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Everything posted by roboticanary

  1. The answer to that depends on the character and her personality. As much as it is important she reacts in a way which does not sound ungrateful the most important thing is that she acts as a person. She should have a real personality, real feelings and act in ways which are consistant. If she is a shy character maybe she offers to talk it through with the mother in private, rather than an open refusal. when they are alone she explains that she has no interest in marriage. If she is a passionate character maybe she does state outfront that she has no interest in marriage to any of the prin
  2. I realise now that whenever I made serious plans for the future I always worked on the assumption that I would be living alone and as self sufficient as I could be. I remember when I first went to university and I was making sure I learnt all the cooking things I wanted before I left, my grandad joked that I should 'just find myself a woman for that'. This was also a thing when I was first looking for places to live, the thought of having a bit more space incase someone moved in with me just never occured to me and I only found out that was unusual when a friend visited and asked me what
  3. on at least a couple of occasions over the last few months i have wondered why people I know have been able to meet and talk to each other then remembered they were partners and just lived together.
  4. Agreed as well, also it might be worth checking out their feelings about things more tangentially related to aromanticism, perhaps finding out what they think of someone you know currently living single (if they seem comfortable with the idea of them being happy, good sign. If their thoughts are that that sort of person needs to find a partner, probably best to not out yourself for a while). Not that you have to live alone to be aromantic, but it is a good guage of peoples attitude.
  5. I'd say pretty much what I said in the happy to be aromantic thread recently 'Being self reliant is fantastic. I am quite happy that there is no one person who has great control over how I live my life in the way a romantic relationship tends to have.' I really like the ability to be in control, I don't feel comfortable relying on others and the fact that I am in reasonable control of where I live and work and the basics of my life (getting food, what I do to relax) are in my control.
  6. Things are slowly getting back to something approaching normal in the UK and I am slowly starting to see a few friends in person for the first time in ages. It really made me realise how lonely I was before but just getting through because there was no other choice.
  7. sure a million dollars but for 1 hour every day you are in intense pain that you cannot stop.
  8. too cold, I'm a big lad and hot weather is just not my thing would you rather be a dolphin or a panda
  9. One of the things I have realised is that I am very comfortable playing a sort of 'joke' romance around other people. Around good friends of mine I can refer to people in romantic terms if it can be played off as just messing around. or if we disagree I will say that we should be an old married couple, that sort of thing. As long as I am confident it will not be taken seriously. I have been thinking over this behaviour for a while and I think some of it may be linked to wanting to belong while I wasn't comfortable being in a romantic relationship as a serious thing. I could feel for a whi
  10. Hi Skye cool to see someone else finding a place like this. It is a big weight off the chest to find other people like you. I agree with the thing about stigma for being single. I suspect some of it may be to do with that difficulty picturing a future without being in a romantic relationship. If someone doesn't know how it could be to live outside of that it leads to fear about how it might be if someone they know goes down that route.
  11. If people are interested this might be something to take a look at. This is the roundup of the April carnival of aros. This time people wrote about 'Self-care, Self-love, and Aromanticism' https://cpbwrites.wordpress.com/2021/05/04/carnival-of-aros-roundup-april-2021-self-care-self-love-and-aromanticism/ Sidenote, one of the submissions is from me and I am really happy to have finally started participating in these.
  12. OK, that makes a lot of sense comparing the kinds of expectations people have coming into conflict with aromanticism/hikikomori. Apologies I was thinking earlier on the parallels between hikikomori and aromantics themselves. What you said there is a fair point.
  13. you only have one singular migraine, but it does happen literally all the time I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
  14. Yeah I feel that sometimes, certainly the idea that friendships are not seen as deep relationships in the way romantic ones are is something many people around me believe. A few things that I do to try and deal with them, firstly I try to find examples of other sorts of relationships which are not romantic but clearly are deep, meaningful and lasting. a few friendships I know that have lasted for years. Knowing it is possible to form those relationships is helpful for me (although not for everyone and some people do not want those sorts of relationships). Another thing I remember is
  15. I reckon we've already got that sorted. Getting children is fine, I'm certainly fine with having sex. For raising children: stable non-romantic relationships, single parenthood, raising children as a larger societal group. there are already plenty of ways that could work. On the larger question, there could be some overlap between the experience of a single aro and the experience of a hikikomori (not sure how the phrasing of that works) but I am not sure how useful those overlaps would be. Hikikomori seems very extreme in its isolation in a way I have never seen in aro spaces.
  16. she really should have went with you, sounds great
  17. Agreed. As I say, I'm lucky I got away without needing to deal with this. That's a really good line, I might take that next time I am asked. Yeah this seems like a decent way of dealing with things as well, I might try that in the future.
  18. I was talking with an old friend of mine about not enjoying events where you are expected to go as a couple. In his case it was a school prom where at the time he was single and was very unhappy that his options seemed to be to either beg some girl he barely knew or be seen as a loser (his phrasing not mine). Luckily for me I don't remember any events I have had to be at where the expectation was that blunt. A school prom as a major social event wasn't really a thing where I was as a kid. I got thinking how glad I was that I hadn't had to deal with that. I have been in places where it was
  19. Feeling as though you would want to form a romantic relationship but just cannot yourself is a common thing here. There is a lot of societal pressure that this is something you should want. As Acecream says As much as it is a frustration to not feel these feelings you may desire it is not something which disables you. Even if you never end up in a relationship that is similar to a romantic one that does not mean being alone. I know quite a few old people who are not in romantic relationships because their partners either died or divorced. These people are not alone, they indu
  20. Yeah, agreed with the other posts here, not sure an aro forum is the best place to find the answer to this. anyway, spin the wheel of advice* you should talk to them, discussing this in a calm and reasoned manner is probably the best option as for whether you are right to be mad, he did lie and he lied about who he was intimate with. I suppose intimacy is one of the things you value very highly in your relationship. how you display that mood is up to you but you have every right to be unhappy with how he has handled this. * my aro wheel of advice is 90% talk
  21. good on you I reckon I'm slowly getting to that attitude, as I get older it matters less
  22. phone. computer is mostly the same but more powerful. Would you rather have a metre long beard or a metre wide moustache
  23. a million dollars and a free cactus, sure a million dollars but everyone you see turns into scones
  24. A few days ago I put a comment in the aros as hardworking thread about how people in my family joked that I was 'just focusing on my work' as I wasn't in a romantic relationship. ( ) To be honest I don't mind them saying it but thinking back it is slightly frustrating that the first thing people around me think of for not being in a relationship is a focus on work rather than saying I'm taking time for myself. I don't think anyone would consider joking that I am just focusing on my hobbies. Has anyone else had people say this sort of thing? What do you think about it?
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