Atlamillia Pixie
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Being alone with my now ex romantic partner. I was fine being in a couple in public or with friends, but when we were alone it was just so bloody awkward and I wanted to crawl out of my skin. You'd think I would have realized I was aromantic and romance repulsed/ adverse fairly early into the relationship, but no. I dated him for 13 months thinking it would magically click on day and not be weird... #%^$ me, was I wrong on that front. 20/21 year old me was stupid and naive. -
Writing / Roleplaying while Aromantic?
Atlamillia Pixie replied to HAL's topic in Aromantic Discussion
As far as roleplaying goes, my characters have not had the opportunity to explore romance in any campaigns I have played so far, nor were they written to be explicitly alloromantic or aromantic. If the DM had an NPC or another player has a PC that was interested in my character, I would like to see how that would play out for the character, but it's not something I'm actively looking for as a player. I play dnd for adventure and the opportunity to do ingenious yet wildly dangerous and crazy plans/ ideas. As far as my own writing projects go, the main character of one story is explicitly aromantic allosexual and while the story is not focused around this character being aro, it does include and explore this character in a QPR. In another story the main character is alloromantic allosexual and while the story does not focus on romance, it is an element in the story, because otherwise I would not be able to stand my own writing if it was all about romance. -
I was asked out and my aro butt is panicking
Atlamillia Pixie replied to Atlamillia Pixie's topic in Aromantic Relationships
Thank you so much @Jedi. You are a life saver. It definitely keeps things calmer, less accusatory, and less tone deaf. Hopefully, dnd won't be awkward on Thursday. Thanks again! -
A guy in my online dnd group asked me out... at least I'm pretty sure. He asked if I liked roller coasters, if I was free on Saturday, and if I would like to go to an amusement park with him. Which to me sounds like he asking me out, but I'm not 100% certain. I've been asked out two or three times in my life, so I do not have a lot of experience with that. So far my answers are: Yes I like roller coasters, No I am not free on Saturday, and always down to go to amusement parks (schedule permitting). However, whether or not he intended to ask me out, I am going to ask him what his intention was with his message because I'm having aro panic right now and I need to know, social awkwardness and anxiety be damned. Also, I want to disclose that I'm aro. While I'm not telling my family anytime soon, I don't give a damn who else knows. I know that I don't have to disclose that I'm aro to anyone when rejecting people and I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why they are being rejected. However, I feel that being direct and open about this will make it less awkward moving forward. It's kinda like informing him that if he is interested in dating me, then I'm nipping that in the bud real quick before he gets any real hopes up. If I leave it at the three statements above, that leaves it open for him to try again and I am not having any of that. So my plan is to say something along the lines of "I will be blunt. I am aromanitc. I don't experience romantic attraction. I am averse to romance. I'm not interested in dating. Does this information change anything on your end?" Is this direct and to the point, or does it come off as bitchy and dismissive? Is it too intense? I am including too much information and over explaining? Help. Any thoughts or opinions on the situation are most welcomed. I don't know any aro people offline and I could really use some advice. TL;DR I need help being direct with a guy who asked me out that I'm aro and I'm not interested in dating.
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I fully forgot that people in long distance romantic relationships want to see each other in person every once in awhile despite how expensive and inconvenient can be. "Why is it expected that my brother will go see his long distance gf?... Oh right that's a thing people do when they are dating... damnit that means I have to drop him off at the airport."
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what's your secret conspiracy theory about romance?
Atlamillia Pixie replied to Holmbo's topic in Aromantic Discussion
Valentine's Day was invented to get people to spend money and stimulate the economy after holiday season spending dies down in early January (at least in western cultures, I'm not super sure that's a universal thing). -
I'm good with romance in real life, for my friends and family. While I personally don't get what all the fuss and drama is about, I'm happy they are happy. But I'm also the first person to recommend that people break up if they are having problems. Don't stay together if your miserable, just get out and be done with it. I'm okay with romance in fiction (especially if is well written and the sexual tension is delicious) but adding romance for unnecessary conflict or having it coming out of nowhere for the sake of having a romantic subplot/ romantic partner for the protagonist is *sigh* dumb, makes me sad, and gives me a headache. Any and all romance directed at me specifically makes me uncomfortable. I have never been more uneasy and on edge than I did when I was with my ex. I'm never doing that again... đ
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Okay, Rant time
So, I saw my ex in person for the first time since we broke up more than a year ago. While we Dmed each other and participated in the same group group chats, got on group calls together, and participated in the same Dnd group in the mean time, this was the first time we talked face to face since the pandemic started. The reason we got together was to take graduation pictures with the rest of our friends. This gave us the opportunity to talk about the break up and the fallout that followed.
