Common Misconceptions About Aros

[night_sky_white_clouds]

•"Does that kind of thing really exist? What if you're making this up as an excuse because you're afraid of intimacy?" (Though I have the fear, I don't feel like I'm making this up)

•"It's alright, everything will be fine one day" (when I find "the one" apparently)"

•"I understand what you meant by not getting attracted to anybody but you still can't be sure you'll be the same, what if you experience it one day?" (This makes me weirdly uncomfortable somehow)

•"Are you planning on living alone for the rest of your life?! What's wrong with you??! You will regret this decision as you get old!!" (...whatever)

[Isa1116]

-'Are aro and ace not the same thing?'                     -my brother

-'If you feel romantic attraction to someone you also feel sexual attraction to them.'/ 'there is no such thing as split attraction.'      -my brother again

Me: *Comes out*

Brothers and cousin: Ok..... I don’t care.

My friend: *ignores me* (they aren't aphobic though)

I know they ment well but that hurts :(.

And one last one: you just hate love.                                                        -me (sorry if that was cringe lol)

Edited December 28, 2022 by Isa1116

[nonmerci]

On 12/23/2022 at 8:03 AM, night_sky_white_clouds said:

"I understand what you meant by not getting attracted to anybody but you still can't be sure you'll be the same, what if you experience it one day?" (This makes me weirdly uncomfortable somehow)

This one is tricky cause it is based on the right assumption that nobody knows future (except of you believe in voyance of course) but then take it to give the wrong conclusion.

Maybe it'll change later, but then you just change label, it doesn't affect how you always felt until now. Also later may never comes, will you live your life waiting for it ? No.

 

If someone tells you that you can answer "why be label yourself as *inside other orientation*, but how can you be sure you'll be the same ?" They will probably argue that the case is different but they would be wrong.

 

Seriously can you picture people at marriage be like "why do you take an engagement for life, you don't know the future ?" ???

[The Aro Mando Echo]

Once someone asked me when I  told them: "Are you diagnosed??" 

some other honorable mentions

-Are you a plant?      (The follow-up question asked by someone else was "When did you know?" And this guy asked, "Yeah, when did you sprout?" ..I'll admit it was funny

- So you never want to have sex?

-So.. you just saw it on the internet...?

- So you'll die a virgin?

- So when you see someone that's hot just... nothing? 

[rob]

I am constantly asked if I have any feelings. Like... at all

[apprehensiveanne]

heartless people, robots, sl*ts, 

[LoganTheAxolotl]

I have autism so people always say 'ohhhhhh' when I say I'm aromantic. They assume that cause I have autism, its the cause of my aromanticness.

[Keith]

I could name a lot, but the ones that irritate me the most are "so you're emotionless?" and "that's a mental disorder 😨😨". 

[PumpkinsLinked]

"Most are too young to know" "Maybe it's just a phase" "Aro's are selfish" "It's so rare, so they can't be it!" I've been told these too many times, and they make me so mad every time

[nonmerci]

4 hours ago, PumpkinsLinked said:

It's so rare, so they can't be it!

What is even the logic? It's rare, not impossible...

On 3/24/2023 at 3:19 AM, The Aro Mando Echo said:

Are you diagnosed??

What about their alloromanticism, is it certified by a professional? 😡

[Ace_of_Spades]

• "Oh, you're an aromantic asexual? Why do you choose not to date?"
• "You think that until you find the right person."

[BasicallyEmoPotato]

This one is probably already mentioned:

"You'll find the right person someday."
 

[specific_enthalpy]

On 4/11/2016 at 4:25 PM, Spud said:

• You're too young to know that! Give yourself some time (or) Just wait until college/some other arbitrary threshold. You'll definitely start to feel something by (insert arbitrary point when you are considered "mature")!

Ughhhhh the uncomfortable conversations I have with my family that go something like this. I'm weirdly glad I'm not the only one.

[HelloThere]

1 hour ago, specific_enthalpy said:

Ughhhhh the uncomfortable conversations I have with my family that go something like this. I'm weirdly glad I'm not the only one.

