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What makes you feel romance repulsed?


Cassiopeia
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I hate stereotypes. Things couples do on Valentine's Day, nicknames, noisy "toilet plunger" kisses, those things aren't cute, they're just cheesy, and not even cutely cheesy. It's such a sugar overdose that it's enough to make you diabetic just hearing about it.

And the worst of all, the "love at first sight" stuff. Come on, that's not love, that's attraction. You can't love the same when you know only someone's body and superficial behaviour, and when you really know someone's soul. It's one of my pet peeves when somebody pretends the contrary.

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I hate the idea of someone wanting to make me the center of their universe, or a part of the center of their universe, if they're poly. I don't like it when people make a huge show out of relationships, like suddenly things have changed once you start dating, and you're expected to do "more." I don't understand, if the bond was so strong in the first place, you don't need to do "more" to prove anything. Nothing should change in the relationship dynamic just because you're "dating." I guess I never really thought of "dating" as anything special. I always thought of "dating" as just a really intimate friendship, maybe with sex involved if you were into that.

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I'm so romance repulsed, I have had to physically leave the room/area because I was so disgusted/sick.

Kissing is so nasty. Please leave and never show your face to me again.

Hand holding is on the border of please keep that stuff for at home or behind closed doors.

I can't handle PDA at all, like I need to leave if there is PDA. 

Romcoms are a no, real people romcoms are a no. 

Just in general romance is a no. Just stop take that away from me, put it in a box to never show me. Just save the romance for home and not in the public eye.

 

However I'm Eufictomisromantic, meaning I like fictional romance. So that throws people for a loop. 

Like I love shipping, I love romantic books and story's of fictional characters, but put any of that in real life and I'm gone. I still can't handle kissing and too cheesy/overly romantic fictional stuff, but it doesn't make me sick and I can actually enjoy fictional romance of fictional characters.

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I also really like shipping, but I find myself looking away whenever people are being romantically affectionate with each other, and especially when people are being sexually affectionate with each other (even though I'm a very sexual person myself). Whenever people start kissing, holding hands, etc. I feel like I'm watching a really cheesy and terrible play that everyone expects me to like and care about but really I just euuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

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On 13.4.2016 at 6:45 PM, Rising Sun said:

And the worst of all, the "love at first sight" stuff. Come on, that's not love, that's attraction. You can't love the same when you know only someone's body and superficial behaviour, and when you really know someone's soul. It's one of my pet peeves when somebody pretends the contrary.

We talked about "love at first sight" in school recently. I mean we literally spend 30 minutes talking about it and in the end we all "agreed" that it's totally normal to fall in love with someone at first sight but not to really love them...

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I can find myself uncomfortable with seeing affection around me, especially if it's very obviously "coupley". e.g.associated with the people concerned going on about their exclusivity.
I'm very happy to receive affection, so long as there is no sense of proprietary or exclusivity involved.

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6 minutes ago, Cassiopeia said:

When people talk about their partners like they own them, its so...creepy? distasteful? weird?

"Be mine" and similar stuff. It just makes me cringe.

Yes! I hate that so much! There once was this rumor going around at school about me dating this really annoying kid and I overheard some guy in my physics class talking about how I was "his" (referring to that annoying guy). Talking about me being together with someone I'm not together with and someone I can't stand is one thing, but actually acting like I'm someone else's possession makes me mad. If there is one person that owns me then that person is me and no one else >:(

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I just really can't stand the whole noisy kissing business. Though I think it's the noise that bothers me the most, it just makes me want to throw up. 

 

2 minutes ago, aihpen said:

Yes! I hate that so much! There once was this rumor going around at school about me dating this really annoying kid and I overheard some guy in my physics class talking about how I was "his" (referring to that annoying guy). Talking about me being together with someone I'm not together with and someone I can't stand is one thing, but actually acting like I'm someone else's possession makes me mad. If there is one person that owns me then that person is me and no one else >:(

Ew, that's so creepy. Agreed 100% with all of this. 

Not to mention, this whole idea we as a society seem to have that being super possessive and stalkery is somehow romantic. It's not, it's abuse and it's creepy. 

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5 minutes ago, aihpen said:

If there is one person that owns me then that person is me and no one else >:(

I actually have this song I like to sing in my head when this whole thing comes up? Its a survival mechanism, like I have to tune out this whole crap. (I have got a few survival mantras, this is one of them).

Especially if men try to do this "you are mine" thing? I guess the heteronormativity + amatonormativity + objectification combo is a bit too much, and my brain instantly switches to panic?

