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About Tumblrweed

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  • Birthday 06/23/1994

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    Moves around.
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    Freelance translation

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  1. Hi aroscorpio! I'm aroace, so while I can't tell you what sexual attraction feels like (you might have to see if one of the lovely aroallos or grey aces here can give you that perspective), I can tell you why I don't think I experience sexual attraction. I was about 16-17 when I realized that it wasn't considered normal to not be interested in having sex with people. It came as somewhat of a surprise to me because I had been projecting my view of sex and interest in it onto others without asking then about it. When I did start talking to my friends and family about it, they acknowledged that some people are late bloomers and my older sister in particular said that the pool of people in high school (1,000 total spread out among the four years) was too small for even her to find someone she would date, although when we flipped through the year book she could point out a few people who were "hot". What I came to realize, and the reason I started identifying as asexual at 18, is that there is something that makes people desire to have sex with others. It doesn't seem to be a rational thing, but an instinctual one. What I understand is that for some people, it's also linked to an emotional bond (demisexual). And after 18 years, I ended up expecting that I wouldn't feel that way for anyone in the future. In the years since, that expectstion hasn't been challenged. If it ever is, I plan on revisiting my label again. Sexuality can be fluid and labelling myself one way doesn't mean I have to stick to it forever if it stops applying to me. I hope that helped, and I wish you luck on your journey in exploring your identity!
  2. I know a few people have posted that they don't personally see a lot of worth in apply these terms to themselves (which is fair! Any label is only as useful as you find it), but I have found the terms romance-repulsion and romance-averse to be really helpful terms for me to understand why I tend to shy away from people that seem overly positive towards me or overly interested in me, even if I've enjoyed spending time with them before. My aversion tends to start with touch, since I'm not a touchy person in general. There's a lot of boundaries that have to be established before I'm even okay with the idea of a person touching me. I get uncomfortable when people express PDA, though I don't say anything because I do believe that open expressions of love are very freeing and I don't want to take that away from them because I'm squicked out. But the repulsion is at its peak when someone starts expressing romantic interest in me. It's a particular look in their eye, a "subtle" attempt to see where my romantic relationship stands, at worst an admission of feelings. If the other person isn't too close to me, I can usually rationalize it as "they don't know me well enough to know that they love me" and politely find a way to redirect the conversation or turn them down. Irrational as I know it is, a close friend expressing interest in dating me feels like betrayal. Since I understand where this comes from for me, I can take some time to quiet down those feelings and work with the other person. Having a label might not mean I get to use it to explain to someone else what is happening to me, but it sure helped explain to myself what was going on and let me see this isn't as rare of a thing as I'd once thought.
  3. Hi izzyruth92! I don't know what stage of planning the TAAAP is in for these discussions, but do you know when/how they're planning to host these discussions? Like if they're considering Discord or Zoom or something on their website. I saw that there was a question about how people responding to this questionnaire would be able to participate, so I understand that they might not have decided on the particular method as of yet. Just curious about the range they're considering.
  4. Thanks for sharing, Mark! I've been trying to look up sources for where the assertion that love doesn't appear in Western society until recently is from, since I want to have a solid foundation when I try to explain it to the people around me, but I'm having mixed results when I try to look up love in anthropological studies. Do you have any links or titles of books/aticles that you can point me to that explore that idea? Hey aro_elise! If you wanted to read the book and have someone to discuss each chapter with, I'd be all for discussing it here!! Sorry about the late reply, Qim ^^;; Like Mark said, you could buy it off Amazon. I'd like to add that most libraries also take requests for books to add to their collection, so you could try requesting it if your local library doesn't already have a copy. With COVID-19, I know libraries are closed in most--if not all--areas right now. I'm pretty lucky to live in an area with robust library services, like an online e-book collection, and I recognize that not everyone has that. If you don't want to spend money on it, and if it's not possible to get it through the library right now, it might just be a title to add to a reading list for now. Hope you're doing okay!
