Natkat

this seams so unfortunate when I rather they not fall in love with me.

I call myself trans-ftm-non-binary but I think demiguy fits me best. I feel my gender fluctuates between typical "man" normal "guy" and kinda androyne third gender" Like somethimes I just want to be "one of the boys" other times I care less about my gender or I may even prefer if its not seen to be a huge issue. But I still dont like to be called she and stuff so I still prefer being on the masculine side yet sometimes I get really annoyed if I am way more bothered by it than others. its kinda complicated. I go with the. "if this make me happy then its probably right, and if this make me unhappy then its probably not for me" gut feeling. I notice I feel best when I am read as male but I have 100% freedom to express myself outside of the binary.

I guess in general it becomes more easy to come out as something if you already had came out once before. Somehow gathering together in minorities groups such as lgbt+ or others make it more easy to relate to other minorities and see if they fits you, its also more easy to seek out informations you wouldnt otherwise get. I admit that if it wasnt because I knew about being trans I probably wouldnt had known what it ment to be aro, ace, poly, etc or at least not to the level I do now but only the narrow view I learned in school. -- I think it's partly true that we are compared with children or sweet innocent angels opposite of the other stereotype on how evil and troublesome we are. but in general there are just alot of desexualisation and de-romantizising because being disable somehow isnt ideal, and makes people think we are "less a good partner" or whatever.. sad but true. its also why people get so angry about aborting or women getting sterilised, but if a disable person gets sterilised or someone get an abort because the person is disable then its seen as "okay" and totally normal to the point where many actually either are forced to do it, or getting it recomended. I also feel it may be why I have a more easy time when I tell my doctor that I dont want children. (exept for the fact being trans makes it kinda complicated) but I also think it depends alot on what type of disability you have and how visible disable you are. -- btw on the difference, right after I left my special school I entered a regular one and I didnt really notice any change patterns when the topic was on dating, sex etc. not to say I didnt notice anything difference between the two schools they where indeed VERY different, it was kind of an culture shock.

I dont think there is anything paticular linked with aromanticism or asexuality with autism. However, Disable people which included Autistic people as well DO get desexualise and deromantizise alot. I just talked with someone who got their dignose a few weeks ago, and they said that their therapist had been surprized how they had sex with people because as she said. "most people like you arnt interesteed in sex?" I grew up on a special school for autistic children. and while sure some seamed to not be interesteed in romance or sex, there where sure also many perverts and many who thought about romantic relationships and dating (which itself was a challange since there where alot more guys than girls and everyone was supposed to be straight) I dont think it would had been too different on a regular school. One thing I noticed to be different is many autistic people have difficulties interracting with others and it makes it difficult to seek out romantic relationships or sexuals once, but having difficulties in these doesnt mean people arnt interesteed.

I think it depends on the aro person and the alloromantics expectations. if the alloromantic had an expectations of well... "real romantic relationship" that was really high, then I would probably say it as it was that that wouldnt happent. also if I knew the aro person was happy single and liked that lifestyle I would be clear saying there wouldnt be a chance for a relationships cause I knew the person didnt do that. however aros are different, some do like relationships just not the romantic kinds, and some can even comprimize with alloromantics who feel romantic feelings for them even if they dont feel anything romantic themself. so.. lets say I dont know the person I would rather try to limit the alloromantics expectations but stay openmined and say they shouldnt nessesarry expect them to be super romantic but instead ask the aro person what they are or arnt interesteed in.

I just want to add, that I think sexual aromantics feel different about sex than allosexual aromantics. I notice sometimes when my ace friends complains about allosexuals that I can relate or I dont get the allosexuals. like the idea that "sex makes you human" or "sex is the most intimate thing you can every do with another person" I think it may be because alloromantic and allosexuals tend to loop all attractions together where aro and ace tend to seperate it alittle more (+ we know that lacking an attraction doesnt make us less human) this is just a theory.

thats also what I mean. I think me being queer, and non-monogamyous also shapes how I view aromanticism. but its only how I experience it, and while speaking for everyone I have to realise that someone is experience it differently. -- I didn't say that either, I was just making 2 different examples on how people could have different experience with their aromanticism. they wasnt supposed to be connected with each other.

