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About Erederyn

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  1. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Honestly, I'm also really scared to come out to my parents even though I've been out of the house for years now, being my own boss, making my own life. I'm thinking I'll just wait until I'm 30/35 and then they can't really give me a "you're still young" or "it's just a phase" talk 😅 But seriously, no, I really feel for you. I also don't have any good suggestions because I haven't come out to my parents, except that I've been doing what nonmerci suggested above. For years already I've been saying over and over again that I don't want to get married, I don't want romantic relationships, I don't want kids, and that I want to plan my life with friends. In the beginning, they didn't understand and gave the typical responses and even asked me if I was traumatized/something happened to me to make me that way. But in the last two years, they've become more accepting of it (or less in denial?) and even if they don't understand it, they're respecting my life choices. I am terrified, though, that if I come out to them by putting a label on it that is anything but straight, they'll absolutely not accept it.🙃 You mention that you know you can't hide it from them forever, but it's also your choice to come out. You don't have to come out if you don't want to. I feel like there is often this pressure to come out and I understand that you may feel the desire to do so, especially since you're family-oriented, but you can also still live your truth and your life without coming out. It is very much your choice and not something you must do 🙂
  2. Hello! I also love coffee and cats 😃 Funny how we come to realize things about ourselves sometimes, do you think that perhaps you decided to put an aro character in your fanfiction because you already felt drawn to it before you even realized it?
  3. Erederyn

    would you rather

    Stay at home for a week and constantly work, at least I'll have all my comforts at my disposal. I'm such a homebody 😅 Would you rather have the ability to remember everything or never get tired?
  4. As a teen, I had a list of "desirable" traits and based my "crushes" on whoever met this list (or I would use it as an excuse to not have a crush, "oh well, nobody meets my standards"). Also I didn't have a problem with the fact that my parents didn't allow me to date until a certain age (and honestly as an adult, I find it a shame that I can't use this excuse anymore hahah).
  5. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I feel this loneliness too. I accept and embrace my aro-ness, and it's not something I would change about myself, but it is hard. I want similar things that you mentioned and it can be so frustrating because it feels so much more difficult to have this as an aro person. Whenever I feel like this, I try to tell myself that it's not myself I wish were different but more that I wish society were different so that we could more easily have the relationships we want. Maybe that's a way to look at it? I do still hope and try, though, to form meaningful relationships regardless. But yeah, it sucks sometimes.... Anyway, I don't really have anything very constructive or uplifting to say, but I just wanted to let you know that I very much empathize.
  6. I am also someone who really desires a found family and perhaps a life partner (although this is not 100% necessary). It can definitely feel daunting and very lonely at times being aro and wanting this sort of life partnership/relationship. There aren't really any roadmaps, so we have to essentially create our own relationships and navigate this in a world that is not used to platonic relationships of this sort. But I have noticed more and more (allo) people realizing the importance of platonic relationships and being more open to this, so it's not totally hopeless. I did have a queerplatonic partner with an alloromantic allosexual person. So it is possible and for the most part it was rather successful! Unfortunately, because of long-distance (permanently moved to another country) and some mental health issues, we ended the partnership (although we are still very good friends), but otherwise, we'd probably still be together. As to how to seek a partnership, I think the first step is looking at yourself. Before seeking out a partnership, you need to truly define what is a partnership for yourself. This might seem obvious, but sometimes partnerships don't work out because this wasn't really clear to begin with. I think relationship anarchy comes in very handy here (what are the elements that you want in a partnership). And another important thing is to consider what is non-negotiable for you and what things you are more flexible on. As someone seeking a non-traditional relationship, flexibility can be important (although don't sell yourself short and don't ever make yourself do something you're not comfortable with). I started off really wanting a life platonic partnership, but I have become okay with the fact that that might not be possible/really hard to find and would be happy with having a found family with friends without partnership (so for example, I have a friend who would be willing to share a home together long-term with her and her girlfriend, and potentially co-parent any children they have, although I wouldn't be a partner). I can't give any advice as to how to seek a partner via apps or online because I've never used those and honestly, I'm not sure what all there is out there. But I can share how I go about this. What I have learned is to be very open and forthcoming with friends (friends you trust and are close with and with whom you could see yourself sharing a life with). I have had many conversations with friends about commitment, what I need in my friendships, what I want for the future, and checked in with them on how they feel about all that. This is how I started my first QPP. It's not always succesful, of course (I had a friend with whom I specifically wanted to have a found family, but that didn't work out). And really, even if these conversations don't result in a partnership, you might find that your friendships become closer and can better provide you with the support that you need. That's what happened for me, and actually, I have felt less of a need for a partnership. Perhaps this approach is not really suitable for you, but could be something to try! But no, I don't think you will be alone forever. It is hard, I won't sugar coat that. It takes a lot of work and might take a lot of trial and error and there might be quite some disappointment. Also, you might not find the exact type of relationship that you're looking for. But don't be discouraged, it's not all hopeless. There is a chance of you finding a partnership that you want 🙂 (sorry this ended up long haha)
  7. I also had this dilemma. I enjoy solitude (need it even), but having a found family is also important to me. After living alone for a couple of years, though, I have been wanting more to share a home with someone (although living alone definitely has its perks!). For me, though, it doesn't necessarily mean that I need a partner. Living with friends who are deeply committed to making a life together is also something I'd enjoy. My dream home would actually be a two-in-one home (like a studio built into a house), so that I could have my own little space, but also be close and connected to loved ones! Also, you can have both a long-term partner and live alone You don't necessarily have to live with a partner!
  8. @arokaladin Eeyy, I'm currently reading Words of Radiance! Nice to meet you too 😃
  9. @CharCharChar It was coined by autcore! https://autcore.tumblr.com/post/189594016434/aroqueer-an-identity-for-anyone-on-the-aro
  10. Thank you for the welcome!
  11. If you're looking for more fantasy and enjoy some rich world building, I suggest reading some books in the Cosmere series by Brandon Sanderson! Specifically, I would recommend the Mistborn trilogy. If you like trees and nature and want something non-fiction, then I suggest The Hidden Life of Trees by Peter Wohlleben. It was a fascinating read!
  12. Hiya! I've been around for some time, but it's taken a while for me to post. So I'm finally popping in to say hello! I'm 28 years old and aroqueer. I suspected I was aro since high school, but I finally accepted the label about five years ago and have never looked back. Livin' that academic life and working on my PhD on psychopathology (as in the study of mental health, not psychopaths 😁). I like to read (Brandon Sanderson, anyone?), think mushrooms are cool, and have recently gotten into D&D. I'm really glad to have found this space for aros, especially since it's difficult finding aros out in the wild. It's comforting to read about people's experiences and remembering that I'm not alone 🙂
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