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About ApeironStella

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  • Birthday November 30

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    probs female ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    My mindscape
  • Occupation
    Translating and Interpretation Undergraduate

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  1. How do you even respond when an allo bff talks about how their death would have "little impact" on you when you clearly know it wouldn't and that they are just wenting about wanting a partner but like... that shit hurts to hear, like thanks for telling me my love for you always will be second best and that at most I will have is a second rate love from others when I've been trying to unlearn amatonormativity for years to not feel alone

    1. Neir


      (Not sure if this was a rhetorical question so forgive me if you're not looking for an answer and are just venting!)
      This is something that's happened to me quite a bit as well and it's always so hurtful. Often times, especially for people with low self-esteem, people have the assumption in their heads that friends aren't allowed to be close or have strong love for one another. 1000% amatonormativity, as you've said, and it's taken me a while to articulate this to my friends (especially because I haven't used "amatonormativity"). However, after enough persistence, I've had friends really realize and understand that they mean a lot to me. It has often not been about friends not believing in my love, but rather about their own self-esteem and being convinced others don't really love them because they are unworthy of it. My heart goes out to you and I really hope this person didn't really mean that your love is second-rate but rather has their own issues that caused things to come out that way.

  2. At this point if Avocado man isn't aroace I will eat my nonexistent hat This entire post puts it better than I could: https://ririruby.tumblr.com/post/167837460432/tumblr-ver-of-my-aroace-amami-receipts-thread-on He even has aro color scheme given his hair often looks almost green come on-
  3. Now that I see the marriage topic, I remembered that as a kid, only reason I was interested in getting married was because I realized how much money was put into that one day and that while in the country I live in it was done in a lot more conventional way, but people in especially American/Western movies doing stuff like bursting out of cakes, some other shenanigans happening during the party, it suddenly turning to a musical etc so I was just "swinging down from a rope with a long fluffy sweet dress and kicking some infiltrator butt and maybe pulling a musical number in a party that is based around my favourite series/themed after things I like, and since this is some "once in a life time event" I could rationalize it to my parents like "you would pay just the same if we did it conventional way, this is once in life let me have this"? That sounded fucking sweet to me. Like, the fact that it was supposed to be a tender and romantic and emotional thing was the least of my concerns, and the groom was something I didn't think much about because ever since I was younger, I have always been of the opinion that "If I ever marry someone that honestly would be a bff who I adore the personality/way of thinking/someone I respect as a person and enjoy spending my time with and knew for a good long time, and if they asked for marriage sure, only thing that would change is that sex would be added to stuff we do, I guess" way, so my assumption was that if I was ever marrying someone, they would be the type to enjoy that sort of party/'quirky' stuff too so it would be pulling a giant fun party with a bff, surrounded by friends who enjoy that with us as well. And of course, I would do something like making bunny ears behind his head as we take the wedding pic or smth because of course it would not be complete without me pulling an annoying, childish trollish thing. (Now that I think about it, most ""romantic"" type domestic scenarios I could think of often had more of a dynamic of "annoying lil sister type with an exasperated yet loving older sibling-ish friend type of relationship even when I was thinking I was/my OC was crushing on a canon character. Like, there would be some random stealing kiss moment, because of course there had to be one if they were a couple!, but honestly it was more in a way of "Ha! Caught you off guard!" way than any sappy, truly emotional and tender thing? The latter type of scenarios never sat right with me/always made me feel uncomfortable and I would often end up imagining it turning to something funnier/some funny background event happening to disturb it, so huh. I think I always just felt uncomfortable with my character actually being romantically involved with other character despite other character being a character I really love/admire/want to pinch the cheeks of and felt genuine connection to/affection towards but the point was that I would want to be involved with that character in a platonic manner than romantic and/or sexual. Even my "celebrity crushes" were all "I admire this person so much that I would love to meet them and for them to be an older sister/brother figure who mentors me/be people I can learn from and earn the respect of as well, I would be so happy if they ever found me admirable too" way. Before I knew about squishes, I used to call those "admiration crushes", as anytime I had that with a friend I was getting closer towards, it just ended up going away the moment we became a "couple", and often times, even without that after a while it always fades once I know that friend well enough to be good friends- once I am someone close to them and the bond I so strongly desired is accomplished and I know that I have a place in their life and vice versa. I still care about them a lot, but not as actively waiting for their responses, if that makes sense. Though, honestly I often almost always only talk about common interests with people so at least half of that eagerness is eagerness to be able to talk about that story/topic we are both so into, with someone who is genuinely as into the thing as I am, wanting to share tha experience with someone, than a romantical/sexual interest? But ye.)
