mostlyjustlucy

I've done a lot of third, fifth and seventh wheeling with my main group of friends - three couples, until very recently. It might be a bit different for me, since we're all individually friends, I'm not just friends with one half of the couple, but for the first few years I felt pretty constantly out of place. I remember it being very different hanging out with couples in high school, compared to as adults - I think as we got older, everyone got more comfortable in not always having to make sure they weren't 'excluding' their partners by hanging out individually with others. I think it's that we all now understand the value of one-to-one time with friends - people really show different parts of their personality when they are and are not with their partners, and that's okay because we all have individual relationships with each other and devoting time to those is important. In my experience it does get a bit better as you get older! In the beginning, though, I did have to directly ask to get independent time with people. It might be worth sitting down with your friend and explaining that you sometimes feel lonely and like you're intruding when it's just the three of you, and that you would appreciate getting to spend some one-on-one with her. Maybe suggest doing something that isn't of interest to her boyfriend? Something special for the two of you. If it's something you would be okay with, maybe suggest that it's okay if she wants to organise some activities with just her boyfriend - to help to ease her worry about excluding you when she spends time with only him? At the very least you might be able to ask that she give you a heads up if he's going to be there, so you can make an informed choice. Friendships are complicated sometimes, and trying to find compromises where everyone is happy most (not always all) of the time can sometimes be the best solution. I just wanted to also make sure you knew that it's not very fair of her to be upset with you for not paying attention to her when she's paying attention to her partner anyway. You're absolutely allowed to interact with other people so you can be comfortable, you're not required to sit there and watch her make heart eyes at him or whatever. I'm definitely not an expert, and I don't know much about your friendship, but I hope this advice helps at least a little (and I hope it made sense)! If anyone else thinks I've suggested something that might not be a good idea, please jump in.

Me too! Or I thought maybe I was just too shy to want to approach anyone who wasn't already a friend. (never quite managed to justify to myself how my friends liking me was also not okay)

The found family trope is the quickest way to get me invested in any media, it's always been something I've wished would happen for me. I'd love to live with certain close friends. My current housemate and I don't really interact with each other. I was meant to move in with two close friends, but their circumstances changed and they couldn't move anymore. For them it was just 'oh well, too bad' while I was quietly pretty devastated.

Yeah, a few people! My best friend, my longest childhood friend and a couple of others. That odd phenomenon where you end up accidentally making a group of yourselves before you know what you have in common (none of us figured out we were ace until after high school, which is where we met)

Real life romance that doesn't involve me is usually something I'm entirely indifferent towards - I don't really mind or notice PDA that involves strangers, and with my friends I occasionally have twinges of jealousy for stuff like hand-holding or cuddling, because that's the sort of touch I'd like to be able to engage in with them, but it's apparently a romantic partners only thing 😒. So not really repulsion, more like, uncomfortable because everyone around me sees that sort of touch as romance coded. Being repulsed by romantic feelings that are directed at me, however, is literally how I figured out I was aro at all. It feels absolutely awful as soon as someone expresses romantic feelings, or if someone else implies that someone might have romantic feelings for me, or implies that I have romantic feelings for someone. I'd always kind of assumed that the panic I'd feel when I got asked out was like, nerves and excitement. Turns out it was nerves and terror, but I was just pushing it away because I was meant to be pleased that people wanted to date me. On a slightly lighter note, I'm cool with most romance in media (though it does get really boring and tiring). The one thing I absolutely can't stand is romantic comedies. I have to leave the room if someone is watching one, because they make my skin crawl.

Hi everyone! My name is Lucy, I'm 24, from Melbourne, Australia, and I'm aro ace. I've known I was ace for six or so years, but knowing I'm aro only really clicked for me about three years ago? Figuring that one out finally was a relief, made my teen years make infinitely more sense - though it would have been nice to not figure it out in the middle of a first date with a nice person I found this forum about three weeks ago, and it's taken about that much time for me to overcome my new-communities shyness and introduce myself. Literally all of my IRL friends are romantic, and mostly in very committed relationships, which gets incredibly exhausting and isolating sometimes. Even my friends who are ace often just don't get where I'm coming from or why I'm upset or frustrated by some stuff - so I'm really looking forward to getting to chat to other people who are arospec! Other facts about me: I'm a Materials engineer who also has an arts degree in Linguistics, but if you stumble across me on tumblr or Twitter at the moment it mostly looks like I'm obsessed with ice hockey. I will also happily talk your ears off about comics if you let me!