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Early signs that you were aro

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On 11/24/2018 at 5:14 PM, lonelyace said:

My freshman year of high school I thought I had a crush on a guy, although in retrospect it's pretty obvious that I just wasn't used to having a squish or whatever on guys. Anyway, I was excited because I finally didn't have to get all evasive whenever my friends asked me who I liked. Then my best friend at the time asked the guy to a school dance. Everyone was enraged on my behalf, like how could she do that, she knows you like him!! I didn't really think it was that big of a deal. If she liked him, she could have him, it wasn't worth ruining a friendship over.

similar thing happened to me in grade 9.  i had what i call an aro crush--squish + sexual attraction--on this guy, evan, and my friend sylvia liked him.  eventually he asked her out and she said yes, and when she told me rather nervously, i was like, 'that's nice'.  then my other friend asked me how i was taking it and i was like, 'uh, fine?'  and she said i was a good friend and i'm like, 'thanks, i guess...what's the big deal?'  i didn't care because i didn't want to date him.  we were friends, like, throughout high school, and it never occurred to me to be upset that he didn't want to be anything else, because i didn't really.  they would make out in front of everyone, and any annoyance/weirdness i felt, i would have felt the same about any other such couple.  btw they were such a preposterously bad couple, on-and-off multiple times a week, that another friend got sylvia a bracelet where one side said 'single' and one said 'taken' so we'd know what the situation was that day.  it was like, kind of a joke but kind of not.  anyway, the next year, they were done for good, and a different friend (man, i had more friends in hs than i do now) asked me whether i still liked evan and i said something along the lines of "not like before but i'll ask myself 'ok, do i not like him then?'" and she supplied "and you can't say no," and i said "exactly."  in retrospect, what i meant was that i still liked him as a friend and thought he was hot--i couldn't disagree with that--but the aro crush had just petered out; it just wasn't really relevant.  but yeah lmao whenever i had squishes on girls, i figured i just thought they were cool/wanted to be their friend, and i was right--i was/am so straight that no alternative crossed my mind (even if i admired their looks)--but then with guys, sometimes it was the same and sometimes there was the added element of sexual attraction, so i never knew where to draw the line, like, do i have a crush on this guy or not?  so that was weird.  a lot made sense later.

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On 6/3/2016 at 12:46 AM, Zemaddog said:

Am I the only one who just really didn't like the word love when I was younger? The word just didn't sit right with me, and I don't think I actually ever said it until I was at least a teenager. Even then, I was hesitant about using it. Maybe it was due to  society associating the word to romance, or the fact that I don't feel like I have ever experienced it (except for maybe my pets). Am I alone in this thinking or are the others who felt the same way?

I totally relate to this! I can use the word love casually, like if I'm talking about food or a song, but I feel really weird when I say I love people. 

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The major sign that I am aro was that I have never had a crush. So of course I was always the odd person out whenever discussions of who liked who came up. As I got older people would ask me if I would this person or that person and I could only ever respond with “I don’t know.” That was never a good enough reason so I would be pressured to give a better answer but I never could because I had no idea what would make me want to date someone. At one point I told myself that the reason I didn’t date was because no one asked out. But as soon as I found out someone liked me I would instantly want to avoid them. So by the time I made it into high school, still thinking that I needed to have a relationship at some point in my life, started wishing I could just have an arranged marriage. 

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Early signs that I was aro

  • In fourth grade, my tutor once asked me what type of guy I would be interested in. I basically gave her a description of a future room mate who can either clean, cook, or be responsible as possible. When she gave a second question of what I would do if he was tired from chores, I replied that I would help him. The tutor laughed.
  • The first time I was asked if I had a crush in my elementary days, I assumed it was about who I liked interacting with or thought was funny rather than who I want to date or marry. As I grew older and have that question repeated, I said, "no" and gain various reactions from shock to being called, "cold" or "prudish" for not seeking a romantic relationship.
  • During my high school to mid-college years, I've had teachers, classmates, etc. who tried to ship or convince me to date my best friend since middle school and I've hated it.
  • Every time I'm told someone has a crush on me or been confessed to, I wish they haven't.
  • Whenever I play a game that's supposed to be about romance, I view it in a third person/detached perspective and will easily lose interest if the gameplay is not fun no matter how attractive the character is. (May or May not have been an indication)
  • In fiction or not, I'm not jealous of what the partner does but I will feel neglected/hurt if our friendship is treated with less value.
  • I don't understand weddings and find it boring despite the impressive details.
  • Last but not least, I thought people were joking about being possessive over fictional characters or others before.
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On 12/13/2018 at 2:25 AM, eatingcroutons said:

lmfao I was backing up posts from my Tumblr to Dreamwidth and I literally posted this almost a year before I'd ever heard the word "aromantic":

 

CvEy3Ju.png

To me the number one perk of not desiring monogamy or children is that I'll have so much more time for my career. I feel like it's such a big advantage.

