Atlamillia Pixie

The two or three people who have shown interest in me I ended up ghosting. Only one of those was on purpose, due to other reasons that did not include asking me out but caused me to not want to be his friend anymore. The other two ended up being ghosted by shifting friends groups at college. None of these had awkward consequences cus people graduated or we stoped running in the same social circles. These were before I figured out I was aro.

Opportunities

Director of a Forensic DNA Laboratory

42% Aro, 25% demisexaul, 17% not aromantic?, 17% aroace, 0% alloace... yeah this quiz not designed well.

I'm not an expert or anything, but what you described, @panda27 , is similar to what I went through. For the longest time I thought it was commitment issues. Turns out, I'm lithromantic. I was in a relationship for over a year with a guy who on paper was practically perfect and is everything a parent would look for in their child's significant other. But newsflash, being in a relationship when you're lithromantic sucks and is not advisable. I felt trapped, I dreaded getting texts from him because I knew I had to answer with something, I felt guilty because I wasn't being a "good girlfriend", and I was not emotionally available like he was. When we broke up, I felt so free and I was truly happy for the first time in months. I am learning to be friends with him again, and in all honesty, I am way more supportive as an ex than as his girlfriend. A little more than two weeks after we broke up, I figured out I was aromantic, more specifically lithromantic. The flirting stages when you are getting to know someone are fun and feel nice. Actually knowing the person and trying to be more than friends/ romantic with them brings feelings of dread and anxiety. I am not you. My experiences do not speak on the behave of others. If anything, I hope that my this makes you feel less alone and more at peace. Only you can decide what is best for you. If you think it is commitment issues, I wish you good luck in dealing with them and I hope you find the happiness you are looking for. If you think you're aromantic, welcome to the community and know that you are not alone. In either case, take your time and figure stuff out.

Always a fun topic... kids. Yeah I never have, currently do not, and will never want to have kids/ be a parent. I do not have the patience for other adults let alone children, which is kinda a prerequisite for wanting to have kids. Don't get me wrong, kids can be sweet and interesting when I have to be around them for short periods of time, but I want no part of children nor raising them. The common theme in the this thread of "I will be the last of my family line", yeah I got some of that too. I have told to my parents that I do not want kids, and they are okay with it. I'm pretty sure my brother will never have kids either and my parents are okay with that too. My parents are okay with never getting grandchildren. Both sides of my family have other members in my generation that have already had kids or may have them in the future, so genes in some fashion will be passed down. So in conclusion, my parents have fully accepted and are okay with only getting "grand-kittens" from me because hi, crazy cat lady-in-training here.

Its kinda a mixed bag. Hold hands is something I have never like and still don't. I do necessarily code it as romantic but I am more adverse to it when there are romantic intentions behind it. But not everyone shares my view on hand holding. That's just a me thing I think. I love hugging people. I like to initiate the hug and make sure I have permission before I hug people. I have been told I am a good hugger and I see it as a way to make people feel better or comfort them. Hugging, from me at least, is platonic and I receive it as such unless given evidence to the contrary. Hugs for everyone for who wants them! Yay! Kissing is more complicated and it depends on where the kiss is placed. I see kisses placed on the foreheads, cheeks, and hands can go either way as signs of greeting, platonic affection, familial affection or as romantic affection, or coded as sexual/ sensual. It depends on context really. From family member to family member, friend to friend, or acquaintance to acquaintance in some cultures are not romantic. Kissing on the lips, neck, other intimate places, etc. those can be coded as romantic or sensual/sexual. Could be one, the other, or both. Again, it depends on context. Sometimes is a cultural thing, but from my experience it is usually coded as romantic, sensual/ sexual, or both. For the most part it is heavily dependent on context and intentions. The line is different for everyone and its kinda blurry until its crossed.

@Jot-Aro Kujo Thanks for the advise, I'll keep it mind for the future.

You are right about me equating "religion" with conservative christianity and I am wrong to do so, however where I am from it is the most popular form of religion and it is hard to separate the two sometimes. I know that other religions are a lot more peaceful a relaxed about stuff. Those religions I have no beef with and I should change what language I use to reflect as such. I am learning to let go of my angry towards conservative christianity (because it's not healthy in the long run) and trying to be more productive. It's slow process, but I'm getting there.

