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Cassiopeia

Early signs that you were aro

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Did you have any aromantic moments as a kid? Maybe as a teenager, before you were familiar with the label?

 

I used to hate Disney, and kinda still do.

Well, most Disney. (I loved Lion King, cos it wasn't as focused on romantic love as the rest of them...and also, I used to think Simba was female, it had nice long hair, my first language has no gendered pronouns, and six years old me wasn't too well informed when it came to lions, so...anyway, that's another story:$)

So, I used to get repulsed by most of their cartoons, and just leave the room when they started singing. My parents were so amazed by my wonderful taste in music, but looking back, it wasn't really the music itself that made me cringe, but the plot.

 

Anybody else had similar?

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Let's see here. When I was young, my family always told me that I couldn't talk to girls, because I only ever talked to other guys. I just didn't see what the point in talking to girls. I went to a small primary school, and there were only 9 girls in my year level. None of them had any common interests with me, so there really was no point me to talk to them. Then my parents sent me to an all boys school during middle school.

 

When I was about 15, my cousin was talking about his girlfriend. I really didn't care. But of course me being socially inept I just flat out told him, "I don't see the point in having a girlfriend". He must have thought that I was a bit strange. This was about 3 years before I started identifying as aro.

 

There's also the fact that I really wouldn't even know what to do in a romantic relationship. I  get really uncomfortable with physical contact (except handshakes), so much so that I can't even hug my own grandmother without feeling awkward. I can't imagine how awkward it would be if someone kept trying to be physical with me.

 

EDIT: I also used to really hate romance in fiction. It just seemed so utterly pointless. This has died down a bit since then. But still, shows like "the bachelor" are just the most pointless creations ever dreamt up by a human being.

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When I was little I was really bad at seeing romance in T.V. and films, and now I'm older and have learnt to see those things from others I'm amazed by what I couldn't see (even two characters kissing wasn't always enough). Later when I could recognise that stuff I would instantly lose interest in what I was watching, which annoyed my sister no end because I would wonder off and then come back and ask her what I had missed.

 

I never worried about getting a boyfriend/girlfriend. I remember one of my friends talking about how embaressing it would be to not have a boyfriend by 16 and not have had sex by 18, and I just agreed even though I had no opinion because we wouldn't be 16 for a few more years so she would probably forget and so it wouldn't come back to haunt me.

 

When I was 18 (not quite a kid I suppose) I got asked out for the first time (actually I had been asked out before, but I don't count that one), and I was excited (despite having never been excited about the idea ever before). Then, whilest being in the relationship I started to freak out and had to break up with him with no explaination (I couldn't put my finger on a reason). Poor guy never has got a reason :/

 

Also a lot of physical interactions that other people might consider romantic I consider friendly, because they're things I do with my family. Holding hands, hugging, kisses on the cheek (even a peck on the lips with my mum occassionally), to be honest I sometimes wonder if other memebers of my family might be aro-spec; maybe that's why we're so  close to each other?

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I've always been aro, I always was waiting for those feelings and they never came, and at one point I stopped waiting for the future and identified as how I feel now and I'm never gonna stop!

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I don't know if this has more to do with asexuality, but I've always been grossed out or uncomfortable around people doing any sort of public displays of affection. Even if it was just hugging. 

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When growing up, my dad felt the need to ask me quite frequently if I, 'like any boys at school?'. I would always reply, "No, they're all hideous." When I was about 15 and still saying that, my sister realised I was ace. She tried to tell me, but I ignored her.

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I remember my mother saying to me “you'll understand when you get older” whenever I would argue that it made no sens that people were so demolished after a break up, or after being cheated on, or the fact that someone could be jealous about an other person, or to be so unable to control themselves around their crush... but years after this, I never understood!