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as a young girl, my "fantasies" of marriage were more compatible with having a roommate than a lover.

most of my "crushes" were either strictly sexual or just an admiration for the person (i've had some squishes over my lifetime too)

for a good part of my life i believed that the happy ever after™ cliché was just a fictional concept and that no one would actually look for it in real life

sometimes i would daydream about having a "boyfriend/girlfriend", never were those dreams romantic (it was more like a really close friend that was nearly always in my house)

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When I was 12 a boy from my class tried to confess to me. Long story short, he told me to wait for him after the last period. I felt so nervous and uncomfortable, I pretended to be unwell and asked the teacher to let me leave 15 mins earlier. On my way home I was hitting my hand against every tree and pole that was in the way. I wanted to break my arm and not have to go to school for a couple of months. I wasn’t able to do it. But next day it turns out the boy got the message.

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On 5/13/2019 at 1:08 PM, ShySpider said:

When I was 12 a boy from my class tried to confess to me. Long story short, he told me to wait for him after the last period. I felt so nervous and uncomfortable, I pretended to be unwell and asked the teacher to let me leave 15 mins earlier. On my way home I was hitting my hand against every tree and pole that was in the way. I wanted to break my arm and not have to go to school for a couple of months. I wasn’t able to do it. But next day it turns out the boy got the message.

No one has time for that. I wouldn't have any problem rejecting someone but I also don't understand the whole confession process either (tfw some romantic anime/movie cliche can be real is still bizarre to me). Why anyone would wait for a confession is beyond me 🤔

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Guest Chandrakirti

Luckily, folk in my school knew I wasn't interested, so probably some had made their moves, but it probably went straight over my head...so I sailed through school with some good pals and books.

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A friend of mine asked me over text if I wanted to see Star Wars The Force Awakens on opening night. I was super excited until I realized that they might be asking me out, and then I got super uncomfortable and spent the next 45 minutes figuring out how to sneakily ask if there would be other friends there as well. But it still took me another 9-ish months to realize I was aro. 

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I never desired being in relationships,  they just kind of happened. Thinking back, they were all friends with whom I was sexually attracted. I've never gotten butterflies about a person or anything like that. 

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I didn't really have crushes. Everybody else had one, so I assumed I was supposed to have one so every time people asked me who I crushed on I would just say I crushed on the boy that was nice to me.

My first "crush" had a giant dino robot. I think I was more interested in that than him.

Also when I began having boyfriends I would do everything to not be with them.

Also I suck at picking up romantic signals from people around me.

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Guest Chandrakirti

Screwing my face up at slushy love scenes...long after I was 10! (No pun intended ..)

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Seeing a lot of “romantic subplots don’t make Sense/ are stupid “ kinda stuff  I’m not sure if I’m aro or not so take this with a grain of salt but for me I just didn’t care they didn’t make me angry or anything I just saw them as “oh lol they’ re dating now I guess cuz plot” the only time I shipped people(unironicly) it was with my top 2 favorite book series 

 

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So for me personally I got “crushes” a lot, but while I called them crushes, but I never saw the point to act on them. So I’d have all these little crushes and I wouldn’t do anything about it. I even had a crush on a kid for two years and I told him I liked him the day he was moving away. Then in middle school, that’s when my gender orientation became a question and I sort of stopped all “crushes or fantasies” except 2 of my friends told me they liked me and wanted to be with me, me being dumb and not understanding what I was yet said yes and ended up breaking up with both of them in less that 2 days. I just got really panicky that, suddenly I’d have to act different because we were in a relationship and I just didn’t see them like that. But now I hope I can go into high school and just feel better about relationships and accept that they just aren’t for me

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Covering my eyes during kissing scenes in movies,

thinking that dating was like, a mathematical equation? Like "this person is tall + sporty + aesthetically pleasing overall + decently friendly = I should want to date. If they have the same level of reasons applied to me as well we should date"

As a child, planned out my future, planned out my home, pets, adoption of children, ect, and never once thought about there being another person involved; never made plans or fantasised about a future spouse, but everything else I had planned 100%.

