Early signs that you were aro

[RedNeko]

4 hours ago, aussiekirkland said:

I had just gotten out of my second relationship and had sort of promised myself to lay off relationships for the foreseeable future, because regardless of what was "wrong with me" I just wanted to be happy and relationships weren't doing that for me.

I remember doing this at some point too. It was nice, very relaxing.

[ArodynamicallyFavored]

I'm romance repulsed soooo I never liked romantic scenes or people showing each other romantic affection.

I realized I was aro when my friends started to get romantically interested and involved with other people & I'm the black sheep wondering what the heck the big deal was. I don't want to get married or date soooo finding aromantic/apothiromantic put the final nail in the coffin of love for me

[Rebekah]

I remember at some point thinking that every other girl my age had probably, at some point, fantasized about their wedding. I made a mental note to get around to that. It never happened. 

Also, I never really understood the idea of sharing a bed. Like, how am I supposed to sleep when I'm overheating because someone is next to me and every time I fidget I risk waking them up?!

I remember legitimately thinking that if I thought someone of my preferred gender was aesthetically pleasing and not a jerk, I had a crush on them. I thought that's what a crush was. Turns out that's not quite what it is. 

[Zema]

4 hours ago, Rebekah said:

Also, I never really understood the idea of sharing a bed. Like, how am I supposed to sleep when I'm overheating because someone is next to me and every time I fidget I risk waking them up?!

I remember legitimately thinking that if I thought someone of my preferred gender was aesthetically pleasing and not a jerk, I had a crush on them. I thought that's what a crush was. Turns out that's not quite what it is. 

I know how you feel on these two things. I move a lot while I sleep. I had to share a bed with my brother once and it was horrible. Aesthetic attraction was confusing for me because it's a physical attraction to me. I can literally feel something in my stomach when I see these people (it's only for a second though, but still). Add to that thinking the person was pretty awesome and you've got a whole bundle of confusion.

[PerformativeSurprise]

22 hours ago, Rebekah said:

Also, I never really understood the idea of sharing a bed. Like, how am I supposed to sleep when I'm overheating because someone is next to me and every time I fidget I risk waking them up?!

 

I can completely relate.   I've had to share a bed with friends and family members on occasion, and I hate it.  When I was little, I distinctly remember wondering how people in romantic relationships dealt with this problem.  Nobody could possibly want to share a bed, right? I remember assuming this was just another price you had to pay if you got married 

[MiniChelonia]

This thought process when I was in early high school:

1. I read a post about teachers "shipping students and getting them to do work together"

2. I noticed that a teacher kept getting me to work with another person

3. Therefore, teacher ships us according to aforementioned post

4. Me having that thought meant I shipped us together (that's how shipping works, right?)

5. Shipping someone with yourself = having crush on them 

 

I didn't realise most people visualised their weddings as a kid, or imagined being married in their future. In primary school some girls had made a poll for which guys were most date able, to which my contribution was "no one"    "you can't choose no one or the world will end" "fine, the world ends"

 

Not realising that being a 3rd wheel was a thing, or bad. Having no interest in romance. *exposed to romance* "no, that's obsessive & creepy". 

[Dodgypotato]

2 hours ago, MiniChelonia said:

This thought process when I was in early high school:

1. I read a post about teachers "shipping students and getting them to do work together"

2. I noticed that a teacher kept getting me to work with another person

3. Therefore, teacher ships us according to aforementioned post

4. Me having that thought meant I shipped us together (that's how shipping works, right?)

5. Shipping someone with yourself = having crush on them 

 

I didn't realise most people visualised their weddings as a kid, or imagined being married in their future. In primary school some girls had made a poll for which guys were most date able, to which my contribution was "no one"    "you can't choose no one or the world will end" "fine, the world ends"

 

Not realising that being a 3rd wheel was a thing, or bad. Having no interest in romance. *exposed to romance* "no, that's obsessive & creepy". 

Hahaha that's great logic! I like it. I thought crush = member of the opposite sex that you'd like to be friends with. Because all members of the opposite sex had cooties that you'd die if you caught. So you couldn't normally be friends. D:

 

Me too about the weddings! I never imagined anything like that! I was always pretending to live in Hogwarts and stuff!!!

[aussiekirkland]

On 5 July 2016 at 10:20 PM, Dodgypotato said:

Hahaha that's great logic! I like it. I thought crush = member of the opposite sex that you'd like to be friends with. Because all members of the opposite sex had cooties that you'd die if you caught. So you couldn't normally be friends. D:

 

Me too about the weddings! I never imagined anything like that! I was always pretending to live in Hogwarts and stuff!!!

