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roboticanary

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Everything posted by roboticanary

  1. I just had this thought that the folk song 'Ilkla Moor Baht 'at' starts with someone out courting on the moor and the message is that they will die of cold and get eaten. I remember an old version I heard where the final verse warns 'Don't go a courting Mary Jane' . Not an aro song but I'm definitely claiming it.
  2. how much of 'romantic' pretty much boils down to price. I used to joke that the most romantic part of a meal was the bill, which got a few grumpy looks. Also from my failed attempt at a romantic relationship the demand for affection just seemed exhausting. Like even if I was good at showing affection to people romance just seems so over the top.
  3. I used to feel annoyed by that. I also still think a lot of people could do a lot better at balancing their friendships with their romantic life. I get that it isn't a betrayal and that that person has found someone who makes them feel better but it will still hurt. It is fine to be happy for them but still sad that someone you care for is likely to be around less and that your friendship is likely to suffer. I don't think that makes you a terrible person.what matters is how you act on those thoughts. If you act grouchy around your friend then you are a bit of an arsehole, but if you keep being friends and being good to them you are fine.
  4. From this post: One thing that came up is that the amatonormative tropes talked about are mixed in with sexism. For example the idea that stalking is sort of fine if it is done to pursue romance is an idea rooted in sexism. So I thought it would be a good idea to start a thread discussing that link, the intersection between amatonormative ideas and sexism. From my experience here are a couple of things I have experienced that are amatonormative but also linked to sexism. being judged on my ability to 'pull' a woman as a measure of my worth. the stereotype of the bachelor as an untidy slob living on beans on toast 3 times a day. (stemming from the idea that women do the housework so men must be crap at it, but also rooted in the idea of a romantic relationship as a way to complete you as a person, and that your single existance is going to be miserable) family joking about my desire to learn at least some cooking (I distincty remember my grandad joking that I should just 'get a woman for that') So what other things can people think of? what are your thoughts on this?
  5. My thought was that as this was a quick guide to amatonormativity, that was possibly a good idea. Push for more general things which affect people who are not aro, mixed in with the aro activism. I suppose this is difficult because of the quick format used but it would be good to have a piece that pointed out that putting romance on a pedestal is going to be linked to sexism. similar sort of thing with compulsory sexuality. Setting out that compulsary sexuality is always going to be linked to objectification would be an interesting leaflet.
  6. Hi Ikarus same, if only life was that simple.
  7. Ok I will try to give an answer to this. 1.) They don't do a good job as an equivalent to allo. This is because point 2 about neutrality is wrong 2.) No. Because romantic and sexual are fairly common words in English they carry a lot of connotations that allo doesn't. So they end up being less neutral. Romantic, to me at least, carries a particular quality. I sometimes use it out of habit but there are people who I know who are alloromantic but because of attitude/class/background I would not describe them as romantic. Or they would not describe themselves as romantic despite them feeling romantic attraction. This would be a pain in the arse if I had to use the term to replace alloromantic. Same with sexual. It carries in my head an idea of how that person acts now. There are people I know who are allosexual as a definition but, for example, describing my granny as allosexual is very different from saying my granny is sexual. Having allosexual allows a specific word defined by aspecs. No outside cultural meanings to confuse me or anyone I am talking to. 3.) No. And if the problem was that allosexual was being used as an orientation term at the expense of other orientations then how in the name of all that Is good and holy does saying sexual instead solve the problem.
  8. Hi Joey Hope the forum helps you. There are a few alloaro people around (i'm one of them). So if you ask around about physical intimacy while being aro there should be a fair few people to give you advice.
  9. That's a good advantage. It always surprises me how dumb people can be in their desire to party.
  10. Apparently I am now a veteran here. Feels good to be getting old for once.

  11. roboticanary

    Hobbies

    Just wondering if people are interested in sharing examples of their hobbies, or just talking about what you do. Here's some miniature painting I have been playing about with recently
  12. To be honest I always thought of dating sites as kind of expected to be used for casual hookups and like, maybe, leading to romance but very rarely. Another thought with that is that romantic folks seem to have a whole load of wierd and stupid rules about what counts as a date, so 6 dates might end up also being months of communication.
  13. Looking back at my childhood I was really uncomfortable at a lot of social events. I have always thought it was just me being a nervous introvert who didn't like the numbers. But as I got older I realised I was absolutely fine going to a football match, so it wasn't numbers and I was much better going to some events than others. It might just be age but I have a sneaky suspicion the reason I became uncomfortable was not because of people but because of the romance. So I was really uncomfortable at weddings but fine during funerals. some celebrations with schoolfriends were a nightmare which I suspect was the implication that you use this to pull. but smaller birthday parties and the like were fine. One of the things that really stands out to me is that there was a party put together by a few parents around the first year of secondary school, I just made up an excuse and sat at home instead. Thinking about it again it just seemed like the rest of my year looked at it as a chance for romance, a way to get a date and I wasn't comfortable with that. So did anyone else feel uncomfortable because events had romantic connotations? Have you ever avoided an event so you didn't have to deal with romance?
  14. See how you feel. Whether or not you are aromantic if someone you are with does things that make you feel not right it is best if you talk that out with them. Even people who absolutely are romantic can have phrases which they prefer partners not to use or actions that don't sit right with them. It is something you need to discuss if you want to feel comfortable in a relationship. If trying to make some sort of qpr with that person seems better to you then give it a go. You might be aro and that feeling that a lot of what you thought were crushes look more like friendships is an experience a lot of aros have.
  15. False? I like dogs exactly as much as i like dogs? TPBM has a pet
  16. Hi That sucks about thinking dating was the way to make your friends stay. I got that sort of messaging too as a kid where, like, if someone doesn't want a romantic relationship with you or a romantic relationship fails, you should just leave each other for good. That always seemed really sad but I guess I never challenged it. Cool that you have discovered aromanticism though, hope you have a good time here. As you say you really want to make friends a couple of things I would recommend are the aromantic socials each month and the discord. The socials are a good way to actually chat to people here in person (although depends on how far out your time zone is, they are geared towards Europe). The discord is better set up for off topic discussion and getting to know people than a forum, so might be interesting to you.
  17. OK, sorry for the morbid topic but it is something that I was talking about recently. For most romantic people the will seems kind of simple, I was talking to my grandad about this because he was dealing with writing up his will. If he didn't write anything and just suddenly died the will would be split with the following order: spouse, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren (if none it goes to the state). So as my nan has already died his assets would pass to his children (my mum and my uncle would split it). He made up a will as a way to make sure some things went to close friends and that there were a few things that went to specific grandchildren and a few things to more distant family members. It got me thinking, what do I want my will to look like given I know i am aromantic. I am pretty confident I will never have a spouse and will never have kids, so what would I actually do. At the moment I hopefully have a fair bit of time to set myself up for this, but my thoughts are this. Assuming my parents die befor me most of what I own would go to my younger brother. He would certainly get most of the stuff because I wouldn't want to burden a friend with that. There are a couple of charities I would put some money to The rest possibly to a few close friends, though that would basically be little sentimental things or a bit of money So a couple of questions for people here because I wonder if you have some good ideas 1. roughly how would you split up a will as an aromantic person? 2. If you are open to forming a nonromantic form of relationship, would you go through with marriage to get the useful legal benefits of being a spouse, like that automatic inheritance?
  18. Hi, no worries about whether you post much or not, just interact as much or as little as you are happy with enjoy being here Since you already have key lime pie and coffee from Blake I will offer some ice cream instead
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