Natkat

this seams so unfortunate when I rather they not fall in love with me.

I call myself trans-ftm-non-binary but I think demiguy fits me best. I feel my gender fluctuates between typical "man" normal "guy" and kinda androyne third gender" Like somethimes I just want to be "one of the boys" other times I care less about my gender or I may even prefer if its not seen to be a huge issue. But I still dont like to be called she and stuff so I still prefer being on the masculine side yet sometimes I get really annoyed if I am way more bothered by it than others. its kinda complicated. I go with the. "if this make me happy then its probably right, and if this make me unhappy then its probably not for me" gut feeling. I notice I feel best when I am read as male but I have 100% freedom to express myself outside of the binary.

I guess in general it becomes more easy to come out as something if you already had came out once before. Somehow gathering together in minorities groups such as lgbt+ or others make it more easy to relate to other minorities and see if they fits you, its also more easy to seek out informations you wouldnt otherwise get. I admit that if it wasnt because I knew about being trans I probably wouldnt had known what it ment to be aro, ace, poly, etc or at least not to the level I do now but only the narrow view I learned in school. -- I think it's partly true that we are compared with children or sweet innocent angels opposite of the other stereotype on how evil and troublesome we are. but in general there are just alot of desexualisation and de-romantizising because being disable somehow isnt ideal, and makes people think we are "less a good partner" or whatever.. sad but true. its also why people get so angry about aborting or women getting sterilised, but if a disable person gets sterilised or someone get an abort because the person is disable then its seen as "okay" and totally normal to the point where many actually either are forced to do it, or getting it recomended. I also feel it may be why I have a more easy time when I tell my doctor that I dont want children. (exept for the fact being trans makes it kinda complicated) but I also think it depends alot on what type of disability you have and how visible disable you are. -- btw on the difference, right after I left my special school I entered a regular one and I didnt really notice any change patterns when the topic was on dating, sex etc. not to say I didnt notice anything difference between the two schools they where indeed VERY different, it was kind of an culture shock.

I dont think there is anything paticular linked with aromanticism or asexuality with autism. However, Disable people which included Autistic people as well DO get desexualise and deromantizise alot. I just talked with someone who got their dignose a few weeks ago, and they said that their therapist had been surprized how they had sex with people because as she said. "most people like you arnt interesteed in sex?" I grew up on a special school for autistic children. and while sure some seamed to not be interesteed in romance or sex, there where sure also many perverts and many who thought about romantic relationships and dating (which itself was a challange since there where alot more guys than girls and everyone was supposed to be straight) I dont think it would had been too different on a regular school. One thing I noticed to be different is many autistic people have difficulties interracting with others and it makes it difficult to seek out romantic relationships or sexuals once, but having difficulties in these doesnt mean people arnt interesteed.

I think it depends on the aro person and the alloromantics expectations. if the alloromantic had an expectations of well... "real romantic relationship" that was really high, then I would probably say it as it was that that wouldnt happent. also if I knew the aro person was happy single and liked that lifestyle I would be clear saying there wouldnt be a chance for a relationships cause I knew the person didnt do that. however aros are different, some do like relationships just not the romantic kinds, and some can even comprimize with alloromantics who feel romantic feelings for them even if they dont feel anything romantic themself. so.. lets say I dont know the person I would rather try to limit the alloromantics expectations but stay openmined and say they shouldnt nessesarry expect them to be super romantic but instead ask the aro person what they are or arnt interesteed in.

I just want to add, that I think sexual aromantics feel different about sex than allosexual aromantics. I notice sometimes when my ace friends complains about allosexuals that I can relate or I dont get the allosexuals. like the idea that "sex makes you human" or "sex is the most intimate thing you can every do with another person" I think it may be because alloromantic and allosexuals tend to loop all attractions together where aro and ace tend to seperate it alittle more (+ we know that lacking an attraction doesnt make us less human) this is just a theory.

thats also what I mean. I think me being queer, and non-monogamyous also shapes how I view aromanticism. but its only how I experience it, and while speaking for everyone I have to realise that someone is experience it differently. -- I didn't say that either, I was just making 2 different examples on how people could have different experience with their aromanticism. they wasnt supposed to be connected with each other.

