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Early signs that you were aro


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In elementary school many kids were "dating" and I really didn't get it. I ended up having "crushes" but I think they were just people I thought were cool, so I called them crushes just to fit in.

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I just remembered something from my time in primary school.

Year 6 English,  so about 10/11. We were put into small groups and told to write a newspaper as if it were about our school. 

One of the girls in my group was really insistent that we should have love gossip stuff in there. And said I should write one of those stories.

Now I had no idea what i was doing so instead wrote a story of how she had killed her boyfriend, chopped him up, and hid his body at the end of the school field.

I was really proud of it, I even got to use the word dismembered which I had just learned. And I spelt it correctly.

I was quite shocked when she didn't like the story and called the teacher over. I was even more surprised when the teacher wanted a quiet word with me about what I had written.

Actually the teacher was ok with it and knew kids can have that sort of twisted humour, but she suggested that maybe I should write something else.

I still think i'm right though, no-one should read romance gossip and my story was much better.

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When I was younger, I wanted to be a single Mom...never mind that is considered one of the most unfortunate things to be in our society.

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When I was growing up, I didn't like getting kisses from family members. These kisses obviously weren't romantic and I don't remember my lips ever touching someone else's, but it did have me dreading kisses that were romantic. Maybe that's not unusual for young kids, but I still felt that way well into high school.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Meraki

In 6th grade, girls of my grade would hit on guys on the busThey would act as if they disliked them but kept coming back for more (the boys' attention) anyways. I didn't understand their "strange" behavior at the beginning until, after multiple observations, I realized they were probably hitting on the boys while pretending to dislike them. This confused me even more. ? I didn't feel embarrassed to ask in front of them why they pretended to dislike the guys when, in reality, they liked them. They denied liking the boys, as if I wasn't supposed to expose their obvious (to me) game, haha. 

Looking back, other people's romantic behavior really did confuse meI couldn't recognize why they would behave in such ways for love. It felt more like an act to me. I wasn't interested in dating as I did not understand its purpose. (I did "fall in love" with someone later on, but after some time I kept fluctuating between wanting the relationship and feeling dread and anxiety from itTo this day I do not understand how my attraction works, but despite it I still want to find a label that fits me. Though, I do know my feelings were never romantic.) 

I had "crushes" in the past but these only turned out to be boys I simply liked in a platonic way. I was given the idea that I should fall in love with a boy and so I will gain happiness from it. So I guess I was following up on this idea, as if it were supposed to be a dream of mine when, in reality, I felt different. This only complicated things for me when it comes to questioning because I spent so long thinking "I should want this" that I can't tell if I ever actually did.

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Guest Meraki
On 2/4/2022 at 12:41 PM, Aroace Sailor Scout said:

When I was growing up, I didn't like getting kisses from family members. These kisses obviously weren't romantic and I don't remember my lips ever touching someone else's, but it did have me dreading kisses that were romantic. Maybe that's not unusual for young kids, but I still felt that way well into high school.

I thought.. I thought this was normal? Eep-

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2 hours ago, Guest Meraki said:

I didn't understand their "strange" behavior at the beginning until, after multiple observations, I realized they were probably hitting on the boys while pretending to dislike them.

People actually do that? I’ve seen it on TV.

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When I was a kid, whenever a kissing scene came on in a movie or a show, even a comic, I would turn away until my parents told me "It's done", with weird looks at me afterwards. The scenes just made me feel super uncomfortable, and they still sort of do. It's the same thing with all those shirtless scenes that some movies would have.

Also, when people started to get crushes on each other and talk about that stuff, I just... didn't really fit. My friends would sometimes come up to me and say "isn't [insert stereotypical name here] hot???" or "i think i have a crush on [insert another stereotypical name here]." and I would sort of just go... "alright?" because i didn't know how to respond to that. I had never gotten a crush and I didn't know what it felt like, so I just went along with it thinking that "I'll feel attraction someday."