Welp, I'm an atheist in the middle of her angry phase... hopefully I'll move on to my humanist phase after college so I can help people. And let's be clear, I'm not in my angry phase because I left religion and am pissed about being lied to or controlled. I'm in my angry phase because when I hit was about high school age, my eyes were opened to the atrocities religion was responsible for. War propaganda and fear mongering, controlling the less educated and how they think, the abuse of children by the Catholic Church, LGBTQA+ youth being thrown out of their homes by their parents because they chose religion over their children, the misogyny, the xenophobia, denying access to abortion and reproductive services, denying LGTBQA+ from adopting children, the double standard that they think a fetus has more rights than the mother and yet do not give a damn about the mother nor the child once the child is born, the double standards in the "morality" they uphold and the actions they commit that are a direct contradiction of that "morality", inability to accept reality, reason, and science. I'm angry because I have compassion for other people and do not want to see anyone suffer needlessly because who they are does not align with some antiquated, out-dated way of explaining the universe. Sorry angry rant over. Apologizes if some of the content was offensive to anyone. My being an atheist and being aro are not connected as far as I am concern. My lack of romantic attraction to people does not affect my disbelief in a deity nor my compassion and caring about other people.

Menagerie, Standoffish, Aliquot

I would be glad to share some of my experiences about being lithromanitc. It sucks sometimes. I've lost friends because of it but to the fact that most of these friendships were made in college and i figured out who my central group of friends are and the fact some of them graduated so I never have to see them again helps. I figured out the aro/lithro thing about a month or so ago. It's good to know that I can put a name to it and that I am not alone nor broken. I am who I am and everyone else can shove it. Dating and romance are not for me. I love my family and my friends. But I will not love anyone romantically and that't fine by me.

Ooooh, yeah in retrospec I can see some signs that I was aro. In general, anytime a boy told me they liked me, showed interest in me, or straight up asked me out I would feel VERY uncomfortable, nervous, and awkward to the point where I did not want to be around them anymore. This has been happening since the fifth grade when my friend told be he had a crush on me. Like instant "hey we're friends" to "oh I do not want associate with you anymore". Also, my ideal "romantic relationship" has always been something like a QPR and not an actual romantic relationship like allos mean... so yeah... that was an eye opener and a moment of clarity to say the least. Like "oooooh, now that makes sense and I'm not weird... cool". Even looking back on a work of fiction/story I have been working on since freshman year of high school I realize that I wrote the main character to be aro and the relationship they have with the other main character is a QPR... I only realized this after I figured out I was aro and now I'm going "welp, I guess I wrote what I knew".

I have been in one relationship. This relationship ended almost two months ago at this point. Unfortunately for my ex I got over it quickly and he did not. It's been over a month and a half and he is still healing. He was the the first person I came out to (I don't count my two best friends who questioned my sexuality after my relationship ended which got me to re-question if I was aro) to help with the healing process and so he wasn't blind sided when I came out to the rest of our friends. Which when I did come out to our friends apparently I was insensitive to him or whatever (Allos are a lot more sensitive apparently when it comes to break ups or whatever, I don't get it. I'm still a little pissed at him for that. Like screw you dude, don't make me feel bad that I am out and proud with our friends, I felt bad enough when we were dating and I say "I love you" back and when I could not figure out a way to be open with you like you wanted, you are done making me feel bad about how I am). (And I yeah I'm letting go of the anger cus it ain't worth it or healthy.) The relationship was not great in retrospec. It was an allo trying to date an aro and we were never on the same wavelength about how the relationship should work. It was the relationship was probably needed to confirm I am aro, but it probably should not have lasted as long as it did. Now that I think back on it, when we had the "do we want to be in a relationship" talk, I remember saying that I was not comfortable with the feelings part of a relationship and I would probably be more comfortable with the physical side (which in retrospec was a large bloody sign that I'm aro) and the relationship did not improve from there. When I figured out that I was aro, it helped me start to let go of my anger at my ex cus I was pissed that I wasted a year and a month of my life being in a relationship I was not happy with. In any case, we are trying to be friends again. It's awkward but its getting better, and this bloody pandemic is kinda helping cus we don't have to be alone together for a while. Moral of the story, dating allos is messy af and be prepared for the fall out when shit hits the fan.

For me I think I'm somewhere between romance-indifferent and romance-adverse. I was uncomfortable when my ex tried to do something that was coded romantic (handhold was one of the biggest and most common thing I had an issue with) and in theory I am very off-put by larger romantic gestures. But like, not make my skin crawl uncomfortable, just "hmm I don't like this, can we not" uncomfortable. Yet when it comes to fiction (books, movies, tv, anime, games, etc.) I have no problem with romantic crap. I'm fine with romance as long as it does not involve me. Romance for others with others is fine and I support it. Its just not for me.