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omitef

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  • Name
    Colin
  • Orientation
    Greyromantic
  • Gender
    Maleflux
  • Pronouns
    He/him Xe/xim

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  1. @Ice Queen I meant that everything you said is super relatable. "Since he is not available anymore, abstinence is like second nature to me. I don't even feel the need to... you know." Yeah basically.
  2. Me, pretend I'm too cool for my squish because I know we're incompatible as friends? It's more likely than you think,,, ?

  3. I'm romance-repulsed but I like soft-romo or, like, super reserved displays of romance, that carry power because the feeling is too strong to be named. I rewatched the first Pirates of the Caribbean a couple years ago, and I really liked Will and Elizabeth's portrayals of intimacy. There's a scene when they get reunited and they just stare into each other's eyes and grin. Wishing all IRL PDA could just be like that.
  4. I just got into an open relationship with someone that I'm very romantically attracted to. It feels amazing to be around them, there's just constantly a logical detachment while I'm around them, where I physically and emotionally feel happy, but mentally think that the situation is absolutely ridiculous. I'm intensely aware of the feeling that I've lost control over my own heart. I'm romance-repulsed by my own feelings, and it makes me uncomfortable. But I want to work through the uncomfortable feelings for them.
  5. i found an intellectual fuckbuddy

     

    we only get together to ruthlessly psychoanalyze, debate, and motivate each other, and that's it

     

    it's really surreal

    1. shotinthehand

      shotinthehand

      Yessss

      I know a guy with whom I disagree on a lot of issues but we have a lot of respect for each other as debaters but we don't hang out for other purposes really and one time he gave me a handshake bc I just quipped at his expense savagely. I enjoy our relationship

  6. Had this realization after talking with @Dodecahedron314 on Discord: As someone who just experienced romance for the first time as a greyro, I feel that romance is less about what you do with someone, but more about how you feel with someone. The major difference I've noticed between romantic and platonic feelings is ego. I feel like there's much more ego involved in romance--it's all about how me and my crush can fit into each other's lives. In friendship, I feel my ego is less present. I just want my friend/squish to be happy, not necessarily in a way that's dependent on how we fit into each other's lives. For example, I've noticed that I can have a squish, and not desire a queerplatonic relationship. But when I have a crush, I desire a romantic relationship, and I feel like I won't be satisfied unless I'm in a romantic relationship with my crush. Why is a romantic relationship so desirable in the case of a crush, for me? Because of the benefit of couples privilege. First off, it's socially acceptable to publicly be affectionate with someone, romantically, than platonically. And when I have a crush, I want my affection towards them to be socially recognized and legitimized. But more importantly, I want my crush to recognize and legitimize my affection, specifically through a romantic relationship, because it formally acknowledges that I have a special role in their life. How does this differ from a queerplatonic relationship? Again, lack of ego. My interactions and displays of affection for my queerplatonic partner, are less about us recognizing that we are special to each other, and more about recognizing the specialness of the bond we share. Bonus: How does this differ from a special interest (for my neurodivergent aros)?
  7. Hey, Ryan, It actually sounds like your ex is pretty sure of what she feels? I don't see how explaining that there's nothing wrong with being aromantic would encourage her to marry you. As an aromantic person who's had exit romantic relationships several times, I think what prompted me to leave wasn't insecurity about my aromantic identity, but stress from trying to force myself to do things I didn't want to, to meet the needs of my non-aromantic partner. Your ex said that the only reason she didn't want to marry you was "lack of feeling." Forgive me for being blunt, but what is the purpose of asking more questions here, when she's given you such a clear answer? I don't understand what there is to "work out" between you two--if a person doesn't want to do romantic things with you, because they don't have romantic feelings, shouldn't you just accept how they feel, and stop trying to do romantic things with them? If she doesn't want to marry you, or be in a relationship with you anymore, there's nothing you can do to change that. It's not your fault that she has no feelings for you. It's not that you didn't try hard enough as a partner. Feelings don't follow logic and they're outside our realm of control. But what you can control is how you react to how she feels about you. I know that it's hard to let go of her. But it's going to hurt more if you keep holding onto unrealistic expectations for both of you. And if you're holding onto unrealistic expectations until she shuts you down 100%, then you're just delaying the inevitable. On being aromantic, there are many posts on this site, where people share their experiences of being aro. Medical journals, not so much, but I don't think that scientific research has been very respectful or understanding of the LGBT+ community to start with. I can talk about my experiences with ending relationships as an aromantic person. Maybe they'll help you gain some insight into how she feels. It took me a long time to realize I was aromantic. The first relationship I had, was with a good friend of mine, and I really wanted things to work out. But throughout the entire relationship, I felt like I was just going through the motions. It stressed me out whenever she wanted to hold hands, kiss, or make out with me. At first I thought it was just social anxiety, and after breaking up with her, I made a point of getting into more relationships to build confidence. That was a bad idea. I remember Googling "how to break up with someone" moments after agreeing to be their boyfriend. The entire concept of relationships just felt extremely alienating to me. I knew what a good boyfriend was supposed to do, but I didn't understand why. Yes, you do things with your partner, because you love them, but I never felt anything remotely similar to romantic love during all my past relationships. I felt the stress of an actor onstage, of someone pretending to be a person they are not. I felt the excitement of planning gifts for my partners, of optimizing formulas to make them happy; I was more focused on building those formulas, than I was on building a connection with them. I understood romance theoretically, but not in practice. I eventually stopped trying to force myself into romantic relationships, because I realized I was just doing it for the sake of other people around me. I couldn't muster the courage to say "no" to romantic relationships, until I accepted that I didn't want to be in them. And I bet your ex probably thought the same. I wish you the best of luck in wrestling with your confusion, and in accepting the conclusion of your relationship. I'm sorry that it took something as major as a proposal to end things between you, but with these things, it's better late than never.
  8. tfw your romantic orientation is suddenly in questioning mode

     

    AGAIN

     

    I'm enraged

  9. I'd rather give up puns than get married.
  10. ^ My brain, which has a tendency to interpret things literally, read your sentence to mean that your schoolfriend was in some sort of polyamorous trio marriage with a mortgage and a dog. You have brought me much amusement for the night. I feel like my extremely formulaic approaches to romance--and later, sex--ought to have been a glaring sign. I tended to think of getting a partner as a glorified, extended role-playing game where you say certain "romantic" or "sexual' phrases to capture the attention of your target--I mean, er, "interest"...like, "romance" and "sex" were two different languages I would switch to speaking, less because I was actually interested in romance and sex themselves, and more because I just liked to game the systems of romance and sex. I had "strategies" optimized for both games of romance and sex, but my greatest satisfaction resulted from the intellectual challenge of creating those strategies, rather than the successful results of my strategies.
  11. tfw you want to tag your queerplatonic partner's boyfriend in a meme

    #unconventionalRelationshipMilestones

  12. @starstuff My current QPP just got a boyfriend and I'm not gonna lie, I've been alternating between extreme joy and extreme heartbreak since.
  13. I confess that once my close friends get into romantic relationships, I start betting when our friendship is going to end. Or perhaps, "end," isn't the right word? "Demoted in favour of romance" would be better. In fact, because of that fear and suspicion, I tend to preemptively "make myself invisible" whenever my close friends bring their romantic partners along in social situations. I third wheel myself. No, I completely remove myself as the third wheel, so that there are only two wheels, and I am not part of the equation...
  14. Post-queerplatonic friendship recovery milestones: being able to feel compersion for your ex's new romantic relationship, even if it formed as a direct result of what caused your queerplatonic friendship to fall apart.

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