What makes you feel romance repulsed?

[aussiekirkland]

3 hours ago, meesemouse said:

Can I just say that song jealous that was on the radio a while back, I thought was the most possessive and lowkey creepy song ever because the guy singing it says something like "its my right to be hellish/I still get jealous." What is it about relationships and people thinking that thats cute or whatnot? I repeat, he said it was his "right to be hellish", honestly that's just kinda messed up, when should anyone have a good reason to be mean-spirited towards someone else, especially relating to relationships? I am just repulsed and irritated that a song about a guy treating this girl like she's his property became so popular on the radio.

This happens all the time so at this point it's not even surprising. Often the songs by women are equally as worrying. The lyrics are 99% of the reason I hate pop music.

[UncommonNonsense]

22 hours ago, meesemouse said:

Can I just say that song jealous that was on the radio a while back, I thought was the most possessive and lowkey creepy song ever because the guy singing it says something like "its my right to be hellish/I still get jealous." What is it about relationships and people thinking that thats cute or whatnot? I repeat, he said it was his "right to be hellish", honestly that's just kinda messed up, when should anyone have a good reason to be mean-spirited towards someone else, especially relating to relationships? I am just repulsed and irritated that a song about a guy treating this girl like she's his property became so popular on the radio.

 

To be honest, 99.99999% of the popular music produced in the last 15 or so years absolutely flummoxes me as to how it became popular... but yes, that song, and others like it, songs that glamourize what really ought to be seen as the darkest, scariest side of romance, really bother me.  Case in point, an oldie but a perfect example Police - Every Breath You Take

When I hear that song on the radio, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

 

There really seems to be a trend, in the last 10 or so years especially, towards normalizing some very abnormal, bizarre, and abusive behaviour in relationships.  Books like '50 Shades of Grey', songs like 'Jealous', and the themes of jealous possessiveness and abusive control being desirable in a relationship (it proves he looooooves you!'), the idea that people have to ditch the friends and hobbies they loved before the relationship began once they become a couple, the idea that couples must be together constantly for all their non-workplace hours have all been really 'on the radar' recently... and they seem to be seen as much more normal and expected among younger people than my generation or my parents'. 

My married friends all have friends that were made before they were a pair, and friends they made individually after they were hitched, as did my parents.  My married friends also have time to themselves, away from their partner, as did my folks (although, since we were an introvert family with some autistic traits - my HFA is absolutely genetic! - my folks may be less typical there... but often, Dad would be in the family room watching a car race while Mum was up in her study watching the Golden Girls and reading a book).  Maybe that's just the lack of life experiences and maturity in many young people, maybe it's our culture pushing toxic ideas of what constitutes romance on the most impressionable group, or maybe it's something even darker... but I do find it worrisome.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Philbo Wiseroot]

The sound and visual of kissing really squicks me out. Why is sharing saliva a good thing at all!? And I'm made uncomfortable by pet-names like "baby". bleh 

[Zae]

5 hours ago, Kaiger Pufflehugs IV said:

The sound and visual of kissing really squicks me out. Why is sharing saliva a good thing at all!? And I'm made uncomfortable by pet-names like "baby". bleh 

I agree, sharing slaiva does seem kinda gross, though I have to say I share drinks with people all the time, and then slaiva's being shared there too~

But I don't understand what's so great about such pet-names. Why would you want someone to call you an infant? I would feel insulted~

[cute kitty Meow! Mewo!]

romantic lyrics in songs almost always make my stomach turn. 

 

I'm uncomfortable with the ily phrase 'cause of romance repulsion

 

a lot of movies i dislike if they're romantic.

altho, movies about two people in a romantic relationship I am fine with, as they are often more focused on other things. such as jenny's wedding, which is definitely a coming out story before anything else.  

[Cassiopeia]

49 minutes ago, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

altho, movies about two people in a romantic relationship I am fine with, as they are often more focused on other things. such as jenny's wedding, which is definitely a coming out story before anything else.  

