Coyote Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Alright so here's the story. I've been looking over the aro wiki a little bit, and I noticed that several of the romantic orientation pages have/had notes like, for example, "a greyromantic person can be romance-repulsed, romance-indifferent, or romance-favorable." So it seemed reasonable that there should be a page explaining what any of that really means. Right now, there isn't one. It'd be simple enough to just create one. Here's the problem: I'm not sure where to find anything that could actually be cited on this topic, and I'm also not even sure how much these terms even get used. I mean, I can reason and extrapolate to understand what they mean, obviously, but I'd also like to hear actual accounts from the actual people who use them. Do any of the people here self-describe in these ways? If so, why? If not, why? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 I don’t really describe myself as any as I don’t particularly care about that label anyways. I just don’t think I’d be able to function in a relationship with someone who’s in love with me because I wouldn’t be able to give them what they want or live up to their expectations. It’d be one of those situations of like an asexual & sexual relationship where the sexual is dwelling in sadness because their partner being asexual makes them feel unwanted. I couldn’t keep up and a relationship with a romantic would likely ware me out to the point where I need to escape Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Romance repulsed/averse. I mean, sometime it dont bother me. Or it bother me less. Sometime. But that describe well enough how i feel most of the time. Romance in my face make me uncomfortable. It's… like peoples are forcing me into their privacy. And even when i am actually involved, i hate it. In fiction, at best i don't care, at worst i am annoyed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonmerci Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Interesting question. I could say I use it in the sense that I will say "I am not romance-repulsed", and I sad aros using this term. But I won't describe myself as indifferent or favorable. I don't really know how to place myself, and I don't really care. I can enjoy romantic love in movies or books, I can even wait for the kiss when I ship two characters. But in real life, I don't want it for me. I don't really know how I feel about someone kissing me; a bit disguted maybe, bit surely not as much as I feel about sex. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raavenb2619 Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 I'm romance-repulsed. But it's a bit more complicated than that. I'm definitely romance-repulsed, because I get uncomfortable when I think people have crushes on me and when there's this expectation that I'll engage in romantically coded behavior. But that's not always my experience when it comes to romance in media. There's no hard-and-fast rule, because it really depends on the depiction in question, but I sometimes enjoy romance and shipping and romance-focused fanfiction. Some of my favorite ships are Sunati and Austen from Always Human, Cyrus and TJ from Disney's Andi Mack, and Link and Ilia from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. I do get giddy/excited/invested/[insert typical alloromantic fandom behavior] because of the romantic content, and it sometimes becomes a second driving force for me to consume and engage the content (the first being my enjoyment of the content aside from romance). But on the other hand, if the romance feels forced, out of place, or I really didn't want to see a character paired up, it makes me uncomfortable and annoyed, sometimes to the point that I'll stop consuming the content. (Looking at you, Fantastic Beasts 2). So am I romance-repulsed? Well, yes and no. When it comes to romance that's directed at me specifically, there's no question; I am romance-repulsed. When it comes to romance in media, it depends; sometimes I'm romance-favorable, sometimes I'm romance-indifferent, and sometimes I'm romance-repulsed. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Angel of Eternity Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 1 hour ago, raavenb2619 said: So am I romance-repulsed? Well, yes and no. When it comes to romance that's directed at me specifically, there's no question; I am romance-repulsed. When it comes to romance in media, it depends; sometimes I'm romance-favorable, sometimes I'm romance-indifferent, and sometimes I'm romance-repulsed. That's actually my experience with romance, too. When I'm involved somehow, it definitely makes me angry. I am definitely averse to romance but my attitude toward romance in media alters. When it comes to romantic relationships between spiritual people, I can become a little favorable. I get a little repulsed when romance becomes too "flashy" (as being flashy is literally an anti-force to one of the aspects of myself) or when characters get partners when I thought they were ace/aro (Back to the Future III where Emmett "Doc" Brown falls into love, marries and has kids). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 I put down "repulsed". The idea of being 'in a relationship', having romance directed at me or being expected to direct it at others is very much of a hard NO. Romance in fiction I'll generally find boring or an annoying distraction from the plot. Maybe OK if it's sexual, sensual or otherwise involves non-romantic passion. However I am very favourable towards physical affection with friends. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tagor Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 I'd describe myself as not romance repulsed/romance indifferent or favourable and ticked the "open for romance" option. If somebody I knew and thought I was compatible with wanted to have a romantic relationship with me, I'd say that I'm aromantic as a disclaimer but at least try it if they're ok with that. However, I don't have much experience with somebody having a crush on me, so this might just be a lack of experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TripleA Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 Eh, I like reading it in fanfiction (usually gay), but I'm more indifferent. I just don't use micro labels too much. I don't understand it that much, and not sure what the actual point of it is. In some instances, however, I see it as stupid like how people will stay with bad partners just because they "love" them or when it becomes an unnecessary sub plot in stories. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DogObsessedLi Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 I'm romance repulsed, especially towards me personally. I don't mind a little in the media (be it book, film, music or something else), and can even find the idea in theory beautiful, like I'd poetically see other aspects of life as beautiful; but then I get seriously bored of it and wonder why no other aspect of life is given such centre stage. It's one of the reasons why I got into rock and folk music for the variety of topics for the lyrics. It is also one of my biggest barriers to keeping up a romantic relationship with someone, however much I like their company etc, I end up feeling suffocated by the intensity somehow and a relief when it's over. I'm aroace and to compare, I'm much more neutral-open to sex than I am to romance (though I am probably unromantic in my approach and attitude, not that I'm promoting one night stands, but I would prefer a trusted FRIEND to have sex with and would prefer the less "romantic postures"), to try and compare the different aspects But as with all labels and sublabels, I use them only when there's a need to either improve self knowledge or to explain to someone, and I do see self knowledge as important. