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About aro_elise

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    Advanced Member

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    aromantic heterosexual
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    fashion design student

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  1. sounds more like sex-neutral allo (pan, as you say), or at least gray-pansexual, since sexual orientation has to do with attraction, and sex-favourable/positive, neutral/indifferent, and negative/repulsed refer to attitude regarding having sex. i'm unsure of whether or not i would consider you demi. this sounds very demi, but... this does not. being definitely allosexual myself, i can relate to that. doing something about it is a different thing, i've yet to hit on a dude i see on the street. there is a difference between not wanting to have sex with someone until
  2. yup, that's it. i want to do sexual but not romantic things with them. and it's pretty much immediate, unless you're demi, i guess, because for me it's mostly based on looks, but demeanour, personality, talent, or whatever can increase or decrease my level of attraction to some extent.
  3. a manager at my workplace (cafe) recently clarified that employees could extend their discount to "immediate family members and partner (bf/gf). not friends." so my best friend of 16 years doesn't get a discount but someone's bf/gf of 3 weeks does. not that she even lives in the same city, and if she were to visit (which isn't the best idea), she surely wouldn't mind paying full price--that's not the point, it's the principle. the way this is just an example of privileges extended to romantic partners. and i'm not just complaining because i'm aro--my allo coworker's best friend (she does
  4. told another coworker i'm aro haha we were talking about relationships and stuff, i said i don't date and there's "not a chance" i'll get married, and she wanted to know why.  she responded positively, noting that i get "the good parts of a relationship" ie sex, lol ok i'll take it

  5. same! like i don't understand how sex and/or friendship would lead to romantic attraction (well, i guess i don't know what would) but i hope it doesn't for anyone in any such relationship with me. i feel like it makes sense for aros to be a very sex-positive group overall. love that for us.
  6. my friend was talking about this guy she hooked up with, said she wanted him to like her romantically even though she didn't want to date him??  said she knew i wouldn't understand (she knows i'm aro) and wishes she could be like me.

  7. i'm so glad i could help. certainly, labels are just what we use to help understand ourselves and connect to a community of people who feel the same way--the fact remains that whether or not i call myself heterosexual, i'm sexually attracted solely to men, and whether or not i call myself aromantic, i've never been romantically attracted to anyone, and i doubt either of these facts will change. of course it's possible, but i'd be equally surprised if, for example, a woman who'd been attracted only to men (romantically and/or sexually) was one day, after a few decades of life, suddenly attrac
  8. yup, i've had mental health professionals try to tell me i'm depressed because i don't have romantic relationships, even after i explain that being aro and romance repulsed meant that the romantic relationship i did have caused one of the most terrible periods of depression and unease of my life and i've felt so much happier and freer since accepting who i am and living in a way which is fulfilling for me. i really can't see how i could go on with life if i had to enter a lifelong romantic relationship/marriage, especially with kids--just imagining the horrible dread of knowing that was my ev
  9. after my coworker talked about being gay, i felt comfortable talking about being aro and she seemed to accept it, yay.  i haven't mentioned it to any other coworkers, but to a few, when it's come up, i've said i'm not getting married (or having kids), and i believe i've used one of those evasive phrases like "i'm not a relationship person" 😆

  10. immediately i thought to myself that the answer to whether you felt any sort of affection/attraction to people would be a pretty good indicator, and as you said you had "strong feelings" and "a lot of love" for your friends, it's clear that your mental health issues aren't affecting that, so why would they impair your romantic attraction specifically? as to your not being sure whether certain feelings you had were romantic, i think that in itself is a good indicator--how many alloromantics (people who do experience romantic attraction) struggle with such an uncertainty or seriously consider t
  11. i don't know whether they knew about aromanticism but i assumed so, so i suppose my question was how would you feel in that case? i see, for me the sexual part of a relationship and whatever other part there may be, like the friendship part, are totally separate, so casual sex doesn't necessarily mean casual relationship overall, but i see how many people would interpret it that way. similarly, when people say 'sex without feelings,' i assume they mean romantic feelings, but even if they didn't, that would still be an accurate description in my case, even if there were feelings of aff
  12. i saw someone use the term 'aromantic sex' to mean sex without romantic attraction/outside of a romantic relationship, even if they're not aro. i wondered what you guys thought of that. i say it's equivalent to referring to bi/pan people having 'gay sex' or 'straight relationships,' which i do feel is a little off, though of course my opinion doesn't much matter. in this case, i'm not really sure how i feel...i might prefer allos to call it 'non-romantic' or something, but it's certainly not a big deal. i wonder too whether you think it's any different from 'casual sex'. to my mind that i
  13. lots of things i do with my best friend, hard to pick a favourite. at the cottage we go to the beach (hers is right on it); watch the sunset; roast marshmallows, look at the stars, and talk for hours (her brother and mom join us for that, they're really great but i guess that's not date-like). when she visits me in the city we go out to eat, watch tv/movies, play board games, and often she sleeps over and shares my bed (no physical contact). on my 19th birthday we got a very fancy hotel room, got dressed up and went down to the lobby bar for my first legal drink, and had a pleasant sleep an
  14. nik is great; everything he says, i'm like, yes, exactly! and yeah that was a good explanation. like my folders of attraction would be sexual, platonic, and aesthetic (not sure whether i count the last since it's the same admiration one also has of inanimate objects/vistas but let's go with it). anyway, i don't see any similarity between sexual attraction and the concept of romantic attraction. i've wanted to do sexual things with particular guys but just as i've never had such a thought about any woman and would be repulsed by the idea, i've never felt toward anyone a desire for any
  15. @Queasy_Attention i thought that was all really well said. in particular i'm glad you said the following: because i was thinking the same thing but wanted to hear the perspective of someone who isn't heterosexual, or asexual of course. each of us, for example, could just as easily call ourselves aro allo, which i see we both do. of course there's the obvious difference, but i wouldn't have the exact same experience as another aro heterosexual person--even cis woman--either. allosexual is just an easier way to say 'not asexual,' and i personally have no problem with it, nor wit
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