The only "love life" I have ever experienced to date was in elementary school, when my entire grade thought this one kid and I were together simply because we were both the shortest people in the grade level. The thought kind of just repulsed me entirely, to the point where I actively ignored the other kid who got unfortunately "shipped" with me. He was a cool kid, don't get me wrong, he was nice, and we got along well. We had a silent agreement that year and then on: Don't talk to each other, don't interact with each other unless necessary (school projects, plays, music class, etc). Thankfully, when the next year came around, everyone stopped. But that whole ordeal made me really realize that I didn't even like the notion of getting put into a possibly romantic relation with anyone else. 

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I "fell out of love" really easily. I think my last relationship I was just kinda idolizing them and was really happy to have a new friend since I was kinda lonely at the time so I confused it for romantic attraction.

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I always felt completely alienated to the concept of romantic love and couldn't really understand it, when I had "crushes" I only wanted to be their friend, hence why I loved saying AP (Platonic love in spanish is amor platonico) rather than "crush", because that feeling was utterly platonic, occasionally it would be alterous attraction. 

Last year found out that what I want is a QPR and not an actual romantic partner.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Before I knew I was aro, I would look around at all of the kids in my classroom and decide who would be my "crush for the year" so that I could fit in with everybody else.

...I thought everybody was faking having crushes too haha, turns out it was just me-

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When I was younger my friends forced me to have a crush on someone but I faked it so easiely and somehow we both ended up in a relationship but its has makes the things only worser for me so I broke up 5days later

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On 3/23/2022 at 3:41 AM, queer_kaleidoscope said:

Before I knew I was aro, I would look around at all of the kids in my classroom and decide who would be my "crush for the year" so that I could fit in with everybody else.

...I thought everybody was faking having crushes too haha, turns out it was just me-

I did exactly the same thing!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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On 1/29/2022 at 10:53 PM, roboticanary said:

I still think i'm right though, no-one should read romance gossip and my story was much better.

I would read it 

Romance Gossip story or a killer girl story second ones sounds better

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On 1/30/2022 at 4:43 PM, alto said:

When I was younger, I wanted to be a single Mom...never mind that is considered one of the most unfortunate things to be in our society.

This just reminded me of something, which is actually pretty morbid so if anyone wants me to delete this then fine.

I grew up with the tradition of not getting re-married if your spouse passed away, no matter how young you were. So I wanted to be a widow. Widows had all the respect of a married woman with none of the day-to-day marriage.

As I grew up I realised that was a pretty messed up idea, & maybe if I'd known about aromanticism then I might have figured it out a bit sooner!

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In elementary school (I think I was 9?) we had two kids who were ‘dating’. One of my friends was for some reason really jealous about that and asked me to ‘date’ him. I was like ‘uh sure?’. After that the other two kids had some sort of pretend wedding ceremony so of course my ‘date’ wanted this as well. I freaked out internally but sort of went along with it? I stood him up at the last minute though, and the teacher commented I looked ‘like a very sad bride’ 😬

Weirdly enough he wanted to keep dating me after that but then I finally broke up with him when we were playing a racing game on pc and he turned it of right before I won.

We were still friends, nothing really changed, but I felt such intense relief after all that nonsense was over…

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I realized I was Aro really not that long ago. I've been known to get crushes and then drop them super quickly. Of both genders. I struggled with if I was bisexual or a lesbian for a LONG, LONG time but turns out I like no one. Hah!

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 3/23/2022 at 2:41 AM, queer_kaleidoscope said:

Before I knew I was aro, I would look around at all of the kids in my classroom and decide who would be my "crush for the year" so that I could fit in with everybody else.

...I thought everybody was faking having crushes too haha, turns out it was just me-

I didnt make up crushes, but yeah, I did think everyone was just making them up. That would have been the earliest sign, and really should have made me think more.

Goes hand in hand with romance in music and media, I just assumed it was made up or exagerated. I mean, its fiction, why wouldnt they be making it up?

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I remember when someone had a crush on me and I was like "???"

