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at what age did you discover yourself as aro??


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I discovered myself as aro not so long ago, this week actually, at 16 years old.  In fact, now looking back, I have always been like this but only now can I feel that I don't have to force myself to do things that I never felt comfortable doing, I thought like this: "it is not possible that I don't like anyone" hahahaah I got there  pretend I liked a boy from my school, but it was never real. Now now, knowing that there is a denomination for what I feel, I learned my wants and my tastes and I don't need to force myself into anything, because now I know myself.  That's really good.😂

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I’m 37 and I’m in the process trying to figure things out. I’ve just recently, this month in December read about asexuality and aromanticism in the books “the invisible orientation” by Julie Sondra De

i'm a teen too. i only realized i was aro when a friend started having feelings for me and while i thought i returned those feelings (and in one way, i guess i do? idk its complicated but it does

mid twenties now and discovered it a few months ago. I feel a bit old now.

Yes, I'm in High School and I'm on the aromantic spectrum! Discovering that was a very interesting experience, but I'm glad it helped me rethink some things about myself.

There are many other teens on the forum, and I hope you'll feel welcome here!

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That's so cool to hear you both figured out your identities so early! I realized I'm on the aromantic spectrum recently (within the last few months, at 21 years old). I didn't know what aromanticism was until earlier this year, but I'm sure I would've identified somewhere on the spectrum earlier if I had known there was a word for what I was feeling. :) 

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i'm a teen too.

i only realized i was aro when a friend started having feelings for me and while i thought i returned those feelings (and in one way, i guess i do? idk its complicated but it doesn't feel like it's quite in a romantic sense - more like a general 'love and care' for a close friend) i've kinda realized that their feelings are... pretty different from mine. i'm not necessarily opposed to a romantic relationship with them since i'm quite touch-starved so i kinda want the physical contact that goes into it? but i also don't see it as necessarily a romantic relationship so much as a close... for lack of better words, friendship.

honestly tho,,, realizing i'm aro has been more distressing for me than anything else. i try not to think about it too much, but i've fallen so hard in love with the idea of being in love i guess? i mean, i've mostly made my peace with the fact that i'll never experience romantic feelings. or, more accurately, when i think about my relationship with said close friend, i realize that i feel satisfied/happy/content with what i currently feel? but romance is so idealized that there's just a part of me that wants to wallow over the fact that i'll never experience it (or at least not to the extent as others do).

on the upside, i no longer spiral in attempting to convince myself that i absolutely have a crush on 'x' because that was shit i used to do for... some reason? much to my own consternation, i always wanted to be in love with someone. never managed truly managed though, but man was i living in that denial for a long time

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I always knew I’m different but I didn’t know why. I discovered being aro this year, a few weeks before my 23th birthday, two or three months after discovering being neutrois (I’ve already known I’m nonbinary but I wasn’t sure which gender term fits me).

I was writting a story where the main character, Gabriel, was demisexual gay and he felt sexual attraction to his best friend, Bruno Henrique, and I was thinking what to do and I decided to make Bruno as aromantic gay. And there was a chapter in which Bruno reveals to Gabriel his aromanticism and Gabriel his demisexuality to him. I’m not sure when I finished this story but for a few weeks after it I was like ’what if am I aromantic?’ I needed sometime for it and thinking about my past relationships made me be sure I have never felt romantic attraction to my ex-partners, it was something other. Maybe alterous attraction? I don’t know. It was a strong feeling but not romantic and I feel that all of my gestures toward them were acted.

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I first started actively questioning and searching whether I was aromantic around 18-19 years old ("why don't I get crushes, why do I dislike the idea of romantic relationships so much?"). Before that I felt something was different, but I also thought I was just "too mature" to worry about silly crushes haha. I didn't fully come to terms with it/actually identify as aro until 24ish, though, and even up until last year at 27, was I still fully working out what my aromanticism is. 

There wasn't very much aro awareness when I first started thinking about whether I was aro or not, which I think delayed things for me a bit, so it's really nice to see younger people being able to have more access to aromanticism as they start to question (even if there is still further to go in terms of visibility/awareness) 💚 

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You wont believe it, but I am also 26 and discovered I am aro a few weeks ago. First I realized I was ace and shortly after came aro.

I am so happy to see younger people are figuring out their identity earlier! 

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On 11/29/2020 at 5:34 PM, Vhenan said:

I found the word and started questioning when I was 14, but I was only able to accept myself as aromantic in august of this year. (I'm 18 now)

Hm,, I'm fourteen and haven't entirely accepted it? I still think I might just be a really,, really late bloomer? But I don't think so... do you have any tips? 

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I found out about aromanticism only a few months ago, at 30. Before that I was constantly thinking that most friends my age have paired up and felt the need to do that too. By now I consider myself somehow greyromantic and feel quite good with this, also after reading a lot here about how others feel the same.

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When hearing the age you guys figured out your romantic association, it feels like I found out to early. I'm only I'm middle school, and most of you are older, or in high school. So now I have the question, is it to early to decide. I think that even if I did have some sort or romantic feelings, I would still be on the Aromantic spectrum. What do you think?

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2 hours ago, Confused Artist said:

When hearing the age you guys figured out your romantic association, it feels like I found out to early. I'm only I'm middle school, and most of you are older, or in high school. So now I have the question, is it to early to decide. I think that even if I did have some sort or romantic feelings, I would still be on the Aromantic spectrum. What do you think?