 

Funny part is, watching romantic scenes was not uncomfortable to me as a kid, I just could not see the point. It only became awkward when in secondary school I began to see my friends wanting and doing those romantic things and then be sad or mad after a break up, get pissed after being cheated on, etc. Because at this point, before I knew aromantism was a thing, romantic scenes became a friendly reminder of how I could not understand ANYONE around me... And then I would just get pissed and leave the room.

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2 hours ago, Cassiopeia said:

my first language has no gendered pronouns,

What language is that?

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4 minutes ago, Ugh... said:

It only became awkward when in secondary school I began to see my friends wanting and doing those romantic things and then be sad or mad after a break up, get pissed after being cheated on, etc.

I didn't even notice the people around me were getting into romantic relationships during senior school unless someone specifically told me (and that didn't happen very often). I think I was only ever aware of three romantic relationships that the people around me were getting into, but looking back I feel like that was nowhere near the number that actually occurred.

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I don't really have any paticular moment as we kid. actually I had alot of bfs but my relationships were pretty akward. 

like they would just ask me and I would be like "does that mean we can kiss? I kiss mommy so okay" and I never broke up with them. 

when I was 8 I also had a bf from my school and we would try to practise on kissing like in the hollywood movies cause thats what your supposed to do. I broke up with him like.. IDK maybe 8 times or more and went back together, it wasnt really a serious relationship but we could had made a good soap drama. 

 

as a teen I hated classical romantic movies, but I figured it was more to do with being queer at that time. unfortunately we had "love theme" at my school cause the teacher thought we were still too young to have sexual education, and I hated every bit of this damn "love themes eductation".

 

I wasn't very good with romance either at a point one of my friends sat me down and demanded I should write 10 things that were romantic like to practise. I wasnt very good at it but aperrently I got alittle better.

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I guess I've always had my aro moments even when I was a kid. I remember being completely repulsed by romantic scenes in movies, luckily that changed though, now those scenes are simply boring to me. But the terrible thing was my friends seemed to love those kind of movies, so they dragged me to the cinema with them to watch it. I once was so annoyed by a movie, that my friends got annoyed by my complaining during the movie that one of them handed me her phone, so I could play some snake xD I think we even once talked about whether or not we want a boyfriend, sex, marriage, children, etc. in the future and all of my friends seemed to want that stuff when they get older except me (this was in primary school, I was probably around 8). All I wanted a dog.... Nothing has changed since then :P I also used to be even more blind to people having crushes on me then I am now. I always only noticed when my friends pointed it out and even then I wouldn't believe them and thought they were just being nice and trying to become my friend...

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I didn't figure this all out until I was 37, so I'd be the wrong person to ask. :)

 

I guess never being interested in dating would be the biggest sign. But, the lack of a feeling doesn't really smack you in the face as much as the presence of a feeling does.

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1 hour ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

But, the lack of a feeling doesn't really smack you in the face as much as the presence of a feeling does.

Touché

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A couple years ago I was asked out by a couple guys, and I got really panicky and had episodes akin to anxiety attacks. I'm pretty sure that was romance repulsion.

I also didn't like the idea of marriage; I remember thinking that I didn't like marriage as a third grader, but maybe that's just because I was a third grader xD the point is that my views never changed.

Besides that, I never really had much to do with romance or anything as a child. I didn't really care much about it.

6 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

I didn't even notice the people around me were getting into romantic relationships during senior school unless someone specifically told me (and that didn't happen very often). I think I was only ever aware of three romantic relationships that the people around me were getting into, but looking back I feel like that was nowhere near the number that actually occurred.

Me too! There's a couple on my soccer team that I assumed were siblings until very recently...whoops xD 

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Whilst I thought I had crushes (just squishes really) I didn't feel like I wanted to date them, and when my friends went on about their crushes my feelings felt so different. I also never understood why they were upset when they asked them out and got rejected, I thought it'd be great to just be friends with my "crushes"

 

Oh, and people seemed to always have crushes. I had like 3 noticeable squishes throughout school, every seemed to have at least one crush at any point in their life. People often thought I was lying when I said I didn't have a crush. 

