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Blake

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Everything posted by Blake

  1. Hi Milo, welcome to the forum and glad you are finding yourself. Like you, I did identified as pansexual for the same reasons, but later I discovered I was ace. Everyone has their own unique experience when it comes to discovering themselves, and coming to terms with it is great ^^ If you have any questions, just ask away and be happy in this safe space. Cheers and here some pie and coffee to celebrate your coming (Insert tasty key lime pie and coffee)
  2. I am in your same boat, but slightly ahead. I graduated and now am entering into another step of my life. I want to pursue grad studies so it is not like I will leave college, but some of my close friends are entering into professional life so it is happening. It is very scary, because amatonormativity is very real even if allos do not see it or are not conscious of it. My words of encouragement are that, even though it's scary as hell, it is a natural process that would have happened even if you weren't aro. People move on with their life, but that doesn't mean its all over. It is up to you to determine if you want to continue to cultivate the bonds you have formed. Each week, try to make them do one activity together. Even if you aren't physically close, a call or playing an online game together helps a lot. My friends and I separate 2-3 hours per Friday or Sunday to see anime or series. You can do something like that, and customize it to your groups of friends. Maybe it will be hard, and some may give up on it, but don't let it put you down. Continue to try, and it isn't like you will not meet new people in this new step of your life ^^ new people are scary but you may find great friends within them. Changes will happen, and it is good to be prepared for them, but don't let it stress you out too much. Talk with your friends, and together come with a plan. I believe is possible, even with allos. Make them see that friendship is just as fulfilling as relationships, because both are valid and there is no hierarchy.
  3. Hi Valerie, I am a bit late to the thread but if you wanted a bit of advice I will gladly give it. From what you said, I think you are within the aro-spec. Nevertheless, your romantic attraction is very valid and important. From what I perceive, you want initial connection but once you connect, it fades. From this lithro or aro are the labels I would think of. However, when you said that you see it as a chore to continue with the relationship I would say that it may be from another source. Let me explain my thoughts on this by giving myself as an example, I did things because it was what society stipulated had to be done for a relationship, not what I wanted to do genuinely. Therefore, because I didn't really wanted to do it I saw it as work. This may happen to you too, at least is my belief. Try to search and be with someone that wants the same as you and put rules in the relationship. Be at ease, and stand your ground and what you believe. Search what you want, and do not go for less. Be a happy lesbian ^^. And if you change the ToR (Terms of relationship) then inform the new terms. See it as business transaction, you give and you receive. No romo if you dont want. Yes sex if you want. No cuddles, yes hand holding, etc. Hope it helps, peace and out :3
  4. Blake

    Life is...

    Life is a series of event that we quantify in the concept of time inside this universe
  5. I want to go by they/them but I am deeply afraid of society and how it would treat me. My family too, because they don't know I am queer (and don't want them to know for the time being). But if given the chance I would use they->she->him (in order of comfyness to me) I don't like societal rules of defining gender since it is people telling me what I am. Doesn't impact my life in a big enough way that I would go out of my way to explain to everyone why I want the change.
  6. I am aroace, with aro being a really important part of my identity. However, it doesn't really conflict with my gender identity since I don't identify neither as male or female but as androgynous. I feel that there is not enough representation for queer characters in the current media, and less about minorities inside that umbrella. I want to identify with someone inside movies, series or just anybody that embraces their queer or non binary identity without relating it to sexual or romantic themes. I understand that one issue in the representation is that "it wouldn't sell; it is boring" so you do not hear in media things that aren't "juicy". That is one problem, or that people criticize without knowing all details. I for one abide for the rule that people should mind their business, so I am against the idea of reading about celebrities life if they do not give their consent. Sorry if I went off topic, yeah my aroness and aceness don't affect much my identity as a person, because I am unique and so are everyone else, so I am cool with the idea of everyone being themselves and we care for everyone equally.
  7. Blake

