Lume

Hanging out Gathering? Or, we could re-vive "tryst", which is an old term for "date". Haha! "Trystin' the night away".

I found that funny, although I had pretty much the same experience as Cassiopeia. What bothered me, though (although it would certainly not change my result - androgynous, feminine appearance, male socialising style (?), androgynous brain processes), was that there was no option indicating that neither was a choice: sexual preference? men, women, bisexual (or that weird neologism...). Whom did you play with as a kid? same gender, opposite gender, both. Your gender identity? male, female, both (androgynous). And so on. Geez, I prefer neither gender sexually, I played alone as a kid, I do not identify in any way as male, so "androgynous" is not an option, and no alternative to classic female. What about the existence of absence in this whole issue?!

I am not sure whether this is a linguistic thing, but I feel unconfortable with the term "date" in the first section. I would be willing to do much of it, but never, unless ironically, under the term of "date", since that word has a romanting ringing to it. But maybe it's really because I am not a native speaker, in German, the (english) word "date" is used for romantic dates/ initiations of romantic relationships only.

I know that one very well. I could add: YMBAI you're at your best friend's wedding and feel very happy for her, and happy for you, too, because you are single. And of course YMBAI you never imagine how your own wedding will be, not even completely theoretical ("I would have my wedding gown such and such"), because you really know, regardless of any external decision you may or may not have taken, that you will never marry.

Hm, I was sometimes repelled by romantic display in movies, but since I am not repulsed by romance as long as it doesn't include me, this was not an early marker. Rather, I discovered later that I never liked the idea that I had a crush on anyone, either real-life persons or historical persons. Apart from that, this aromanticism was, like my asexuality, long time veiled by the fact that I was so disinterested in both that I didn't engage in romantic or sexual issues until my 20s. But then, I found out.

I use to roll my eyes, at least internally, everytime I see public romantic display, but usually I do not mind, so I cannot even say that some forms of display bother me more than others.

YMBAI you fail so hard in magazine psycho test because they assume everyone is/wants to be in a romantic relationship and you cannot decide which of the wrong options you chose as an answer.

That's interesting. And yes, it does belong in the aro-spectrum, just as your asexuality, for instance, is not less valid because of traumatic/abusive experience. Also, I agree with Epicfailingagain that this may be more common than we may imagine. Not only are there many people who do not wish to be in a relationship anymore after a very bad experience, whether within the relationship or otherwise, but I could imagine that there might be a circular interdependence between some sort of aromanticism, bad/traumatic experiences, and caedroromanticism. I am hesitating to abuse of the term "trauma", beceause it's really a heavy disposition, but for me personally, bad romantic experience does play a role. I was never into romance beforehand, so I consider myself as pretty aromantic, but when I did join a romantic relationship, because I really loved the person, albeit not classically "romantically", whatever that means, I experienced heavy mental illnesses, like depression and emotional instability (kind of borderline disorder). I became a whole other person, and was not comfortable being that person. In some way, this experience was traumatic, and it leads me to think that, metaphorically spoken "love hurts". I don't want that any more, even if I happen to feel the same emotional closeness to another person ever again. But again, it is very diverse what people consider as "traumatic" or "bad relationship exprience". Hum... Interesting concept, however.

Being in a marriageable age (29) and being single for years, I guess they tend to accept that I will be the "crazy aunt". My mum and sister know I want to be single, and I sometimes vent about amanonormativity and how it hurts me. But I think, my mum silently hopes that I'll meet "the one" someday. My grandma thinks I am jaleous that my little sister has a boyfriend and hide it behind an attitude of "enjoying being single". She cannot understand why a person would want to live alone. Yet, when her meddlesome neighbour asked her why I haven't started a family, she defended me, pretending that I had my priorities on my career.

Since many people do not even know asexuality, and think that being asexual means not wanting a relationship, I lead them to believe that usually. Others, whether confronted with the term "aromantic" or not, responded something like: "Oh, that is so sad, you miss the most beautiful thing in life!" (an asexual person, btw) "When the right man (!) comes along....." (I grow fed up with telling people that if there was a right person, their rightness would consist in not even wanting to be in a relationship with me) "I know exactly how you feel, there were times when I didn't want a relationship either and I really enjoyed being single!" (Glad for you, happily married! Still, that's not what I mean) "Is this your latest quirk?" (No comment)

I have been in a relationship once, for more than two years. He asked me out (I have been asked out quite often, and always said "yes", because I fail to get that "having a coffee" means "having a date"), and I felt very, very close to him emotionally soon. I wanted him in my life, but not as a romantic (and sexual) partner. I tried to convince him into a primary/very close friendship (the term QPR was not known to me then), but he refused insisting on a romantic relationship and supposing that I was just scared of committment. We had dramatic struggles about that issue, but being so close, I finally gave in to a relationship and fell into a depression almost immediately. I was depressed for more or less the whole time of the relationship, and we argued a lot. It was aconstant up and down, while I enjoyed being with him very much, I felt extremely insecure and wrong when acting as his "girlfriend" in public. I often pushed him away and mourned for my single status (I used to say, "I am a single by conviction,I am just making an exception for you", which was right). We wore each other out, and despite my desperate trials to make it work, we finally broke up (he wasn't that perfect, either). Of course, we said we'd remain friends, but it wasn't the same. In fact, I didn't want him in my life anylonger. In retrospect, I think we'd better stayed friends in the first place, it may have been a one-of-a-kind friendship. On the other hand, I don't see much of a future for us, since he was rather conservative, wanting a family, or at least move together, which was and is a no-go for me. It's sad somehow, and I'm still confused about it.

Hum, You might be aro if.../I consider myself aro because... I never imagined myself as involved in a romance in my daydreaming. I did not want to engage in romance/never initiated romance. Did not think of my feelings towards another person as "romantic". Consequently, did not want to be in a romantic relationship but in a very close friendship. Felt overwhelmed in a relationship. Developped borderline-ish behaviour regarding closeness and repulsion. Developped a depression after starting a romantic relationship. Felt like living the wrong life somehow. Feeling relieved after breaking up. Being serene around couples despite being single, because I feel whole and content and live the life I want.

Straight by default setting. I did not wonder much about that, though, because I was not that interested in the stuff anyway.