Early signs that you were aro

[GoodbyeRepublicServices]

On 8/22/2018 at 7:44 PM, Crewe said:

I was pondering the question of "do you believe in love at first sight" (why? Who knows. I think I just wanted to be prepared with an answer if anybody asked me) and eventually decided that yes, I did believe in love at first sight... just not for me.

This short conversation (which was in Spanish, but has been translated to English for this site) occurred in my Spanish class when I was in high school:

My Spanish Teacher [to the class]: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Me [to the teacher]: No!

My Spanish Teacher [to me, sarcastically]: Ok.....thanks, John....

[PeepsInTheChiliPot]

Ever since I was a little kid playing house with my baby dolls and as I got older and imagined my future, I never had a husband. It was just me and my kids. 

[IA_8HAchi]

This is more recent, but anytime I tried to envision my future families, they never had a face, they just had the physical attributes I enjoyed. I hated when people brought up me being married in the future, like it was something required of me. I got sad in school when I saw people hooking up, showing physical signs of affection, but am acceptable of it in fiction, and I just hated when I saw or heard my brothers were in romantic relationships, when I can't picture myself in one, without any negatives.

Edited October 5, 2020 by IA3Faces

[Uxhio]

5 hours ago, IA3Faces said:

This is more recent, but anytime I tried to envision my future families, they never had a face, they just had the physical attributes I enjoyed. I hated when people brought up me being married in the future, like it was something required of me. I got sad in school when I saw people hooking up, showing physical signs of affection, and I just hated when I saw or heard my brothers were in romantic relationships, when I can't picture myself in one, without any negatives.

Well, I relate on the marriage part, I specially hated when my grandma went like:''you just think that because you are a kid, you will change your mind when you are older'' or ''you just think that because you think no one is able to love you, you have low self-esteem''. Ugh, no I want to be loved but not that way.

By the way, I enjoy other people being happy in their relationships and fictional ships too, as long as physical affection, I just don't get the difference between a very close friendship and a romantic partner excepting the sex part but since I'm not ace or sexually repulsed that's confusing. And since it's hard to explain to people I rather prefer to be alone than to find the soulmate I am looking for.

[homonoromo17]

I actually enjoy romance in movies, shows or books. I find it entertaining what people are willing to do because of romantic love, whether it be fiction or reality shows and stuff. But a sign for me I guess was that I never understood weddings. Why people need a paper and jewelery saying they love each other or like why spend tons of money on it? It would have the same purpose if you just got married without all that fuzz and did a bbq party later. And the vows, like we'll be together until death takes us apart. B*tch half of ya'll get divorced, why lie?

Also I don't get the sentiment of first kisses and stuff. Of course never had crushes and didn't understand why it'd be weird not to have them. Always was the only girl I know who's happy to be single, everyone else gets depressed or talks all the time about wanting to date someone. Once I mentioned to my friend that I was never in love and all she said was "That's kinda sad." I was like why tho, you were just crying about falling in love with another di*k that treats you like sh*t.

On 10/1/2020 at 8:20 PM, PeepsInTheChiliPot said:

Ever since I was a little kid playing house with my baby dolls and as I got older and imagined my future, I never had a husband. It was just me and my kids. 

Oh my god, same! I would take care of like 5 dolls of various "ages" and not think about the husband at all. I also wanted to adopt kids since I was really young and for my whole life when kids were brought up I'd always say I wanna adopt.

[homonoromo17]

On 8/23/2018 at 3:44 AM, Crewe said:

one big "you were aro you idiot" moment I remember is in I think middle school I was pondering the question of "do you believe in love at first sight" (why? Who knows. I think I just wanted to be prepared with an answer if anybody asked me) and eventually decided that yes, I did believe in love at first sight... just not for me.

Ah, love at first sight. How does that even work? You freaking look at someone and you're suddenly in love just like that? I thought it was this powerful feeling, how come it's apparently so easy to catch? Those cliché scenes when two people bump into each other and one of them falls behind, so the other one could reach their hand saying "Are you alright?" then the fallen person looks up and *que romantic music* "Y-yes."

I guess love at first conversation would be plausable but wth, allos.