Oh yeah, I still struggle with my own emotions, I don’t need people that I look up to to tell me that. I’ve got enough self doubt. XD

[specific_enthalpy]

People trying to "relate" to you after you tell them you're aro by saying something like "I get that, sometimes I feel pretty detached too" as if by being aro you are just separating yourself from part of yourself or from a form of bonding. Like no I never had that in the first place lmao.

[illumi]

2 hours ago, specific_enthalpy said:

People trying to "relate" to you after you tell them you're aro by saying something like "I get that, sometimes I feel pretty detached too" as if by being aro you are just separating yourself from part of yourself or from a form of bonding. Like no I never had that in the first place lmao.

i agree w ur pfp sm bc my hc for panty is aroallo [her being aro should be canon methinks]

[night_sky_white_clouds]

*when people think my aro-ness is the result of my depression and anxiety disorders*

[aRowanAce]

You haven’t met the right person

You just need to mature

You should try harder

You just have too high standards 

and my ALL TIME FAVORITE is I could fix that

shut up and rejecting you is not homophobic or ableist random guy online

[HelloThere]

34 minutes ago, aRowanAce said:

You haven’t met the right person

You just need to mature

You should try harder

You just have too high standards 

and my ALL TIME FAVORITE is I could fix that

shut up and rejecting you is not homophobic or ableist random guy online

It’ll change as you grow.

That sounds lonely.

You need to marry to go to heaven.

So you just have no emotions?

Its just a phase.

You’ll inevitably feel lonely without a partner.

How do you know for sure?

Well you were ALL OVER this person a really long time ago. 😒(for all they know that was platonic and I was just 8 years old, I remember no emotional connection besides friendship to people)

So you can’t get turned on?

So you don’t find people pretty? (Of course I do, I just don’t feel some magnetic pull towards people, I just have some emotional response I can’t pin down. Though I know it’s not romantic. And finding people pretty isn’t a requirement)

You’re just scared of love.

You’re just a closeted gay.

You’ll be depressed if you don’t date.

YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY. (BULL SHIT)

Someday you’ll meet someone.

I can’t wait until you like girls, you’ll change and we’ll forgive you. (Challenge accepted turd snorters, I’ll bet you my whole college account if I have to)

You want to live alone? (Just with friends, and really I’d live with a dog or two as well, that’ll definitely make me happy)

You just feel bad about people not liking you. (I prefer it that way. XD)

You just want to be LGBTQ+. (I hate this possible response with a burning passion. I’ve spent months wondering if I’m a fraud, if I actually experience anything at all, if I’m even remotely aromantic at all. Everything seems to align, I could not be more comfortable in this label, and anyone that tells me otherwise can go shove it.)

I remember not feeling the need to, I grew out of that. (At what age?! I’m nearly 16 and had 0 crushes. That’s a hell of a sign.)

You’re incapable of loving people. 
You’re just a late bloomer. (Ohohohoh, you don’t want to pull that card. I was one of the first people in my school to go through puberty, nothing changed emotionally, it’s been exactly the same, and I doubt that the emotional part is late at 15.)

Your H E A R T L E S S. (You little child, I nearly cried after listening to the soundtrack of the owl house. I’m very emotional about topics that make me happy. People just exist, as friends they’re the best, as partners they aren’t that great in my opinion)

You just want attention. (I want to know who I am, and be sure of my life. I want to live my own truth, and be able to actually, FINALLY focus on my interests and dreams. I don’t give a crap if people know I exist, I mean it’s always nice to talk to others but that’s not what I’m looking for.)

It’s a trend. (If I wanted to follow trends I’d be wearing crocs and making every horrible joke in the book)

You have a skill my friend. (This is one of the more okay responses but that still feels incredibly uncomfortable, as if it’s hard for me not to want to date)

I’m worried about literally all of these being said at some point, especially by parents for some.

[aRowanAce]

1 hour ago, HelloThere said:

It’ll change as you grow.