 

Yeah, its really strange. Like I absolutely love love But I'm a Cheerleader, and it does have romance. But the focus is on the discovery of her sexuality, ridiculing conversion theraphy, and loosing her family in the process and finding a new one. There are a few squick worthy scenes, but the rest is brilliant.

[Tumblrweed]

Years of observation have suggested the following romantic-coded(?) things squick me:

- others having romantic interest in me, perceived or confessed. This is the worst on the list.

- casual, "pointless" touch (touch for no specific purpose other than the touch aspect itself). I can generally handle this if I switch off my objections, but that's not comfortable.

- couples interacting in ways they don't with their friends. This varies widely, and is usually not a problem with people I don't know well.

 

Outside of that, I think I'm fine with romantic-coded things. In general, romance not involving myself is something I'm neutral towards, and fictional romance in media can range from cringeworthy bad romances that hurt to watch to romances that I love because they make me feel the closest thing to what I imagine love is, mixed with excitement for the cream of the crop.

 

Nice wording, by the way! I may not know what love or romance is for sure, but I definitely know what repulsed me.

[omitef]

Prolonged PDA, especially of a sexual nature. Sweet talk. Excessive compliments. Excessive advances towards intimacy. Unoriginal pet names (e.g. babe).

 

"Excessive advances towards intimacy" is probably my most major source of romance-repulsion. I don't understand it when people almost become one unit with their partner(s)--people who can't seem to go anywhere without their partner(s). It's so creepy.

 

 

 

[aihpen]

I don't mind it much when people are kissing, but you know, don't be in my way while doing that. I just really can't stand it when I sit in a theatre with a perfect view of the stage.... until the two people in front of me start kissing. And no not just a short one, they have to take ages and I can't see anything besides them kissing. Can't they do that somewhere else, where they won't bother me??? The theatre is only one example. Sometimes I walk on a narrow sideway at a busy street and then there is this couple standing on the middle of the sideway taking all the time in the world to kiss... and block my way...

[Untamed Heart]

On 4/13/2016 at 5:45 PM, Rising Sun said:

I hate stereotypes. Things couples do on Valentine's Day, nicknames, noisy "toilet plunger" kisses, those things aren't cute, they're just cheesy, and not even cutely cheesy. It's such a sugar overdose that it's enough to make you diabetic just hearing about it.

And the worst of all, the "love at first sight" stuff. Come on, that's not love, that's attraction. You can't love the same when you know only someone's body and superficial behaviour, and when you really know someone's soul. It's one of my pet peeves when somebody pretends the contrary.

I agree - I used to believe it was possible, but now I've learned more, I think people who claim that were initially very attracted and they both just happened to also be compatible enough to make love(?) possible.

As for stuff that repulses me, noisy kissing I guess?  I don't actually go out enough to encounter much romantic behaviour, or when I am out I'm mostly in my own personal bubble anyway.

[UncommonNonsense]

4 hours ago, Untamed Heart said:

I agree - I used to believe it was possible, but now I've learned more, I think people who claim that were initially very attracted and they both just happened to also be compatible enough to make love(?) possible.

As for stuff that repulses me, noisy kissing I guess?  I don't actually go out enough to encounter much romantic behaviour, or when I am out I'm mostly in my own personal bubble anyway.

 

Lucky.

My workplace is literally surrounded by university student residence and condo buildings.  The students are even allowed to use our back parking lot to park their cars (how the fucking hell are university students affording fucking luxury cars?!?  I didn't own a car 'til I was 25, and it was a 3rd-hand Chrysler Concorde I kept until it was 15 years old and the transmission died!).  My workplace has an extensive CCTV system that I am there to monitor (among other things), so I am very often 'treated' to events that squick me out on many levels... goofy joined-at-the-hip couple behaviour, PDA, exhibitionist couples going at it right in front of the camera, worse.  For the really egregious crap, my instruction from my boss is "Call the cops on them!".  I'm glad I don't have to be the one going back there into a poorly-lit back-40 parking lot at night to break up gross behaviour.

