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omitef

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Everything posted by omitef

  1. @Ice Queen I meant that everything you said is super relatable. "Since he is not available anymore, abstinence is like second nature to me. I don't even feel the need to... you know." Yeah basically.
  2. Me, pretend I'm too cool for my squish because I know we're incompatible as friends? It's more likely than you think,,, ?

  3. I'm romance-repulsed but I like soft-romo or, like, super reserved displays of romance, that carry power because the feeling is too strong to be named. I rewatched the first Pirates of the Caribbean a couple years ago, and I really liked Will and Elizabeth's portrayals of intimacy. There's a scene when they get reunited and they just stare into each other's eyes and grin. Wishing all IRL PDA could just be like that.
  4. I just got into an open relationship with someone that I'm very romantically attracted to. It feels amazing to be around them, there's just constantly a logical detachment while I'm around them, where I physically and emotionally feel happy, but mentally think that the situation is absolutely ridiculous. I'm intensely aware of the feeling that I've lost control over my own heart. I'm romance-repulsed by my own feelings, and it makes me uncomfortable. But I want to work through the uncomfortable feelings for them.
  5. i found an intellectual fuckbuddy

     

    we only get together to ruthlessly psychoanalyze, debate, and motivate each other, and that's it

     

    it's really surreal

    1. shotinthehand

      shotinthehand

      Yessss

      I know a guy with whom I disagree on a lot of issues but we have a lot of respect for each other as debaters but we don't hang out for other purposes really and one time he gave me a handshake bc I just quipped at his expense savagely. I enjoy our relationship

  6. Had this realization after talking with @Dodecahedron314 on Discord: As someone who just experienced romance for the first time as a greyro, I feel that romance is less about what you do with someone, but more about how you feel with someone. The major difference I've noticed between romantic and platonic feelings is ego. I feel like there's much more ego involved in romance--it's all about how me and my crush can fit into each other's lives. In friendship, I feel my ego is less present. I just want my friend/squish to be happy, not necessarily in a way that's dependent on how we fit into each other's lives. For example, I've noticed that I can have a squish, and not desire a queerplatonic relationship. But when I have a crush, I desire a romantic relationship, and I feel like I won't be satisfied unless I'm in a romantic relationship with my crush. Why is a romantic relationship so desirable in the case of a crush, for me? Because of the benefit of couples privilege. First off, it's socially acceptable to publicly be affectionate with someone, romantically, than platonically. And when I have a crush, I want my affection towards them to be socially recognized and legitimized. But more importantly, I want my crush to recognize and legitimize my affection, specifically through a romantic relationship, because it formally acknowledges that I have a special role in their life. How does this differ from a queerplatonic relationship? Again, lack of ego. My interactions and displays of affection for my queerplatonic partner, are less about us recognizing that we are special to each other, and more about recognizing the specialness of the bond we share. Bonus: How does this differ from a special interest (for my neurodivergent aros)?
  7. Hey, Ryan, It actually sounds like your ex is pretty sure of what she feels? I don't see how explaining that there's nothing wrong with being aromantic would encourage her to marry you. As an aromantic person who's had exit romantic relationships several times, I think what prompted me to leave wasn't insecurity about my aromantic identity, but stress from trying to force myself to do things I didn't want to, to meet the needs of my non-aromantic partner. Your ex said that the only reason she didn't want to marry you was "lack of feeling." Forgive me for being blunt, but what is the purpose of asking more questions here, when she's given you such a clear answer? I don't understand what there is to "work out" between you two--if a person doesn't want to do romantic things with you, because they don't have romantic feelings, shouldn't you just accept how they feel, and stop trying to do romantic things with them? If she doesn't want to marry you, or be in a relationship with you anymore, there's nothing you can do to change that. It's not your fault that she has no feelings for you. It's not that you didn't try hard enough as a partner. Feelings don't follow logic and they're outside our realm of control. But what you can control is how you react to how she feels about you. I know that it's hard to let go of her. But it's going to hurt more if you keep holding onto unrealistic expectations for both of you. And if you're holding onto unrealistic expectations until she shuts you down 100%, then you're just delaying the inevitable. On being aromantic, there are many posts on this site, where people share their experiences of being aro. Medical journals, not so much, but I don't think that scientific research has been very respectful or understanding of the LGBT+ community to start with. I can talk about my experiences with ending relationships as an aromantic person. Maybe they'll help you gain some insight into how she feels. It took me a long time to realize I was aromantic. The first relationship I had, was with a good friend of mine, and I really wanted things to work out. But throughout the entire relationship, I felt like I was just going through the motions. It stressed me out whenever she wanted to hold hands, kiss, or make out with me. At first I thought it was just social anxiety, and after breaking up with her, I made a point of getting into more relationships to build confidence. That was a bad idea. I remember Googling "how to break up with someone" moments after agreeing to be their boyfriend. The entire concept of relationships just felt extremely alienating to me. I knew what a good boyfriend was supposed to do, but I didn't understand why. Yes, you do things with your partner, because you love them, but I never felt anything remotely similar to romantic love during all my past relationships. I felt the stress of an actor onstage, of someone pretending to be a person they are not. I felt the excitement of planning gifts for my partners, of optimizing formulas to make them happy; I was more focused on building those formulas, than I was on building a connection with them. I understood romance theoretically, but not in practice. I eventually stopped trying to force myself into romantic relationships, because I realized I was just doing it for the sake of other people around me. I couldn't muster the courage to say "no" to romantic relationships, until I accepted that I didn't want to be in them. And I bet your ex probably thought the same. I wish you the best of luck in wrestling with your confusion, and in accepting the conclusion of your relationship. I'm sorry that it took something as major as a proposal to end things between you, but with these things, it's better late than never.
  8. tfw your romantic orientation is suddenly in questioning mode

