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Everything posted by Momo

  1. For posterity, the forums were migrated to a new server and live on! Reports of Arocalypses death have been greatly exaggerated.
  2. I don't use any of these for romance, but I do use sex-neutral for my sexuality. I don't really have any feelings about romance in others. Even for as it relates to me, it's kind of strange. I don't feel bad about the romance itself, but I also know it doesn't work out so it's just kinda there.
  3. This is a pretty well known problem in a lot of spheres. The more standards/words/whatever exist, the more they tend to conflict and fight - in general. This is what ends up happening when you create a new standard and insist on it being the New Best Thing. Sadly, that is almost never the actual truth in any setting, least of all when you're talking about people's feelings and identity. --- So, the reason I brought up the real meaning of spectrum is because I feel it could help to solidify some of these terms. Instead of trying to define orientations in relation to each other, come up with some attributes that help split things. I don't want to try to start to come up with those attributes here and now, but with the right level of detail you start to get a picture of each individual person - an individual a/romantic spectrum. Then, comparing those spectra you will start to see patterns - the patterns that define the orientations and labels we use.
  4. Well, since this conversation seems to be ongoing... it's worth mentioning that most people seem to be misusing spectrum when what they mean (at least in their own head) is a gradient. Most people seem to be using spectrum to mean that there are two opposing things with some mixture in the middle, say aromantic <=> romantic with some various middle ground like greyro, etc. That's not what a spectrum actually is. A spectrum is a set of values from a range of possible values. I've seen this explained really well in autistic spaces and it may be worth taking some inspiration from. See for example this article: https://neuroclastic.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/ In this sense, an aro spectrum (or romantic spectrum, depending on how you want to phrase it), an ace spectrum (or sexuality spectrum, again depending on phrasing), etc all make sense. Including either the wider or narrower definition of an a-spectrum.
  5. Being agender is at least as similar to being aro as being ace is. For me, at least, I experience my agenderness almost exactly the same as I experience my aroness - a confusion about the concept in general. As opposed to my aceness, which I understand fully but just am not into. Honestly? I don't feel like this is up to us (agender people). If the term was created as a grouping of ace and aro experiences then we shouldn't come in and barge into that. If it was created as a way of grouping people who feel like some part of their identity is defined by a "no thanks" then we're already included. Personally, from my experience, the former is the truth not the latter.
  6. Yeeees, collect all the A's... together we shall rule the world! *ahem* Err, welcome to the forum from another quad-A.
  7. I am also curious about this. I hadn't heard of this as a thing before this thread.
  8. Echoing this. Paraphrasing is, at best, just adding an extra layer of bias on everything. At worst, it can completely rewrite and change the meaning of what was said.
  9. Hi there! Finding out later in life can definitely be hard. Personally, I'm 32 and only figured it out at around 29 - effectively ending a 7 year relationship on the spot. I'd definitely encourage you to join up to the forum fully and have a bit of a poke around. There's some good people here.
  10. Momo

    Banned Members

    WrenIsMyRealName has been banned for breaching section 2.f of the ToS:
  11. Looks like this is unavailable indefinitely due to incompatibilities. Sorry! But on the upside, it should only be Grammarly that's affected.
  12. You can now add your own images to posts. As of right now, the current limits are as follows: 300KB per post 10MB per user If you start running up against the per user limit, you can view where you have posted images previously and remove some of them from your previous posts by going to "My Attachments" in the drop down menu at the top right of the screen. Embedding images has always been a bit funky but should still work as well as it used to:
  13. In an effort to streamline the profile a little, reduce confusion and generally make things better for everyone the follow changes to profile fields have been made: The Romanticism profile field has been renamed to simply Orientation. The Sexuality field has been hidden from everyone but yourself so you can just copy and paste that information into the Orientation field if you wish. The Sexuality field will be removed completely in the coming weeks. Feel free to include as much or as little information as you feel relevant in the new Orientation field. This change has been made to make things easier. New people felt the need to include both when sometimes they weren't relevant and others didn't have the fields they needed to fully express themselves. I think this change puts everyone in a better position.
  14. I think I can summarise my previous comment better and it may give you a better guideline: your arguments should be centered around bringing the community together and explaining why things are problematic or hurtful rather than trying to divide the community and push problematic things out of your sphere so you don't have to see them.
  15. I'm curious - are you of the opinion then that all things labelled as aro must apply to all aros? That feels... overbearing. I'd even go so far as to say impossible. Individual experience is too diverse for all things to be relatable to all people in a given group. With regard to this meme in particular, "x is cancelled" is generally a hamfisted attempt to make any point and I'm not a fan. Frankly, I don't believe this meme should be anywhere and I say that as an aroace - the primary audience for it - even if I do sometimes identify with the sentiment personally. That's different to saying it shouldn't be in #aro though. Criticising the meme on it's own merits and saying "this shouldn't exist" is very different to saying "this isn't aro" because while it's mostly specific to aroaces, aroaces are part of the aro community too. Should things only be tagged with the most specific things you can ever think of?
  16. I have enabled the option for people to hide their own posts. Note that moderators can still see your posts even when hidden to prevent abuse - this isn't a delete option.
  17. I'm creating this thread as a notification thread that people can follow for information on changes made to the forum. This thread will remain locked so that people can follow this and not get chatter. If you have questions about any of the announcements here then please start a new thread in Site Comments.
  18. The current staff can now always be found at the following link which is also under "Other links" in the menu: https://www.arocalypse.com/staff/ As for who it currently is, I'm the only permanent staff member. The current moderators are all currently considered interim moderators but that could change - that said, they still have my full support.
  19. That sounds like a joke in pretty poor taste, yeah. I'm sure your friend meant well, but there's so many layers to unpack there. 1. The implication that because you're aromantic that means that other people's love is less somehow (giving love a bad name generally) 2. The implication that because you're aromantic that your love is less somehow (otherwise why would it be giving love a bad name?) 3. That love implies romance and the fact you're aromantic is even relevant. Probably some other things I've missed. But if you're upset about it, there's definitely reason to be and it might be good to talk to your friend about it. But most likely it was just a bad drunk joke that they said without thinking.
  20. ...Okay, in that case, I will say this: that entails interpreting "ace" by itself as implicitly meaning "alloromantic ace," and I want people to please... not... do that. I agree, it's not a great way of looking at it, but I still feel like it'd go some way to explaining the thought process behind such a list of identities in lieu of actually having someone to ask what they meant.
  21. This might be a uniquely Tumblr thing, but this isn't how I would have read this. A similar list would be transgender, nonbinary and gender diverse. Just because someone fits into one of those categories doesn't imply they don't fit into the rest. That said, that also isn't how I parse this list either. I parse this list as a shorthand for "alloace, aroallo, and aroace".
  22. I'm going to preface this with a disclaimer: I am very aware that I can also be guilty of this - I feel we all can be. That said, I would like to encourage everyone to take this to heart. Talk to people if something is upsetting you. I can't address other platforms and most of the links shared so far have been to Tumblr, but I do want to say that if this happens within this forum then please reach out to one of the staff. We definitely don't want this sort of behaviour on the forums and there are things we can do to help.
  23. I wish communal living was more widely accepted in general. As someone classified as disabled by a lot of people, living on my own just isn't really feasible. But whenever I mention that I live with a woman (I'm an AMAB enby) I get Looks. Those looks only intensify if I say we used to date (before I realised I was aro).
  24. A hug is a once-off thing that only takes a few seconds and is typically done standing up, though not always. A cuddle is longer, minutes or hours and is often done on some piece of furniture like a bed or couch and isn't necessarily face to face, it can be side to side as well.
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