[roboticanary]

One thing I was recently reminded of is that whenever I would hear news about people leaving marriage to later in life or lower rates of marriage altogether my thoughts were of relief. I could put that off for longer. Kick it into the future, even though then I didn't fully comprehend that I was relieved because I just didn't want to marry altogether.

Edited October 9, 2020 by roboticanary

[Guest Aroana]

I never had a problem with romance in movies or in other people’s life, I guess my early signs was that I never really had a crush on anyone, it was more like a friend crush if you know what I mean.
But the real signs came when I first started getting into relationships, I felt sexual attraction and I liked the guy as a best friend but not long into the relationship I stated feeling trapped and almost claustrophobic. This feeling of being trapped kept happening whenever I would get into a relationship and I even felt panic whenever someone would express feelings towards me.

I am now 18 and I just last week figured out that I am aromantic and I feel both relieved and a bit anxious. I just really want to talk to someone else who are also aromantic and I don’t know anyone who identifies by that term. I don’t really know were to go with this new information about myself.

[senACEay_11]

Upon one of my friends asking me, "what my type was," I responded with, "Um, I don't know, nice?" ??

Goodness gracious, sometimes I'm so aro/ace it makes laugh.

[Raindrops]

For me it wasn't until my late teens when I had my first "relationships". I love romance in fiction so I was looking forward to feeling it myself, but it never came. I acted the part, but the whole time I felt stressed and bored. I wanted to just be close, be friends, and I thought more about what would happen if I were to have sex rather than any future with the person. Once we would part ways for the day I would feel relieved. ?

[MyChemicalQPR]

I recently remembered a song I was trying to write when I was like, 13, so of course I was trying to imitate tween pop, because that was all I knew at the time, which meant it had to be romantic. The story was essentially, "I have a crush on you, but I know this would never happen. Oh well, it's fun to think about. Happy song." 

It's almost like I didn't actually want people to reciprocate the """"crushes"""" that other people told me I had at the time. 

[Gemi]

Man, they're so many signs, that I was aro as kid and teen.

Sign 1: Never understood others crushes on classmates or a celebs. Usually my friends would have crush on this one classmate, but all I would see was just a classmate or possibly another friend. Remember 'High School Musical'? A few friends had a crush on Zac Efron, back then. I remember covering my ears and cringing as they screech, when he appears on screen. Had absolutely no clue, what they were seeing and just didn't get it.

Sign 2: When I played dolls with my friends, my doll never had a boyfriend, unlike my friend's dolls. Even when we were playing a storyline from a fandom, I could never act out a romantic relationship with two of the characters. My friend always had to do it.  I'm wondering how I didn't notice until now.

Sign 3: I never had a crush, not even on a celeb.  Classmates? Well, they were just classmates to me, some I wanted to be friends with. Celeb? I love their work and it would be cool to get to know them.  
I use to make the excuse that, I maybe just haven't found the right one or I would need to get to know them first. But once I was in my 20's I started to question myself a bit.

Sign 4: When someone says they like me. I have two reactions, complete confusion and think "Why?" or  Oh, please no.

Sign 5: Never jumping on the teen romance book/movie bandwagon.  Remember Twilight, Divergent, Mortal Instruments, Fault in Our Stars, Love Simon? I had no desire to read the books, even though everyone around me was. I saw some of the movies, due to a friend or cousin who wanted to see it. The only thing I liked about Twilight, was the take on the vampires and werewolves.
Not gonna lie, watching people go from "loving" Twilight, to absolutely hating it, was quite hilarious.

Sign 6: Could never figure out what my "type" is.  My friends could have a list of things that would make someone their type. I however, could only come up with,  is nice, has humour and things in common. The rest was lost to me.

[RecoveryMode]

I thought I always had crushes on boys when I was growing up as a kid.... I later discovered they were never really crushes as I had no desire for kissing, hand holding, cuddling or any typical romantic behaviours. All I wanted was a best-friendship with them. But I did love romance in stories and movies growing up, I even made my barbies fall in love with ken when I was a child... it wasn’t until years later I realised I never liked romance when it materialised itself for me! Weird huh. 

