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Dusty

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About Dusty

  • Rank
    Member
  • Birthday February 14

Personal Information

  • Name
    Dusty
  • Orientation
    aromantic
  • Gender
    female
  • Location
    Finland

Recent Profile Visitors

1028 profile views
  1. Just got the results of my last test and I passed it with flying colors! Now my summer can begin~
  2. "Not sure" is perfect answer for me. Most of the time I'm against having any kids of my own because I'm already an aunt of 3 kids and have seen how much trouble it is to raise actual human beings. I don't think I have enough patience or interest or maturity to do that. I love my nieces and nephew but geez it takes way too much of my energy to even look after them for one week straight. After those babysitting sessions I'm totally happy to get back to the world where's only me and others who don't need my constant care. But then again, sometimes I think it wouldn't be that bad. I'd love to have that connection with a child. I'm not so sure if I want to give a birth to a child because the idea of something coming out of me freaks me out. And I don't really care about blood ties, I'd love the kid even if it didn't have any of my genes. But I guess my answer's still no. It'd be too hard to raise a child all alone (I'm so not getting a partner for that purpose). The idea of raising a kid with many friends sounds cool though but I still don't want to be tied down to one place. Having a kid would mean that. Also, I don't think it has anything to do with my aromanticism. I just find it too much trouble :'D
  3. Let's see. When I was dating we used to watch a lot of movies and series together and it was cool. It's nice to have company while watching something (and laugh at everything that's completely unrealistic) but I never understood why we had to sit so close and start kissing in the middle. I wanted to see the movie, not her face! (this might actually be a part of my asexuality) When I was a teenager I wanted to date someone but never did anything to actually get a partner. I didn't even consider doing half of the things my friends seemed to do to get someone. I could have done it but somehow it seems like I didn't even care. Also, I used to be a little afraid of guys as a teen. Back then I had no idea why but now I've started to guess it's because I always linked guys, dating, marriage, getting two kids, red house on the country side and a dog together and felt pressured. Thank god I got over it as I realized I don't have to do anything with them or expect they want anything more from me.
  4. I just talked to amazing people on internet and the sun is shining, it's so warm and it means spring is finally here after a long winter! Also couple of days ago my friend called me her sister and I'm still in tears because it means so much to me ;____;
  5. Sigh, I wanna have a squish again >.< I've had two or three squishes in my life and one of them has stayed my friend until now. One didn't work because we started dating and it just... yeah, you know. The other one wanted to date with me and once again it didn't work out. But my first squish ever is still my friend, best friend, and I guess I still squish towards her sometimes. We've just been friends for so many years already, haha :'D But I love her, alright. She's great and I think I won't find someone like her ever again.
  6. @Saraneth Welcome to arocalypse! I figured it out after dating twice (yeah, I'm a little bit slow or maybe just stubborn). During my first relationship I wondered why I didn't feel the same towards her as she felt for me, then I thought that maybe I am straight in the end. The relationship ended and I swore to never date again because it made me feel suffocated and it just didn't feel right. Yeah, in the end I started to date again, this time a guy. He was amazing and we had fun but something felt wrong. I had heard the term aromantic earlier but I'd dismissed it because I thought I had had crushes (they turned out to be squishes). Anyway, finally with him I understood that no, I don't want anything more than friendship and looked more into aromanticsm and was surprised how perfectly some stories from other aros reminded me of myself. I left him and explained why it wouldn't work out and that feeling of freedom was so great. Romance makes me uncomfortable and feel like someone owned me. I still freaked out a little when I realized I won't fall in love like everyone around me told me I would some day but after living with the idea some time I've finally accepted myself. My best friend was cool with it too, I got a lot of support from her. I also told about aromanticism to my mom just so she'd stop expecting me to date my ex again. About how to define romantic attraction and romance... that's a good question since I've never felt it myself but once I thought I did (that's what caused so much confusion in my past relationships). Let's see, my ex-gf wanted to meet all the time, she wanted to hold hands, cuddle, kiss, have serious conversations about our situation, to be the only one I looked that way, wanted to share thoughts (I feared the moments she asked "What are you thinking?" because I wasn't thinking anything related to her and it made her sad and mad). So, err, romance. Strong feelings, a strong pull towards someone, a need to spend time with them, thinking about them a lot. That's part of it but I guess it's something more. Some feeling that I at least don't understand and can't describe. Maybe it's something like a strong friendship? Stronger than friendship? Is anything stronger than friendship? Err, anyway, in a romantic relationship they want that special one become the center of their world and the other way around. I didn't want that and I think many other aros don't want it either because for many of us that feels uncomfortable, like being someone's possession. (That's simply what I think.)
  7. Totally can relate to this! My ex sent me a similar text last autumn and asked if I've been 'thinking about us and how much fun we had'. I think I ended up saying something rude to her because I started to feel uncomfortable ^^; I didn't tell her I'm aroace, though, because back then I didn't have a name to it but I wonder what she'd have said. What your ex said was really tactless.
  8. From Europe (Finland, GMT+2). Great to see there're so many Europeans
