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Blake

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Everything posted by Blake

  1. No problem. Hopefully it will help you like it has to me.
  2. This is blissful. I have a candle that smells like one of my favorite coffee shop. I only use it when I want to feel completely at peace and has endured more than a year so far. Idk what I am gonna do once it is depleted since the person that did it is no longer living where I am
  3. Hey there Mel ^^ you don't have to be nervous in here. We are all a community and we want to help each other whenever we can. Glad you found this site and welcome! On the labels, the prefix means the same in both romantic and sexual so a bi-sexual/romantic is someone that is attracted to two genders sexually/romantic. The labels are tricky to understand sometimes but any specific question just ask it and we'll do our best to help you understand.
  4. Hi! The way I deal with the questions is by saying that I am interested in my studies first, after that, only the future will tell. For the matchmaking I would go and say that if the person that you are matchmaking me can't help me fulfill my goals, then I am not interested. Thus you get a chance to change the subject by speaking of your plans for the future. People have very short memory when it comes to this kind of things, so redirecting convos is easier and asking about their plans works wonders (people like to speak of themselves) Now, in my experience, I say outright that I am not looking for a relationship at the moment and I ask them about their lives. But people not always like that answer and try to question me, and then I pass to ask them if they are hitting on me which then makes them uncomfortable as hell which I love and then ask them nicely about series of netflix. Which then they go to and don't bother me ^^.
  5. @aro_elise There is a a sense of wholeness for me when I listen to their songs and scream it all out. And yup for me their peak was sempiternal, the new ones are good but they can't compete with it. @Circe The smell of my onesie after it has been cleaned is so dam beautiful. Sure, the softener plays a role, but since it is one piece only it is in me everywhere ^^
  6. My band that was love at first listen was Bring Me The Horizon. The song was Hospital for the Souls. I loved every song of that album, Sempiternal. I would love to explore new places, to go hiking fro a whole weekend with my friends and just chill, and shall put them on plans when this pandemic is over.
  7. I love looking at the ocean, but not on the beach, from a high point where the walls are high and you can hear the crashing of the waves. I haven't dived per se, only have swam to the seafloor a few times about 15 ft or so cuz I have good lungs. I do baking ^^ mostly brownies and cookies. And I love coffee so I can relate to have a goof cup of coffee with breakfast alone ^^. When the pandemic is over I am going to visit coffee shops around where I live to taste them all.
  8. Hey there, well your situation is kinda similar to what I experienced in my past relationship. What I can tell you is that the convo should happen. Steps? First sit them down, and have something to drink. Look at their eyes and start saying what you are feeling, what you have felt and how you have felt it. Look up what is your label and explain it to them. You have to be sincere, but you should expect tears, and your partner will most probably feel betrayed. This is not your fault, you cannot control how you feel, keep it in mind. Let them know that you are there for the long run, but the rules have changed mid way and now both have to deal with the new rules (you being aro-spec). It is not your fault, you discovered something about you and you want to keep your partner up to date. Talk it out, and try to find a happy medium, don't do anything you do not feel comfy, but understand that your partner also is a person and don't expect that they will accept everything from the get go. It will take time, and a lot of effort but it can be done if you want it. Hope it helps, cheers.
  9. When I get sunburned I use Aloe vera It is I think a brand. Makes me feel really good, and it is in any pharmacy, at least form the east coast of US.
  10. True there I got sidetracked. Well I don't know anyone who is in this situation but I want to believe it may be more common than we think. Just that it not a theme that is out so easily in a convo. That requires a lot of trust to speak about your sexual life with a friend. Also, the definition of a close friend varies from people to people. A close friend for me is someone I would give my liver for, nothing less than that. The problem is that from what I have read here, people tend to develop romantic feelings after a while, which brings to question the time lapse from the question. Just how much can a relationship last between someone in the aro-spec and someone who isn't there and that person who isn't aro-spec doesn't develop romantic feelings. Cuz I am interpreting it that the close friend isn't inside the spectrum. (I don't know anyone who is aro-spec irl)
  11. It depends of the culture, at least that is what I think. If you where raised in a very religious environment from an early age, then you are more likely to view fwb and fuck buddies as something bad. Which isn't the case ofc, it is just two persons sharing their time to do activities, and one of those activities is sex, but it can include go to eat together, beaches, coffee dates (which are my faves). If you where raised in a less strict environment, more open minded, then you may see fwb very differently. It all falls to what kind of feed you where given, and if you where not taught to question what you are told. If you think outside what society tells you, and follow what you think is the right choice, then you will see that you have choices. Sadly, not everyone has the luxury to stand up and give their opinion, without risking exposing themselves to a dangerous situation. So yeah, maybe in US is less common to see a fwb than it is in Germany or Australia. but it is linked to a social environment, and the tolerance of society in that place. Personally, i am looking for one, but the pandemic is making it impossible, so I will have to wait till we can have a social life again to start the search. And then, find that person who doesn't want romance (which will be hard but I ain't giving up easily).
  12. Hi! welcome there mate. Glad you decided to join this forum. and also glad you found someone that wants the same as you ^^ that is pleasant to read. You can rant all you want, it is your choice to rant, since then you may find others who feel the same and then share ideals. Now, take this coffee as token of welcome (insert tasty coffee and key lime pie as bonus)
  13. Cold showers are amazing. Even more on summer, and I loooove my pyjamas. Since I am currently working from my house, my pjs became my work clothes and no shame in them. I feel more productive in my onsie that I have ever felt in any other kind of clothes. ^^ so I can sympathize with that moment when you just let everything fall from you and just go take a shower and then netflix or the bed.