[cyancat]

girl classmates asking me if i have a crush on someone. i say "eh, not really?" and they tell me to make up something. so i do. and i create a whole hecking fantasy about it base off all my feelings and behaviors around the idea that i have a crush on this boy. that i literally had no romantic thoughts toward and only had an intellectual admiration for until i was basically peer-pressured into having a crush. this is... basically how most of my crushes go. i decide on a whim i now have a crush on someone and so i "crush" (really, it's more squishing but whatever) on them until i get bored.

also, the fact that the idea of being in a romantic relationship is... not my end goal really. i crave intimacy because i'm extremely touch-starved, but outside of that, i don't feel like there's anything special about a romantic relationship? i feel like i can be touchy and soft and dumb with someone without it necessarily being in the context of a romantic relationship. queer-platonic relationships just... click better for me.

oh, but i'm extremely invested in other peoples' relationships because i'm honestly vicariously living through them. sexual/romantic attraction tend to be represented as these really good things i guess? so since i can't necessarily experience them myself (or at least not to the extent as others do), i feel like i'm constantly pursuing stuff about them because i feel like my life is so very unexciting in comparison. as such, i tend to be really disinterested in ace/aro stories? i really only care for the drama at this point i guess. that being said, when it comes to writing literally all my characters turn out dark shades of aroace whether i meant it or not - even when i'm very much trying to make two characters romantically/sexually attracted to each other.

for the life of me. let me write a romantic couple dangit—alas, brain cannot comprehend despite the fact that i've read so many cheesy romantic stories at this point my brain is made of mush and more mush. this is... probably why i struggle to write romantic fluff. it's either angst or comedy because romance is like poison to me u.u

also, love at first sight. what. the heck. is. that. can i eat it. is it edible. will it poison me if i eat it. yum, love at first sight, going down the gullet.

whenever i read those "do you have a crush on this person" articles, i tend to have to stretch things and kinda... dismiss/reason them away? like, yeah sure i definitely experience these mmmm, or, eh, its an article can you really believe any of this stuff. it's fine i'm definitely in love definitely haha

Edited November 15, 2020 by cyancat

[Spark_TheDemiboyRat]

When I got to about fifth grade all the "Cool kids" had a bf, so I would randomly choose a guy to have a crush on. I would just go, eenie meenie miny moe, and that's the guy(or girl) that I would have a crush on. Did anyone else feel the need to do this?

[Erederyn]

As a teen, I had a list of "desirable" traits and based my "crushes" on whoever met this list (or I would use it as an excuse to not have a crush, "oh well, nobody meets my standards"). Also I didn't have a problem with the fact that my parents didn't allow me to date until a certain age (and honestly as an adult, I find it a shame that I can't use this excuse anymore hahah). 

[Skylord]

On 10/7/2020 at 8:59 AM, homonoromo17 said:

Oh my god, same! I would take care of like 5 dolls of various "ages" and not think about the husband at all. I also wanted to adopt kids since I was really young and for my whole life when kids were brought up I'd always say I wanna adopt.

At around nine or so I specifically told my mom that I was never going to get married, my reasoning was that I would be too busy trying to be an amazing scientist to even bother looking for anyone, and I didn't want kids either for the same reason, but if I did, I would adopt. I've never understood why people are so obsessed with having biological children and get so upset about not being able to have any of their own, stuff like that, I mean is it really that big of a deal? There are children who need homes and would probably love to have a family, if you want kids so bad then JUST ADOPT. 

[Nagito]

I have never been interested in romantic relationships and I didn’t like watching cartoons, TV series or movies when there were romantic scenes, it was always discomfortable for me. But on the other hand, when I was a teenager I desired to have a romantic partner but I think it wasn’t really me, but social espectations. Other thing is it could be only caused by the fact my parents were ignoring my needs and I needed to have a person to hug and do things like it.

[Blake]

On 11/18/2020 at 4:40 PM, Skylord said:

At around nine or so I specifically told my mom that I was never going to get married, my reasoning was that I would be too busy trying to be an amazing scientist to even bother looking for anyone, and I didn't want kids either for the same reason, but if I did, I would adopt. I've never understood why people are so obsessed with having biological children and get so upset about not being able to have any of their own, stuff like that, I mean is it really that big of a deal? There are children who need homes and would probably love to have a family, if you want kids so bad then JUST ADOPT. 

