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Everything posted by Erederyn

  1. Seeing others "moving ahead" with their lives and having connections can definitely lead to resentment when you're not in a good place yourself. I think it's a normal response to have when you feel that your life is lacking in some way (aka not having a genuine connection with anyone). It sucks that you were left out of important news from a family member, and it sucks not having any friends or close relationships, having no one to talk to. I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I don't want to give any unsolicited advice, sometimes you just have to vent and that's alright. But while it's im
  2. I came across aromanticism for the first time at around 18-19ish, which is relatively young, but there was so little information on it that I kind of just dismissed it for some time until my mid-20s when there was more information out there which helped me better realize I was aro and come to terms with it. So I suppose rather than finding out earlier, I wish I had more resources available to me earlier to better help me because then maybe I'd have established that with myself earlier.
  3. Yeah, exactly. I think there's actually been a general upward trend in platonic co-parenting because people are realizing that it's more stable. I'm so sorry that happened to you, that's awful! :( That's a good point, they might not have realized that it hurt me. I'll definitely give that a try, thanks!
  4. Comments that bother me are usually related to invalidating the importance of friendships. Some specific examples are friends saying that romantic feelings are mean "more" than platonic feelings/having strong feelings for someone can only be romantic (gushing about a friend = “obviously a crush”). Or downplaying the loss of a friendship and that it’s not a big deal because it’s not a romantic partner. Or two friends can’t/shouldn’t co-parent and shouldn’t be allowed to adopt children together because friendship is a “less stable and less legitimate” relationship... It's nice to read, tho
  5. Something that I find myself getting a bit frustrated with from time to time is dealing with amatonormativity from close friends who know I’m aromantic and have said that they accept me and think I’m valid. We’ve had some discussions about what it’s like to be aromantic and generally how the emphasis on romance in society can be harmful, and I’ve explained to them to the concept of amatonormativity and have had conversations on this with them a couple of times and so forth. I find however that they’ll still say or do really amatonormative things, and I get a bit disappointed and hurt. I h
  6. Yeah, it was an... interesting experience, for sure lol. But yeah, I can see how clubs/organizations are not the best option 😅 I'm not a fan of big groups myself, so I started a small online book club (3 people) and language practice group (4 people), and I made some connections that way. But I get that you want to stop putting yourself out there after not having much luck. Sometimes you just need to take a break from trying and let yourself pine a little, nothing wrong with that! I hope things go more in your favor in the future, though :)
  7. I'm sorry to hear that you've had negative experiences with friendships, it really sucks when that happens. Making new friends is hard, even more so when previous attempts didn't turn out well. It also doesn't help that it can sometimes be harder to make friends as an adult and opportunities are limited in the middle of a pandemic. I get the frustration, though. I moved to a new country a couple of years ago and I'm still learning the language and trying to build up an entirely new social network as an adult (I've had people tell me to my face that they don't want to hang out because they alr
  8. Nice that you found a friend you like so much! Perhaps you could say something along the lines of "It would be nice to have the company of a friend, would you like to have dinner with me?"/"It would be nice to have dinner with a friend, would you like to join me?" I would say that's pretty clear that you mean it platonically and not as a date. Good luck!
  9. - Lack of common courtesy - Cancel culture/perfection culture (not being able to admit wrongdoings or ignorance, harshly penalizing others for mistakes without allowing room for growth, learning...) - Too much clutter/disorganization - Bigotry - Respectability politics - Close-mindedness
  10. It can be hard to find good songs about friends! Here are a couple, though, I hope you enjoy :) "Hug All Ur Friends" by Cavetown "Count on Me" by Bruno Mars "Thank You for Being a Friend" by Andrew Gold
  11. Oh, nice! I lived in Maastricht for a bit, did my master's there. I miss the hills
  12. I live in de Randstad area, more towards center of the Netherlands. And you?
  13. I do! Sometimes it feels like there are barely any aros in the Netherlands (or that it's not as visible here). Yeah, that's alright, you can say it like that! You could also say "I'm a pansexual aroacespike cis woman" :) Either way gets it across though.
  14. Hallo, Miranda! Exciting to meet an aroace-spectrum person who also lives in the Netherlands. I'm glad that you were able to find a label that feels right to you. I think most people would say "I am [label/identity]" but if you like to say "I feel aroacespike" that's fine as well :) Anyway, welcome to the community, I hope you have a nice time around here!
  15. Those sound like some nice plans, folks. All the best, I hope you all can accomplish your goals! My plans/goals for this year are to become more involved with activism and building the skills required for this, get back into music (I completely stopped listening to music and playing the violin/piano because I felt "emotionally constipated"), be more patient and accepting of where I am in life now even if it's not my ideal situation, and to put myself out there more (instead of only lurking online and not interacting 😅). Also to finally publish a research paper I've been working on
  16. I get the struggle. I haven't used it myself yet, but I was recently recommend an app called Lex, in which you post short personal ads. It's for queer people and there are people looking for a variety of relationships/connections (romo, friendships, fwb...). Perhaps that's another option to try out!
  17. Welcome! There are a lot of people here who enjoy writing as well :) I hope you find this space helpful in further understanding yourself and finding what works for you!
  18. Welcome! I also know what it's like having lived in a conservative area and not having any in-person LGBTQ+ groups around, so online spaces are seriously a gift. I hope you feel comfortable and welcomed here. Learning survival skills sounds cool, I started getting a bit into foraging the past two years myself!
  19. Best wishes to everyone for the new year! 

    1. NotHeartless


      Happy new year, it can only get better ^_^.

  20. Hello Toast, I hope you can learn a lot here, there are definitely some interesting discussions! Welcome and nice to meet you 😃
  21. Relationship anarchy has been so instrumental in how I navigate my relationships now. I wish more people know about it mainstream! You're right in that the RA manifesto is inspiring, I like to read through it once in a while, thanks for sharing it.
  22. Apparently the orange/yellow/white/blue flag is one of the most populars ones and is used on the aroace LGBTA wiki, so maybe that's the official one (perhaps someone else knows better?). But here's an explanation of all the aroace flags! https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Aroace
  23. I also identified as greyro for a bit before identifying as aro. I wasnt sure if I had experienced romantic attraction ever, but I knew I wasn't too into the idea of romantic relationships. I used the greyro label as a way to allow myself some wiggle room in case I was a late bloomer. It did help ease the transition for me and once I was a bit older, I felt confident that I was aro. Perhaps it goes another way for you, of course. Either way, sometimes labels are about the journey of self-learning. But like Autumn said, you can always change your label later. Labels are supposed to serve y
  24. Hello! I'm glad that despite the difficulties, you're becoming comfortable with your identity. Nice to meet you, and welcome to the community!
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