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Holmbo

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Everything posted by Holmbo

  1. @cyancat I feel like there are some aspects of single narrative that are separate from romantic relationship. For example in my experience singles are assumed to live alone. They're assumed to be more career oriented than those with a spouse and kids. They're generally viewed as more comfortable doing things on their own. At least this was the narrative I internalized and sort of strived for myself. And it was not until later I've realized I do want strong committed relationships.
  2. @DogObsessedLianne will you post link and date here when you've made a meeting? ๐Ÿ™‚
  3. Actually welfare is very good for gdp. In Sweden, my home country, most women work rather than stay at home, cause of subsidized daycare. But that's beside the point.
  4. I'm happy to see others have similar thoughts. I wasn't sure if anyone else saw this connection. That's a good point. One could then argue that the ideal unit according to neo-liberal individualism is the nuclear family. Where one can get ones basic social needs met but still be flexible enough to adhere to the market.
  5. I like this idea! Haven't thought of online meetings with other aros.
  6. Holmbo

    Favourite books

    Have you read A closed and common orbit by Becky Chambers? It's also about a ship AI that doesn't have a ship anymore. And it has lots of lgbt+ themes to it.
  7. This is something I've thought about for a time. I will preface it with that I have no concern over anyone's personal choices. When I was younger I used to feel empowered by the narrative of being single. That you're strong and independent and don't need anyone. That you can focus on your career and move anywhere you like without being tied down by a partner. However, as the environmental crisis has worsened I've begun to look at this narrative with critical eyes. To me it seems like just another part of this toxic individualism that so many societies today favors. I feel like it shames people who are dependent on others and make people isolated. And also the idea of someone totally independent is kinda fiction. We're all dependent on others, it's just that an "independent" person often pays money for what they need (either services or things). This drives them to work longer hours and consume more. So I don't like the individualist approach to celebrate my uncoupledness anymore. In fact I want instead to be tied to even more people than the traditional coupled person. It's just not gonna be as tight with one specific person. How do you all feel about the narrative of being single? How is it now in your country? How would you like it to be?
  8. According to sensus data: 3,5 million Swedes are married, out of a total of 10,2 million. The average age for those marrying in 2019 were 33,9 for women and 36,3 for men. 1,9 million people live in single households.
  9. Someone mentioned Joey on Friends a while back in this thread. I agree about that and I'm trying to think of some specific scene which showcase this. I want to use it for my third aromantic moments video. Does anyone have suggestion?
  10. @2 Spirit Cherokee Princess Yeah I know what you mean. For example one character that comes to mind is Tak in Becky Chambers book a close and common orbit. Tak is part of a species which has three genders. The third is when someone fluctuates between male and female sex. So they change sex at times. I'm not sure if this could be considered a non-binary character since it confirms with the gender identies their culture has.
  11. That's a good topic. Spontaneously I can think of many sci-fi characters that could fit. Some human and some alien. But maybe aliens wouldn't count as representation since they often have more than two sexes?
  12. I agree. I think overall diversity is an indication that the writers have thought at least a little bit further and longer about the story than someone who just writes about SWM+ (this is my acronym for straight white male etc ๐Ÿ˜„)
  13. I think this table is a really good resource to use when one thinks or discusses relationships. Sorry I couldn't get in the actual image, just the link. https://i.redd.it/b8wpopb56r4y.jpg
  14. Living alone for the first time in many years. I started to think "now I can play loud music in the morning if I want" but then I remembered I still live in an apartment

  15. If someone would say they're aro I wouldn't assume they've never felt romantic attraction. The only context were I'm more strict in my aro definition is when it comes to representation in media. There are so many stories where the person who's "never loved" falls in love with someone. I don't consider that aro representation even though technically those characters could be considered aro-spec.
  16. Glad you figured it out. ๐Ÿ‘
  17. Holmbo

    Aro POCs

    I'm white but I just wanted to mention the book I'm reading: Aro Eros Arrows by Michรณn Neal. They talk about their experience with being black, aro, asexual, gender nonbinary and aspec. I find it very well written and insightful.
  18. I don't know where this topic belongs so I'll put it here. I've never cared much about physical contact or about sensation of ouch in general. I don't dislike it but I don't crave it either; cuddling is boring, but lately that seems to have changed. I'm not sure if my need has increased but just that my sense of physical sensation feels heightened. When I walk I feel the clothes move on my body, when I do body scan (a meditation where you focus on each part of your body) it feels so different than it used to; I feel so much more sensation in each part. I've actually started a new habit of imagining the sensation of someone rubbing a rough towel on my back when I want to calm myself for sleep. I wonder what could have caused this. One explanation could be the lack of touch I've had due to covid. But I feel like it really isn't that much difference. Normally I would hug my friends goodbye a few times a week and that's pretty much it. Maybe it could be some hormonal change? Anyway I wanted to share and see if anyone else maybe have experienced something like it.
  19. They write about different concepts relating to aromanticism and asexuality. I like the language and I'm learning about new terms (some suggested by the author, some established) Here's the back blurb " If aromantic people primarily desire friendship or nonromantic partnerships over romance, then how can they practice any recognized form of non-monogamy? And polyamory the practice of having multiple intimate, loving relationships is just for romantic people, right? The truth is, being aromantic or asexual usually means there's an emphasis on friendship, which is inherently non-monogamous. Being aromantic means loving a bit differently, but in ways that matter just as much. Knowledge about these experiences and identities can help with clarifying relationship needs, bringing up new possibilities and better choices for relationship format ion, and for turning friendship into something more than a simple throwaway stand in for some potential romantic partner. Communities built on friendship rather than competition (and let s face it, competitiveness is usually encouraged when it comes to romance) would be more cohesive, less prone to the power dynamics that lead to systemic abuse, and can actually cultivate true agency. There are plenty of books out there already for straight, white, romantic folks. This is the book Black queer aros never got." Have someone else read it? Or maybe is interested in reading it along with me? We could start a book club
  20. How to save a life - the fray Zombie - the cranberries
  21. I think it would be fun to have a very flirty game. In my Expanse game we're all pretty much just business partners atm. I wouldn't mind playing a very seductive character who keep trying to manipulate everyone though sex. I don't think I'd be that interested in roleplaying something romantic though.
  22. Welcome! I'm sure you'll find some inspiring stories here ๐Ÿ˜Š
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