I try as much as posible to say "from my point of view" or "I experience it this way" to make it open that for others it can be very different experience. I think its relevant specially when we talk about aromanticism because while we have alot in common there are alot of different ways we may experience it, and I do think I fall into the trap myself once in a while because I identify as non-monogamyous and aro and somethimes find it hard to seperate those things. I think a person who ex want a relationship has a different view than a person who want to live a single life, and a person who is Aro and very repulsed by romance may see things differently than a person who doesnt mind. as mark says, a forum like this we often state our gender, and orientation so its tend to be obvious compared to IRL, but I think its still important we try to use inclusive language. there is a big differen between "aros feel like" or "is typical for an aro person to feel"

Hmm well you can still get high on awsomeness for your friends even if you have known them alot. I do that once in a while. But to me however I think squishes is most strong when you just get to know a new person and get this new energy attraction (I dont remember the word, its used in the poly comunity alot?) to you get the level of intimacy you want but it may take some time even years to get to a stage where you feel satisfied and dont feel you are "just another friend" but not the close friend you want to be. -- I noticed I havent said much about how I define a squish and as I said above, the only way I have been able to tell the difference had been because I didnt want them to like me back. but to go abit more in details only speaking from my own perspective. my squishes had been people I felt sexual attraction toward or no sexual attraction. they have also been of various gender and ages. we would talk alot or I would want us to talk ALOT if it was a new person I got to know, and even thought not all of my squishes are very sensual I still desired a sensual relationship where its okay to hug, kiss, cuddle or whatever we want. when I have a squish I think about them alot, but not all the time, and if they contact me too much I may get tired. I value them very highly amount my friends but they arnt like a nr1 only person in the world. I dont get jelous of them the same way I seen many alloromantic get jelouse. its more like "why dont you spend time with me" type of jelousy and not "why are you having a gf/bf that is not me?" in short.. I feel like my mind is focusing on that person but not enough compared to how many of my alloromantic friends would like it. its more like "I think alot about you and you are awsome, and I want to hang out with you often and have you meet all my other friends, and have a good time while still being me and minding my own busness" and they are like "I think about you all the time, and want to hang out with you all the time, and we should be together" maybe its an exaggeration but thats how I feel.

I have problems with this as well. I don't mind living with people and at some point I prefer to live with at least 1 person. BUT i need enough space for this to be an option and not having alot of money sure also mean I can't live with people and still feel I have enough space (unless I move FAR away from the city or live with my parents) when I was studying in a bording school we all lived together at the school but I had a single room. too me it was perfect because I could easly visit the other people or have sleepovers if I wanted and still be on my own when needed. My father also lived in the area so if I felt too stressed out I could visit him (and he lives in the middle of nowhere so its very relaxing) - most of my sexual experience been pretty simular, and yes I also feel like "its fine for now but when we get older/when we get into a romantic relationship then its over. I am not sure why there are this type of view.

You are defintly not heartless. Aven is pretty horrible for arosexuals. Not like everyone there is bad but there are alot of clueless people writting bad stuff and can do it pretty freely because aros dont really have any safe space in the first place. I have reporter a few of the comments when I feel it became too much but As mention its very difficult to feel safe when the same type of people can run the show, definding aro sexuals experience without even listening to them. personally I found out because I head someone mentioned wtf-romantic and then I began to seach for it and found aromanticsm. Before that Had a long period if time where I thought I might have comitmentphobia because I always backed out when relationships started to get serious, and had this want but dont want conflict" The sad thing is I did feel like I got to know about aromantic long before that but my resources were bad, the first site I saw it mentioned said something about "it was unknown whenever sexual aro sexuals existed" and the first time I debated it I was told that "people like that are just called players" coming out as aro is pretty difficult no matter what. For those of my friend who already know me and also already know my sexual orientation its more easy compared with those who arnt familiar with the term at all. I had good and bad experience. One thing is try to take it slow and somehow "relateable" so the person Might get a chance to understand.

people usunally just say it like "we make love" and so but its the same. true and its really annoying

Beside many of the points already mentioned I don't understand why sex is seen as romantic. I simple dont see anything "romantic" in rubbing your genetalia on each other (or whatever you are into.)