[Mark]

12 hours ago, Tumblrweed said:

Years of observation have suggested the following romantic-coded(?) things squick me:

- others having romantic interest in me, perceived or confessed. This is the worst on the list.

For me there's also being expected to show romantic interest. e.g. being asked "why?" when I say I'm uninterested in things like marriage.

 

12 hours ago, Tumblrweed said:

In general, romance not involving myself is something I'm neutral towards, and fictional romance in media can range from cringeworthy bad romances that hurt to watch to romances that I love because they make me feel the closest thing to what I imagine love is, mixed with excitement for the cream of the crop.

I find that romantic sub-plots in mainstream movies are annoying since they seem added for their own sake. Doing little or nothing to advance plot or characters, even sometimes getting in the way of it.

 

11 hours ago, omitef said:

Prolonged PDA, especially of a sexual nature. Sweet talk. Excessive compliments. Excessive advances towards intimacy. Unoriginal pet names (e.g. babe).

My feelings towards sexual and sensual PDAs tend to be envy.
How can excessive compliments be sincere?

 

11 hours ago, omitef said:

"Excessive advances towards intimacy" is probably my most major source of romance-repulsion. I don't understand it when people almost become one unit with their partner(s)--people who can't seem to go anywhere without their partner(s). It's so creepy.

I'd call this more "entanglement" or "merger" rather than "intimacy". There's also terms like "other half". It does seem very disturbing how little these people appear to care about their individuality, integrity and identity. Other aspects of this would be co-habitation and co-sleeping.

 

 

[meesemouse]

On 11/3/2016 at 3:38 AM, aussiekirkland said:

This happens all the time so at this point it's not even surprising. Often the songs by women are equally as worrying. The lyrics are 99% of the reason I hate pop music.

On 11/3/2016 at 10:59 PM, UncommonNonsense said:

 

To be honest, 99.99999% of the popular music produced in the last 15 or so years absolutely flummoxes me as to how it became popular... but yes, that song, and others like it, songs that glamourize what really ought to be seen as the darkest, scariest side of romance, really bother me.

 

On 11/3/2016 at 10:59 PM, UncommonNonsense said:

 

To be honest, 99.99999% of the popular music produced in the last 15 or so years absolutely flummoxes me as to how it became popular... but yes, that song, and others like it, songs that glamourize what really ought to be seen as the darkest, scariest side of romance, really bother me.

I totally agree. The media, including music, movies, and even books, tends to revolve around the idea of love; with music being no exception and magazines having built their audience off of people wanting to know the drama of celebrities relationships, and so much more. Additionally, it seems like everyone's idea of love these days is so contorted, where people find these possessive or dark lyrics "cute" or something, and people enjoy reading about dysfunctional relationships. I work out as my high school's gym, which unfortunately means that there's a bunch of football players that put on their ridiculous, very offensive rap music. It's hard to enjoy mainstream music or media when not only is all of it choked in the idea of romantic love, but it also portrays said love in poor ways. It just amazes me that this is just normal by now, that people don't give it a second thought anymore.

[Guest]

Well almost anything romance related! well what irritates me the most are these lovey dovey couples. I see them on a regular base in the bus when i go to my local art studio and they just annoy me because they just do everything so over the top. I honestly have no clue why it's so important to giggle about everything they say and being all over eachother. Just the thought of it repulses me more then i find it interesting. I barely watch tv for that same reason. Too many movies where you either watch people doing stuff you don't want to see or it all being about romance...

 

I also don't like being too intimate as i can't stand touch or being touched by others, another reason why i believe romance just isn't my cup of tea.

[Kojote]

It definitely fluctuates for me. Most of the time I'm neutral and could't care less, but sometimes it catches me off guard and sometimes I just don't want to be reminded that the world mostly functions on pair building. 

