Rolo

To be honest it sounds like you are just going through the normal process of growing up and exploring your feelings. It's not at all unusual to go through a period of disinterest in romance after a relationship ending, and it's also normal for the frequency of the sorts of shallow crushes you seem to be describing to slow down as you leave your mid teens.

You might benefit from talking to some other people who identified as aro-ace for most of their lives and then ended up falling in love... Maybe try asking around over on AVEN? More users = more chance of finding people with similar experiences. I think regular user Skycaptain had such an experience, of falling in love, and experiencing sexual attraction, for the first time in their... late 40s I think?

"I'm not interested in having a romantic relationship"

I think he has communicated his position quite clearly. He doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't want anything to change, and by body language he clearly doesn't want more physical contact. What you should do at this point, is respect that. You can't change change him, and ignoring his boundaries hopefully isn't something you would do to a friend, so at this point you can only take responsibility for your own feelings. Your sense of abandonment when he moves away, your need to discuss things he is not willing to discuss, your need to develop the relationship further... these are not his re

If the arousal is completely unconnected to a desire for partnered sex, it's not sexual attraction.

Clearly? How so? He has several romantic relationships and is in love with Rachel for a while, I wouldn't call that "clearly on the aromantic spectrum".

I'm fine with 'single' ,and yes I call myself single. To me it just means "not in a romantic relationship". I've never read anything else into it, but then I've never been particularly inclined to over-think the meaning of words or to want words that describe my experience in precise detail. I'm not sure if I would describe it as a 'formal term' but it is the word used on forms that ask about relationship status.

I get the standard "wow you've got a PhD? So impressive! That must have been really hard." sort of comments every now and then. But anyone who knows me well will tell you I'm a very lazy person and would never do anything that actually requires real hard work. The success that from the outside looks like it must have taken a lot of dedication and effort was actually achieved because I find research easy and fun. I don't think being aro has anything to do with it. I work with people who achieve much more than me, I have friends who devote most of their free time to volunteering, I know som

I suppose I'd class myself as having a secure attachment style these days. I used to be avoidant - fearful, but I've changed a lot over the past decade or so. I don't think it is in anyway related to my being aromantic, other than that I am assessing this based on my close friendships rather than romantic relationships. Romance isn't the only type of attachment after all.

I suppose not having a relationship made spending the first decade of my career moving to different countries regularly easier, I know the "2 body problem" is something that people in committed relationships struggle with in academia.

Yes, I haven't seen most of my friends in person since last February. Video chats just aren't the same. The couple I have occasionally seen it has been for 2m distanced walks, which isn't exactly companionable. I miss them, and I'm feeling lonely.

To me romance is wanting to be in a committed relationship. This relationship may or may not included "romantic coded" activities like kissing, holding hands, and going on dates (I really see no difference between dating and going out with a friend, aside for the intention). It may or may not lead to moving in together and merging lives. To me it is the commitment and the internal identification that "this is a romantic relationship" that makes it romantic. None of it "bugs" me, it's just not something I'm interested in having myself. I like living alone, but that applies to not wanting a

It sounds kind of like you've already discussed relationships if you know he isn't doesn't want one right now? If you have both previously mentioned a general lack of interest in dating, and he's knows that you know he is gay, then there's no reason he would think it was a date. It's perfectly normal for friends to go out for a meal together. Just ask the same way you would ask to meet up for anything else. Personally my normal turn of phrase for such a situation would be: "Fancy getting something to eat after the park?"

I have a cat and chickens, and lots of house plants.

What makes you think this is different from what most alloromantic people experience, of a crush naturally fading, or going through periods of not having anyone they are attracted to?