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nock

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About nock

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  • Name
    Naomi
  • Orientation
    aro
  • Gender
    female
  • Pronouns
    she/her

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  1. Not hard to find in general! Ah. It is, isn't it? I try not to think about it too much considering so much discourse happens at Tumblr over this very same topic that it's become so unhealthy. I still feel as though I don't have much of a right to say anything, which is why I prefer to just stand by instead of participating in those discussions. Either way it was pretty interesting to hear that. I'm still thinking about it, to be honest.
  2. A very interesting thing happened yesterday during my college freshman orientation, and although it's totally out of character for me, it gave me a lot of hope that aro-friendly environments might not be so hard to find... So here's what happened: We were in the middle of getting to know each other as a block in our course and the "game" we were playing was 2 Truths and a Lie. Because I'm me (and the entire event was buzzing with amatonormativity [ie people in search of romance]), I included my being aromantic as one of my truths. A lot of people thought that was a lie because they thought it odd, of course, but the number of people who thought this was a lie was equal to the number who thought me fainting in a concert/me wanting to be a Linguistics major was a lie as well. When I finally (and firmly) asserted my aromanticism, some were surprised. One of the facilitators assisting our block (an upperclassman whom I realize went to the same high school as me) excitedly said, "Oh! So you're LGBTQIA+!" Surprisingly enough, that wasn't the best thing about it. After that, a lot of people approached me normally. The ally facilitator made a plant joke during our next game-- a game that involved awkward flirtatious gestures-- but overall they were very respectful of my uncomfortable, questioning-ace and slightly romance-repulsed ass. Even the most romantic people in the block expressed some wonder at my candidness and really just wanted to get to know me as I was. And this wasn't the best part either because at the end of the day, I made a friend out of a blockmate who's biromantic (I'm not sure if she's asexual, but I guess that's another thing we could talk about) and got along really well with most of my block. So yeah tbh it was really beautiful and our block is actually pretty tight now and I hope that soon, aromantic people wouldn't have to be scared of being invalidated left and right by both allos and the rest of the LGBTQIA+ community. If someone has experienced anything similar, please do tell your stories here! Or, y'know, just share your thoughts because I'm honestly never going to not want to talk about this.
  3. As a kid, I was a big fan of animated movies by both Disney and Dreamworks, but I turned to Dreamworks movies like Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, The Prince of Egypt, and Anastasia. As for Disney movies, I was mostly into Dinosaur, The Lion King, and Little Mermaid 2. For these movies, romance was just a subplot; the movies I liked (that weren't horror) were all about self discovery. Otherwise, the typical romantic movies were just cringe fests for me. I'd sit down and watch a movie and be totally content thinking that nothing romantic would happen, and immediately feel disappointment the second something remotely romantic happens to the main character. And as I grew up and kept writing, I remember planning on giving my fanfic a romantic subplot, but totally forgot about it along the way. In high school... idk. I thought about it a lot but just couldn't bring myself to have legitimate crushes. All I really wanted were guy friends since I studied in an all girls' school. All of my "crushes", as it turns out, were squishes.
  4. Junior prom was a nightmare. I studied in a high school full of privileged individuals (some of them were daughters of the top 1% in our country)-- basically, majority of them were way above our country's rather high poverty line. Imagine what happens when you let the 4% plan the school prom. You know how much prom tickets were? $100. Obviously that didn't even include hair, makeup, dresses, etc. And the thing was, you were already paying for two. We weren't allowed to go stag because? for some reason? going stag means you're lesbian?? (this was Catholic school by the way idk why I was surprised but I was in tears out of sheer frustration) So going back to the part where many of us were super rich, my friends and I did some digging and found out that some people spent $700 to $4,000 to get their dresses made. I managed to have one made for $60 but that still pissed me off immensely. Because I gave in to peer pressure, I was saddled with a large debt to my mom (I really owe her a lot for dealing with my selfish shit), a boringass date (he was nice but he was quiet and was on facebook 3/4 of the time), and just an overall shitty time. The people who put the prom together didn't even have a lick of common sense so the entire event was just a way to show off how much money everyone had. Good thing was, I went to prom with great friends.
  5. I'm so happy for you! Congrats! It was really nice to read about your mom just listening and even asking questions. I wish you all the best for your next talk!
  6. I'm not going to lie and say treasure my friendships. Not right now, at least, because most of the close friends I have now were friends of friends. Literally only two of them really get me and even then only one of the two knows how to handle me. It's... tough? I guess? But even then I'm protective over my platonic relationships-- no matter how superficial they seem to me. It's hard to describe, but okay here. My family is full of largely independent women (mostly on my mom's side but both sides as a whole don't force amatonormativity). Romance? A nuisance. Platonic relationships? A bit meh, but they're okay. I think that pretty much sums it up. While platonic relationships aren't as important to me, that doesn't change the fact that I still find happiness in comfort in them. Platonic relationships don't involve quite as many compromises as romantic relationships do. I've had experience with getting kicked to the curb for romance, so whenever some of my friends talk about their crushes or boyfriends, I literally start indirectly fighting said S.O.'s by convincing my friends that I'm better (or by roasting their S.O.'s). Yikes.
  7. this community is so nice idk im floored right now and warm all over idk idk idk

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Kojote

      Kojote

      welcome x3 :arolove:

    3. nock

      nock

      @Kojote Thank you!!

