Rolo

I've been very involved with my local scene for years now, and have a few play partners. BDSM is completely non-sexual for me, but I love the trust and connection, and of course the playful fun of it.

I didn't miss the often/usually, I just disagree that that is what romantic love is often/usually like, or that plantonic love can't sometimes be like that. It's certainly what the media stereotype of romantic love is often like, but basing an assessment of what is/isn't romantic love on stereotypes is ridiculous.

I disagree with this. Ignoring the weirdly judgmental tone of the whole post, I'll address these points one by one: Bi, pan and poly romantic people exist. And gendered platonic attraction also exists. Polyamory exists, as do possessive and jealous friendships. For some people physical attractiveness and social status are important, for many they aren't. This may be often a factor in limerence, but not all romance starts with limerence. This can also happen at the start of platonic relationships. This is true for most relationships... who starts a relationship (of any sort) with aspirations to be miserable together? Being guarded and less truthful with someone you don't know well is pretty normal, regardless of the relationship. Also plenty of people make an effort to start romantic relationships in particular on a basis of openness and honesty, far more so than they would if they weren't dating the person. Obsessive behavior is a trait of limerence, which can be a part of the initial romantic attraction but is certainly not required. Not sure what you mean by age-inappropriate. This one is a stereotypical (not universal) part of amatonormative romantic love, sure. I wouldn't term it as "showing off" though, plenty of people do these things without showing off at all. Sure. This is true of platonic relationships to an extent too, but the milestone are less obvious and significant. Same can be true of a shallow/new friendship. Anyway... To me romance is wanting to be in a committed relationship. This relationship may or may not included "romantic coded" activities like kissing, holding hands, and going on dates (I really see no difference between dating and going out with a friend, aside for the intention). It may or may not lead to moving in together and merging lives. To me it is the commitment and the internal identification that "this is a romantic relationship" that makes it romantic.

Just tell them you think they are an awesome person and really value them as a friend, but you simply don't feel that way about them and never will. Then carry on treating them the same as you always have. Basically... just be honest. There is nothing you can say that will make being rejected not awkward and painful, but that's just part of life. I've been in this situation several times. One man was weird about it and ghosted me, the others have all been cool about it and we have carried on our friendship as it was, after a bit of a cool down period in one case.

Nah, immortality sounds boring and intensely lonely. Imagine having no common experiences with the people who surround you, having no one who could even begin to imagine what your life has been like, or what your childhood was like... imagine outliving all other life on earth... sounds awful. I wouldn't mind having a few extra centuries though.

I've never tried with a haworthia but propagating succulents is normally incredibly easy, when leaves break off any of mine I tend to just leave them lying on the soil in the pot and they propagate themselves with zero effort on my part. Stick the broken end in some soil and see what happens.

😆 that figure is excellent. "Romantic: Chemical Reaction" Be sure to wear safety goggles! "Kink: sadomasochism, masochism, sadism" ah yes they have truly captured the full spectrum of kink 😂

It's impossible to tell. Unless you want to ask a Magic 8 ball to predict the future for you or something. I have close friends, but I am still aware that I could possibly be demiromantic or demisexual for all I know. I think identifying based on a hypothetical possibility is silly. As of right now, and based on the past few decades, I'm aroace, and if one day I end up falling in love or experiencing sexual attraction I'll think about calling myself something else then.

To be honest it sounds like you are just going through the normal process of growing up and exploring your feelings. It's not at all unusual to go through a period of disinterest in romance after a relationship ending, and it's also normal for the frequency of the sorts of shallow crushes you seem to be describing to slow down as you leave your mid teens.

You might benefit from talking to some other people who identified as aro-ace for most of their lives and then ended up falling in love... Maybe try asking around over on AVEN? More users = more chance of finding people with similar experiences. I think regular user Skycaptain had such an experience, of falling in love, and experiencing sexual attraction, for the first time in their... late 40s I think?

"I'm not interested in having a romantic relationship"

I think he has communicated his position quite clearly. He doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't want anything to change, and by body language he clearly doesn't want more physical contact. What you should do at this point, is respect that. You can't change change him, and ignoring his boundaries hopefully isn't something you would do to a friend, so at this point you can only take responsibility for your own feelings. Your sense of abandonment when he moves away, your need to discuss things he is not willing to discuss, your need to develop the relationship further... these are not his responsibility to address, and you cannot force him to, and so you need to figure out how to either live with them, or move past them. I often observe this sense that everyone should want to talk about feelings and relationships and want touch, and not wanting those things is somehow unhealthy... just like some people think not wanting romance is unhealthy. Just like there is often an assumption that aromantic people must want a QPR, which seems like an extension of amatonormativity. That even if you don't want romance you must want some sort of committed or hierarchical relationship... Anyway I don't really have a point here, just thought that this thread inspired.

If the arousal is completely unconnected to a desire for partnered sex, it's not sexual attraction.

Clearly? How so? He has several romantic relationships and is in love with Rachel for a while, I wouldn't call that "clearly on the aromantic spectrum".

I'm fine with 'single' ,and yes I call myself single. To me it just means "not in a romantic relationship". I've never read anything else into it, but then I've never been particularly inclined to over-think the meaning of words or to want words that describe my experience in precise detail. I'm not sure if I would describe it as a 'formal term' but it is the word used on forms that ask about relationship status.