I always thought that a crush was a guy I wanted to get to know, because a guy and a girl couldn't possibly be friends, right? This resulted in relationships partially because people told me I couldn't just be friends with my newest guy friend.

 

I remember when I first watched those romcom: wedding edition movies (think 27 Dresses and Bride Wars) and they always played wedding and dreamed about their wedding/the perfect guy when they were little and I thought "do girls really do that? Well, I guess I'll give it a try..." And forgot about it a day later.

[techno]

I remember like, never really having a crush on anybody?? And I didn't think that was weird until some stuff happened that kind of sparked my aro discovery...

I've always liked to write, but I've never been good at writing romance, the few times I tried it. It was always just like, they were really close friends, and sometimes they kissed. And it was never the main focus of what I was writing, it was just kind of what you were supposed to do??

Elementary and middle school was a weird time. Like, I think there was ONE time I thought I had a "crush" on some kid (I was like 5 years old) but I really just thought he was nice and wanted a friend lmao

I didn't understand crushes for the longest time... it was weird.

[Elluna Hellen]

19 hours ago, techno-trashcan said:

I remember like, never really having a crush on anybody?? And I didn't think that was weird until some stuff happened that kind of sparked my aro discovery...

I've always liked to write, but I've never been good at writing romance, the few times I tried it. It was always just like, they were really close friends, and sometimes they kissed. And it was never the main focus of what I was writing, it was just kind of what you were supposed to do??

Elementary and middle school was a weird time. Like, I think there was ONE time I thought I had a "crush" on some kid (I was like 5 years old) but I really just thought he was nice and wanted a friend lmao

I didn't understand crushes for the longest time... it was weird.

 

I never understood them either, but I didn't think much of it because I was still really young to fall in love, right? (in my teens) or 'It could still happen, right?' (in my early 20s)

[Quinoa]

I just thought of another one. Growing up, I never liked kisses. My parents and relatives tried to kiss me sometimes, and I always hated it. I thought all kids hated kisses until I recently realized that a lot of the kids I know like kisses. Then, much later, I saw this video because I was really wondering why anyone would kiss. And that was when I learned that kissing feels good to most people. I realized that up until then, I kind of thought people pretended to like kisses and making out because they were supposed to like them, not because they ACTUALLY liked them. 

[nock]

As a kid, I was a big fan of animated movies by both Disney and Dreamworks, but I turned to Dreamworks movies like Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, The Prince of Egypt, and Anastasia. As for Disney movies, I was mostly into Dinosaur, The Lion King, and Little Mermaid 2. For these movies, romance was just a subplot; the movies I liked (that weren't horror) were all about self discovery. Otherwise, the typical romantic movies were just cringe fests for me. I'd sit down and watch a movie and be totally content thinking that nothing romantic would happen, and immediately feel disappointment the second something remotely romantic happens to the main character.

 

And as I grew up and kept writing, I remember planning on giving my fanfic a romantic subplot, but totally forgot about it along the way.

 

In high school... idk. I thought about it a lot but just couldn't bring myself to have legitimate crushes. All I really wanted were guy friends since I studied in an all girls' school. All of my "crushes", as it turns out, were squishes.

[Mark]

On 05/07/2016 at 0:14 AM, PerformativeSurprise said:

 I've had to share a bed with friends and family members on occasion, and I hate it.  When I was little, I distinctly remember wondering how people in romantic relationships dealt with this problem.  Nobody could possibly want to share a bed, right? I remember assuming this was just another price you had to pay if you got married 

Things like marriage, monogamy, being a couple, living together, co-sleeping, doing everything together, etc. I have always seen as uninteresting, unappealing and burdensome.
Whilst everyone around me seems to enthusiastically want to do these kind of things. Whilst apparently oblivious that there are 101 other ways to go about things.
At times the world can feel like a giant romance convention complete with rabid fangirls/boys.

[LJ_84]

I was 17 when my one friend told me that it was weird that I don't had a boyfriend yet and she was like "You haven't even kissed a boy yet!!" And I replied: "Why should I want to do that? It seems disgusting." So she asked me if I liked girls then, and I told her, "No. I'm just not interested in having a boyfriend or romantic relationship." Her reply: "Ah, you are just shy!" -.-

 

Another thing: My mum recently told me about my cousins kid, what is in kindergarden age, and that they talked about another kid, who they want to marry when they're grown up. Then she looked at me and said: "You never did that. You never came to me, talking about an other kid you liked and want to marry." Well, turned out, I'm aro

[Snapdragon]

Every time I watched a movie that had a really good storyline, I would be super into it... until there was a romance sort of forced in, and I would ask myself "what's the point? it was good enough without it."