I feel NB or more exact in the middle between binary and non-binary. I guess I feel kinda demiboy more on the masculine side.

Hi I am staying in Aust-agder area for the next few weeks exept for a few days next week where I'm planning to go to Kristiansand and pehaps Oslo so if you want and have the option to meet just let me know, I am on vacation so I have pretty much freetime. I am planning on trying to make a aro meet up at Copenhagen pride in August and try to make alittle awareness. I haven't decide which day it should be yet but Copenhagen pride week is between 16-21 august so it will be one of these days. I know a few aros living in Copenhagen or nearby including myself. I dont know many living in jytland yet. so far only one. about the group. its called aros in Scandinavia. its a facebook group and secret so you cant find it unless you have been added by facebook account or email. if you send an email by pm I can add you to the group. p.s. sorry for late reply I dont have so much internet while being in norway.

Cool!! I am not alone^^ I try to make some awareness I made a Facebook groups for aros in Scandinavia and will make the next meet up in Denmark probably to august. Nightnurse. Im in norway this month living in the south with my famely.

Hmm Skullery Maid I never seen her support aro allos? ---- okay I think attraction is complicate to explain but I will give it a try. I think I have a pretty wierd sexuality. I do have a rather high libedo and I do enjoy being with myself maybe even more than with others, However I do feel I get alittle more of a "kick or excitement" with others compared to when i'm alone. When I am on my own I think of doing it with someone. often it arnt really anyone I know and its all just fiction where I or someone else f* a stranger in a bar or something, but I also do fantasys of people I know even people I hate or have no connection to at all. I think I have a really on/off sexuality that either im in the mood or im not. I also abit mixed cause I really do want to be more slutty but im also socially akward, somethimes in pain, not to mention im very nervous about pregnacy, so there is alot of things getting in my way. Im not agenst hook ups but I do find it hard to trust people and feel confortable enough around for sex, and also while I can have sex with someone I may not be 100% attracted to I still need "something" that keeps my interest, and sadly I have to admit that alot of people are just not my type the second they open their mouth. FWB is cool and practical if you live closeby but on the other hand if you been friend with someone too long in a platonic way it can also be wierd to out of sudden suggest it to be sexual, or maybe you will worry it would ruin the friendship. the strange thing is, when I see sex scenes in move I often cant relate to it. all these "making love" type of sex is pretty far from me. I never understood why putting your **** in someones **** means you love them or why it would make sex better, I only found it to be a pretty big turn off? it does not mean I cant hug or kiss, but its a sensual thing and I dont see it as nessesarry as some seams to.