  5. I just finished reading the book today, and I'm still glad I picked it up! Looking up information on the author confirmed for me that she has a worldview that jives with me (feminist, trans-friendly, fat positivity), which might be why I found the ideas in her book easy to digest. I think some ideas in the book will be difficult for different groups of people to agree with, for different reasons. I think this book would interest anyone who wanted to explore the history behind how heterosexuality (and the rise of sexual orientation and sexual identity as concepts) became what it is today. Blank covers a wide variety of topics, including the origins of the terminology, the biological aspect (or lack thereof) of heterosexuality, sex, heterosexual marriage, gender relations, romance and courtship, and sexuality in general. This necessitates some talk genitals fairly regularly, so it might be hard to read if that makes you uncomfortable. Often, she goes over how all of these topics have changed from the industrial revolution until now. Even if you don't end up agreeing with all her assertions, I think Blank provides a new perspective on some things people take for granted. And hey, if you're not sure whether it's something you're interested in, I'd say to give the introduction (or at least the end of the introduction, if the full intro is too long) a read, if you can!
  6. More specifically, I'm reading Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality by Hanne Blank. As the author points out time and again, you can't understand sexuality without looking at heterosexuality and what the so-called "standard" was considered to be, so I took a chance and borrowed the e-book. Even then, I never expected to find vindication in the written form! It's been a wonderful read all around so far. Just tonight, I got so excited when I reached "Chapter 4: The Marrying Type" and came across this paragraph that had me SCREAMING (emphasis my own): "As difficult as it may be for us to believe today, particularly if we have had the seemingly involuntary, overwhelming experience of "falling in love," anthropological and historical evidence both suggest that falling in love is not actually something human beings are hard-wired to do but a behavior pattern that is learned. In cultures where there is no significant cultural pattern of experiencing romantic love, most people do not. Such a pattern did ultimately develop in the West, but for most of our history it was not part of the everyday experience of the average person." The book was published in 2012 and makes no overt references to asexuality or aromanticism as of yet, but I got! so!! pumped!!! And wanted to share this quote somewhere. I will definitely be doing some digging into any references I can find to see what research in anthropology and history Blank has based this paragraph on. What does everyone else think?
  7. Where will we go? Who will we be?
  8. Don't the children (our future) matter to you?
  9. If it wasn't through Tumblr, it was probably by searching on Google for an online community and other aromantic resources for myself.
  10. I had two friends in college that had an on-off close friendship. It was on-off because one was a really popular guy who a lot of girls at school liked, and the other was this low empathy girl that the girls would say nasty things about because of her relationship to this guy and her perceived "slutty nature" (I was shocked when I first heard this, and later about how regular an occurrence this was; I thought our school and our classmates were better than that). In their "on" phase, they were really close and touchy and I felt like I was imposing on them being there, so I would leave the room to do other things. They got enough flack from the rest of the school; I wasn't about to take away a time and space that they could enjoy their time together just because I didn't know what to do with myself. I tried joining in once...and I regret it because I think I made it awkward joining in without building that rapport. RN they're in an off phase because he has a girlfriend that contacts my friend to make it clear that my friend is not welcome in their relationship, asking if they've had sex before and other uncomfortable things. It's bizarre because my girl friend's in a relationship herself and not poly, plus the guy isn't her type, so why is his girlfriend bringing my other friend into the relationship? So there's another type of third-wheeling, where another person is dragged in to a relationship that doesn't concern them.
  11. Why must we question a topic's depth if it makes people think?
  12. In fact, what is the purpose of rules if not to be questioned and broken?
  13. Random person from India takes the cake by a long-shot. They messaged me on Facebook and said they were disappointed I didn't remember them when I asked who they were. So when I asked how we met they responded (and I quote): "We met in this beautiful world...bottom of vast sky and on above of green ground.. šŸ˜‰" I just said that didn't really narrow things down. Turns out they just saw my profile picture and decided to hmu.
  14. Welcome! Feel free to read around the forums if you have other questions or want to know what being aro is like for us. I know you asked us to help you determine whether you're aro or not, but we cannot tell you. You have to tell us. If you think you are aro, then we accept that you are aro. And if you are aro now and discover you have a different romantic attraction or are somewhere else on the aromantic spectrum, then we will accept that. And if you find out that you were never aro, then it is perfectly ok to say you're aro now until you find that out! You are who you say you are. No one is too young to know their own experiences in life. If it helps and you haven't done this already, try imagining your girlfriend having romantic feelings for you. Then try imagining what romance with her would feel like. Talk to her about what romance means to her, if you're unsure. Uncertainty can feel uncomfortable, but sometimes it helps us discover things about ourselves. I hope you have a steady journey, and we will be here to talk if you will have us.
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