That sounds lonely.

You need to marry to go to heaven.

So you just have no emotions?

Its just a phase.

You’ll inevitably feel lonely without a partner.

How do you know for sure?

Well you were ALL OVER this person a really long time ago. 😒(for all they know that was platonic and I was just 8 years old, I remember no emotional connection besides friendship to people)

So you can’t get turned on?

So you don’t find people pretty? (Of course I do, I just don’t feel some magnetic pull towards people, I just have some emotional response I can’t pin down. Though I know it’s not romantic. And finding people pretty isn’t a requirement)

You’re just scared of love.

You’re just a closeted gay.

You’ll be depressed if you don’t date.

YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY. (BULL SHIT)

Someday you’ll meet someone.

I can’t wait until you like girls, you’ll change and we’ll forgive you. (Challenge accepted turd snorters, I’ll bet you my whole college account if I have to)

You want to live alone? (Just with friends, and really I’d live with a dog or two as well, that’ll definitely make me happy)

You just feel bad about people not liking you. (I prefer it that way. XD)

You just want to be LGBTQ+. (I hate this possible response with a burning passion. I’ve spent months wondering if I’m a fraud, if I actually experience anything at all, if I’m even remotely aromantic at all. Everything seems to align, I could not be more comfortable in this label, and anyone that tells me otherwise can go shove it.)

I remember not feeling the need to, I grew out of that. (At what age?! I’m nearly 16 and had 0 crushes. That’s a hell of a sign.)

You’re incapable of loving people. 
You’re just a late bloomer. (Ohohohoh, you don’t want to pull that card. I was one of the first people in my school to go through puberty, nothing changed emotionally, it’s been exactly the same, and I doubt that the emotional part is late at 15.)

Your H E A R T L E S S. (You little child, I nearly cried after listening to the soundtrack of the owl house. I’m very emotional about topics that make me happy. People just exist, as friends they’re the best, as partners they aren’t that great in my opinion)

You just want attention. (I want to know who I am, and be sure of my life. I want to live my own truth, and be able to actually, FINALLY focus on my interests and dreams. I don’t give a crap if people know I exist, I mean it’s always nice to talk to others but that’s not what I’m looking for.)

It’s a trend. (If I wanted to follow trends I’d be wearing crocs and making every horrible joke in the book)

You have a skill my friend. (This is one of the more okay responses but that still feels incredibly uncomfortable, as if it’s hard for me not to want to date)

I’m worried about literally all of these being said at some point, especially by parents for some.

Impostor Syndrome hits HARD 

[HelloThere]

Just now, aRowanAce said:

Impostor Syndrome hits HARD 

Oh my gosh yes. I think because I can be aesthetically attracted to people that it’ll inevitably get super attracted. It’s insane, everytime I see someone attractive I wonder if it a fraud. XD

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

Someone has definitely said this already, but:

People believing you'll still fall in love, or would hold onto the hope you'll fall in love, despite explaining to them and even showing them how that won't be the case. Basically, false allyship.

Allonormativity is so ingrained into people, that coming out as aro to others who don't know about it, or barely grasp it, may say, "Okay, I understand, you just don't feel that way towards people," but would still hold onto this hope - this "inevitable" gotcha moment - that you'll still find someone and fall in love. Paying along with you essentially. And if someone who's aro ends up in a relationship of some sort, they wouldn't hear the end of it from these kinds of people. Hell, some aro/aro-spec people I know have heard their family members - family members who claimed to have "undying support" - say to them, "Why did you tell us if you were gonna end up being in a relationship anyway?" As if the aro person in question who chose to confide in them with such personal information, even with the possibility that maybe it wouldn't matter if they came out if they ended up in a relationship, was silly for doing that.