Okay this is a pretty bad aro moment. (sorry its long) I had my exam not long ago and was going to analyse a story called "love story" (it's not about love but about a women who get thrown out of her apartment). at some point my teacher ask. "so what about her relationships?" now the thing is she had 1 ex bf but its hardly mentioned exept on a few lines after she mastrubated thinking of some fantasy with 2 women and a man watching. then afterward she say she once had a boyfriend from a subculture and that he accepted that she did not like to be naked infront of him. she also said they were kinda like the brothers from __* (a childhood book) and was supposed to move in together but then he changed his mind and (I think as far as I remember moved in with someone else?) So out from this text I had to analyse what type of relationship she had. Since I knew the author previously had wrote a simular story with a woman being with a guy from a subculture who was unhealthy and lead to drugabuse. I analysed the story the same way said she did not have a good relationships with him and was probably doing drugs. apperently it was correct that she did not have a good relationship but I also had to prove it out from what I mentioned above. I said the drug thing was because she imagined that insects were talking to her, and also in the end when she was to be thrown out there was a doctor and she was decribed like "one of these kinds". the relationship part was harder my teacher kept comming with hints asking about how she decribed the relationships like brothers, or if it was normal not to be naked with your boyfriend. I said she was not feeling confident since she did not want to be naked infront of him, I also said their relationships decribed as "brothers from a childbook" sounded strange, and if she really loved him she might had mastrubated thinking of him and not something complitely different. my teacher agreed and mention that their relationship wasn't real. All this crap was complitely opposite of what I feel. I think it was pretty cool her bf would accept her bondaries if she did not want to be naked with him, I also think the "brother from a childbook" sounded like they could have a pretty cool QPR or something and maybe the fact he left was actually the same reason why many allos leave aro people for "real relationships" but while I thought all that I know rule nr 101 is NEVER to analyse any stories into lgbt+ material unless you want to get really bad grades specially when you teacher dont seams to understand that aro or ace exist, so I just said all the freudish things I believed would give me a good grade. now it didnt really bother me at first cause I knew I was just saying it for my grade sake and didnt mean it. and I actually did get a pretty good grade, but I was told by my teacher that one of the mistake I made was to talk to much about drugs. he said. "there is no evidence that she was on drugs, the point is she is mental ill, and the person comming for her in the end are probably going to get her into a mental hospital" now i'm realising that I got my good grades because I pretended to think that aro&ace people are strange and non-sexual/non-romantic relationship arnt real or healthy. not to mention I would had got even better grades if I also implied they also were mental ill. my parents are of course happy I got good grades, but it feels more like "congratulation you passed the hetro-cis-amatonormative test" pff

I been drinking like most teens in my country from a pretty young age, but now im 23 and I dont drink much because of my illness.

I'm a pretty touchy person even though sometimes I don't see the point in certain touch. Like I am fine with holding hands but it's not the greatest thing ever. And I'm okay with kissing but if it's too much at once then I get bored. however Since a lot of touch are tought as romantic I sometimes get in trouble or I feel insecure.

You know, its not really that PDA bothers me as much as the reminding of who its for. Where I live I see people walking around hand in hand pretty much everyday, kiss on the street and such. However 99.9% of the times its what I considered people of opposite genders. I hardly ever seen 2 men holding hands in public, unless its a gay pride or something. I have seen it 2-3 times in my life for women maybe alittle more frecuently but its also pretty rare. I also know alot of the time its like this due to safety. so while PDA doesnt bother me much (exept maybe finding it annoying when two people cant keep a conversation cause they need to kiss every third second) its more I get annoyed on thinking how PDA is only really for some.

Sound like a litro wedding.

I feel as an bad aro because. ------------------------------------ 1) I can't realate to cheating the same way as many others 2) I dont even know which label to use about myself 3) I used to have alot of chrushes and talk about them but then when I found the aro label I wonder if these were ever chruses at all. 4) I considered becomeing a normal romantic very traditional famely person once in my life, with the idea of 2 kids a house, being happy every after hetro couple. thats despite that fact I hate marriage and hate being straight =/ (but I like cake) - I love this thread btw.

I don't really have any paticular moment as we kid. actually I had alot of bfs but my relationships were pretty akward. like they would just ask me and I would be like "does that mean we can kiss? I kiss mommy so okay" and I never broke up with them. when I was 8 I also had a bf from my school and we would try to practise on kissing like in the hollywood movies cause thats what your supposed to do. I broke up with him like.. IDK maybe 8 times or more and went back together, it wasnt really a serious relationship but we could had made a good soap drama. as a teen I hated classical romantic movies, but I figured it was more to do with being queer at that time. unfortunately we had "love theme" at my school cause the teacher thought we were still too young to have sexual education, and I hated every bit of this damn "love themes eductation". I wasn't very good with romance either at a point one of my friends sat me down and demanded I should write 10 things that were romantic like to practise. I wasnt very good at it but aperrently I got alittle better.

I am not all agenst the idea of kids, but its more like the struggle compared to the outcome doesnt seam worth it. First of all I been expected to not have kids since im trans. I dont want kids biologically, I am not a fan of adoption either, not to mention I dont think I have the stability in life for kids. I enjoy when other people around me have kids. like my brothers child. being uncle or babysitter is a fine role for me.