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About Rose

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    Earth, most of the time

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  1. I'm gonna try and cover a lot here in a few words. Apologizes in advance. The first original question as I understand it: do women commonly get zoned out during sex (due to disinterest)? Answer: Yes people zone out doing all sorts of activities. Does that mean they find them disintegrating? Maybe, maybe not. Same with sex. Do most women like sex? Hate to bring up the sex studies again, but studies have found that the largest correlation with frequency of sexual fantasies is not gender, but comfort with the idea of sex. (( The best way I can describe sex fantasies vs sex drive are "thinking about food" verses "hungry" (although thinking about food can induce a craving to eat food, similar with fantasies). )) Does sexual actraction feel the same between men and women? I think one thing we can learn from this site, and we should try and be mindful of while discussing generalities here, is that there is far more variance between people of the same gender than there are of "how men experience sex" vs "how women experience sex
  2. Makes sense--but that's the problem: you only hear from the ones who are clued into their romantic identities from the larger LGBT+ community....I suppose you have some degree of aromantic erasure too, that further limits people's (typically very limited) knowledge of aromantism.
  3. As a heterosexual cisgender aro female, I walk precariously on a tightrope of misunderstanding between the "straight" community at one end, and the LGBT+ community at the other. To my straight friends (and by "straight" I mean the heterosexual, heteroromantic, cisgender people), particularly the male ones, I am an utter confusion. All of them that I have come out to understand my aromantism and agree THEY would never pursue a relationship with someone unless their romantic feelings were reciprocated, yet cannot see why I struggle to find a partner. The question always comes up "well, sure, I would not pursue a non-romantic sexual relationship with you, but isn't that every guy's dream?" *Face palm* I have yet to figure out if guys honestly believe THEY are the only ones who want romance and cannot extrapolate that (almost) EVERYONE feels that way...or if stereotypical heteronormative relationship roles are so deeply ingrained they can't imagine that all other males are anything less than sex-crazed, emotionless people. Both seem sad options. On the other hand, several of my LGBT+ friends who (even though I am out as aro to them) refer to me as the "straight ally". Thank you (for the erasure of my romantic orientation and also, indirectly, the importance of romantic orientation in determining how we all pursue our relationships)? Yeah, no. Yet often I don't feel "queer enough" or "LGBT+ enough" to contradict them, especially if there are people in the room I am not out to. Do any other cis heterosexual aros feel they experience these or other problems unique to their gender/sexual/romantic orientation combination?
  4. Although my mother has joked about it to my face for years, a recent conversation with my father has confirmed that my mother actually believes I must have a secret boyfriend. There are many problems with this. Heteronormativity. The assumption that I MUST have a romantic partner (I'm only 17, plenty of allos my age are single). Also, the fact that I have told both my parents that I don't have any signifanct other and that I'm okay with that. I'm not ready to come out to my parents as aro (as you might assume, that would not be taken well) but I really don't know what to do going forward. Years of my word that I'm happily single doesn't seem to make a dent in their belief. I'm kinda at a loss.
  5. @omitef Ahh thanks for the concern. Prom is over and much of the "why don't you want to date someone it's amazing and wonderful?!?!" has died off a bit--thankfully.
  6. I kept trying to find my favorite part of this to quote but the whole thing had me breaking down laughing over what has been one of the most stressful points of contention with the family--thank you beyond words--I needed that.
  7. Welcome from a fellow Rose, Rose
  8. Who is your favorite two (or more) characters in ANY type of relationship that is deeply loving but not romantic? A personal favorite of mine are siblings Simon and River in Firefly-- throughout the show you see a level of genuine devotion, love, and care for one another that is typically portrayed as exculsive to romantic partners.
  9. Totally get the fear of any physical intimacy being misinterpreted as romantic--constant fear in pursuing ANY close relationships for me as an allosexual. "Friends with benefits" might be the closest phrase to my ideal relationship but "QPR with benefits" is a lot closer. I appreciate sex (a lot) but ideally would like a caring and intimate (but not romantic) relationship to go with it. "Friends with benefits" usually isn't associated with that kind of emotional connection.
  10. When you mistakenly assume that a crush means "I really really really want to be friends with someone" ....learned the difference when I tried to date a squish
  11. Dear [insert your name here], I stumbled upon this community via reddit about a month ago and have finally decided to make my grand appearance. I'm Rose. 17. Fabulously quirky. Hi. I have the somewhat odd combination of being aromantic but heterosexual. (I don't bite--usually) I kinda live with a foot in both worlds without really having a sense of belonging in either. I'm really excited to connect with more aros--especially any that identify as something other than ace (make my existence slightly less lonely and signifanctly more awesome and we will be great friends regardless though) More about me? A lover of intellectual discourse, fellow awkward humans and really I'm down to talk about anything from War and Peace to Steven Universe. Can't wait to meet you, Rose
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