  14. This reminds me of something a friend of mine does. He is always chewing something, always. The only time he isn't chewing is when he is sleeping, and when I asked him, he told me it is his mode to relax. ^^ We all have our little things that makes us happier, even tho it isn't seen as something important.
  15. I love strategy games. Age of Empires 2, chess, and clash of clans ^^ My selection of music is all over the place.
  16. Hey there, so help you need? Well let me try and give some. First comes you, and then comes the rest of the world. You cannot live for someone, you can only live for yourself. You cannot control what people feel, but it is in your right to say not if the new Term of Service (ToS) changes. You went in cuz it was said to be platonic, then it changed. So you should not feel bad to say this isn't what I signed up for. An example to make my point is that you signed up in your job to be a cashier, but the second day they give you a knife and say you are the new butcher. If you do not feel comfy, you can say no. Ik it is kinda hard, me speaking as an introverted with anxiety, but if you do not put up boundaries, it is bound to bite you later on the road. Your intention is not to make people feel bad. But you are not their therapist either, if your partner has some kind of illness, a doctor is the one that can help, not you. Your job is not to save people, it is to be in a mutually happy relationship. For the other one, the one that now is presenting as a romantic relationship, you should make the boundary clear too. If you like cuddles, the yay. If you don't like kisses, then nay. Just cuz your partner is changing the ToS, doesn't mean you have to accept them. This is my personal experience, but it may help you. I went in a relationship thinking A. My partner knew that, but along the way it developed into something that I wasn't comfy. And I said nothing. Time flew past and my partner, thinking I agreed to the new ToS cuz I did not say the contrary, went in deeper. And because I wasn't putting boundaries, I ended up hurting them more than if I said something from the beggining. It was my fault not to speak first, but it is not my fault the feelings that my partner felt after it blew up, cuz those I cannot control. I put the boundary and that's it. If the ToS isn't agreed by both parties, the service is cancelled. And I use ToS because it is a simpler way of explaining. It is not by any means the perfect way, but it is more physical to grasp.
  17. Hey there mate! First, hi ^^ hbd and welcome. Ok so you are not alone in this. Your feelings are as valid as mine. I cannot put you a label cuz that is up to you. What I can do is help you understand your situation and what it can mean. So you may be in the aro-spec. This means that you may be aromantic, lithromantic, demi, etc. In the AUREA website you can find all the terms. From what you told, i would look up lithromantic and cupioromantic to have a north and from there take your ship toward the voyage of self-discovery. That is my tip for you. Now, another thing that i saw as important is to take a break from dating to get to know yourself better ^^ (woot woot). I know is not very easy to want something but not being able to go get it. You are not alone in this, you now have an entire website full of people who are all over the world and we all have different experiences and we can help each other out however we can. So yeah, like you said, you are not missing out on whatever allos are doing. You are you, and that is what matters. Also, cherish you friends, and try to find people who you feel comfy to hang out. They do not have to represent a potential partner, just friends who have your back when you fall down and care for your mental/emotional health as much as physical one ( I say this cuz the ones that wrote you aftsr your breakup didn't sound much as friends but more as piranhas). I have friends and i have friends. The first one are the ones I like, the latter are the ones I would give my liver if they need one. ^^ finding the latter is kinda hard, but it makes you time with them fulfilling and meaningful. Cheers mate and may you find what you are looking for.
  18. Found this little gem. So not a direct canon neither headcannon. But worthy nevertheless.
  19. ^ This is so true. After being rly angry with myself and lots of days later I got through it. I like a challenge, but sometimes the challenge wants me to suffer. And for musicals, the Percy Jackson one I heard is quite good, the music and the story.
  20. :3 then lookng forward to it. Also yeah, sometimes we alone, but I like that we can come here each day and find new things.
  21. Love your profile pic. and indeed those moments are beautiful. I would love to have them once per month tho ^^ no more than that. As someone who has insomnia I can tell you that sometimes you only want to sleep some nights. But I agree with you that the world want us to do everything faster. To maximize time. So when you can take it slow, relax and enjoy a good cup of cofee/chocolate and a good reading, it is blissful.
  22. Yassssss. I don't want to see the season finale because i know I will cry and then I won't have a series to pick me up
  23. Once I knew the answer, but now i do not. But that feeling is so amazing for me that I love it each day with the same intensity.
  24. For me it wasn't a click click. I was looking at pinterest boards and there was an aroace comic strip and it mentioned aromantic. Got curious and looked it up and each word of the AUREA definition was a fit. And I said: "ohhhhhhh so I am not broken!, yay". And then found this website and started to read the threads and become more informed. So yeah, it was like the road was foggy and suddenly the fog became thinner and thinner until it dissipated. And yes, I was really happy. I still am, but saying that it is always joy would be false. There are times I long to have a meaningful relationship with someone, even though I have friends who support me 100%. The feeling that your friends will someday go and find a special someone and you will be left behind like a last potato chip in is real. But don't let a single emotion dictate your entire future. Enjoy the present and who you are, first we have to be as whole as possible before even starting to work on the world. Everyone grows at their own pace. Comparing a rich boy from California with a middle class boy from Istanbul is hard. The way the both are raised is different. What they eat/do/see is totally different. Maybe the rich boy throws parties each weekday, while the middle class boy barely has time to eat. At age 9, both of those boys will have different experiences, and so will they see things from a different perspective. But to ask your question, yes, there are persons who started with being orientation A and changed to orientation B. The reasons are their own, maybe they felt more identified with B than A and changed. Maybe they are experimenting, but that it can change, it does. Sexuality is fluid, it is not a straight binary, think like it as a painting. A bit of orange here, and touch of gray here and a whole lot of purple over there.
  25. Glad to help. have a wonderful day/night/existence
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