Lokiana

they call themselves feminine aligned. THEY ALSO disconnect themselves from womanhood and female experience. it’s not a mutually exclusive description. same gender attraction comes from the Christian church. please stop using it. you could make this same argument about men or women, but to be frank, it’s that I know these people very closely and that makes the attraction stronger. that’s it. also I’ve clearly outlined that I’m attracted to a man? It’s not just y’all? no, but out of recognition of my PAST and CURRENT partners, I know based on my lived experience that I am attracted to at least 1 man and at least 2 non-binary people. I have no idea if I’d be attracted to a non-binary person, or a woman, or a man, until I actually know who they are. If I suddenly feel attraction to someone who falls outside the labels I’ve given myself then I will...change the labels. My attraction isn’t gonna shrivel up and die, I’m just going to edit how I define who I am. I’ve quite literally redefined my identity in the past year just because....I felt attraction that I thought I didn’t feel, so I changed the terms I use. That’s allowed, last I checked. just like I’m not automatically attracted to every man in the universe I’m not going to be attracted to every non-binary person in the universe? If someone tells me they’re non-binary and I wasn’t attracted to them...I’m still not gonna be attracted to them. I mean fair enough? Like it’s fine to be wary? If a bi person says “I’m attracted to men and nb people” and you want to watch out for signs they’re fetishizing you, that’s completely understandable. I hope I’ve answered all your questions. In summary: I identify based on who I’m attracted to now. I’m not psychic, I can’t predict the future, and I have no idea who I’ll meet or if I’ll be attracted to them. In general, I’m attracted to man, and non-binary people (2), so I’m bi. Maybe I’ll find more people I’m strongly attracted to! Who knows - bi is a flexible label, so I’ve got a lot of wiggle room there. Other than that, your argument is full of fallacies and further I can read your status updates, and I know you’re not engaging in good faith, so this is where I will end my discussion.

Until you quit invalidating my identity as a bi person who is attracted to men, and several feminine aligned non-binary people, and has discussed with them the appropriate way to identify, your opinion does not cancel out my identity.

um. no? i have met very few "strictly" straight or gay people who are attracted to nonbinary people. it's certainly possible, but many of my friends simply are not attracted to people outside of their preferred people(whether that be men or women). is there not a varying, widespread definition of womanhood or manhood, with different "kinds"? Like, I have seen a lot of nonbinary people (specifically, one of my close personal friends), identify as gay because they are attracted solely to women and nonbinary people. When I describe my identity, I say I'm bi and attracted to people of any gender (men, women, and several of my nonbinary friends who present their gender in various ways). It is simply not possible to acknowledge every nonbinary gender when I talk about my attraction to people but it is also incorrect to assume I am only attracted to men and women. Saying I'm attracted to nonbinary people is the best grouping that I have found that covers all of my people - just like I could specifically say I am attracted to a specific type of man, I can tell you what it is (skinny medium sized height kind of nerdy, preferably can fit into my hoodies), but the best grouping is to just say men.

Bi people can be attracted to other genders and not their own and still be considered queer, because they're still bi. This is biphobic language.

Hid posts in this thread due to a discussion about the validity of sensual/platonic/aesthetic attraction. We do not debate the validity of other people's identities.

Seconded. 🍦

I'm demiromantic and currently a bit...irritated with this whole statement. Every demiromantic person is different and your roommate does not speak for everyone who identifies as demi-. I identify with aromanticism because I experience things like aromantic people do. I did not experience crushes and was mocked for it from the time I was in middle school all the way through my senior year in high school. I was mocked for stating that I might not want to get married. I was literally isolated from my friend group and sent home crying because of my aromanticism. Connecting to people on a lot of romantic ideas is a weird concept to me. The way I approach relationships is different, and aromantic communities have helped me with that. Figuring out I was demiromantic was a hard thing, because I identified with aromanticism for so long before I ever experienced romantic attraction. In short: And it's really not your business to go telling certain aros they're not really aro. It's called the "m-spec" or "multi-spec". It's not a scale, and it encompasses all identities (bi, pan, polysexual/romantic, etc.) that feel attraction to more than one gender.

I’m demi bi, so it’s interesting to hear about your experience from my perspective. Sorry for the non clarity. 😊

Of course! I’d love to hear them! It’s futuristic, somewhat post apocalyptic Sci fi- a lot of the technology was destroyed by a massive wave of computer viruses...in the scavenging afterwards, someone broke open a lab that held viruses (I’d like to point out he wrote this before corona)...basically, there’s only small pockets of humanity left, and a bunch of travel via airships. The main character is a badass who repairs the technology that keeps the airships running, and it goes from there. (I’ve read all 150+ pages and love this book, seriously. It’s kind of awesome.)

Amen to that. Seconded. The thought of someone else liking me romantically and getting blamed for not reciprocating when all I wanted was to be friends quite literally can make me shiver in fear, not even because of romance repulsion, but simply because I get attached and losing people over something like that is a horrible thought. Interesting to hear about this from a demi-bi perspective, because I'm also super picky about who I have sex with because for most of the reasons stated above, and I'm in a romantic relationship. And that's on why it took me forever to realize I'm bi.

so my boyfriend is writing a book and i have convinced him to write in one of the characters as explicitly aro and bi (she was kind of headed in that direction, but to make it official) he's amazing and wants a lot of my input on it, because he and i are both bi, so it's really easy for him to write from that perspective, but wants to make sure he captures the aro part as well. anyone have specific thoughts on how your aroness affects your bi-ness and vice versa?

I just loved this quote, and really, it is a nice, succinct way of putting it.

So I've felt what I'm fairly sure is romantic attraction for the first time (which freaked me the hell out, caused a mild identity crisis, and made me realize I'm demiromantic). For me, it started as friendship and was pretty hard to recognize - I wanted to spend a lot of time with him, hang out, play video games, etc., pretty standard friends stuff. What kind of "clued me in" to feeling something else is a bit of a story, but he started giving me a hug at the end of every night and it went from a quick friendship thing to me wanting one all the time and wanting to stay there? And there was kind of a feeling of warmth that accompanied it. Then he kissed one of our mutual friends (casually) and I felt pretty devastated, and realized I had no reason to feel that way, and then kinda went....oh. Oh. OH. He and I went to formal together as friends. The butterflies people talk about were there in a mild form of anxiety for me as I was getting ready - my best friend was laughing at me - in the form of being a little obsessive about my appearance. And then we were just on the couch after the formal and I realized our mutual flirting was a little more than just friendly, and so after a lot of hinting between us, I kissed him. For me it's not anything super dramatic, but I smile when I get to talk to him, it hurts right now to not be with him (several states away, unfortunately, due to circumstances). A feeling of warmth and safety, combined with some mutual affection. Like, I feel at home when I'm with him? If that makes any sense to y'all. So yeah. There's what it felt like in my experience, after years of being slightly fascinated and not understanding. Hope that helps y'all, remember to be kind to grayromantics in this thread. 🙂