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Well, for a while the early signs of me being aro is that my parents saw I didn't have a gf, and that lead to the most probable conclusion: I was gay. I am not gay, though at least the lack of romance to such a degree that my parents thought I was gay would certainly be considered a sign : / Another sign was probably the fact that all my friends pretty much knew that I would say I didn't have a crush when asked, so they just stopped asking... I was also pretty vocal about my lack of knowledge in relationships.

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I knew I was aromantic.I would dream about myself as a successful single person. Marriage Confuses me a lot. I never thought someone as a romantic partner. I would neglect anybodys romantic feelings for me. I would cringe a lot when a romantic scene would come up on a movie or show. I only want a doggo ._. 

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-Hated when other people immediately started shipping celebrities, fictional people, me and some peer

-Only once or twice thought about dating and relationships, I like and can be friends with someone without dating them ya know?

-Rarely have crushes, 2 ones that ever made me even think about asking for date. Ended up not asking and no regrets about that!

-Other people constantly asking and teasing about crushes meanwhile I am not seeing the point 

 

and general contrasts to the romantic antics of a majority of population 😑

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I recently came across a very romance-heavy song from my early childhood that I secretly disliked while everyone else loved it. Even after hearing this song for a bit and remembering quite vividly that I’d disliked it, it took me quite awhile to put all the pieces together

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There are so many signs looking back that i was aro -- when I was 10 there was this one boy (and also his friends) who followed me and my friend around and kind of just made our year miserable. I told my parents about it to see if they could do anything to help, and my dad told me that he bet that in a few years I would go on a date with him. I knew he was wrong, but at the time I didn't have the words to explain why I knew he was wrong, so I just had to let it go. I wonder if he even remembers that now.....

 

A lot of girls around me from a young age were planning their weddings or thinking about who their dream boyfriend was, and I just could not relate at all.

 

I honestly think that if I knew what aromanticism was when I was around 10 I would have started calling myself aro. A lot of alloromantic people start getting crushes in early elementary school (6-9 years old) and I didn't at all. 

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Always thought that The Little Mermaid is a very stupid movie and never get why all girls find super romantic what she did :'D just... no, c'mon it's stupid

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3 hours ago, Madame Giraffe said:

Always thought that The Little Mermaid is a very stupid movie and never get why all girls find super romantic what she did :'D just... no, c'mon it's stupid

😂 yeah I like the Disney Renaissance movies but a bunch of them are love stories that don’t exactly hold up under much scrutiny. (And Beauty and the Beast is definitely the most arophobic)

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6 hours ago, raavenb2619 said:

(And Beauty and the Beast is definitely the most arophobic)

I never think about it (Belle being one of my favorite princess) but yeah, the fact that the Beast can love romantically and someone reciprocate makes him dignified to be turn into a human again? And what if the Beast was aromantic?

The movie is now ruined for me.

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On 8/11/2019 at 10:06 PM, nonmerci said:

I never think about it (Belle being one of my favorite princess) but yeah, the fact that the Beast can love romantically and someone reciprocate makes him dignified to be turn into a human again? And what if the Beast was aromantic?

The movie is now ruined for me.

 

Unexpectedly Beauty and the Beast is one of my favourite Disney movies, 'cause I like to read it as a fairytale about being able to give love to whoever, no matter the form, the look, or even the race and the skin colour, it doesn't bother me that Belle's love is intended as romantic love, I like her 'cause I think she's able to see the beauty in the different ❤️ very lgbtaq+ for me

 

On 8/11/2019 at 3:56 PM, raavenb2619 said:

😂 yeah I like the Disney Renaissance movies but a bunch of them are love stories that don’t exactly hold up under much scrutiny. (And Beauty and the Beast is definitely the most arophobic)

 

Yes, thank goodness we also have more modern movies like Mulan or The Emperor's New Groove and we discarged the old annoying true love kiss stuff... 

 

(talking about disney movies, I always tought that Tiana is on the aro spectrum and her romance is a bit forced)

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