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About UncommonNonsense

  • Birthday 03/03/1976

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    Ontario, Canada
  • Occupation
    Private Security

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  1. I have heavy scarring on my left arm from a burn. It runs from my wrist almost to my shoulder. It's blotchy, has an odd texture, and is a mix of reddened, vascular surface scarring and thick, white, stiff patches of much deeper scarring that pull and wrinkle oddly when I move my arm. I usually wear shirts with longish, loose sleeves in order to conceal it somewhat, but my work uniform shirt is short sleeved and I often catch people staring. The burn took 3 months to fully heal, and after it healed, I was *very* conscious of it and of other peoples' reaction to it. Because it was new scarring, it was very obvious. For years, I wore only long-sleeved shirts and only uncovered it to bathe and change clothing. Now, about 9 years after the burn, I'm so much more at ease about it. Of course, 9 years on, it has faded somewhat, not quite as red, and some of the thick white scarring has receded and looks a bit closer to normal skin. I no longer really care if people stare or ask questions (I'd rather they ask questions than jump to some ill-informed conclusion). I used to self-injure.... and I agree with you about how incredibly vulnerable and uncomfortable it is to reveal those wounds to another person, especially someone who doesn't know/understand self-injury.
  2. I'm barely comfortable with being naked in my own bathroom, alone, with the door locked. I have never been at ease unclothed, even when I was younger and at least kind of cute. Now, I'm the kind of person who looks far, far better clothed!
  3. Hey! Welcome aboard! This is a pretty great place.
  4. I've always imagined it as someone laughing so hard that their eyes involuntarily squint closed - a guffaw. It also has a sort of "Ha!" feel to it - vaguely sarcastic.
  5. Lucky. My workplace is literally surrounded by university student residence and condo buildings. The students are even allowed to use our back parking lot to park their cars (how the fucking hell are university students affording fucking luxury cars?!? I didn't own a car 'til I was 25, and it was a 3rd-hand Chrysler Concorde I kept until it was 15 years old and the transmission died!). My workplace has an extensive CCTV system that I am there to monitor (among other things), so I am very often 'treated' to events that squick me out on many levels... goofy joined-at-the-hip couple behaviour, PDA, exhibitionist couples going at it right in front of the camera, worse. For the really egregious crap, my instruction from my boss is "Call the cops on them!". I'm glad I don't have to be the one going back there into a poorly-lit back-40 parking lot at night to break up gross behaviour.
  6. Here's a question, folks. Let's say you have a best friend who you do not/cannot date (for whatever reason - maybe they're not attracted to people of your gender). You want the best for this person because you care about them an awful lot. You're aro. You accept yourself and your identity, and you're not overly conflicted about being aro. Your best friend meets another aro person and is interested in this person. You don't know the person your friend is pursuing. Would you advise your friend that they should date an aromantic person, knowing that your friend is romantically-oriented? Or would you tell your friend to give up on this particular relationship? Would the gender and orientation of your friend make a difference? Would it make a difference to you if the aromantic person your friend likes is asexual or allosexual?
  7. I'm not American.... and atm, I'm very glad of that. I'm sick with worry for people I've come to care about here and on AVEN whose lives will be made so much more difficult - perhaps even endangered or ended because of the dismal, bleak, heartbreaking results of this infernal election. We always hope that good will somehow manage to conquer evil, no matter the odds. So many of our favourite books, movies, and games follow that theme. Good always wins. It *has* to, right? Right? Only this time, evil won. Evil won. And it has turned our lives upside-down. We feel betrayed, forsaken, abandoned. Our ideals (and idealism) have been trampled. This should never happen! This isn't how the story is supposed to go! But it has... and I guess all we can do is loudly, publicly object to every ignorant comment he and his repugnant running-mate make and *fight*, legally, all hateful policies they try to implement. We can do this by volunteering our time and donating money/goods to groups like the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union - going to be *very* important in the coming years!), Planned Parenthood, HRC (Human Rights Campaign), and many others. We can do this by boldly confronting friends and family who make ignorant comments, in person or online. We can do this by pushing back against ignorance by studying hard and learning all we can so we have the verbal ammunition to counter the ugly propaganda that the republicans spew. If you can't fight openly, for whatever reason, you can still do your part. Scrape together your pocket change and have a sympathetic friend donate it to a liberal cause you support. Befriend a bullied gay/lesbian/bi/queer/NB/trans/etc. person at your school or workplace. Help a friend find safe resources to fight parents who are looking into putting that friend into discredited 'therapies'. Even if it isn't safe for you to fight out loud, you can be an undercover resistance fighter on the side of Good. After all, Good needs all the help it can get right now!