I try as much as posible to say "from my point of view" or "I experience it this way" to make it open that for others it can be very different experience. I think its relevant specially when we talk about aromanticism because while we have alot in common there are alot of different ways we may experience it, and I do think I fall into the trap myself once in a while because I identify as non-monogamyous and aro and somethimes find it hard to seperate those things. I think a person who ex want a relationship has a different view than a person who want to live a single life, and a person who is Aro and very repulsed by romance may see things differently than a person who doesnt mind. as mark says, a forum like this we often state our gender, and orientation so its tend to be obvious compared to IRL, but I think its still important we try to use inclusive language. there is a big differen between "aros feel like" or "is typical for an aro person to feel"

Hmm well you can still get high on awsomeness for your friends even if you have known them alot. I do that once in a while. But to me however I think squishes is most strong when you just get to know a new person and get this new energy attraction (I dont remember the word, its used in the poly comunity alot?) to you get the level of intimacy you want but it may take some time even years to get to a stage where you feel satisfied and dont feel you are "just another friend" but not the close friend you want to be. -- I noticed I havent said much about how I define a squish and as I said above, the only way I have been able to tell the difference had been because I didnt want them to like me back. but to go abit more in details only speaking from my own perspective. my squishes had been people I felt sexual attraction toward or no sexual attraction. they have also been of various gender and ages. we would talk alot or I would want us to talk ALOT if it was a new person I got to know, and even thought not all of my squishes are very sensual I still desired a sensual relationship where its okay to hug, kiss, cuddle or whatever we want. when I have a squish I think about them alot, but not all the time, and if they contact me too much I may get tired. I value them very highly amount my friends but they arnt like a nr1 only person in the world. I dont get jelous of them the same way I seen many alloromantic get jelouse. its more like "why dont you spend time with me" type of jelousy and not "why are you having a gf/bf that is not me?" in short.. I feel like my mind is focusing on that person but not enough compared to how many of my alloromantic friends would like it. its more like "I think alot about you and you are awsome, and I want to hang out with you often and have you meet all my other friends, and have a good time while still being me and minding my own busness" and they are like "I think about you all the time, and want to hang out with you all the time, and we should be together" maybe its an exaggeration but thats how I feel.

I have problems with this as well. I don't mind living with people and at some point I prefer to live with at least 1 person. BUT i need enough space for this to be an option and not having alot of money sure also mean I can't live with people and still feel I have enough space (unless I move FAR away from the city or live with my parents) when I was studying in a bording school we all lived together at the school but I had a single room. too me it was perfect because I could easly visit the other people or have sleepovers if I wanted and still be on my own when needed. My father also lived in the area so if I felt too stressed out I could visit him (and he lives in the middle of nowhere so its very relaxing) - most of my sexual experience been pretty simular, and yes I also feel like "its fine for now but when we get older/when we get into a romantic relationship then its over. I am not sure why there are this type of view.

You are defintly not heartless. Aven is pretty horrible for arosexuals. Not like everyone there is bad but there are alot of clueless people writting bad stuff and can do it pretty freely because aros dont really have any safe space in the first place. I have reporter a few of the comments when I feel it became too much but As mention its very difficult to feel safe when the same type of people can run the show, definding aro sexuals experience without even listening to them. personally I found out because I head someone mentioned wtf-romantic and then I began to seach for it and found aromanticsm. Before that Had a long period if time where I thought I might have comitmentphobia because I always backed out when relationships started to get serious, and had this want but dont want conflict" The sad thing is I did feel like I got to know about aromantic long before that but my resources were bad, the first site I saw it mentioned said something about "it was unknown whenever sexual aro sexuals existed" and the first time I debated it I was told that "people like that are just called players" coming out as aro is pretty difficult no matter what. For those of my friend who already know me and also already know my sexual orientation its more easy compared with those who arnt familiar with the term at all. I had good and bad experience. One thing is try to take it slow and somehow "relateable" so the person Might get a chance to understand.

people usunally just say it like "we make love" and so but its the same. true and its really annoying

Beside many of the points already mentioned I don't understand why sex is seen as romantic. I simple dont see anything "romantic" in rubbing your genetalia on each other (or whatever you are into.)

I feel NB or more exact in the middle between binary and non-binary. I guess I feel kinda demiboy more on the masculine side.

Hi I am staying in Aust-agder area for the next few weeks exept for a few days next week where I'm planning to go to Kristiansand and pehaps Oslo so if you want and have the option to meet just let me know, I am on vacation so I have pretty much freetime. I am planning on trying to make a aro meet up at Copenhagen pride in August and try to make alittle awareness. I haven't decide which day it should be yet but Copenhagen pride week is between 16-21 august so it will be one of these days. I know a few aros living in Copenhagen or nearby including myself. I dont know many living in jytland yet. so far only one. about the group. its called aros in Scandinavia. its a facebook group and secret so you cant find it unless you have been added by facebook account or email. if you send an email by pm I can add you to the group. p.s. sorry for late reply I dont have so much internet while being in norway.