RecoveryMode

I thought I always had crushes on boys when I was growing up as a kid.... I later discovered they were never really crushes as I had no desire for kissing, hand holding, cuddling or any typical romantic behaviours. All I wanted was a best-friendship with them. But I did love romance in stories and movies growing up, I even made my barbies fall in love with ken when I was a child... it wasn’t until years later I realised I never liked romance when it materialised itself for me! Weird huh.

I feel very uncomfortable & my mind sort of starts getting a bit erratic and wants to kind of flee the situation. I’m alright with friendly hugs but when someone starts showing romantic interests towards me or attempts physical affection, I have a strong aversion. It’s weird because I like the idea of it in my head and always loved romantic stories etc. but whenever it materialises itself for me, I kind of freak out internally.

Realising I am aromantic has been a rrally difficult thing to come to terms with. Much more so than realising I’m asexual. The weird thing is I always thought I was straight and had crushes on guys growing up... until I realised I never wanted them for romantic reasons. I guess I desire some kind of hetero-platonic relationship without all the romance. I really want some kind of life union with a partner. I still think I want love with someone, but the truest form of love in my eyes is non-romantic. Am I pretty much gonna be alone forever realistically? Or are there other aros on the same wavelength with this? Because I love the idea of having a family (via adopting), and being in true platonic love with someone... without that physical or sexual affection. Is this uncommon for aros? If it’s possible... how do I go about seeking a partner who will accept this and want the same? Any aros out there with successful non-romantic life relationships?