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About Kojote

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    whatever, really
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    Student (2D/3D Game Artist)

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  1. I have no clue. I struggle with that myself tbh. You could always state exactly what you want in a dating app, but chances are you'll just earn a lot of confusion. For most people it seems to be an all or nothing situation. =\ Yeah, sounds like that could work. There's more than a few of them here and my reading was they've expressed desires along similar lines to your "ideal relationship". There would probably be enough people out there potentially "up for it" to locate one IRL. I guess the question would be how/where to advertise it... (as I presume that conve
  2. I can very much relate to a lot of things you mentioned, starting by "finding out late after someone gave me the word I had to google" and ending in the description of a very specific kind of dream relationship that's so different from the way things are "usually done" that I can't picture it ever becoming reality. So at least to me, your thoughts make a whole lot of sense! First of: I think wanting romantic feelings and aromanticism aren't mutually exclusive. You don't have to be romance-repulsed, in fact, I'd wager that there are quite a handful of aros that'd probably want to
  3. I would. I'd like for society at large to pay more attention to the grey areas of life. This goes for amatonormativity as well as literally everything else. People are so quick to divide everything in black and white and I mean all people, romantic or not (myself included). Sure, cis romantics can be dickheads, but members of subcultures aren't that great with the whole openness to outside opinions/influences either. We've all seen or read about situations, were LGBT people are more than willing to throw the grey area members and allies under the bus. I'd wish for a society that's m
  4. Still alive. Still kept busy by live. Almost done with studies though. Once I got a stable home/income/dailyrountine kinda thing going, I'll come back to these.
  5. Oh wow it's really been that long hasn't it? So yeah, that one's a dozy. To be perfectly frank it's still like that. I've got a job now and I'm gonna move again soon. I'm thinking of quitting flat sharing and just get a place for myself, but I'm desperately afraid to do so. It's a big step for me, because it means that I'll "stop pretending like I could share a life with someone without romantic love involved". At least for the time being. I mean, theoretically I'll have a home and a job I love and friends who're hours away but still keep in contact, so for all intents and purposes
  6. Ok now I get it! Then I'm with you. I think transparency is really really important, too. It's the base for trust. I guess I wouldn't call what they did "cheating", but I'd probably be hurt that they didn't tell me about this, since it's probably not a one time thing. A friend of mine was deeply deeply deeeeeply hurt once, because her poly boyfriend let her to believe that they were in a monogamous relationship. When she found out that he'd slept and had relationships with other women the whole time, he gaslighted her. Said she'd restrain him to much and that it's her fault an
  7. I'm confused. What exactly did they do and did they break explicitly stated and agreed upon terms? As far as I understood it, exclusivity isn't necessarily a thing in QPRs? Is it? You identify as poly-platonic. I guess it's bad, that they didn't tell you anything about their hook up, but how is their situation different from a poly-platonic QPR situation? Maybe I'm also an ultimate Aro, but I personally see no glaring problem @__@ (I mean no disrespect here. This seems important to you and I'm trying to understand the problem.) I mean, if exclusivity is a thing, what differentiat
  8. @Mark Might have been unclear. I meant people are usually like "let's date/try a relationship" with "hook up". So it's romance in mind, not one night stands. It's also not the majority of people who do this. It's just more prevalent with hetero guys. Yes, same here. How people go romance first even though they literally don't know jackshit about the person in question is mind boggling to me. How could someone possibly know that they'd want that person in their life without anything to base that on apart from looks and first impression? Does not compute o__o An
  9. Oh I so feel you guys there. I've got the gray in front of my sexuality, simply because I'm celibate due to the fact that I don't think it's worth the hassle. I don't technically want to be. I sometimes dream of a circle of poly friends I'd be attracted to without having to commit to anything. Because there sure is a lot of stuff I want to try but my aro-ness sure won't let me. There's also the issue of me, not really being all that attracted to men anymore (at least I thought I used to be more open in this regard, but maybe I never was, I'm not sure. Since I can't really experiment wit
  10. Well idk. Maybe everything will be alright. I'll be moving in with a friend of mine soon. New city, but at least I've got a familiar face. It's only for 4 month, though (duration of my bachelor thesis). After that it's a game of wherever I get a job. Maybe I can stay, maybe I can't. Just thinking about forming all those new bonds, trying to socialize, coming out, struggling with romantic threads and all that jazz just to rinse and repeat is exhausting. I've moved a lot in my life, I guess I'm just wishing for some stability, preferably in form of a few, already close people I don't have to win
  11. ... well kind off. It's true for most parts of my life. I was never pressured by friends or family. I never much cared what people thought of me either. I always wanted to do, whatever makes me feel happy and dating or stuff like this never made it on the list I was confident enough to think that I really don't have to be with someone I don't love and until I do fall in love with someone, there's no use in trying. But I became pressured when some of my friends asked me to date them and they wanted an honest answer. Since I cared for them as friends, it affected me, BUT not enough to g
  12. I've never lived alone. I've been flat sharing since I was 18. I've always had my own room and secluded myself from time to time, but I always appreciated that there's someone at home who can take my mail or let me in if I accidently shut myself out or with whom I can calculate living costs, discuss issues in the house and share some foodstuff with, that'd just spoil if I bought it for myself. There's just something intrinsically reassuring about the fact that there's someone who'd hear you out if problems occur, because you're kind off in it together. It's also nice to know that there's someo
  13. Being appreciated as the one person who'll "always be in their life", by my closest friends. Turns out even people with partners can be saddened by losing friends due to circumstances and relationships. Having people be grateful for the fact that I value and always will value our connection greatly, makes me incredibly happy. Being called family by people who accept me, even though we're not blood related or an item. Having people in my life who're open to other forms of family, outside the nuclear stereotype and being able to experiences those deep bonds myself is really fulfillin
  14. I have a few things that bug me, but those are mostly small annoyances. The real issue I am most affected by is forming meaningful connections and the constant threat of loneliness in old age. I'm 27 and I'm fine with being alone/living in flat sharing arrangements and focusing on my career right now. In fact, I've been completely content with being alone and only having close friends for the majority of my life, but I doubt it'll stay that way. The older I get the more uncertain my future becomes. Friends move away. I have to move because of job opportunities. Kids take priority. New friend
  15. I thought some might like this: https://habitica.com/static/front It's a "Make your To-Do-List into an RPG Adventure Game"-System =D Haven't tried it myself but it's supposed to be really fun.
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