 

I'm fine with music, though. Most of my favorite songs are by far non-romantic ones, but as a whole, music just moves me. For the duration of the song, I get to experience the emotions of the lyrics as if they were my own (even if they are romantic). I can empathize with things that wouldn't usually move me at all and I kind of like them for that. It's like floating in water and it's really soothing most of the time.
Unauthentic romance in books destroys the immersion, though and I really really really can't stand to watch overt-romance in movies. It's just off-putting....

 

As for real life romance, I used to shut down completely. There were so many different thoughts and feelings in my head, I just couldn't make heads or tails of it. I've become better at dealing with it though. Right now my brain usually goes to "radical acceptance" right away and I can go full Switzerland on people! 
My tolerance fluctuates, though, depending on the day or the kind of romance I'm confronted with. I'm not all that good with pet names or declarations of ownership for example. And I still don't see the damn line that's supposed to tell me what kind of touches are ok for friendship and what kinds are freakin code. I wish the romantic world as a whole was way more literal. It just feels like a field of landmines sometimes and there's days I can tolerate that and times were i honestly really can't 

[Louis On Air]

3 hours ago, Kojote said:

I'm fine with music, though. Most of my favorite songs are by far non-romantic ones, but as a whole, music just moves me. For the duration of the song, I get to experience the emotions of the lyrics as if they were my own (even if they are romantic). I can empathize with things that wouldn't usually move me at all and I kind of like them for that. It's like floating in water and it's really soothing most of the time.

I tend to listen to dance and ambient music so even if there are lyrics it's very much in the background and I just dance the night away carefree. Then any song with bland lyrics just infuriates me because I honestly don't care about the dumb metaphors used; I'm much more into the tune being played.

[techno]

6 hours ago, Kojote said:

I'm fine with music, though. Most of my favorite songs are by far non-romantic ones, but as a whole, music just moves me. For the duration of the song, I get to experience the emotions of the lyrics as if they were my own (even if they are romantic). I can empathize with things that wouldn't usually move me at all and I kind of like them for that. It's like floating in water and it's really soothing most of the time.

When I listen to songs that are considered romantic, I usually end up trying to think of them as platonic.

[mostlyjustlucy]

Real life romance that doesn't involve me is usually something I'm entirely indifferent towards - I don't really mind or notice PDA that involves strangers, and with my friends I occasionally have twinges of jealousy for stuff like hand-holding or cuddling, because that's the sort of touch I'd like to be able to engage in with them, but it's apparently a romantic partners only thing ?. So not really repulsion, more like, uncomfortable because everyone around me sees that sort of touch as romance coded.

 

Being repulsed by romantic feelings that are directed at me, however, is literally how I figured out I was aro at all. It feels absolutely awful as soon as someone expresses romantic feelings, or if someone else implies that someone might have romantic feelings for me, or implies that I have romantic feelings for someone. I'd always kind of assumed that the panic I'd feel when I got asked out was like, nerves and excitement. Turns out it was nerves and terror, but I was just pushing it away because I was meant to be pleased that people wanted to date me.

 

On a slightly lighter note, I'm cool with most romance in media (though it does get really boring and tiring). The one thing I absolutely can't stand is romantic comedies. I have to leave the room if someone is watching one, because they make my skin crawl. 

[shotinthehand]

On 4/9/2016 at 11:52 AM, Tal Shi'ar said:

I'm not entirely sure if I have some repulsion towards romance itself, or other peoples attitude and emphasis towards romance being important. Seeing romantic scenes in tv shows and movies bores the crap out of me. People insinuating that romance would be a good thing for me because they themselves are romantic shits me off.

That being said, I have had "crushes" before, but even then, I never felt inclined to actually pursue anything. Romance and relationships don't really mean anything to me. There's been plenty of times lately where I've even questioned if those crushes were completely romantic, or just semi romantic. Sure, I was feeling something directed at a particular person, but sometimes, I'm not sure what I was feeling towards them, although that's usually when I'm not crushing and I'm trying to reflect back on them.

YES YOUR FIRST SENTENCE YES. Also, I've had two...somethings...form of compression...directed at two people but I'm not really sure what they were either.

