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Neon

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  • Name
    Neon
  • Orientation
    Aroace
  • Gender
    Genderfluid
  • Pronouns
    They/She/He
  • Location
    Elsewhere

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  1. Unfortunately, the only person who can answer these questions for you is your partner. I suggest sitting down with them and discussing your concerns. If you need help with that, reach out to a relationship counselor (despite what Reddit may tell you, there's no shame in getting help with interpersonal problems). Ideally the counselor would be ace friendly, but that's kinda hard to find, so just make sure they are LGBTQ+ friendly.
  2. 1. Do not respond 2. Talk to your boss about the situation (ie "hey [boss], [person] from [company] gave me his number yesterday despite me repeatedly saying I'm not interested. I'm a little worried about continuing to be the one helping him, and was wondering what the next steps here are.") 3. Keep a record of any interactions with him going forward. If something escalates, you'll want some kind of paper trail to point to
  3. I sometimes feel that way, but I make an effort to go to in person queer spaces (especially those that explicitly include aromantic people) and it always kills that feeling.
  4. Hey, take it from someone a bit older, your true friends won't leave you when they start dating or get married or whatever. Yeah, they'll probably have the "honeymoon phase" of new relationships, but they'll always come back to hanging out with you. However, and this might suck to hear (sorry), but you can't expect any kind of relationship to last when you call the other person/people's interests disgusting. You don't have to lie to them, but you can just say "I'm not going to get married," or even "I don't care about romance personally."
  5. I'm romance averse (uncomfortable with romantic feelings directed at me). But I also just worry I hurt people when I reject them.
  6. It's been a while since I looked into this, so take this with a grain of salt. If I remember correctly, most people experience "puppy love" in early elementary school, and start getting crushes in late elementary school/middle school. Crushes and sexual attraction typically close happen together, around the same time as puberty. But none of these are guaranteed. To answer your final question, there is no age that is too young to be sure. At some point in the future, maybe you'll develop romantic attraction, but that doesn't mean you were wrong now. I personally started questioning around 16, and used the label around 17, and I haven't been wrong just yet. I also think that had I had the words/knowledge, I could have been sure as early as 14.
  7. Don’t Go Away/Head In The Clouds by The Beths Happy New Year/Two Ribbons by Let’s Eat Grandma Ritchie Sacramento by Mogwai Brooklyn by Katie Malco Break Up With a Friend by BLÜ EYES
  8. I would consider them aro too. They find the label and definition useful for a reason, and it's not my place to question that. I don't know them or their brain. Key word there being definition. Even if their rationale for being aro ultimately comes down to having no interest in relationships, they still looked at the definition and found that it fit them. There's a difference between someone who does that, and someone who simply has no interest in relationships. "Single by choice" already covers that situation. Ultimately, I think the "little to no attraction" definition is the best option for a simple, straightforward definition that covers the vast majority of the community.
  9. No one is going to be receptive to a man who exclusively experiences attraction to women calling himself gay because he feels the label fits better. No one is going to start saying "gay men and men who exclusively experience same sex attraction" because in a few rare cases there is a man who doesn't call himself gay but exclusively experiences same sex attraction. That being said, on an individual level, people can do what they want. It's none of my business. However, on a broader level, I think there is a major issue with expanding a definition so much that it could include nearly any given person, which your proposition does. Incels disillusioned with relationships can fall under your definition. Old people who lose their partner and don't remarry can fall under your definition. Literally any queer person can fall under your definition. People in open relationships fall under your definition. People in the US who get into an arranged marriage fall under your definition. The list goes on.
  10. If a man exclusively falls in love with other men, he is gay. He can say he isn't all he likes, but that just means he's in denial, not that he's straight. If a man exclusively falls in love with women, he is straight. He can say he isn't, but that doesn't change the facts. The same goes for aromanticism and little to no attraction. What you are proposing is a dilution to the point of meaninglessness.
  11. You need to break up with them. Normally I suggest talk first, but I think this is a break up case. It's a relationship you don't want to be in, so for your sake, leave. Don't tell them anything you don't want to, but have a conversation and break it off.
  12. I think you really need to tell him this part. Any relationship, romantic or platonic, is built on communication. You need to discuss what you want from your relationship with him. It's not fair to either of you to dance around this very major issue. Be honest with him, and see what happens from there. Best of luck!
  13. I agree with @allhailtheglowcloud. Only you can really figure it out, as only you are inside your brain. But I resonate with a lot of your experiences and I'm aroace. Similar to you, all of the people I thought I had crushes on were really just me wanting to be friends. In terms of figuring yourself out, I have some advice. Talk about it. No good ever comes from stewing in your head. You'll end up miserable and overthinking everything. You can talk online anonymously like this, or with people you trust in real life. Read/watch stuff about it. Ash Hardell's videos on asexuality and aromanticism were very helpful for me. So were reading other people talking about how they realized they were aromantic and/or asexual (avoid other people questioning though). Write stuff down. Inevitably, you will probably get in your head a little. But if you write down your thoughts, you can refer back to them and snap out of it. For example, when I was questioning, I realized the feeling I attributed to romantic attraction was really just "I like this thing," and it happened from looking at a picture of a mandala. Having that written down to refer back to was an automatic defeat of any self doubt while I was questioning. Just try out the label. It's not a commitment, and you aren't hurting anybody by doing so. Try it on, see how it feels. As for how you can come to terms with everything, what'll really do it is time. But as that's going on, I suggest finding spaces on the internet (and irl if you can) that affirm and uplift aromantic and asexual people, and avoid (for now) spaces that are more for venting. Overall, you seem on the right track for figuring everything out. Give yourself grace and time. I believe in you!
  14. I would draw another smiley face, but the last one was way bigger than I thought it would be so you just get one in spirit. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I have done it. Join me in (for me, self imposed lmao) exclusion!!!
  15. I'm taking this as a challenge. I will exclude everyone on this site from the aromantic community. There's not enough space for all of us in this 100% definitely physical space (I have already been kicked out). Must have or want a QPR Cannot have or a QPR with multiple people at the same time Must have never been asked out Must be the go-to person in your friend group for romantic advice Must hate all romance in media Must not have ever done anything that can be interpreted as romantic
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