What also chaps my ass is the whole entire argument of, "Oh, a young person can't know if they're aro (or any queer identity ever) because they're a kid," while an allocishet kid is left alone, because that identity is so defaulted it's not questioned, at all. It's never questioned if Little Jimmy has a crush on Little Sarah. Like, if people are going to believe the whole entire, "Oh, it could be a phase!" or "Kids don't know that much about themselves!" then they need to apply that to straight cisgender kids, as well. Because there's many people who thought they were allosexual/alloromantic, or straight, or cisgender, for years, till they realized that they actually weren't; doesn't make their previous identity invalid, but people don't take these kinds of experiences into account at all; but oh, if someone identified as queer and either found out later that they weren't, or found that they were a different identity, then it's all "People are making it up" or "It's a phase" type shit.

I also find it incredibly creepy when a little girl and boy befriend each other, and their separate parents say something like, "Oh I can just see them married already 🥲" Um... excuse me? They're fucking three?!

Edited March 8 by The Newest Fabled Creature

[Alysia]

22 hours ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

What also chaps my ass is the whole entire argument of, "Oh, a young person can't know if they're aro (or any queer identity ever) because they're a kid." When a allocishet kid can be left alone, because that identity is so defaulted it's not questioned at all if Little Jimmy has a crush on Little Sarah. Like, if people are going to believe the whole entire, "Oh, it could be a phase!" or "Kids don't know that much about themselves!" that they need to apply that to straight cisgender kids, as well. Because there's many people who thought they were allosexual/alloromantic, or straight, or cisgender, for years, till they realized that they actually weren't; doesn't make their previous identity not valid, but people don't take these kinds of experiences into account at all; but oh, if someone identified as queer and either found that they weren't, or were another identity, then it's all "People are making it up" or "It's a phase" type shit.

I also find it incredibly stupid as well, when a girl and boy befriend each other, that their separate parents go, "Oh I can just imagine them being married already 🥲" Um... excuse me? They're fucking three?!

This presumption of the "normal" identities really irks me, and is so ingrained in my culture that even people who don't fall into society's defaults for identity presume them.

One trans person I know has recently got a new cousin and she used he/him pronouns for this 0 year old; I questioned her about how she would know this cousin's pronouns, and she said they were male sex, and they don't have a brain developed enough to know what identity is.

I mean, sure, maybe a baby isn't able to know what their identity is (though, that's just conjecture) but that is in no way a justification to force them into the little box that happens to be the one most statistically likely (the one where they are happy with he/him). What if they aren't happy with it, surely she knows that's possible?

My policy is that it's unknown until proven otherwise, not cis/allo/hetero/whatever until proven otherwise.

Sorry if I rambled, and for going off-topic.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

3 hours ago, Alysia said:

This presumption of the "normal" identities really irks me, and is so ingrained in my culture that even people who don't fall into society's defaults for identity presume them.

One trans person I know has recently got a new cousin and she used he/him pronouns for this 0 year old; I questioned her about how she would know this cousin's pronouns, and she said they were male sex, and they don't have a brain developed enough to know what identity is.

I mean, sure, maybe a baby isn't able to know what their identity is (though, that's just conjecture) but that is in no way a justification to force them into the little box that happens to be the one most statistically likely (the one where they are happy with he/him). What if they aren't happy with it, surely she knows that's possible?

My policy is that it's unknown until proven otherwise, not cis/allo/hetero/whatever until proven otherwise.

Sorry if I rambled, and for going off-topic.

No you didn't go off-topic, I completely get that and share the same sentiments. Yeah, things are unknown, but at the end of the day, when someone is old enough to understand identity then who they say they are must be treated with respect and believed - since, their identity may have been pre-existing, it's just they didn't have the language or words for it yet.

[Helion]

This was probably listed alr, but whenever I hear

"You are just not mature enough yet, not aromantic :)" or "You just need to find the right person!"

I wanna facepalm. I COULD understand it with, I dunno, a 10 year old or something, but even then, even if it's not permanent for the rest of your life what's the harm in using the label that currently fits you best, even if you MIGHT change it in the future? 

Imagine you think you are gay for 5 years until you discover that you are bisexual. How scandalous, how incredibly and utterly terrible, how world-ending! This "But you might change!" thing specifically seems to affect aspec people for some reason. It's weird.