We both left that conversation feeling so much better! Minus my aromantism (because that was absolutely a factor in why we broke up), we both talked through why we didn't work as a couple and why we chose to broke as well as how we handled each other after the break up. Amatonormativity screwed us both up HARD and he is alloromantic (which just goes to show that it hurts everyone, not just aros). He told me that never loved me romantically, he though he did because we were together as long as we were. I am so relived that I never broke is heart.Â
The both of us left that conversation being closer friends than when we started it and I'm glad we had it. I'm glad to have my friend back.
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The âhappy to be aromanticâ thread
Atlamillia Pixie replied to Acecream's topic in Aromantic Discussion
Similar to what others have said, finding out I was aromantic lifted so much dread and pressure off my shoulders and I was happy. I was happy after breaking up with my ex and being friends again, but knowing why the relationship didn't work made it so much better, so freeing. No more worrying about how get into a relationship, how to act to once I when in a relationship, and no existential dread for the future about how to be someone who isn't me 24/7 (I am romance adverse when it comes to romance directed at me, in case it wasn't obvious). Amatonormativity was a bitch and I'm glad to be done with it. Ah, the euphoria from that thought alone. Oh, and the figuring out that I am aromantic really helped with gaining some self confidence and having more sex positive attitude for myself. I was already was sex positive for humanity in general, but it gave me the swift kick in ass to finally be comfortable with myself being a sexual being. So, yeah, being aromantic is amazing, at least for me. -
Today is the one year anniversary of figuring out I am Aromantic. Huzzah!  đđ¤đ¤Â
I didn't think that I would be spending me first year as realizing I'm aro and being proud of it would be spent at home or mostly confined to my college dorm room ... but uh, 2020 was built different to say the least.Â
I am happy to be more in touch with myself and to know that I am not broken. I don't have trust issues for no reason. I don't have intimacy issues for no reason. I am not unfeeling for no reason. I am just Aromantic. I don't do the romance thing. There is no reason for it. Its just the way I am.Â
While I figured out the Aro thing, the thing I'm questioning is whether I am lithromantic/akoi(ne)romantic or if it was internalized amatonormativity (f*ck me, right?) at odds with my aversion to romance. And being home during a pandemic has not helped me figure that out. So, I'll figure that out once I can go outside and interact with people with out fear of catching a deadly virus or spreading it to my family. For now, I just vibe with my friends online and keeping finding more aro content online.
Cheers! đđ¤đ
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What would you tell your younger self?
Atlamillia Pixie replied to roboticanary's topic in Aromantic Discussion
I would tell a younger me that she is Aromantic, she is not broken or too young to understand. It's simply not in the cards for her and that's okay. Friends, family, and pets have all of the love she will need. She is built different and society needs to catch up. Oh, and wanting sex/ being allosexual while being Aromantic doesn't make her a terrible person or is "lesser/worse" than wanting sex in a romantic context. All she had to do is communicate clearly about what she wants and embrace her most authentic self. đ -
for you, what is the most difficult part to be aromatic?
Atlamillia Pixie replied to Venuxxx's topic in Aromantic Discussion
I got to agree with @nonmerci that trying to explain aromantism is difficult to say the least, it's part of the reason I'm not out to my family. Getting the dismissive "oh, you just haven't met the right person yet" or "oh you grow out if it eventually" kinda sucks. I know they mean well and that they want me to be happy, but they don't realize that not everyone wants/ needs the same things to be happy. I don't want nor need romance/ romantic attraction/ a romantic partner in my life to be happy and that's valid af. I have not run into the "wanting sex without romance" problem yet due to the pandemic, but it seems inevitable... unfortunately. -
My favs are probably "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney, pretty much any version of "Carol of the Bells", and "Christmas Can-Can" & "Nutcracker" by the Straight No Chasers.
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at what age did you discover yourself as aro??
Atlamillia Pixie replied to Venuxxx's topic in Aromantic Discussion
I figured out the whole aromantic thing a few months before my 22nd birthday earlier this year.