  4. Oooh, that's a great idea 💚 Haven't replied to past ones, but since yesterday's was apparently about favourite aesthetic: Anything with pastel purple, especially stuff that involves holy trio of pastel pink-purple-blue (plus space aesthetic in general). I just have a thing for soft/airy vibes. (as if my profile picture/cover pic isn't a hint enough on that lmao. That artist's colour choices/shading and in general vibe and more subtle and/or obvious meaning that ties back to the characters while keeping the image taken just during a scene of movement yet actually rather still and sort of empty yet not quite empty, peaceful almost after-lifey vibe, that hazy airy vibe I adore so much.) For today's: I love my family because being an only child who grew up moving around a lot, they were the only constant people in my life growing up, and I sincerely do feel like they both did try their best to raise me to their capabilities and they even now still do. I love how my mother always tried to answer my questions logically as a kid, instead of ever getting angry at me for asking some hard questions, and admitted if she didn't know something herself as well and said she would research about it and let me know the result, I am so so grateful to her for teaching me how to learn and question things so young and never being an "authority" figure in my life in the sense that she was someone I ever had to be afraid of, and to this day, can have some hours long proper discussions on various topics with, but also being able to be equally goofy and doing silly things with her because her soul is sometimes honestly younger than mine. My favourite moments with her is usually when we are just trolling each other or watching/reading some series together, or having a nice talk with her. For my father, for being someone who almost always has a smile on his face and being not above doing some silly things if he thinks it would cheer me up as a kid, for showing me how to interact with people better as well since he is someone who is rather good at human connections, for showing me that there truly are people on this world that does something kind for some random stranger just because they are the type of person who shares what they got even if its not much, for sharing hours on end with me on some silly atari or computer game which we played again and again until we memorized and had our strategies set for certain stages, that one night when I was in the 2nd grade or so, we were playing Lode Runner, and it was like 4 AM when we finally get to end of that game for once, I was barely awake at the time that I hazily remember him saying we reached the end of it. And also, I love both of them for dealing with a honestly rather trouble making child like me without ever resorting to violence and rarely losing their temper with me, instead using empathy and reasoning so that I would learn taking responsibility for my actions and how they effect others early on. And for rarely ever forcing me on any major decision, leaving it to me to choose if I wanted to pursue further education or work or what I want to study, never pressuring me to put my grades above my happiness/health, saying it was ultimately my choice what I did with my life. (Which is ironically why I never had much need for being "rebellious"- I personally do want to study further and learn more, and do keep an eye on my own grades, because it is something I personally care about.) For my friends, for being there for me when I needed them most, for being there as I was (and am) growing up and maturing further, for calling me out on my bs when I got unreasonable, for calming me down when I freaked out, for trusting me with their own share of secrets and problems, for sharing so many fictional universes with me, for losing ourselves in the story we write, getting so in synch with each other that we keep stealing words from each other's mouth constantly, for broken friendships teaching me how to not act in certain situations and how to handle such things, that conflict between you and your friend isn't a reason for instantly assuming that friendship is irrepairable and that it is sometimes okay and necessary, that some bonds are worth the risk and the worth the effort, for showing me that I have qualities worthy of offering them to the world and encouraging me while I doubt myself, for considering me a friend in the first place, for everything. I'm sorry this got rather long, I just have a lot I appreciate about them all that this would get even longer if I didn't stop myself- they are all lovely people deserving of all the love world has to offer and I'm kind of feeling rather sentimental/mushy rn whoops-
  5. I would say if it becomes a thing, it definitely should be in a specific subforum, as there are romance-repulsed aros as well? I can see logic in both allowing a subforum like that to exist and vice versa, but since personally I would have no use for it, so long as it doesn't become such a major part of the forum that it revolves around people just looking for partners, it sounds fine to me? It would need a good monitoring by the admins/mods due to age/what content are post publicly etc like Jot-Aro said, though. I mean, I come here to most often when I'm sick of amatonormativity in daily life, so that's why I wouldn't want the main focus to shift away that much personally, but it definitely can be good for people who are looking for QPRs/Grey/Demi/Arospec people who are not at the extreme end of the spectrum, so a subforum if wanted by said Arospecs can work?
  6. Oh. Okay, I just saw this and makes sense with your other questions then. Agreed with others on this thread, you can't be a sexual abuser/predator if you respect it when other people don't give a consent, and you are open about what you are looking for while approaching someone. Being trans and/or alloaro isn't inherently predatory, and if people you are surrounded by is pushing down that TERF/RadFem bullshit on you, then it is likely for better to limit your interactions with them as much as you can. I'm sorry you were abused in such a way as a kid, and I hope you are able to avoid people who abused you, but their abuse doesn't define you or make you something inherently broken/dirty/an abuser- the fact that you actually worry that you might be abusing someone even while trying your damn best to avoid that sounds to me like regardless of the abuse you went through, you still have your heart in the right place. And of course, if that label makes you feel more comfortable with yourself, then that's how you identify yourself as, end of the line. Just please know that there is nothing wrong with being alloaro either, and that you are always welcomed here as others have said 💚
  7. Okay so... Let me get this straight(lol)... You base your identity around being seen as the "weird, loner, smart, gifted one" and also use the "smartness factor" as a bargaining chip when you want to try to get a sexual partner, and also worry that acting as such is going against your "smart loner lonely mysterious kuudere TM" aura so that it might end up "nullifying your weirdness, which you see as a core part of yourself and don't want to be 'nullified'"? I'm sorry if this comes out harsh, as I sincerely don't mean any harm with this, but this whole thing comes off as being rather insecure with who you are and seeing some traits you have as a person as certain labels you cling to, which I can understand being a thing (especially in high school years/teenager years since I mean I had that phase too, like many others) and that question here really is that asking for confirmation that your self image of being someone gifted/special/weird/loner is still valid despite that going against how people who are seeking for sexual engagement is seen, since sexual attraction is something "shallow and not intellectual at all" by public view? There is nothing inherently "profound and deep" about being asexual on its own, it is simply related to one's sexual attraction levels- and sure, you can argue that what people might find "sexy" is bound to change with level of education/level