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I'm okay with small affectionate gestures like holding hands or veeery small kisses. Like really really small. Because small gestures are something I could see myself doing with a close friend. But I get repulsed right away when someone says they love or like me romantically. I just want to run away. I also get uncomfortable if someone calls me theirs. I did that dating thing once (or twice) and my ex just seemed to love to say "mine" when she hugged me and I just was there wanting to get the hell out. Nowadays even a thought about dating someone with romantic and sexual intentions make me freak out and chant "Nonononononope never noway" all over again. 

If some couples show PDA, it's okay as long as it's only small things like hugging or holding hands. I also like to help my allo friends with their romantic problems (even when I'm no use). But if those lovey-dovey couples start to kiss in the middle of the road or look each other into the eye like there's no one else around... I don't know where to watch or what to do then. Sure they can do whatever they want but do they really have to do it where there's other people around? Like, why do you do that?

In media, I'm pretty okay with seeing romance in movies and tv-series, though I'd take them without romance any time. Though, I hate those way too happy commercials where there's a happy couple and everything's so great. It feels like they're trying to say you're going to be happy only if you start dating and you can find your life partner by buying their new super-awesome product. 

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I get really repulsed by the idea of someone liking me. To the point of it giving me anxiety and stress. It kinda sucks. Also I kinda feel bad for it but when my close friends mention romance I feel insecure and upset because I've seen people get so swept up in their romance they forget platonic bonds. It kind of scares me like I'm gonna loose them. Also I can't stand someone putting their arm around my shoulder it just seems waay too close. In media it's more annoying than repulsive, unless it's layed on super thick then it makes me uncomfortable. 

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I used to be really not-touchy around my friends, but they kind of changed that. I've had them literally kiss me on the cheek before or pick me up and twirl me around before. It's kind of hard to stay super touch-repulsed after that.

 

Also, it may seem a little odd, but I always want someone to like me romantically, but when it happens, I get uncomfortable. And I don't think it's because I'm lith or anything because it's not for one specific person, it's just in general. Maybe it's just my brain misinterpreting what romance is and mistaking "liking" me romantically for just liking me platonically until it actually happens?

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17 hours ago, Spud said:

I used to be really not-touchy around my friends, but they kind of changed that. I've had them literally kiss me on the cheek before or pick me up and twirl me around before. It's kind of hard to stay super touch-repulsed after that.

 

Also, it may seem a little odd, but I always want someone to like me romantically, but when it happens, I get uncomfortable. And I don't think it's because I'm lith or anything because it's not for one specific person, it's just in general. Maybe it's just my brain misinterpreting what romance is and mistaking "liking" me romantically for just liking me platonically until it actually happens?

heh, my friends have helped me get over touch repulsion as well. Though I'm still not very fond of being touched by non-friends. 

 

I used to wish someone would love me in the past as well. For me, I think it was just low self-confidence and feeling like nobody liked me. 

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18 hours ago, Spud said:

I used to be really not-touchy around my friends, but they kind of changed that. I've had them literally kiss me on the cheek before or pick me up and twirl me around before.

I really like being touched a lot. But often find it difficult to find people who want to touch me.

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18 hours ago, Spud said:

Also, it may seem a little odd, but I always want someone to like me romantically, but when it happens, I get uncomfortable. And I don't think it's because I'm lith or anything because it's not for one specific person, it's just in general. Maybe it's just my brain misinterpreting what romance is and mistaking "liking" me romantically for just liking me platonically until it actually happens?

 

I guess everyone likes their ego stroked? What's not to like? You got someone obsessed with you, wanting you as you are, all their attention, their compliments, their adoration. Its hella satisfying for a while.

But it can get really annoying as well, like having a human puppy following you everywhere? And if they start saying overly romantic stuff, trying to win your affections... :S

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  • 1 month later...
On 4/29/2016 at 2:00 PM, Cassiopeia said:

But it can get really annoying as well, like having a human puppy following you everywhere? And if they start saying overly romantic stuff, trying to win your affections...

 

And if they're really into you and you warn them away, it's like suddenly you've triggered their Alloromantic Death Match Condition in which they must absolutely induce Eternal True Wuv or perish in the attempt. The whole "I'll fix/save/convert you" complex that comes with being unrequited.