  9. Just remembered this random conversation with my mom. We were talking something about charming men and women who fall in love with their pretty words and then find themselves in an unhappy relationship with a totally horrible guy. Then the conversation went like this, Mom: "Don't ever fall in love with a guy like that." Me: "Lol no worries :D"
  10. I'm okay with small affectionate gestures like holding hands or veeery small kisses. Like really really small. Because small gestures are something I could see myself doing with a close friend. But I get repulsed right away when someone says they love or like me romantically. I just want to run away. I also get uncomfortable if someone calls me theirs. I did that dating thing once (or twice) and my ex just seemed to love to say "mine" when she hugged me and I just was there wanting to get the hell out. Nowadays even a thought about dating someone with romantic and sexual intentions make me freak out and chant "Nonononononope never noway" all over again. If some couples show PDA, it's okay as long as it's only small things like hugging or holding hands. I also like to help my allo friends with their romantic problems (even when I'm no use). But if those lovey-dovey couples start to kiss in the middle of the road or look each other into the eye like there's no one else around... I don't know where to watch or what to do then. Sure they can do whatever they want but do they really have to do it where there's other people around? Like, why do you do that? In media, I'm pretty okay with seeing romance in movies and tv-series, though I'd take them without romance any time. Though, I hate those way too happy commercials where there's a happy couple and everything's so great. It feels like they're trying to say you're going to be happy only if you start dating and you can find your life partner by buying their new super-awesome product.
  11. No deep conversations about feelings! I always felt more than uncomfortable when my ex wanted to talk about our situation. I also agree about the freedom to do anything I want and whenever I want.
  12. I have friends who are not dating so I don't know what they'd do if they started. One of them dreams about a romantic relationship but I have high hopes on her that she won't ignore me if she starts dating. But I had this one allo friend who ditched me many times because of her boyfriends so I get what you mean. We were in high school when she got her first boyfriend. At first it was okay, she spent time with me and our other friends but then she started to "forget" our meetings and her excuse was that she completely forgot and had already planned to meet her boyfriend. Then she was so sorry. At first I was okay with it but it happened many times. Once I asked her to accompany me to one party and she said yes. A week later, when I asked her again, she told that she'd forgotten again and was about to go to his bf's place. She didn't tell her boyfriend that she'd already made plans but asked me to understand... Then once she called off our movie night because her bf wanted to come over. Then once she asked if it was okay that I went home alone late in the night from an unfamiliar town so that she could go to her new boyfriend's place. That's when I got angry because it was a little bit too much to stand :'D But yeah, some allo people do that. They ditch their friends for romance or even potential one but at least there are those allos who don't do that. I don't know any aros irl, only an ace which is something, so if I didn't befriend just anybody I wouldn't have friends ^^; (Though, I think real friends don't forget to spend time with their friends or call off meetings and leave them alone late in the night just to go somewhere with a potential romantic and sexual partner so the best way is to learn to recognize jerks. Those kind of people make me lose hope on all allos.)
  13. Green and black. This was hard since I like many different colors
  14. Okay, I've come out to my best friend and mom. It was easy to tell my friend because she's biromantic asexual. So one day I finally realized I might be aromantic, thought about it couple of days and then simply texted her, "Dude, I finally figured out why I don't fall for anyone and feel so uncomfortable in a relationship. I think I'm aromantic." All she said was, "It's the best feeling when you finally know who you are so that's awesome!" And that was pretty much it, we talked about it a lot after that and I started to feel more comfortable about the situation when she told me it was okay and that romantic relationships are overrated anyways. She's seriously the best and a lifesaver. I told my mom only recently. I've told her that I don't want to be in a relationship like over a year before I even knew the term aromantic. Back then and only recently she still laughed at me and told me I was being silly. It really annoyed me to no end because, you know, it hurt when she clearly thought I wasn't old enough to know what I wanted and that what I said was only cute... like how a little kid said they wanted to be a robot when they grew up and the parents are there laughing at how cute their little one is... that's how it felt. Anyway, I told her about aromanticism only recently. I explained it to her and told that that's who I am and her first question was, "Is that permanent?" I answered that, "Is anything in life permanent? Right now this is who I am and feel comfortable with so I hope you respect it." It was surprising but she was okay with it. I felt like she wanted to say more but at least all she said was, "Not everyone has to get married, there's a lot of people like that" and "your description sounds a lot like your aunt". The last one was a little bit of a surprise but it indeed did sound like my aunt. It was a surprise to everyone when she actually married one guy, no one's sure where that man even came from. But anyway, it was an okay conversation with mom even though I felt nervous.
  15. Yup, masturdating's what I do pretty often. I usually go out to eat alone and very rarely with friends. But I go to the movies with a friend because usually it's something we both want to see. It's just fun to talk about it right away when the movie ends. It's fun alone too like going to conventions and stuff is. Actually, conventions are the best to go alone to because you can go wherever you want, eat whenever and whatever you want and do a lot of things without thinking other people's feelings (I'm too nice and feel guilty if someone feels bored while they have to do things I want to do and they don't) without thinking about anybody else.
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