of knowledge you have on human nature related areas, and I would agree that it probably has a hand or two in that, but aside from that, not really. You can be allosexual and have a great level of intelligence in any sort of area/gifted in one type of intelligence (not just typical math/logical intelligence- which also honestly is a whole another topic because you can be gifted in one area and absolutely suck in another, which is honestly human nature) or you can be someone who is not "gifted" in any kind of way but still be asexual. On "society being boring" topic, I truly do feel like that's something my teenage self would say because at the time I felt like no one really was aware of how messed up the world or humanity are, thinking I'm fooling people by acting different and weird and quirky but also knowing "how to manipulate people bc I'm so smart", so it is a sentiment I can sympathize with, but also a mindset that I find is rather unhealthy. People aren't that stupid, and just because you have different interests from them/neurodiversity doesn't mean you are any better or worse from them. You are you, and of course, you are the one who can decide what label fits your tendencies the best, but you don't have to be the "smartest, most aware, most calculative, always a step forward everyone else" to matter. That is not to say I think you are someone not as intelligent as you claim to be, you very well might be and if so, that's great that this is something you are aware of and can take pride in. This is just saying that, that is not your only value as a human being and that you don't have to clutch those labels to feel like you can only matter when you are acting accordingly to those labels- if you do feel sexual attraction/want to have sex, that doesn't mean this makes you any less "deep and mystical and intellectual", that just means that you simply feel sexual attraction. If you don't feel it, then that's okay too! It is not something that means you are broken in some way that you have to cover it with like "asexuals are deeper and more profound anyway" reasoning, is all I'm trying to say. I hope that I really didn't cross any borders here, and I apologize if I did so. I can delete this/ask a mod for this to be deleted if this is going against any of the rules or you feel discomfortable with this, I just wanted to chime in because given your other topic I've seen as well, that's what I personally picked up, and of course since I'm a random person on the internet I might have gotten this completely wrong- in which case, as I said, I will take back what I said.
  8. I would disagree they are more "privileged" by any means. As an AroAce, personally only time I actually need to bring my sexuality/romantic orientation up is to say I really am not into dating, which people rarely raise an eyebrow over since I'm known as that sort of weird but nice girl who is also kind of childish. Of course, being infantilized isn't good either, but it still means that only people that actually cares about my romantic life at all is some family members who are extremely into romance/sex, and aside from that, I don't get any active hatred for my orientation, mostly disbelief or "you will grow out of it" which again, isn't as good, but it is not being demonized for my orientation. (Though, it is still extremely arophobic and amatonormative which really gets on my nerves, but that's another topic) Allo Aros on the other hand, often are portrayed as the heartless cis-white-male-who-just-uses-girls-because-heteronormativity or slut-who-sleeps-with-everyone-because-we-only-sex-shame-AFAB/Female passing-people, it is something they likely end up facing a lot of people who does end up developing feelings for them/making them feel guilty for their orientation far more often especially if they are sexually active, from both family/friends and sexual partners/friends they also have sexual partnership with even when they try to make things clear right off the bat. I think you are downplaying how much many cultures/especially ones with Abrahamic religions as the major belief of the population, tends to demonize sex without marriage, even if they do go "sex with your Godly partner is sacred and valuable". So both from the general sex-shaming point of view, and also from the fact that fictional portrayals of such characters are rarely shown as anything good, often having some "dealing with their 'intimacy issues' and finally 'tying down' with a good pure partner they have a monogamous relationship with and 'learning to love', and if an antagonist even turning to the 'good side' because they 'learned how to love'", no. I don't think there is any privilage there.
  9. " Even if you're fake, you don't know just how much you've saved me. " " It’s just like in a masterpiece of a movie, like a manga that gives you goosebumps-- Just like a child, running about with their emotions overflowing-- This beautiful wonderful world-- this ugly pointless world-- ! Is breathing on even now, somehow, off of someone's lies And I’ll live on too, somehow, off of this fiction... " Being a sucker for fiction in general, one of my favourite producers making a song about it while also seeming to have a better life and more uplifting songs now, I can't help but love this song with every fiber of my being. Sure, while I was an angsty teenager, I adored the constant existential crisis in between daily mundane things vibe of his songs, but it is just good to see that he feels better too, you know?
  10. Grew up in an Islamic country, but honestly my parents never were extreme type of believers, my mother always openly being fairly critical of things that makes no sense to her when it comes to customs around it, while my father just kinda assumes that if you try to live a honest life then it is none of his business despite being religious himself. So I grew up being allowed to openly question all about "God" and existence and other religions, so I can't say I was ever truly believing in any religion since I knew myself. I go with Agnostic rather than Atheist, though it really is mostly that I really feel like I know or can know enough to call possibility of any, by our terms "supernatural" thing as complete bullshit given our limited senses, but I at the very least do feel like I know enough to know any major religion claiming to have the "knowledge of the world" and is built upon social power hierarchies that somehow always seems to absolutely coincidentally beneficial to whoever was in power at the time AND also to people trying to still stick with such rules sounds fairly dubious to say least. So somewhere on the agnostic/ignostic line of reasoning with functionally being an apatheist, open to possibility of but not actively into spirituality in the shortest terms.
  11. It is always hilarious to me when I realize that characters I'm writing, even when I don't hc them as aro and/or ace, turns out acting fairly like they are on the aro and/or ace spectrum bc I legit forget to add parts that supposedly makes their crush/attraction obvious and "realistic" bc such reactions feel so over the top and cringy, it feels like I'm writing some unrealistic and OOC scenario rather than how those things genuinely work.