[Elluna Hellen]

I just found this gem on a very old forum I used to be active on

 

another member: I want a boyfriend

14 year old me: I don't
Yet another member: I want a boyfriend too
14 year old me: WHY?

[cute kitty Meow! Mewo!]

when i was a kid my friend had a crush on my other friend. then, my other friend had me over at their place. and i looked at all the toys and felt really excited! and as we played together, i was like, oh, maybe i have a crush on them too!

 

hehe. how silly of me!

 

does college (5 years ago) count as "early signs" since I didn't know till last year? 'cause in college, I kept getting close to friends. then they or their friends would start trying to hint at a romantic relationship between us. and I'd always think, "well if they wanted it, sure, i guess I could date with them. but I thought we were just friends? it's why i like them so much actually! we are just friends, and I know this, so i feel more comfortable around them, unlike peers who try to flirt with me lol!"

[Hey you in the corner]

In high school.

Friend: That guy was flirting with you.

Me: What guy? 

Friend: Never mind. 

[Untamed Heart]

There were only about 3 or 4 guys I was interested in to varying degrees during high school (over a few years), all ultimately unattainable, but I rejected any guys who actually did ask me out, because A) they were all jerky B) what would we even do? The one guy I did agree to go out with - I can't even remember why - it didn't feel like I was with anyone because he didn't really talk to me or anything (he seemed like a bit of a narcissist, though), but I didn't really mind. He got a bit pissed off when I dumped him because I didn't see the point in being with him, but I didn't care one bit.

And this is probably more to do with my aceness than grey-ro-ness, but some kid said I was 'sexy' when I was angry, so I tried not to get angry in front of him after that  

 

[cute kitty Meow! Mewo!]

I am afraid to connect to friends sometimes, out of fear of misinterpreted advances. 

 

shoot, this one doesn't really fit this thread actually, sorry. this is not something that was an early sign for me, it didn't develop until after I had a history of people "breaking up" with me when I had no idea our friendship was anything other than platonic friendship. maybe that is what the ealry sign is lol!

[James White]

In fifth grade (age ten), my reading teacher made me act out a romantic part in a play. I spent a solid minute trying to force out the words "I love you," but I was too horrified to hear myself say them. I couldn't make myself do it. I mean that literally. Rather than say three words, I cried until class was over and everyone had gone. That wasn't out of embarrassment. It was out of disgust. For the record, I'm nineteen and I haven't cried once in the last seven years. For better or for worse, I don't exactly tear up easily. Still, no amount of hard-heartedness could keep that play from destroying me. I couldn't even pretend. 

[Untamed Heart]

I can relate to that, a bit. I've only said 'I love you' to one boyfriend and actually felt like I meant it. And we were more like passionate best friends, long distance, only met once. I'm actually pretty certain it would have been much different if we'd been able to see each other in person - I really liked him, but one time, he texted me and said "I knew I wanted to be more than friends with you," and I was so freaked out by it he actually had to calm me down afterwards  

[Zema]

On 15/12/2016 at 1:10 PM, James said:

In fifth grade (age ten), my reading teacher made me act out a romantic part in a play. I spent a solid minute trying to force out the words "I love you," but I was too horrified to hear myself say them. I couldn't make myself do it. I mean that literally. Rather than say three words, I cried until class was over and everyone had gone. That wasn't out of embarrassment. It was out of disgust. For the record, I'm nineteen and I haven't cried once in the last seven years. For better or for worse, I don't exactly tear up easily. Still, no amount of hard-heartedness could keep that play from destroying me. I couldn't even pretend. 

I knew I wasn't the only one who hated the phrase "I love you" when I was younger . I was never forced to say it, and I doubt I would have cried if I was forced to, but I definitely would have cringed super hard if I was. It's still a cringey phrase for me to say, but nowhere near as cringey as it was when I was still in school.

[BowlerhatPuff]

I honestly liked romance novels and movies because the story was interesting (I'm also a shipper) but when it came to myself I never really imagine a life with someone. Sure I thought of having kids but never a partner, also when we did the when I grow project stuff while everyone talked about having a partner and family and living like their parents, I said I wanted a white car, to live with my cousin, and my own dance studio. End of story!

[Louis On Air]

10 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

I knew I wasn't the only one who hated the phrase "I love you" when I was younger . I was never forced to say it, and I doubt I would have cried if I was forced to, but I definitely would have cringed super hard if I was. It's still a cringey phrase for me to say, but nowhere near as cringey as it was when I was still in school.

To me 'I love you' had no significance whatsoever as a phrase so if I said it I wasn't saying anything meaningful.