 

And then (aro-allo that I am, but not as horrible as they probably believe that I am), I start to feel bad about all that gratifying sex we somehow managed to construct. :\ 

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I'm mostly the same with romance repulsion. Things like music and advertising differ day to day, whereas romcoms are always a big no no. Some days I don't even notice romance culture but some days I feel like it's eating me alive haha

 

But one thing I find repulsive without a doubt is when someone has romantic feelings for me, and they don't even have to do anything, just realising that they like me brings on a small panic attack and I feel sick to my stomach.

On 19 April 2016 at 6:58 AM, aihpen said:

Yes! I hate that so much! There once was this rumor going around at school about me dating this really annoying kid and I overheard some guy in my physics class talking about how I was "his" (referring to that annoying guy). Talking about me being together with someone I'm not together with and someone I can't stand is one thing, but actually acting like I'm someone else's possession makes me mad. If there is one person that owns me then that person is me and no one else >:(

I hate that too. I bought a new tshirt recently that says "property of nobody"

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4 hours ago, aussiekirkland said:

But one thing I find repulsive without a doubt is when someone has romantic feelings for me, and they don't even have to do anything, just realising that they like me brings on a small panic attack and I feel sick to my stomach.

100% this! Even the suspicion that they may have romantic feelings is enough to bring on panic.
Or even the belief that people think we are together. :P

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  • 5 months later...

I feel somewhat the same. I actually am pretty romance-repulsed and have been classified as philophobic. I do ship fictional characters but if it's nonfiction and if it's even somewhat related to me I feel disgusted and all sick inside. It's weird. :P

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For me the repulsion is mostly auditory (I definitely have issues with misophonia, so it could just be a facet of that). Like, the sound of kissing is one of the many sounds that hardcore squicks me out. It's also like... seeing things that would typically be associated with a sound that I don't like? Like if I see two people kiss, even if I can't hear it, it'll elicit a similar response.

 

In media, books are totally fine (it might annoy me but it won't usually result in repulsion), songs are fine, movies and TV it depends. Real life is definitely the worst contributor, because of the auditory thing. It also depends on who it is, how close I am to them both emotionally (like whether or not we're friends) and physically (in terms of literal proximity).

 

And if it's directed at me, it'll be a thousand times worse!

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I'm usually pretty romance-indifferent.  What bugs me is PDA and being around a couple who are almost constantly hanging all over each other, using cloying, saccharine, baby-talking pet-names to refer to each other.  That just sets my teeth on edge!  The saccharine baby-talking bullshit really gets me repelled.  Awful.  

 

Another thing that gets me - an addition to my dislike of PDA - is the sounds people produce when they're making out, all the grossly moist lip-smackings and weird moan-y little vocalizations they make.  Cannot stand it.  That will send me running to get away from their odious company. 

 

I also hate the possessiveness that seems to be a huge factor in romance.  Any time one person tells another 'You're mine", I shudder involuntarily.  Especially when it comes alongside an uneven power dynamic between the pair, which it all too often does.  

 

If anything romantic is aimed in my direction, especially if the person inflicting the romance on me is a heterosexual male (unfortunately, I've had some very terrible, terrifying, physically and emotionally scarring experiences with hetero guys who were seeking romance or sex and would not tolerate my saying no), my usual indifference goes from 1 to right off the scale, mixed with a certain amount of worry and even fear.  I will avoid that person totally until that romantic/sexual interest has been extinguished.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I'm 100 percent romance-repulsed, 100 percent romance-indifferent, 100 percent romance-cynical and a bit romance-positive. After I got catfished and had my heart broken by the actual guy whose identity was used; my whole view of both romance, sex and society changed drastically. Since I was young, I was always told to cover my eyes and/or ears and/or go to another room far away from the TV whenever a kissing and/or sexual scene ensues. Fast-forward to my teens and mid-twenties and I still do that; adding in a ton of eye-rolling and snarky, cynical, repulsive and criticizing comments about the R and S words whenever they're enacted in the media and in real life.

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On 4/18/2016 at 6:46 PM, Cassiopeia said:

When people talk about their partners like they own them, its so...creepy? distasteful? weird?

"Be mine" and similar stuff. It just makes me cringe.

Can I just say that song jealous that was on the radio a while back, I thought was the most possessive and lowkey creepy song ever because the guy singing it says something like "its my right to be hellish/I still get jealous." What is it about relationships and people thinking that thats cute or whatnot? I repeat, he said it was his "right to be hellish", honestly that's just kinda messed up, when should anyone have a good reason to be mean-spirited towards someone else, especially relating to relationships? I am just repulsed and irritated that a song about a guy treating this girl like she's his property became so popular on the radio.

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