If I ever have children, it would be via adoption, and that is a big if cuz I love being by myself on a cruise or on a trip. People underestimate how good is traveling without children, the places to eat, places to go and all the fun you can have alone. I want to enjoy life first, my life, then and only then would I consider adopting. Maybe it sounds selfish, but I want to enjoy myself as a priority cuz is my life and people should understand that having kids will cut some experiences from your life. "If you want kids, that is fine by me, but don't oblige me to have them too", is my line of thought.

[Guest Aliizi]

    I always thought the idea of a romantic relationship was... Nice. It sounds nice to have someone that you care deeply about and trust completely, on a level I’ve been told is even greater than parental love.

 

    I’d say the first sign I was aromatic was when I started to experience sexual attraction. It was embarrassing, though I knew it was natural. What I didn’t get, however, was that there was nothing that came with it. I had a strong drive for sex, but no attraction whatsoever to kiss, cuddle, or do anything remotely romantic. Additionally, the sexual attraction wasn’t toward women... It was toward other men.

 

    I identify as the rather strange combination of aromantic, not asexual, and gay.

 

    As for romance in fiction, my reaction was always “Aw, that’s sweet. They really care about each other.” Romance in school? I analyzed it logically, rather than emotionally. “Why do they do that? It’ll only end in heartbreak for both of them”.

[sol]

when i was nine, i had a diary that had little questions to answer about yourself, like "what's your favorite food?" and stuff like that. a few months ago, i found it while organizing my shelf, so i started reading it and there was a question that said "what is your crush's name and why do you like them?". i chose a random classmate's name and to explain why i liked him i literally wrote "because when someone asks me who I like I have to have an answer" THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WROTE WORD BY WORD KJKFDHFKL reading that sentence now knowing i'm aro was the funniest shit ever, but it's also kinda sad that i was already affected by amatonormativity at the age of nine

when i was thirteen, my mom asked me if i liked boys or girls, all i said was "i don't know, i don't really care about that" imagine my mom's concerned face

when i was fourteen, some of my friends and classmates started shipping me with my best friend. my friends asked me several times if i liked him and i would always be like "i don't know??? how do you know if you like someone??" and they would explain to me how it feels to have a crush and i would be like #?$@error 404%#* (turns out he didn't like me neither so it was fine, the shipping didn't change anything (also shipping your classmates is so weird why do people do that))

[Skylord]

8 hours ago, babo_ said:

when i was thirteen, my mom asked me if i liked boys or girls, all i said was "i don't know, i don't really care about that" imagine my mom's concerned face

I had a similar experience with my mom at fourteen, I think she thought I was homo at the time because, for a while, she would frequently express to me that she would be okay with it if I were and that it's not bad or anything, etc. One day I was helping her fold laundry and she finally just asked if I liked boys or girls and my response was "Well, I don't really think I like either," and she just gave me a weird look and proceeded to fold the laundry, discussion ended. And so began my identity crisis. This was before I'd heard of aromantic, asexual, or anything in between. 

[Kallie]

2 hours ago, Skylord said:

I had a similar experience with my mom at fourteen, I think she thought I was homo at the time

Dunno about my mom, but some of my friends though I was gay ХD

I've enver shown much interest in dating, but I would gush about female celebrities and fictional characters, and one time my friend asked me if I was a lesbian.

[cyancat]

to the people saying they would rather adopt, thank you. thank you so much. that means a lot to me. it’s really dumb alskdls, but i’m adopted so for me the idea that people would rather have biological children of their own hurts a lot. i’ve been on the end of my own mother having a bias for her biological grandchildren over her own child and it’s... alskdls, idk, adopted children don’t seem to be as valued as biological children even tho they’ll absolutely see their adopted parent as their family but the family may not necessarily... treat them the same back because they’re not biological

anyway that’s all to say that found family is a favorite trope of minefor a reason alskdksl

Edited November 30, 2020 by cyancat

[nonmerci]

@cyancatthat's sad! Biological or adopted, no difference, they are their parent's children.

Found family is also one of my favorite trope.