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I think a big thing for me was crushes- everyone else always seemed to have someone they liked (except for me). I also just had a general disinterest in being in a relationship. Any time someone said they had feelings for me, however infrequently it occurred, it made me really uncomfortable. 

 

Adding on to that, there was a guy back in third grade who said he liked me and would occasionally bring me dandelions during recess, etc. Then it started being more borderline harassment; he would follow me around and stuff. So, naturally, I punched him in the stomach. 

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Let's see. When I was dating we used to watch a lot of movies and series together and it was cool. It's nice to have company while watching something (and laugh at everything that's completely unrealistic) but I never understood why we had to sit so close and start kissing in the middle. I wanted to see the movie, not her face! (this might actually be a part of my asexuality)

 

When I was a teenager I wanted to date someone but never did anything to actually get a partner. I didn't even consider doing half of the things my friends seemed to do to get someone. I could have done it but somehow it seems like I didn't even care. Also, I used to be a little afraid of guys as a teen. Back then I had no idea why but now I've started to guess it's because I always linked guys, dating, marriage, getting two kids, red house on the country side and a dog together and felt pressured. Thank god I got over it as I realized I don't have to do anything with them or expect they want anything more from me. 

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As a teenager I just was never interested in dating anyone. It was something I just never thought about at all even through college. I was very indifferent to it even though all my friends had boyfriends and girlfriends. I only started thinking about when my family started pressuring me after I graduated college and never had dated anyone. My father used to call me weird and said something was wrong with me. 

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In middle school someone asked me what I wanted my wedding to be like, and I was so confused about why they would be planning a wedding in seventh grade.

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my romantic orientation has always been Really Weird, so it's not like i can point to anything in my life and say 'this is aro foreshadowing'. however, i did have some super aro moments as a child, like when I got bored of movies that portrayed a lot of romantic relationships or featured love triangles, etc

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I think for me it wasn't just the lack of interest in dating, but the fact that I found the very notion of me being in a relationship ludicrous.  As in I would literally laugh if someone asked if I was dating or if so-and-so was my boyfriend.  I just couldn't imagine any reason why I would do such a thing.  From the looks people gave me, I realized this was not a normal reaction and tried to stifle it.  

 

Side note: When I was trying to type the word "ludicrous," it was flagged by spellcheck.  It took me a minute to realize I had spelled it "ludacris" like the rapper xD

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Hm, I was sometimes repelled by romantic display in movies, but since I am not repulsed by romance as long as it doesn't include me, this was not an early marker. Rather, I discovered later that I never liked the idea that I had a crush on anyone, either real-life persons or historical persons. Apart from that, this aromanticism was, like my asexuality, long time veiled by the fact that I was so disinterested in both that I didn't engage in romantic or sexual issues until my 20s. But then, I found out. :P

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On May 15, 2016 at 2:29 PM, Simowl said:

Whilst I thought I had crushes (just squishes really) I didn't feel like I wanted to date them, and when my friends went on about their crushes my feelings felt so different. I also never understood why they were upset when they asked them out and got rejected, I thought it'd be great to just be friends with my "crushes"

 

Oh, and people seemed to always have crushes. I had like 3 noticeable squishes throughout school, every seemed to have at least one crush at any point in their life. People often thought I was lying when I said I didn't have a crush. 

When you mistakenly assume that a crush means "I really really really want to be friends with someone" ....learned the difference when I tried to date a squish

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I think I had a fair few early aro signs, but I remember when I was a young kid and my sisters were talking about how I'd be kissing people (no idea what context this , is in) and I said 'No, I'll only kiss my Mum!'

I had no idea why everyone was laughing so much xD

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I was into creative writing when I was around 16. I wrote a whole bunch of short stories. I recently looked back and realized that for the entire year or so that I was writing stories, I did not write a single story with a romantic relationship in it. I wrote all different kinds of stories, but none with relationships, even between minor characters!

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