    would you rather

    100% YouTube, I can learn a lot in YouTube and there is varieties. WYR talk with animals or have unlimited free access to all transports
  8. Hi there Beatriz, you are not cold or mean. It is just who you are and what you feel and that is fine. Now, to the topic, you may be aromantic. But if you want to do some research, look up cupioromantic, akoiromantic, aroflux. It may help you understand some concepts better. Also, any doubts, ask away and enjoy your experiences.
  9. Hello there Egg ^^ welcome and enjoy your stay. Happy soon to be 5th anniversary and hope you can celebrate every year until the earth reclaims our nutrients back. Any conversation you wanna have, be welcome to do. Have some pie and coffee (insert tasty key lime pie and coffee)
  10. Hello there, welcome and please feel free to ask questions if you want. Questioning your identity doesn't have age limits so use the labels you feel comfy with, and if they change later then they did and that is fine. Anyhow, just feel comfy and here is some coffee and pie (insert tasty coffee and key lime pie). Have a great existence
  11. I would write an essay of why is it that love is not a mental illness, and all reasons and some researches to back it up, but I think that it is not necessary, and my own thoughts and experiences should suffice. TW: mental illness talk My ability to love does not have a direct correlation to my mental illnesses. I love my friends, I love my dog, I love myself. There are many types of love, and people (mostly straight people) want to put ever single one together. They want something simple, something digestible, something that they do not have to think. I disagree with that, love is complex, and should be treated as such, and explored in a slow manner. Now, when you compare love with mental illness, you are categorizing both on a similar scale, and (pardon my expression) you are spitting on the face of every mentally ill person by saying love is a mental illness. No one chooses to have a mental illness, but you can choose who you love. I can see someone and make myself be in love (cuz "falling" for me means it was involuntary). It is an active choice, and because I am choosing it, it is fundamentally different from a mental illness, because I have no say in the matter. I have yet to see an article that have solid, peer reviewed sources, that can correlate love with mental illness. Because, what is love? By who was it defined? Do we all have the same definition? How do we say someone has a mental illness? By chemical imbalance in the brain? Then how about people who menstruate? Are they mentally ill when they have their periods? Because you have to define what constitute a chemical imbalance. Are we speaking of a selected group of mentally ill people, because depression and Alzheimer are both mental illnesses, and you have Alzeheimer mostly in elderly person but depression does not have a specific predominant group. LGBTQIA+ persons are more likely to suffer a mental illness than straight people, so are we really talking unbiased here? Basically, there is too many that can vary from people to people in many areas. There is no consensus to have as base to make a study that can have a solid base. Studying people is hard because to make an experiment and be able to publish results that are concrete you need to be able to replicate the experiment and get the same results, and that is not adding statistical analysis into the equation. Therefore, someone that tells me that being in love is having a mental illness, is for me, disrespecting those who suffer from a mental illness. (There are so many types of love, that for me is an heteronormative concept it trying to condense all into just one "perfect" love) People are different, people are individuals with unique experiences, and it is ok to try to come with something as a base, but there are things that cannot be explained by science with our current knowledge and technology and that is fine and ok. If in the year 3000 we are still alive as species, and we can explain by science what the hell love is, then so be it, but as of now, we ca only make conjectures at best. Ps. I did make a mini essay-rant but I just saw the title and some of the comments and had to give my opinion. I did not saw the videos but I am based on the title of the thread and the comments. If someone has a study about this topic, I would like to see it because I have found nothing that can convince me on this specific topic.
  12. As something I did recently, it was easier to come out as aro than ace, since I could explain in detail my feelings and how I saw things. Where as when I did the same with ace, it took more effort to convince and I was met with a pity look like I was missing out an enormous experience. Though after some more deep talk, they understood me and seemed excited to learn more. So I will take it as a win.
  13. Between romance favorable-indifferent-repulsed, it will depend on the specific subject. If it is media, I try to avoid it because I want more out of the media I consume. If a director has to use romance to advance a plot, that person should evaluate its skills, since you have so many things you can use for it. It is a matter of lack of imagination, that I really avoid romance in media in most cases. There are exceptions, but they are scarce. If it is directed at me, I am a bit repulsed and uncomfortable since I cannot reciprocate those feelings and will never be. So I would rather not be in that situation at all, and if I am, then it will be an awkward one. Now, I am romance positive in most scenarios, as long as I am not involved. I don't mind seeing kisses or romantic gestures. I know it is not for me and I am fine with it, if someone else likes it then yay for them. The one thing I don't like is when someone wants to feed me their romance perspectives. Trying to minimize platonic relationships, making it look "less than". I don't impose my views and I would like the same treatment toward me, nothing less.
  14. YMBAI you prefer to spend money on buying ingredients to cook at home or cheap food than going to a fancy restaurant with someone else.
  15. I concur some of the answers here. You are doing an action with an exclusive meaning directed toward the person. Firstly, any actions can carry a meaning, but it is us as persons who decide that specific meaning. I can hand hold with a person for various reasons, one of them can be to show affection, another to not lose that person in a crowd, or just because I want to feel a warmth. You give meaning behind each action and you communicate directly or indirectly that feeling. As a rule of thumb, do not assume anything that you do not understand, and ask if you are unsure. You will avoid some problems by it in the long run. My friends knows that any kind of actions directed at me by them, will be received as friends as a baseline and will not change the meaning unless verbally spoken otherwise. So when I hold hands with my friends is in a platonic way. Same with cuddles, I like to cuddle for the fact that it feels good (but only for 1-2 mins then I stop, my cat teach me how to be like that :3) so yh, only you can give meaning to your actions ^^ hope it helped
  16. Hi! Welcome to the forum. May you have a nice stay and do not doubt to ask questions to discover yourself, we are always happy to receive people and help each other in the journey of self-discovery ^^. Take some key lime pie and coffee (insert tasty pie with a cup of freshly brewed coffee)
  17. Blake