    4. deltaX

      deltaX

      Welcome!  I'm glad you're liking it so far! :)

  8. I haven't told my mom because I know exactly how she'd react. However, while I was questioning, I did ask her what she would feel if I never had a husband or any children. She told me she didn't know and asked me why, so I told her it wasn't in any of my plans and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life working and traveling. After that, she told me the usual, that I'd "eventually find someone/I haven't really meant guys" (holy hot damn I was most bothered about how amatonormative and heteronormative that statement was). Overall, she was fairly understanding, but I know that's only because she won't take me seriously. Eventually, I will. Probably when I get into college... It really honestly shouldn't be any of her business, but our family upholds a lot of traditions and literally came from nothing (financially) so it's kind of an obligation to stick with each other (otherwise you'll be ostracized and hated behind your back). As for my dad, he hasn't contacted me since I was a kid for whatever reason, so I don't owe him anything. However, it's because of his absence that I owe my mom at least a "Hey, you know I love you and I'll take care of you when you're old like I promised, but don't expect any grandchildren. You can expect dogs, though." I know she'll probably chalk it up to her parenting and her tumultous marriage, and I can be honest with her and tell her that it played a small part in my aromanticism, but-- oh god idfk where I was going with this. She's going to blame my aromanticism on a lot of things, so I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to come out to her in a way that won't make her start hating herself (if anyone has advice on this, I'm all ears). In the meantime, we're okay. She trusts me and respects my counsel despite the age gap and hierarchy. Trusts me way too much, actually, so I hope it stays that way even when I come out.
  9. Welcome to Arocalypse! AHh I was so happy upon reading how you discovered aromanticism. It really is liberating, isn't it? And regarding your sexuality... meh, sexual attraction is a weird thing. When I came out to my friend she asked me what I identified with in regards to sexual orientation but I'm not fond of people in the first place. My dream is to get my own place and live with a dog or two and work until I die. But anyway, welcome! Enjoy your stay!
  10. Gosh this thread makes me feel better. I'm fully aware that there's no such thing as being an actual bad aro-spec person, but meh it's human nature to feel stupid things and overthink. So based on this list that I've always kind of lowkey hated, I'm a bad aromantic because: I'm a shippy person and when/if I ship, I ship hard. Ride those waves and see that ship through. Although I do have pretty low tolerance for most established relationships in fiction-- especially if the plot is based on romance. I'm very involved when my friends talk about romantic stuff. Of course, my sheer lack of romantic attraction creates a wall there somewhere, but people come to me for advice (as I dole them out impartially and most of the time with an oversimplistic view of things (like "break up with that piece of shit") I don't think anyone has ever expressed any romantic feelings towards me? I got crushed on by kids but that's not counted. No thanks. I have little to no experience with Mating Habits of the Common Folk other than a tragic "date" wherein I was used in a ploy for the asshole to get someone else so. Bars and nightclubs would be fun to visit (except I don't think I ever would unless I'm sure I'm at least 90% safe) just because it's nice to dance with my friends and watch them (or myself) get hammered There are actually lots of romantic stories wherein I like the main character, but mostly during the middle I start rooting for them to not have a relationship and just be single for as long as they want to Also I felt like adding this because lmao. Flirting is such a strange phenomenon. It's like disgusting, cringeworthy banter, but it's so fun to feel so removed and just kind of observe yourself getting flirted at. It's kind of like spotting bullshitters a mile away but you go talk to them just to maybe play along until you watch them squirm when you drop a Very Unexpected Line and send them away all flustered and wanting the ground to swallow them up. I don't know. It's mean, but it seems like a fun thing to do regularly.
  11. Aw hell no hahaha. I'm naturally maternal and I like nearly all kinds of kids because they're cool, but one of my best friends (who really knows how to handle kids) tells me I can't communicate with them to save my life (strangely enough, I get along with neurodivergent kids a lot more). Some kids I've gotten to know adore me, but I think that's mostly because I treat them like they aren't really kids... they dig that kind of thing, don't they. So when it really comes down to it, I think raising a child would be torture since I'm not sure when to get sensitive and nice and not angry unless I'm drunk off my mind. But if raising a dog counts as raising a child, then I'm all for it.
  12. nock

    Hi!

    @Simowl @Quinoa @Dodgypotato @aihpen Thank you for welcoming me, everyone! I'll keep this in mind, thank you!
  13. My heart dropped so hard especially after reading this. I'm so sorry to hear this. I truly am. Just recently, I was supposed to go with my friend to a water park. I didn't really care, but there was something that bugged me about it. When she asked me to go with her, it was because her boyfriend wasn't allowed to. I ranted about it to my mom, but I agreed to go with my friend anyway only to find out she went with her boyfriend anyway. I had to find out about it from my mom, who already knew I was pretty damn excited to finally spend some time with her even if I was just the second choice. So a month after that, my friend got lost somewhere, but her boyfriend didn't even try to help and instead accused her of cheating on him. I wanted to say I told you so because their relationship, in my eyes, was toxic as hell but I had to hold all of my own anger back because friendship. Gotta protect the few friendships you have. No matter how shitty they make you feel. I wish it were easy to cut this one off like some of the other friendships I turned my back on. And my sentiments exactly. Fuck romance and everything supposedly "magical" that comes with it. Maybe romance is just black magic. All the power to you and everyone else who got kicked to the curb in the name of romantic love.
  14. I empathize with a lot of aros when I think about how many times my friend of 13-14 years just kind of forgot that her relationships had nothing to do with me? Along the way, most of what we talked about were her relationships. Her most recent boyfriend... man that was a tragic relationship and I feel sorry for her, but it hurts to constantly lose that kind of friendship to guys who aren't even worth either of our time?? idk that's what worries me the most. That the most important people in my life would forget me for the sake of romance and sex or both. And there's the fact that we're made to feel like we're constantly disappointing our parents (for some, I suppose) by not actively seeking out "partners" actually i could list a few more but mostly as a woman in a very traditional family, i'm expected to marry a man who's handsome (bc apparently my "face would be such a waste" if i didn't) and rich to please everyone else
  15. nock

    Hi!

    Thank you so much!!
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