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About aro_elise

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    fashion design student

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  1. i don't remember ever particularly liking the idea of romance, but now that i've experienced a romantic relationship and been identifying as aro for like 4 1/2 years, i'm much more aware of it and sometimes repulsed by it. i guess..before i knew, when i saw or read romantic stuff it was like i couldn't relate yet, and i just didn't think much of it it, didn't notice amatonormativity. now, it's like i can't relate, period, and i can't escape it, you know? on a few shows, a character has done something nice for their friend whom they used to date, or hope to, and i wonder whether they did it out of true friendship or romantic attraction, like hoping to impress them and get (back) together with them or whatever. because if that were the intention of anyone i considered a friend, i'd feel kind of deceived and definitely disappointed. but anyway, yeah, i think it's different now for all of us.
  2. i was thinking that too, how my not wanting a romantic relationship or marriage (or kids) is criticized or dismissed because women are supposed to want those things.
  3. the type of attraction you seem to be describing is aesthetic. for some people, it can lead to sexual and/or romantic attraction, but simply thinking someone is nice-looking doesn't equate to that. like when i find a woman aesthetically attractive, that's all it is. there's also platonic attraction, which is basically wanting to be friends or queerplatonic partners with someone, and many aros experience squishes, which are sometimes compared to crushes, but platonic. this is where the 'thinking about them a lot' may come in. i suppose the person's appearance could be a factor, but it tends to be based on personality. if you are aro, that doesn't mean you can't be in a relationship or experience love. just probably not romantic. but there is an arospec identity term for those who don't experience romantic attraction but desire romantic relationships: cupioromantic. hope that helps somewhat.
  4. 1900 (edited, lol i’m dumb)
  5. hey! you're right, it's amatonormativity, you know yourself, and it doesn't matter if it's different in the future. we all have those thoughts at some point, especially in the beginning. i'm glad people are supportive of you. and i hope you like it here; i do.
  6. pie. because it's kind of in the same category as cake. and also because it's my favourite dessert and i'm aro so therefore pie is aro culture. 🥧
  7. I hope I covered the options--pick the closest to how you feel and explain if you like. I don't want either.
  8. Prefer poly but open to mono. My ideal relationship would be an open triad, with two guys of course. But I also love being single.
  9. Aside from hugging (platonic or familial), that’s me. I classify all other physical affection as sexual or romantic. I have no concept of sensual. Right, to me, certain types are sexual and others are romantic and once it crosses that line I’m like, nope, not doing that with anyone. @LBMango as for your other examples, I consider cuddling romantic, sexy touching and kinky activities sexual, and I only want professional massages. And I’ll add hand-holding: romantic. So yeah, I can’t tell you how to perceive it, but I can easily tell you how I do, and answer any further questions.
  10. This is personal but I had sex for the first time (with my ex-bf and current friend, who knows I’m aro), and later when we were going to sleep he put his hand on my waist and kissed my shoulder and I thought ‘yeah, this isn’t working for me’.  I had a feeling this is where split attraction would get tricky.  I hope it gets easier. 

    1. Eklinaar


      I hope it was a good experience otherwise.  I'd say that's a good sign of where to create some boundaries.

    2. aro_elise


      It was fine.  We agreed not to be sexually involved anymore—stuff’s just too complicated between us, we’re good as friends.  But with future partners, yeah, establishing that stuff will be important. 

  11. they can be. i'd say all friendships are platonic relationships but not all platonic relationships are friendships. because 'relationship' can have different connotations. on one hand, they may lack something friendships have, like closeness. like how a professional relationship is one between colleagues, pro and client, etc. and a familial relationship is one between family members, even extended, and not necessarily a close or positive relationship. so i might say an acquaintance and i have a platonic relationship, since it's not quite friendship but it's not any other type. (i might refer to them as my friend for simplicity's sake.) on the other hand, 'relationship' could be used in the sense of like 'being in a relationship,' like a qpr. of course that's also difficult to define, but i believe we can pretty much agree it's different from friendship. so someone might say "(qpp) and i are in a relationship; (friend) and i are not". and that relationship may have something friendships tend to lack, like exclusivity, commitment, cohabitation, more physical affection...mostly things generally associated with romantic relationships, as i understand. i will say that i have or want most of those things with my best friend but wouldn't call her my qpp because first of all, i don't consider the latter term to necessarily indicate higher importance than the former, and second, i don't think it matters what we call it, regardless. but yeah, basically i consider 'platonic relationship' to describe a wider range of relationships than 'friendship'.
  12. yup. i can't exactly relate to either group. and idk how to like, satisfy both aspects of my orientation. i suppose that's a split attraction thing. i also imagine we experience aromanticism differently from aro aces.
  13. yes, i feel loved most of all by myself, also by my best friend, and other friends and family. i do find it odd that that's such a common reassurance because to me it was never a concern, but i guess for many people it is? i think my problem with it is that i don't think it should be emphasized as a reason to consider oneself worthy (as @LBMango mentioned) or to stay alive, etc. i mean, one of my reasons is that i want to share my life with my best friend, but not the only one, and idk, the phrasing seems weird, like i wouldn't say life is worth living ~because she loves me~. like i'm not depressed because i don't feel loved or worthy, i'm just depressed.
  14. same! i never thought about my future husband, just the wedding. i still do imagine what kind i'd like. i just love fancy parties and stuff. the venue, the flowers, the champagne. and i'm a future fashion designer and i'd love to design and wear a beautiful wedding dress. i'd choose a winter wedding, it's my favourite season, i think the snow is so lovely. and i'd have it in some grand ballroom, or hey, since it's hypothetical, why not a palace? someplace in europe, i suppose; we don't really have them here. oh, it would be the most delightful affair. well, i suppose it would cost a few million dollars, so even if i were to get married... that's true. obviously i want an extravagant and expensive event, but i'll take what i can get. but you know, i do think it's rather unfair that people get wedding gifts, like nice dishes and stuff, but single people don't. surely they need them more, since they don't have a partner's finances to share? and then there are bridal showers and bachelorette parties and baby showers (i'm thinking of the stuff for women) and more gifts. and honeymoons.
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