  8. I'm Canadian, and even I had to rant and rage and holler for a while. Thank the fates that I'm alone in an empty office building. I have so little faith in humanity remaining, and things like this continue to carve huge chunks of it away. I'm very worried for friends in the US who are young, queer, non-white, and/or non-religious... especially if they're female/female-bodied. How seriously are womens' issues and LGBT issues going to be taken with that creep in charge?
  9. Isn't it amazing how different we can be while still sharing some of the same issues/diagnoses? I'm sound sensitive too, and mine are a mix of biological and mechanical sounds. For me, my worst triggers are barking dogs (esp. smaller dogs - that shrill, sharp, penetrating, repetitive yapping! Just hateful, that is!), thumping bass music, unusually loud engine noises (think transport trucks using engine brakes and glasspack mufflers), vacuum cleaners and other similar equipment (leaf blowers, etc.), the hum produced by fluorescent lighting and, to a lesser extent, the hum produced by electricity in general, the general din produced by a lot of people talking in a confined space (I am not good at large meetings, conventions, and dealing with crowds), and the noises some people make while eating. There's a reason that despite me thinking that I'm starting to experience some hearing loss (decades of using headphones and loving my music LOUD are catching up to me), I have not sought to do anything about it. If anything, the fact that I'm getting a bit hard of hearing has been beneficial for me, since it has made my auditory sensitivity issues a lot more tolerable.
  10. My sympathies... one of my very favourite stories is a very romantic one, after all.. but it's a distinct minority - I usually hate romantic fiction. The only thing I can say is that the story caught in me for reasons entirely unrelated to the romantic plot. In my case, it's because one of the main characters is a 'person' I think I could be very good friends with, if he were not fictional. He's a character that a meddlesome ol' 'fixer' like me would want to help, because I feel bad for him and think he deserved better than he got in his fictional world. So, when people ask me why I love that story despite being a romance-indifferent/somewhat romance-avoidant aromantic ace, I just tell them that my love of the story has nothing to do with the romance - that there are other plotlines to the story, and those are strong enough to hold my interest despite the focus being mostly on the romantic plot. Even romance stories (or shows, or games) aren't 100% romance 100% of the time. There are always non-romantic subplots in even the most romantic of tales. So just tell them about those sublots and why they interest you
  11. I second "Leave Early". Second option, locate the other singles who were roped into the event (there will be at least a few and they're apt to group up together) and party with them!
  12. You know, there's something sadistic and perverse about expecting the people who have the most difficulty with conformity, fitting in, and change to do *all* the conforming, learning foreign (to us!) ways of socializing, and changing our behaviours. If life were fair, the NTs would have to meet us at least half-way and learn how to avoid eye contact, learn to stim, and be forced to pick up an intense, life-dominating special interest (er.. one that isn't sex and romance - NTs already have that one!) so they can fit in with *us* better! I'm tired of always having to be on the side that's putting forth all the effort!
  13. Whoa.... am I ever out of the loop! Of course, I haven't read kids' books since I was a kid, and that was 25+ years ago. Maybe I ought to go replace my card for the local library (I lost it about 10 years ago) and see what kind of cool new (to me anyway) titles there are out there. And yeah, the flappy, spinny, tiptoe-ey, rocky, jumpy, flicky stimmy dance really should be a thing. It would make me laugh like mad if such an autistic dance actually became honestly popular with NTs. We'd actually be able to go dancing and not stick out like a sore thumb like we usually do!