 

It's tough, as you might've read I'm in a similar position '~'

Even with my close friends who know not (vocally at least) doubting me, and people on here saying it's alright to change your label, etc, I can't really wash away that grain of doubt. 

Good luck to you though, I hope you can regardless~

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On ‎12‎/‎6‎/‎2020 at 1:36 PM, Guest - aro? said:

Hm,, I'm fourteen and haven't entirely accepted it? I still think I might just be a really,, really late bloomer? But I don't think so... do you have any tips? 

I am in the exact same situation and would also like tips if anyone would like to provide them.

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1 hour ago, Guest Two said:

I am in the exact same situation and would also like tips if anyone would like to provide them.

 

Hello my comrade ;-;

questioning possible aros desperately lurking the internet unite!  Ahaha... TuT 

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On 11/28/2020 at 10:49 PM, roboticanary said:

mid twenties now and discovered it a few months ago. I feel a bit old now.

same here 😉 Though I did know way earlier. It's hard not to notice when all the teens around you (seemingly) go crazy about dating, gossiping about who likes who, reading weird magazines with sex education, having crushes on xyz and whatsoever, but you're the only one not the least bit affected. 😂

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I think it was somewhere around either late highschool or early uni? Might be early uni actually, but it's hard to tell because I had a long time I considered myself pan, then panromantic demisexual, then ace, then aroace. It has to be at least 3-4 years by now given I definitely had known it about a year at least before I switched to my current tumblr blog.

And on the topic of how early is too early with labeling yourself as aro, I would say pay attention to how your view of romance might differ from your peers, and if their description of crush fits for you? Because I sure do remember thinking friends mentioned celebrity crushes as in celebrities they admired/really liked rather than having genuine romantic feelings for (Ie. as a teen I really liked David Tennant bc I would be so down to go to adventures with 10th Doctor and what I saw of him personally gave me some older brotherly/fatherly vibes than making me desire him doing romantic coded stuff with me) and even for younger celebrities I had "crushes" on, it was similarly me admiring their personality and having more of a feeling of "I would like to be comforted by this person/I would be so down to hear their opinions on XYZ/go to adventures with them" etc.

That, and I never got why people treat marriage of convenience as a bad thing, because most would often describe it as "you wouldn't marry a friend, would you?" and I was always just "Why wouldn't I? Why would I want to marry someone I'm not good friends with first and foremost? Isn't all healthy marriages based on two good friends deciding to live together (with implied sexual content in between [because that's what's expected in marriages right])?"

And honestly, whether you are on the spectrum or not, it's not something that would harm to try out as a label if you feel it fits currently. If it starts to not fit, you can simply take whatever label that seems to fit better in the future- easier said than done, I know, but I would say by 12 I had classmates going on about their crushes and girls around me being into Twilight etc at the time while I didn't really find it romantic and mostly boring, so I would say it's worth giving it a try as a label if you find you relate to experiences of other aros to see if it feels right.

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41 minutes ago, ApeironStella said:

 

And on the topic of how early is too early with labeling yourself as aro, I would say pay attention to how your view of romance might differ from your peers, and if their description of crush fits for you? Because I sure do remember thinking friends mentioned celebrity crushes as in celebrities they admired/really liked rather than having genuine romantic feelings for (Ie. as a teen I really liked David Tennant bc I would be so down to go to adventures with 10th Doctor and what I saw of him personally gave me some older brotherly/fatherly vibes than making me desire him doing romantic coded stuff with me) and even for younger celebrities I had "crushes" on, it was similarly me admiring their personality and having more of a feeling of "I would like to be comforted by this person/I would be so down to hear their opinions on XYZ/go to adventures with them" etc.

That, and I never got why people treat marriage of convenience as a bad thing, because most would often describe it as "you wouldn't marry a friend, would you?" and I was always just "Why wouldn't I? Why would I want to marry someone I'm not good friends with first and foremost? Isn't all healthy marriages based on two good friends deciding to live together (with implied sexual content in between [because that's what's expected in marriages right])?"

And honestly, whether you are on the spectrum or not, it's not something that would harm to try out as a label if you feel it fits currently. If it starts to not fit, you can simply take whatever label that seems to fit better in the future- easier said than done, I know, but I would say by 12 I had classmates going on about their crushes and girls around me being into Twilight etc at the time while I didn't really find it romantic and mostly boring, so I would say it's worth giving it a try as a label if you find you relate to experiences of other aros to see if it feels right.

 

I dont... think I've ever had feelings for anyone, like that. Tbh it's hard to remember clearly, but I think I'd know if I had? I remember mentioning to my parents that I never wanted to get married, when I was little, and one of them laughing in the 'oh, you'll change your mind' kind of way. What with celebrity crushes, pretty certain that's a no. 

One side of myself is saying that I've never liked anyone because I never really payed attention to the opposite gender, since everyone would assume I had a crush on them if I was remotely friendly with them... But (not to say that's what I am,) I've heard lesbians say that growing up, a sign had been of their lack of interest in boys. If I don't like any gender, really, wouldn't I just hang out with those that are the norm to, with those who are easiest to? The same gender, that is. So in this way, my lack of general interaction with the opposite gender can be a sign or a blow to the labels I toss around. 

One of the things I hear people talking about a lot on here is that they didn't understand romantic attraction and acted accordingly, but I don't know if this fits me. Whenever I would, say, watch some romantic movie with a friend, I wouldn't love it but I wouldn't hate it? I just viewed it as something different, something somewhat fictional (dramatized for effect), something that didn't involve me. 

Thank you for replying, means a lot. 

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