[shotinthehand]

I can't tell if I'm romance-repulsed or repulsed by the physical actions that the people in the romantic relationships are doing/are romance-coded. I'm generally fine with couples being reasonably affectionate like with handholding and sitting particularly close to each other but I think just about everyone gets uncomfortable if two people start making out in front of them. I'm OK with romantic subplots in books , shows, and movies so long as it doesn't become overdone or given too much importance, but maybe I just hate romantic plot tumors more than most people because I don't find romance for the sake of romance to be cute. I do understand that the majority of people are romantic and it would be unrealistic for them to not have a romantic life. I ship two ships in all of the shows I watch. Sometimes when I look up shippy fan-art I think aww, that's so cute and I've actually read and enjoyed a long piece of slash over the course of...hmm...I think it was about a week...and other times my stomach starts to feel weird and I have to go do something else. Maybe the shippy stuff just has to be really done and extremely lightweight fluff for me to like it. I don't like smut at all and the thought of reading/looking at any squicks me out and is a huge NOPE, but with fluff it's way more complicated for me. Sometimes, I think sheer quantity of romantic stuff can overwhelm me and amped up levels of sensuality that I'm uncomfortable with. When people crush on me I am definitely repulsed. I completely hate it and feel angry and unfortunately I tend to direct that anger at the person crushing on me. If I find out later that someone had a crush on me, I just try to never think about it.

[aussiekirkland]

5 hours ago, mostlyjustlucy said:

Being repulsed by romantic feelings that are directed at me, however, is literally how I figured out I was aro at all. It feels absolutely awful as soon as someone expresses romantic feelings, or if someone else implies that someone might have romantic feelings for me, or implies that I have romantic feelings for someone. I'd always kind of assumed that the panic I'd feel when I got asked out was like, nerves and excitement. Turns out it was nerves and terror, but I was just pushing it away because I was meant to be pleased that people wanted to date me.

 

Same! I thought that romance repulsion I felt when someone asked me out or confessed their love for me was butterflies. Wow I was stupid!

[cute kitty Meow! Mewo!]

I like how kissing feels against my lips. they're sensitive in a nice way. but I'm uncomfortable with the romantic implications 

[Tumblrweed]

On 11/17/2016 at 11:09 AM, Mark said:

For me there's also being expected to show romantic interest. e.g. being asked "why?" when I say I'm uninterested in things like marriage.

 

I find that romantic sub-plots in mainstream movies are annoying since they seem added for their own sake. Doing little or nothing to advance plot or characters, even sometimes getting in the way of it.

I read the first thing and got incredulous that people would ask you to express interest in them, but lol yeah...it can be really offputting to have people asking about your (non-existent) romantic interests and just not accept your answer. ._.

 

Recently I had an older Irish lady who's a friend of my grandmother ask me if I had a "lover", and when I told her I wasn't interested she basically responded, "Oh, of course you'd not. You're too young to be thinking about that, you've got your whole life ahead" and it was a nice reprieve from the usual "You should be dating" type response.

 

And I can get the frustration with useless romance subplot, because I feel it, too. I don't really watch movies because I usually don't like them, and a major part of that is usually the amount of tick-box-romance in them. But books and manga that examine relationships in very realistic ways that have positive relationships develop even when they end up romantic are a lot more enjoyable for me because I still like to second-hand experience people who are working to understand each other. I'm also a visual person, so imagining a scene rather than seeing it move before my eyes gives me more control over my experience of the work.

[Hey you in the corner]

I hate that people practically drop everyone and everything from their lives to dedicate 97% of their time to their partner. 

[Holmbo]

On 2016-04-19 at 1:01 AM, Vega said:

Not to mention, this whole idea we as a society seem to have that being super possessive and stalkery is somehow romantic. It's not, it's abuse and it's creepy. 

 

Sometimes I think about how I'd like to write one of those romance novels with the "dark disturbed guy" who's jelaous and possessive. Only it would actually realistic so the arch would be that he becomes increasingly more abusive and possessive until she fears for her life.