     

    AGAIN

     

    I'm enraged

  9. I'd rather give up puns than get married.
  10. ^ My brain, which has a tendency to interpret things literally, read your sentence to mean that your schoolfriend was in some sort of polyamorous trio marriage with a mortgage and a dog. You have brought me much amusement for the night. I feel like my extremely formulaic approaches to romance--and later, sex--ought to have been a glaring sign. I tended to think of getting a partner as a glorified, extended role-playing game where you say certain "romantic" or "sexual' phrases to capture the attention of your target--I mean, er, "interest"...like, "romance" and "sex" were two different languages I would switch to speaking, less because I was actually interested in romance and sex themselves, and more because I just liked to game the systems of romance and sex. I had "strategies" optimized for both games of romance and sex, but my greatest satisfaction resulted from the intellectual challenge of creating those strategies, rather than the successful results of my strategies.
  11. tfw you want to tag your queerplatonic partner's boyfriend in a meme

    #unconventionalRelationshipMilestones

  12. @starstuff My current QPP just got a boyfriend and I'm not gonna lie, I've been alternating between extreme joy and extreme heartbreak since.
  13. I confess that once my close friends get into romantic relationships, I start betting when our friendship is going to end. Or perhaps, "end," isn't the right word? "Demoted in favour of romance" would be better. In fact, because of that fear and suspicion, I tend to preemptively "make myself invisible" whenever my close friends bring their romantic partners along in social situations. I third wheel myself. No, I completely remove myself as the third wheel, so that there are only two wheels, and I am not part of the equation...
  14. Post-queerplatonic friendship recovery milestones: being able to feel compersion for your ex's new romantic relationship, even if it formed as a direct result of what caused your queerplatonic friendship to fall apart.

  15. Hey sorry for to anyone who's following this for necroing, but I just found @Robin's page on translating aromantic and asexual into Chinese, and I was thinking it'd be cool if aromantic was just 無戀愛. That way we could actually keep the term 性戀 to describe sexuality (which is conflated with romantic orientation regardless of what language you're speaking anyway) and the two terms would also flow well together: Aromantic Asexual: 無性戀,無戀愛 (I know that directly translates into asexual, aromantic, but it just sounds better that way) I also started writing up a list of possible Chinese translations for other sexualities...?
  16. I'm 90% sure that one of my squishes (the one with the trans sticker on their laptop) shares squish feels back and I'm so happy right now

    1. omitef

      omitef

      UPDATE WE SPONTANEOUSLY WENT FOR A 3 HOUR WALK TODAY 

    2. omitef

      omitef

      Update we're queerplatonic friends

  17. I'm offended because you have a name.
  18. @SoulWolf She'd be patient and try to educate them, because that's who she is as a person. She likes teaching people about things.
  19. @SoulWolf Exactly--what hurts me is that even polite questions feel like interrogation. I remember trying to explain queerplatonic friendship to one of my mentors, and she was like..."so how's that different from being best friends? From dating? From friends with benefits?" and she was asking out of genuine curiosity, not dismissal, but it still upset me. I just thought, "I shouldn't have to be explaining this to you at all. I shouldn't have to tell you the difference...you should just understand that queerplatonic friendship is a serious relationship, and just leave it at that." I feel like I might just be too sensitive sometimes.
  20. For me, coming out is hard. Always. Coming out as trans is awkward, coming out as queer is awkward, coming out as aro, as poly, as grey-ace, as pan...for me, coming out is awkward because it inevitably becomes an intrusive Q & A session, where people basically ask me to defend my identity. I don't believe I should be obligated to come out, and yet, people have all these false expectations of how I should behave, and if I don't come out, they'll continue to have those false expectations of me...and I just can't stand that. Therefore, coming out is not a choice, for me. It's impulse, and it's coercion. It's, "I need to be myself or I will die on the inside." I just can't stand the idea of not being myself so I try to make my identity crystal clear to anyone who interacts with me, ASAP. If someone won't accept me for who I am, then I don't want to be around those people. This is especially hard when it comes to family, and those whom I can't avoid interaction with; for them, I maintain firm boundaries. Yes, personal safety is an issue, but at what cost? Maybe this is just about being queer in general (and if you personally don't identify with queer, that's fine too), but I really feel like having a queer identity means you will either spend your life being dying by the acts of others, or dying on the inside. I believe that existence is resistance, which is to say that our existence is interpreted as an illegitimate act of violence within our prejudiced society, and that as a result, most of society thinks that we deserve to be treated as walking targets. So I run. I run towards people who I trust to accept me, and hope they won't plant a bullet in my face, metaphorically or literally. It's all I can do.
  21. My queerplatonic friend got a boyfriend. I am welcoming my new brother to the family. 

  22. @DeltaV Ahhh. That makes more sense. But there are still allos who fervently believe that they can be "the exception to the rule." Like I know guys who personally take pride in the fact that all their ex-girlfriends were lesbian (until they met him).
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