    I'm too AroAce for someone who rps ship stuff mainly (though 99% of them can easily pass as close platonic bonds too since for me "shipping something" is "I'm so down for this both OTP and BROTP way, I just want to see them bond and be close to each other and suffer through a fuck ton of situations and bond over the trauma, having some kissy blushy moments are optional" basically.)

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Autumn


      Oh same here. A lot of my non aroace characters still feel that way, to the point where a few of them I realized might need slightly different labels. I only really tried to write a detailed, "normal" crush once and I dunno what hapened to it. Otherwise all my potential romances eventually end up platonic or platonic coded. 

    3. AutistAro


      Lmao, I feel you dude. Makes me wonder how I managed to be so shippy before accepting my aroness. 

    4. Krispy™


      @AutistAro  Truth.

      (p.s. I absolutely love your cover photo :))) two of my favourite bois.)

  12. This song is so platonically wholesome and the group singing it is amazing that it brings tears to my eyes even now Edit: This song too!
  13. The Teacher from the Alice Mare is a huge hc for me. Also Mikado from 1BitHeart though he probably wasn't... Alice from Pandora Hearts most likely AroAce. Most likely Jack Vessalius too but... yeah. Allen Walker from D.Gray-man for AroAce too 💚💜 Probably more but can't think of atm. Also my AroAce OC though I guess that's canon
  14. We don't celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah where I live but we do have Muslim holidays/"Bayram"s and since I was never really interested in romance etc anyway, if they bring it up often times I just simply reiterate what I've been telling them for years. As it is something I was always vocal about, how romance is in everything and how unhealthy relationships are being pushed as romantic ideals in media etc, they honestly aren't even surprised even if there are still comments of "You will get it when you are older" or "Are you sure you are not hormonally deficient" or "So you won't marry like [insert a cousin from that side of the family that is 30+ ages old and still not married]" with a defeated/tired voice. (Second one only happened once with an aunt of mine so it is not a response I always get, though since I am only now 19 years old they probably took it as "just me being a ~child with no experience~ yet" until now.)
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