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ApeironStella's Achievements
Young Frog (2/4)
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I ended up buying a copy of Alice Oseman's Loveless (it wasn't available in my country before on Kindle) and I just started reading it.
I hate how my kneejerk reaction to seeing a canon aroace protag in a story and seeing the hints to her identity even from the start with how relatable her experience is- that there is a chapter titled "Aromantic Asexual" later on makes me feel dread due to being around for the all the "ace diskhorse" shit as I was a teen newly learning about being an ace and aro at the time, that how much of their bs I internalized and don't even realize having internalized it until I see anyone seriously tackle these identities seriously in fiction.
I hate that I feel guilt, embarrassment, that I have the comments on how pointless and unnecessary it is to write about something like that, that it is all just some fake exaggeration and that it is a story no one would want to read, that it is catering to just some egoistical snowflake wannabes going over in my mind the entire time before I need to take a break.
I hate that I can't simply enjoy aspec media without these sorts of feelings coming to front of my mind and sending me down a rabbit hole of internalized aphobia/self hatred I never even realized I had to address and was there as a consequence of those years, despite how much I crave stories like that and to see that representation, given all the comments on "stealing representation/resources" arguments over the years made their dent on me on the topic...
Sorry for a downer vent, I just hate everything about what went down at that time and I don't think I ever will forgive the people who actively flamed that fire by sock puppet accounts etc- despite not wanting to wish ill on anyone, I despise it all and the harm they caused to me and many others.
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ah yea i can imagine >:/ the whole dISkhOrsE a few years ago really sucked, and im glad i managed to mostly stay away from it...
you got this tho!! and dont forget that us fellow Evil Resource StealersTM (meant humorously ofc haha) got your back! ^_^ xD
i hope you like the book btw! i was planning to maybe read it myself too :)
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khfdhfdkjfd I shouldn't be this absurdly happy but I am now that small keychain plushie of my hyperfixation character/rp character over last year or so arrived...
Normally, I don't really get as many fandom stuff, but I made an exception for this given the year so I deserve something nice fuck it
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How do you even respond when an allo bff talks about how their death would have "little impact" on you when you clearly know it wouldn't and that they are just wenting about wanting a partner but like... that shit hurts to hear, like thanks for telling me my love for you always will be second best and that at most I will have is a second rate love from others when I've been trying to unlearn amatonormativity for years to not feel alone
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(Not sure if this was a rhetorical question so forgive me if you're not looking for an answer and are just venting!)
This is something that's happened to me quite a bit as well and it's always so hurtful. Often times, especially for people with low self-esteem, people have the assumption in their heads that friends aren't allowed to be close or have strong love for one another. 1000% amatonormativity, as you've said, and it's taken me a while to articulate this to my friends (especially because I haven't used "amatonormativity"). However, after enough persistence, I've had friends really realize and understand that they mean a lot to me. It has often not been about friends not believing in my love, but rather about their own self-esteem and being convinced others don't really love them because they are unworthy of it. My heart goes out to you and I really hope this person didn't really mean that your love is second-rate but rather has their own issues that caused things to come out that way.
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