ourselves 'aromantic' as an excuse for 'not being able to get a date'. They are blatantly calling us liars.

[Louis On Air]

2 hours ago, Dodgypotato said:

What you said is true, however they say it in the way meaning that we are only calling ourselves 'aromantic' as an excuse for 'not being able to get a date'. They are blatantly calling us liars.

And I sometimes wonder why my signature doesn't have "Kill amatonormativity" translated into French!

[brsajo]

What even is romance?

[aussiekirkland]

2 hours ago, brsajo said:

What even is romance?

I'd call it a social construct; except I don't want the alloromantics to come and get me haha

 

"You're closing yourself off from opportunities"

 

Oho trust me I tried relationships... Not into it.

 

"Sometimes you gradually form feelings for someone whilst in a relationship"

 

I tried that too... For 9 months. It definitely didn't work.

[RedNeko]

1 hour ago, aussiekirkland said:

I'd call it a social construct; except I don't want the alloromantics to come and get me haha

I don't think there is anything wrong with your opinion as long as you don't think of it as 'just' a social construct. Lots of things are social constructs but that doesn't remove their 'realness' or their influence on people. In fact, I have known alloromantics to talk about the social constructs surrounding love and romance (although bringing it up probably still isn't a good idea most of the time, unfortunately )

[Elluna Hellen]

On 12-4-2016 at 0:16 AM, breaddd said:

It annoys me to no end when people assume that you can't think for yourself because you're not older than 20.

 

Yes hello random young aro-haters. Aromantic over the age of 20 here. We exist. (25. Wonder if I'm still too young to know? ) And yes, I definitely noticed the lack of crushes/romantic feelings when I was under 20, and maybe if i'd known aromanticism is a thing I'd have thought to identify as it then. (I doubt it though. I was scared to be 'wrong' as it was, and that was when I was 23!) Teenagers can definitely know, or at least question. They're not necessarily late bloomers just because they're young >_>

 

In fact, I admire the aromantic/asexual teens for being sure enough of themselves at that age to identify and come out. With this whole 'too young' argument, I assume it's not easy! :\

 

Also: "Maybe you're just scared to fall in love and repressing it!"

[UncommonNonsense]

If anyone ever discounts your aromantacism because of your age, point 'em in my direction.  I'm 40.  Yeah, older aros exist!  We know our own minds and what works for us.  We're strong enough to do what feels right to us despite all. of. gawddamn. society. pushing romance down our throats.  Just the fact that we continue to be resolutely ourselves despite that relentless social pressure means that we're very strong.  

 

You mayn't always feel very strong, but you are. 

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

Welcome @UncommonNonsense! I'm about to turn 38 myself. We didn't have Internet as teenagers. There was no great way to find people like us or any information about singlehood in general. We had to go by what people we knew told us. That was a unanimous GO GET MARRIED.

[Cassiopeia]

• "you are just playing hard to get"  (@unwanted suitor)

Consider this: I do not want to date you. When I say no, its not a game. Its not code for 'convince me'.

 

• "I you can't get a relationship, maybe just try having casual sex, the Feelings will soon follow." (@motherly advice)

 

I kid you not. I got this exact advice when I mentioned my general frustration with the impossible quest of looking for a QPP/intimate friend/non-romantic companion in an amatonormative society. (I did not use the terminology, but I explained the concept). Wow. Brand new information. Guess what, alloromantic people are likely to follow you around like lost puppies if you touch them in an intimate manner...that's why I generally avoid doing so.

 

Its just hilarious that alloromantic people expect us to be socially inept and completely oblivious to the workings of a romantic relationship. Its not like the school system and the media spoon feeds us romance since infancy or something. How would have I, the naive aromantic adult, figure out how to attract a (completely unwanted) suitor?

 

[Kojote]

Mine actually told me something similar through the flower, but concerning me being sans-romantic partner (I'm not out to her)

 

She told me an old friend of her's had a hard time finding someone, too. So as soon as she went to college, she started using something that was basically the predecessor of tinder to go and have casual sex with different guys. Now she's happily married and has children... 

 

It was honestly such a weird story, I just burst out laughing instead of getting angry at the "shag until you have children"-advice  Thank you very much, mom! Though, on second thought, no, thank you very much, I'd rather not. I'd like to get neither children, nor partner, nor STDs, thank you kindly.