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About Tumblrweed

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  • Birthday 06/23/1994

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    Moves around.
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    Freelance translation

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  1. Hi izzyruth92! I don't know what stage of planning the TAAAP is in for these discussions, but do you know when/how they're planning to host these discussions? Like if they're considering Discord or Zoom or something on their website. I saw that there was a question about how people responding to this questionnaire would be able to participate, so I understand that they might not have decided on the particular method as of yet. Just curious about the range they're considering.
  2. Thanks for sharing, Mark! I've been trying to look up sources for where the assertion that love doesn't appear in Western society until recently is from, since I want to have a solid foundation when I try to explain it to the people around me, but I'm having mixed results when I try to look up love in anthropological studies. Do you have any links or titles of books/aticles that you can point me to that explore that idea? Hey aro_elise! If you wanted to read the book and have someone to discuss each chapter with, I'd be all for discussing it here!! Sorry about the late reply, Qim ^^;; Like Mark said, you could buy it off Amazon. I'd like to add that most libraries also take requests for books to add to their collection, so you could try requesting it if your local library doesn't already have a copy. With COVID-19, I know libraries are closed in most--if not all--areas right now. I'm pretty lucky to live in an area with robust library services, like an online e-book collection, and I recognize that not everyone has that. If you don't want to spend money on it, and if it's not possible to get it through the library right now, it might just be a title to add to a reading list for now. Hope you're doing okay!
  3. I just finished reading the book today, and I'm still glad I picked it up! Looking up information on the author confirmed for me that she has a worldview that jives with me (feminist, trans-friendly, fat positivity), which might be why I found the ideas in her book easy to digest. I think some ideas in the book will be difficult for different groups of people to agree with, for different reasons. I think this book would interest anyone who wanted to explore the history behind how heterosexuality (and the rise of sexual orientation and sexual identity as concepts) became what it is today. Blank covers a wide variety of topics, including the origins of the terminology, the biological aspect (or lack thereof) of heterosexuality, sex, heterosexual marriage, gender relations, romance and courtship, and sexuality in general. This necessitates some talk genitals fairly regularly, so it might be hard to read if that makes you uncomfortable. Often, she goes over how all of these topics have changed from the industrial revolution until now. Even if you don't end up agreeing with all her assertions, I think Blank provides a new perspective on some things people take for granted. And hey, if you're not sure whether it's something you're interested in, I'd say to give the introduction (or at least the end of the introduction, if the full intro is too long) a read, if you can!
  4. More specifically, I'm reading Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality by Hanne Blank. As the author points out time and again, you can't understand sexuality without looking at heterosexuality and what the so-called "standard" was considered to be, so I took a chance and borrowed the e-book. Even then, I never expected to find vindication in the written form! It's been a wonderful read all around so far. Just tonight, I got so excited when I reached "Chapter 4: The Marrying Type" and came across this paragraph that had me SCREAMING (emphasis my own): "As difficult as it may be for us to believe today, particularly if we have had the seemingly involuntary, overwhelming experience of "falling in love," anthropological and historical evidence both suggest that falling in love is not actually something human beings are hard-wired to do but a behavior pattern that is learned. In cultures where there is no significant cultural pattern of experiencing romantic love, most people do not. Such a pattern did ultimately develop in the West, but for most of our history it was not part of the everyday experience of the average person." The book was published in 2012 and makes no overt references to asexuality or aromanticism as of yet, but I got! so!! pumped!!! And wanted to share this quote somewhere. I will definitely be doing some digging into any references I can find to see what research in anthropology and history Blank has based this paragraph on. What does everyone else think?
  5. Where will we go? Who will we be?
  6. Don't the children (our future) matter to you?
  7. If it wasn't through Tumblr, it was probably by searching on Google for an online community and other aromantic resources for myself.
  8. I had two friends in college that had an on-off close friendship. It was on-off because one was a really popular guy who a lot of girls at school liked, and the other was this low empathy girl that the girls would say nasty things about because of her relationship to this guy and her perceived "slutty nature" (I was shocked when I first heard this, and later about how regular an occurrence this was; I thought our school and our classmates were better than that). In their "on" phase, they were really close and touchy and I felt like I was imposing on them being there, so I would leave the room to do other things. They got enough flack from the rest of the school; I wasn't about to take away a time and space that they could enjoy their time together just because I didn't know what to do with myself. I tried joining in once...and I regret it because I think I made it awkward joining in without building that rapport. RN they're in an off phase because he has a girlfriend that contacts my friend to make it clear that my friend is not welcome in their relationship, asking if they've had sex before and other uncomfortable things. It's bizarre because my girl friend's in a relationship herself and not poly, plus the guy isn't her type, so why is his girlfriend bringing my other friend into the relationship? So there's another type of third-wheeling, where another person is dragged in to a relationship that doesn't concern them.
  9. Why must we question a topic's depth if it makes people think?
  10. In fact, what is the purpose of rules if not to be questioned and broken?
  11. Random person from India takes the cake by a long-shot. They messaged me on Facebook and said they were disappointed I didn't remember them when I asked who they were. So when I asked how we met they responded (and I quote): "We met in this beautiful world...bottom of vast sky and on above of green ground.. 😉" I just said that didn't really narrow things down. Turns out they just saw my profile picture and decided to hmu.
  12. Welcome! Feel free to read around the forums if you have other questions or want to know what being aro is like for us. I know you asked us to help you determine whether you're aro or not, but we cannot tell you. You have to tell us. If you think you are aro, then we accept that you are aro. And if you are aro now and discover you have a different romantic attraction or are somewhere else on the aromantic spectrum, then we will accept that. And if you find out that you were never aro, then it is perfectly ok to say you're aro now until you find that out! You are who you say you are. No one is too young to know their own experiences in life. If it helps and you haven't done this already, try imagining your girlfriend having romantic feelings for you. Then try imagining what romance with her would feel like. Talk to her about what romance means to her, if you're unsure. Uncertainty can feel uncomfortable, but sometimes it helps us discover things about ourselves. I hope you have a steady journey, and we will be here to talk if you will have us.
  13. How about other types of relationships beside romantic partners? I think it follows @Cassiopeia's first point about imagining what life would be like later on because it helps define what each person would want when they maintain ties with others right now and pave the way for those relationships in the future. Relationship anarchy, non-sexual/romantic polyamory, platonic friends and families, sexual partners, and queer platonic relationships are all a great place to start. Practice communicating negative emotions in respectful ways? Or practice saying "no" with varying degrees of force? I've met people of all orientations who go with the flow because they're too scared/anxious or don't know how to bring up things they see negatively. There's a form of communication my therapist introduced me to called Non-Violent Communication that works a bit like this: https://www.cnvc.org/[ogname]/giraffe-and-jackal-ears-exercise ('jackal ears' is a euphamism for when we listen from a place of fear and blame, 'giraffe ears' for when we listen from a place of compassion and curiosity of the other's needs). There are many resources online if you or your group is interested.
  14. Starting to feel like I can actually do things for myself. Still cry about it, but at least I'm functioning and feeling better now.

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