  14. Yep, you never want to assume art class is going to be quiet, orderly, or even bloodless (long story I won't go into here for brevity's sake). I can remember a few similar classes of my own that involved not only bizarre class subjects but also bizarre teachers! One of those latter ended up making me feel totally alienated from my own style and causing me to become totally disillusioned with art for years, leading me to pursue computer science courses a lot more, choose an IT job after university, and stop drawing for years after having her as my prof... she was an absolute train wreck of an instructor who believed that all art had to be some formless abstract mess for it to have any artistic value at all - and as my style has always leaned more to the side of photorealism, you can imagine how well my work was received (and marked!) by that particular prof! Musical instruments... ye gods, what a sensory nightmare in itself! Having to add power tools (and the ear-shattering din they make when combined with metal!) is just adding insult to injury! Yes, that 4th grade teacher was awful. The forced eye contact was just one of his ways of abusing the five of us he picked on that year (he choose a handful of kids out of every years class, always misfit or special needs kids, to abuse and bully). He also used yard sticks to hit us across the back and buttocks, used rulers to hit our hands, he slapped, shoved, hit, and punched us, verbally abused us, encouraged classmates to bully us, and I fully believe that the only reason the abuse didn't become sexual was that we 5 banded together and never allowed any one of our number to be alone with him - if one of us got in trouble and got detention, another of us would intentionally get in trouble to also be given detention just so no one kid would ever be left to deal with him alone. We had no idea what sexual abuse was at that point - we were 9, and it was the 1980s - that stuff wasn't talked about! - but we all had a bad feeling that something terrible would happen to any kid left alone with him. We tried to protect each other. It isn't easy when the people who should be the most accepting and supportive of you are trying to force you to change into something you're just *not*... I look at it this way... There's this dog lover. He loves dogs. Loves their behaviours and their social nature. But this guy is given a cat. His cat is typical of cats. The cat is much less social than dogs, and he socializes like a cat. Instead of jumping all over the guy, slobbering all over him, and following him around all the time, the cat occasionally rubs up against his shins, waits to be pet, and purrs. So the guy starts trying to train his cat to act like a dog. He rewards 'dog' behaviours and punishes the cat for acting like a cat. Do you think he's going to actually get a dog out of all that? Nope. He's going to get a massively psychologically damaged, neurotic, depressed cat who no longer knows what exact kind of creature it really is. Autistic people are like cats. Non-autistics are akin to dogs. We socialize like cats. No amount of pressure, training, 'intervention', ABA, shock 'therapy', medication, psychotherapy, family demands, or punishment will ever make us into non-autistics. All it will do is damage us in terrible, lasting ways, ways that have driven far too many of us into suicide. I believe that the focus should be on helping us be the best autistic people we can be, not in trying to forcibly remake us into non-autistics. Er... sorry about climbing up on my soapbox there! Rant over!
  15. I fake eye contact! I learned this trick way back in grade 4, when I had (an abusive) 'teacher' (not worth a spit into a waterfall at actually teaching, but incredibly good at playing local politics). He used to physically grab my head and restrain me in order to force eye contact on me if I did not meet and hold his gaze of my own accord. He would shove his face right up to mine and use his eyes to cause me distress. I find eye contact terribly invasive and overpowering. He knew this and used forced eye contact as another way to abuse me. So I began focusing my eyes on a spot between his eyes just above the bridge of his nose or on one of his eyebrows when he demanded eye contact. He could never tell that I wasn't actually looking in his eyes - and believe me, if he could have noticed that, he'd have gone into an absolute rage... so no rage = no way of telling I wasn't actually making eye contact! It's even more convincing when there is some space between me and the other person. I've been doing it ever since. The only people I actually make real, authentic eye contact with are those who are very close to me, who I trust completely.
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