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonmerci Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 24 minutes ago, DogObsessedLiz said: I'm aroace and to compare, I'm much more neutral-open to sex than I am to romance Funny, for me is the opposite : I am more repulsed by sex than romance. Like I don't like sex in books, but I don't mind romance usually. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treepod Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 I don’t use any of these terms because I can’t pin myself down, but I’m sure it’s still useful for others. Being grey/lithromantic though, I can sometimes like the idea of romantic things in theory, but in practice get really uncomfortable. It’s too situational and/or fluctuating to really say for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Of Hugs Posted July 26, 2019 Share Posted July 26, 2019 Romance-indifferent is probably the closest, but I would be more likely to describe myself as "romance-confused". 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aro_elise Posted July 26, 2019 Share Posted July 26, 2019 pretty repulsed. being on the receiving end of romantic affection or even attraction makes me uncomfortable, as does pretending to reciprocate it--i don't do that anymore and i'm not open to a romantic relationship even if there are other aspects of it i would enjoy. as for other couples and fiction, it's not a huge deal, usually just kind of weird, boring, or annoying. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemis's Aro Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 I use romance-neutral because when I imagine romance or see it on TV I'm not repulsed, and for TV I may even ship some characters, but ultimately I'm usually just bored by it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eatingcroutons Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 I feel no need to describe myself with any of these terms. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cake-Loving Dragon Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 I would describe myself with two of these, here's why: I am repulsed by obsessive, extreme, uncontrollable, or unhealthy romantic attraction. But I don't consider that what romance is supposed to be. I am indifferent to two-sided, rational, and faithful romance. Since this is what I view as true, healthy romance, I usually identify as romance-neutral. Does anybody else feel similarly? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonmerci Posted September 4, 2019 Share Posted September 4, 2019 16 hours ago, Cake-Loving Dragon said: I would describe myself with two of these, here's why: I am repulsed by obsessive, extreme, uncontrollable, or unhealthy romantic attraction. But I don't consider that what romance is supposed to be. I am indifferent to two-sided, rational, and faithful romance. Since this is what I view as true, healthy romance, I usually identify as romance-neutral. Does anybody else feel similarly? Yep, I think it is somehow that for me. I am positive or indifferent to romance when it is not towards me. But unhealthy romance? I call that an obsession and I don't like that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aro-fae Posted September 4, 2019 Share Posted September 4, 2019 I don't use this terminology simply because it feels pointless to my own identity. Like, there are some things that I am repulsed by (like most romance movies/narratives) and there are things that I am favorable to (like hand holding). Trying to paint with a broad brush would just be pointless. And If anyone would need specifics, they would likely be close enough to me to warrant a proper conversation about it rather than a quick label. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tagor Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 On 9/5/2019 at 2:50 AM, Arypter said: I feel that in a weird, counter-intuitive way, my aromanticism makes me enjoy those things more because never experiencing romantic attraction myself causes me to be more curious about what it feels like, if that makes sense. Seems like that's just me though lol. That's what I do too. Even if I can't experience romance first hand, I still want to (try to) understand it. The only way to do this is through second hand experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlamillia Pixie Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 For me I think I'm somewhere between romance-indifferent and romance-adverse. I was uncomfortable when my ex tried to do something that was coded romantic (handhold was one of the biggest and most common thing I had an issue with) and in theory I am very off-put by larger romantic gestures. But like, not make my skin crawl uncomfortable, just "hmm I don't like this, can we not" uncomfortable. Yet when it comes to fiction (books, movies, tv, anime, games, etc.) I have no problem with romantic crap. I'm fine with romance as long as it does not involve me. Romance for others with others is fine and I support it. Its just not for me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lokiana Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 I use romance-favorable - I'm in a romantic relationship (?) and generally I don't mind romance in media. However, forced romance or amatonormative concepts (Valentine's Day in particular) still make me fairly upset. From a demiro perspective, I many how many aros that feel some romantic attraction would say romance favorable vs. aros that feel no romantic attraction would say romance favorable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momo Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 I don't use any of these for romance, but I do use sex-neutral for my sexuality. I don't really have any feelings about romance in others. Even for as it relates to me, it's kind of strange. I don't feel bad about the romance itself, but I also know it doesn't work out so it's just kinda there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frutiger aro Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 (edited) i'm highly romance-repulsed if it's directed towards me, but mostly indifferent when it's toward someone else, whether a friend/relative or in media. that being said i don't often use these labels unless it's a topic of discussion, which it hardly ever is. Edited April 2, 2020 by loneranger98 changed words 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ch0c0 Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 Romance indifferent or slightly positive when it is about other people. Slightly romance repulsed when it's about me. I don't use this label: even said with a big smile the 'aromantic' label is usually enough to discourage potential suitors. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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