Lokiana

Seconded. 🍦

I'm demiromantic and currently a bit...irritated with this whole statement. Every demiromantic person is different and your roommate does not speak for everyone who identifies as demi-. I identify with aromanticism because I experience things like aromantic people do. I did not experience crushes and was mocked for it from the time I was in middle school all the way through my senior year in high school. I was mocked for stating that I might not want to get married. I was literally isolated from my friend group and sent home crying because of my aromanticism. Connecting to people on a lot of romantic ideas is a weird concept to me. The way I approach relationships is different, and aromantic communities have helped me with that. Figuring out I was demiromantic was a hard thing, because I identified with aromanticism for so long before I ever experienced romantic attraction. In short: And it's really not your business to go telling certain aros they're not really aro. It's called the "m-spec" or "multi-spec". It's not a scale, and it encompasses all identities (bi, pan, polysexual/romantic, etc.) that feel attraction to more than one gender.

I’m demi bi, so it’s interesting to hear about your experience from my perspective. Sorry for the non clarity. 😊

Of course! I’d love to hear them! It’s futuristic, somewhat post apocalyptic Sci fi- a lot of the technology was destroyed by a massive wave of computer viruses...in the scavenging afterwards, someone broke open a lab that held viruses (I’d like to point out he wrote this before corona)...basically, there’s only small pockets of humanity left, and a bunch of travel via airships. The main character is a badass who repairs the technology that keeps the airships running, and it goes from there. (I’ve read all 150+ pages and love this book, seriously. It’s kind of awesome.)

Amen to that. Seconded. The thought of someone else liking me romantically and getting blamed for not reciprocating when all I wanted was to be friends quite literally can make me shiver in fear, not even because of romance repulsion, but simply because I get attached and losing people over something like that is a horrible thought. Interesting to hear about this from a demi-bi perspective, because I'm also super picky about who I have sex with because for most of the reasons stated above, and I'm in a romantic relationship. And that's on why it took me forever to realize I'm bi.

so my boyfriend is writing a book and i have convinced him to write in one of the characters as explicitly aro and bi (she was kind of headed in that direction, but to make it official) he's amazing and wants a lot of my input on it, because he and i are both bi, so it's really easy for him to write from that perspective, but wants to make sure he captures the aro part as well. anyone have specific thoughts on how your aroness affects your bi-ness and vice versa?

I just loved this quote, and really, it is a nice, succinct way of putting it.

So I've felt what I'm fairly sure is romantic attraction for the first time (which freaked me the hell out, caused a mild identity crisis, and made me realize I'm demiromantic). For me, it started as friendship and was pretty hard to recognize - I wanted to spend a lot of time with him, hang out, play video games, etc., pretty standard friends stuff. What kind of "clued me in" to feeling something else is a bit of a story, but he started giving me a hug at the end of every night and it went from a quick friendship thing to me wanting one all the time and wanting to stay there? And there was kind of a feeling of warmth that accompanied it. Then he kissed one of our mutual friends (casually) and I felt pretty devastated, and realized I had no reason to feel that way, and then kinda went....oh. Oh. OH. He and I went to formal together as friends. The butterflies people talk about were there in a mild form of anxiety for me as I was getting ready - my best friend was laughing at me - in the form of being a little obsessive about my appearance. And then we were just on the couch after the formal and I realized our mutual flirting was a little more than just friendly, and so after a lot of hinting between us, I kissed him. For me it's not anything super dramatic, but I smile when I get to talk to him, it hurts right now to not be with him (several states away, unfortunately, due to circumstances). A feeling of warmth and safety, combined with some mutual affection. Like, I feel at home when I'm with him? If that makes any sense to y'all. So yeah. There's what it felt like in my experience, after years of being slightly fascinated and not understanding. Hope that helps y'all, remember to be kind to grayromantics in this thread. 🙂

If anyone has any questions about how it works from the AUREA end, I'm happy to help - contact details are on my page. 😃

I use romance-favorable - I'm in a romantic relationship (😊) and generally I don't mind romance in media. However, forced romance or amatonormative concepts (Valentine's Day in particular) still make me fairly upset. From a demiro perspective, I many how many aros that feel some romantic attraction would say romance favorable vs. aros that feel no romantic attraction would say romance favorable.

Definitely in agreement here. The conflation is bad but that's not necessarily the terminology's fault (although the way it was coined is...interesting). Although it is perhaps an example for the "this could have been thought through better but now we're here so we have to find a way to deal with it because it's not going away" bucket - it definitely could use improvement, and individuals are welcome to use/disuse terminology as they please, but I think correction of misinformation is the best way to deal with it, not to discard the grouping as useful. Given that start, I wonder when and how agender began to be grouped into the asexual and aromantic spectra(ums? I have no idea how English works and this is my native language.)

Just a question for y'all, and this is slightly off topic so pardon me: do you consider agender people to be on the a-spec? I've heard conflicting answers and am curious what y'all's thoughts are.

I love Marvel and Percy Jackson as well (although I'm not caught up on the new books :😔). Welcome to the forums!