    Lies from the past

    Hello anon. Firstly, idk if this relates to aro content since the subject is relationship with a married person and you have not stated your identity but nevertheless I will give you my opinion since you asked a question. Any relationship is built on mutual trust to some extent. So by keeping info that he stated was true but then wasn't, it became a breach of trust. Be it 1 hr or 10 years it is still a breach in it. You can feel mad, it is your feelings and no one can tell you otherwise. Now, if he lied about one thing, he may well lie about other things (that is my reasoning and I am very harsh when it comes to lies because it costs nothing to say the truth and start from there). You can confront him, or don't. That is up to you. Me personally, when someone lies to me I just shut that person down from my life and move on, I do not look behind. But that is me. You are hurt, that hurt is valid and you can bring it up to him with your reasons and start from there. Or you can ignore it altogether and continue, up to you. The fact that he is has communication is, for me, irrelevant. I can keep convos with my ex and it means nothing since I see it as friends keeping communication. That I sleep with someone and then break up and continue with my life doesn't mean I cannot keep communication with that ex. Now if he is sleeping with her actively and you are in a close relationship then that is another thing. Cheating is cheating, plain. But by the info you provided, (i think) you don't know if that is the case. I will not tell you what to do, just that the fact is that 1. He lied and your hurt, so you have a choice here 2. You don't know how you are feeling regarding that he still communication with his ex (they may just be friends). You cant tell him to cut ties with his ex without having a degree of possessiveness over him, since we are free autonomous beings and prohibiting something for someone is going against that autonomy. The decision is yours, do what you want to do. Live your life, and if you want to live your life with someone then do it knowing that it is your life you are spending, so spend it whoever you like. ^^ carpe diem
  18. In English it would be potato, in spanish one translation papa. Now when you papa, you need to know where to put the force in the word because it can either mean a potato or father which I find funny cuz you are calling a potato your father and vice versa
  19. Salut Théotime, je parle un peu français. ^^ your intro was good. Feel at home and do not worry about labels if you do not want them now, they are there to help you, not to burden you.
  20. I would have honestly said: "bold of you to assume I wanna get married" I know indian culture puts some heavy weight in marriage, but for me, I do not want to get married and it wasn't until some years ago that I knew that it was my really my choice and not something I had to do. But yeah, my statement would most likely started war with your father.
  21. False, I am a mess with chopsticks but I always try to eat sushi with them TPBM has touched a snake before or want to touch one
  22. This is kinda difficult for me to explain but try to think in a scenario and how would you feel theoretically in it. If you get touched in your arm, how would it feel? Will you like that the person that did it do other things? For me sensual attraction is explicitly actions that have no further consequences. So a hug for a greeting. This may overlap with romantic attraction but for me personally romantic and sensual are very similar so I cannot clear cut them. Now, it is important that you take it at your own pace. If you do not know if you would like a kiss or not, try it out. Ofc tell the person that you want to know how you will react to it and that they do not get their hopes up for anything else since you are exploring your boundaries. Likewise with sex, if you are unsure and afraid that you won't like it, please do not do it. And when you are sure that you would like to try it, let the person know that you want to take it slow, and have a safe word to let them know to stop. It is very very important to put boundaries when you do not know how you will react and both know that you can opt out any time without any kind of repercussions. Because you feel something when hand holding, you may feel some kind of romantic attraction, which is find. But it may also be anxiety (at least this was my case). Try it out, explore yourself in a safe way, and always be crystal clear of what you want to try, and how fast or slow you want to do it. If the person doesn't respect boundaries dump their ass and look for someone that does. Fwb is cool when everyone agrees to the rules voluntarily, if not then that person is not a friend anymore.
  23. I am happy to be aro for various reasons. One of them being having my own freedom to just live my life as myself. To be able to take vacations and spend them for me only, not having to think an chain myself to the expectations of anyone. Not be afraid to live, actually enjoy my time in this world and not think that I need someone to "complete" me to be happy. I choose who I want as my family, and together we just spent time being genuine with each other. Being aro, and my close friends knowing it, liberates me, I can say "I love you" to my friends and them knowing I mean it in a platonic way. I take pleasure in knowing that I can be myself with my friends, and know we are on the same page, that there is not a hidden message for our actions. Finally, I just love to be able to sleep with anyone in the same couch or bed, and knowing that there is no need to do anything else besides sleeping. Thanks @Acecream did not that I needed this thread until I saw it
  24. I tried to give my best answers but like some have said, it depends on the person. For example, I can say to my mom "I love you" but not my cousins nor aunt, etc. Likewise, people who are close to me usually are the one initiating the actions, so I feel uncomfy sometimes, but if it is me I ask permission and then do the action so in that manner I would be vomfy because I asked first so we are all clear on what will happen.
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