Jump to content

roboticanary

Moderator
  • Posts

    315
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    23

Personal Information

  • Name
    Mike
  • Orientation
    Aromantic
  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    UK

Recent Profile Visitors

2129 profile views

roboticanary's Achievements

Advanced Member

Advanced Member (3/4)

  1. Found this on the internet, from the radio show I'm sorry I haven't a clue. thought it would get a few laughs from an audience of aros. OK, just out of warning, there are a few rude ones so if thats not what you want to hear don't listen. also a few (lighthearted) references to death.
  2. YMBAI your relationship advice can be summed up as spinning a big wheel with the words 'talk you morons' and 'run away' written on it.
  3. Welcome As @eatingcroutonssays, there is nothing wrong with taking a while to feel comfortable identifying as aro. I'm in the same boat, it was a fair few months between first thinking the term might apply to me to being able to say I was aro. hope the forums are useful to you
  4. A few things. A a general thing, put thought into what you want to do when you grow up and know how to make a life on your own. This is just good advice for anyone but in particular you might have to deal with parents who expect you to have a romantic partner from very early on and so don't teach you some things which they think are someone elses problem. For examplethere are plenty of people I know left to be a student and the most complex meal they could create was toast. Another example of that is DIY, can you just do simple stuff to keep a house together. Relax, you are 13 and don't need to learn everything right away but just keep it in mind. For aro specific advice, as eatingcroutons says, set boundaries. You are allowed to tell people when you are uncomfortable with something. Especially set boundarys with your family, this can sometimes be an easier way to start because being uncomfortabe with romance around family is a fairly common thing for teenagers. One thing I found out to late is that if you don't do this you get people saying 'oh, but you were fine with this before'. Try not to be too downhearted at this complaint, it is a dumb one but annoyingly common. Finally, just sit back, read and learn. If this is an identity you are thinking you might have just take your time and find out about it. Learn about ideas on forming aromantic relationships, learn a bit about amatonormativity and prioritising romence, learn about how society can act against living single. That sort of thing. Listen to videos, read peoples writing, find out how people are living as aromantics and what their hopes and fears are. You have plenty of time and even if it turns out you aren't aromantic at least you found something useful.
  5. Yeah, I'm not the best person to say what platonic dating is but I am confident its not friends with benefits. That is basically always used to imply sex.
  6. Usually I am fine with it, sometimes though it is very frustrating. The thing that got me recently was when I looked for some sad songs, more melancholy music because I was in the mood for that. It was very strange to find lists of music that were like: romantic heartbreak, romantic heartbreak, loads of people dying, romantic heartbreak. Just, no. romance is not that sad.
  7. Agreed with @eatingcroutons that you should try to get to know her new partner. Honestly I think you should still really try to keep in decent contact. The thing is look at this from your friends point of view. You worry to her about how she might leave you behind to her partner. It makes that easier to accept if you make an effort to get to know her partner. It means keeping the friendship with you results in less of a you or them situation. As for your last question: You know your friend better than me. If you know and trust that she will be accepting I would say go for it. Its up to you of course but she seems like a good person to get those thoughts off your chest with. You say you know she will understand.
  8. I'm convinced that people don't really like dates as a romantic thing. If someone goes out to a restaurant with a lover they're just hungry and too lazy to cook.
  9. Sunday afternoon should work for me as long as it doesn't run too late so I don't mind either way. Did they say what sort of time sunday afternoon?
  10. This sound right, I haven't been involved anywhere near as long but have already got the feeling that this is the case. I've never heard anyone argue that at least aros can still have sex and I have no idea why someone would try that. Sex outside of romance is not looked on favourably if you want to be taken seriously as a group.
  11. Wow, congratulations. Its good to hear of some of the money spent at pride going to independent people making things through passion.
  12. Same with being romance indifferent, I don't get repulsed by public displays of romantic affection, or by people acting in a romantic way towards me. It just doesn't do anything for me. To be honest I have never really got the idea of shipping, I have no idea why I would want two fictional characters to get together or not. Romance in any media is just something that frustrates me because it is often used to provide motivation, like this character should do something because they are in love and I just don't get it. There have been a few times where I have been reading a book or watching a TV show and think to myself that a character should just give up with that relationship and lead a quiet life. (it would probably make a boring story but oh well).
  13. Yeah, I'm getting the same feeling, this place will never be that active but there do seem to be a lot more comments turning up over the last couple of months. I am also seeing a fair few guest questions which I remember being pretty rare last year.
  14. You might be There are some people in aromantic communities who talk about feeling an initial romance which then fades away for some reason. For example some talk of romance towards strangers which fades when they get to know them (sometimes referred to as frayromantic). some people talk about romantic feelings which go away when the person they have those feelings for tries to reciprocate them. So maybe you are, it may be helpful to look for experiences by people who have those experiences to see if they relate to how you feel.
  15. I would say you are not selfish in telling her. Explaining your fears isn't necessarily manipulative, it depends how you go about it. If you are respectful in the way you ask it would be fine. You seem to have thought about how to tell your friend in a way that doesn't manipulate them. If that person still takes your comments as manipulative then that is on them. I recommend you have a quick look at the difference between self interest and selfishness. Asking a friend to please not just dissapear from your life seems to fall more into sensibly arguing for your own interests rather than being selfish. To answer your last question, I used to feel this way about many situations where I was asking people to do things for me or for my benefit, but for a while now I have been able to ask myself whether what I am doing is selfish or good self interest and that has madde those feelings a lot more rare. As an aside, remember it is abslutely possible for someone to balance having a romantic relationship with keeping in touch with friends. For example both my mum and dad are still regularly talking to people they knew from school, including some who they first met over half a century ago. If your friend does cut you out that is a decision on their part that they made, and it is not true for them to point to their romantic partner as a reason.
×
×
  • Create New...