I also faked my crushes a bunch of times bc I thought that was how to fit in, when it was just an attractive person

I remember reading romance books and sort of assuming it's a book thing? Simply because I read a lot of fiction so I assumed love was mostly a fictional thing and people who actually date aren't in that sort of love but like rlly rlly good friends almost

I also thought that "hot" meant visually attractive, if that count

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Talking about faking crushes reminded me of a time someone in my school asked me if I had any crushes.

Now since I had no idea that a crush was supposed to be this romantic feeling I just listed people who I thought were fit, that I wouldn't mind fantasising about. After young horny me listed off about a third of the class I realised the lad was giving me weird looks as if I hadn't given the answer I was expected to.

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On 4/9/2022 at 5:18 PM, Sili said:

Goes hand in hand with romance in music and media, I just assumed it was made up or exagerated. I mean, its fiction, why wouldnt they be making it up?

I remember, before I knew I was aro, I was writing my main character having his first crush, and what I now call "attraction at first sight". The whole time I was thinking "of course this doesn't happen in real life, only on fiction but all the books do it so why not". Since then, I realize two things. First, that's not a good way to write if you want to be realistic. Second, it actually happens in real life. 😂

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I still have trouble believing it happens in real life. I dont think I even experience squishes, so I've really nothing to go off. I think it will just be filed as one of those things I will never experience, but trust that people arent lieing about it. Along with a mental note that if anyone ever asks me what to do about a crush, respond with "How the hell should I know?"

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not ever having a “crush” until i was 11 and a half!! potentially maybe choosing him because i don’t recall actually liking him…

 

wanting to be all my crushes’ NUMBER ONE BEST FRIEND obviously 

 

not actually dreaming of romance, just wanting to be extra close best friends with my “crushes” ….

 

giving mean/bad relationship advice bc i genuinely don’t understand romantic relationships and how they function

 

feeling disconnected and confused about romance in general

 

not knowing the difference between romantic and platonic attraction for shit 

 

averse to touching people and feeling uncomfortable 

 

like, whenever one of my “crushes” cuddled me on the bus on the way to camp, i don’t know if i was feeling anxious and panicky cause there were basic cishet girls watching me, but like i dont think i actually enjoyed it cause i was too anxious

 

my only two online relationships being extremely shallow and superficial, the second one with making me incredibly uncomfortable ,with barely anything but saying “i love you”,  and having the label of girlfriend, otherwise it would have been a normal friendship 

 

 

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-Was always like "why should I care?" In elementary school when people were like "omg I have a crush on this person!!! shhhh dont tell them!!!"
-When I had ""crushes"" it was really moreso "I think this person is super cool and I love them in a friendly sense." I did have maybe 1 actual crush in my whole life though lol. I thought I was bi for awhile cause I had a ""crush"" on a girl in elementary school because I thought she was SUPER cool and wanted to be her friend.
 -Always was like "Aren't we a little too young for that :/" when people talked about dating at school. It would annoy me because of it, I was like "we should be 16 at least!!! come on guys" (and when I was 16 I was like "dating should be done much older" lol)
-Didn't get how my friends and acquaintances could be blinded by romantic feelings to the point where they ignored red flags. Didn't get why they were so mad at me for pointing out the things wrong with their partner either, I just couldn't understand why they thought like that.
-Always thought I just had "SUPER high standards"
-Despite how much I love romance and fluffy stories, the actual thought of me in a relationship based in reality and not fictional characters always had me like "?How would that even work? Like...ew? Why would I even want that? Maybe in the far, faaaaar future maybe...?"
-Always felt a little weirded out when people would talk in depth about their feelings for real people. I'd be like "God I'd be super offended if people thought about me like that. Maybe a little flattered if they thought I was handsome and cool but beyond that is weird."
-Any time someone confessed their crush on me I'd be beyond confused. I'd always be like "Why? We aren't that close. You don't know me well so how could you feel that way about me? We're too young anyways." Didn't realize how crushes worked. At all.

So yeah im surprised i didnt realize sooner lmao

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