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aro_elise

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About aro_elise

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Personal Information

  • Name
    Elise
  • Orientation
    aromantic
  • Gender
    female
  • Pronouns
    she/her
  • Location
    Toronto
  • Occupation
    fashion design student

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  1. exactly! i'm heterosexual and polyamorous and i've only ever been with one guy, but people accept that i'm straight (if that's what i choose to say for simplicity's sake--and i haven't told anyone i'm poly). like, whether i'm involved with 0, 1, or more guys, i'm still aro and still poly. i do find it odd that people define their orientation(s) by their behaviour, like "i'm straight because i date/have sex with guys," "i'm poly because i'm in a relationship with 2 people". "if i kiss a girl am i bi?" (my answer: well, not just because of that, but was your motivation to kiss her not attraction?) similarly, i'm not aro because i don't date; i don't date because i'm aro, as in, without romantic attraction there's nothing leading me to want a romantic relationship. anyway, to answer @hart watcher's question, i've told my parents and a couple close friends i'm aro, like in a sort of coming out moment, and besides that i just mention it if it comes up naturally, not purposely trying to reveal or hide it.
  2. found another one! 'i'm not in love' by kelsey lu https://youtu.be/Nsl4d2nOGg8
  3. yes, it's normal, particularly in the early stages of the journey of identifying and living as an aromantic person. i also dated someone to try to be allo, and cried when we broke up, but out of relief. but i do remember thinking that since he was so great, if it didn't happen with him (romantic attraction/enjoyable romantic relationship), it wouldn't happen with anyone. like that was the test, and the results were in. i must echo you and the others by saying that you should continue to be aware of amatonormativity and the opportunities for happiness outside of romance, and i believe that when you're happy with your life because it makes sense for you, the lack of romance in it will seem like one of many positives, rather than a negative. however, if you are genuinely interested in aspects of romantic relationships such as dates, physical and/or emotional closeness, or whatever, it is possible to have that with someone who understands that you're not romantically attracted to them, and isn't to you either, if that's something which would make you more comfortable--it is for me. sometimes people ask me what my ideal relationship would look like, and i say it's not so much about what it would look like from the outside, or what activities it would involve/exclude (to some extent, sure), but how it would feel. if it's that you want to actually experience romantic attraction, i suppose you know you just have to find peace with the probability that you won't. i hope you do find that; it's a great feeling.
  4. hey! i'm pretty similar. same age; i started identifying as aro at 17, after a long transition from denial, to maybe i'll call myself aro in my head but like i'm not committed, to acceptance. and i've had squishes since i was young, and thought the ones on guys were crushes. and i like your interests 😄 the only difference is i've always been 100% sure i'm 100% heterosexual, but i also don't consider it a big deal. i look forward to hearing more of your thoughts too.
  5. this may not be a simple or surprising thing, but traveling. i guess the thing is, i don't have to be doing a specific thing, like seeing popular attractions or whatever, just being in a different place is so cool to me. i just walk around and get the feel of it. i want to go everywhere. i've heard that it's pretty common for americans to never leave the country, like not because of money or work or whatever but because they just don't feel like it, and that's crazy to me.
  6. aro heterosexual woman, ring finger is longer (but probably shorter than most of your baby fingers)
  7. my best friend is all i'll ever need. (i want sexual partners, but that's different--i mean for closeness/love.) i want to live with her at some point, but i'm honestly fine with the idea of her finding a romantic partner/husband and living with him for life. i want to be all over the world anyway, not in the same place for long. and besides her, i'd prefer to live alone (i have a roommate due to circumstance, until next april.) i've entertained ideas of asking my best friend for a qpr or some kind of like, unofficial friend-wedding, but i don't think anything would actually change; i don't want it to (except to see her more often). as for my friends other than her, i'm happy to have them, of course, and i'll be happy to make new ones. i feel like what i want i either already have or it's within reach.
  8. oh right, it's pride month.  no parades, but still celebrating 🎉:aropride:

  9. listen to yourself. if it's who you are or it's right for you, be honest with yourself and don't apologize. that's the kind of freedom and peace you can't even explain. if you want it, go get it, no time like the present. if it's not making you happy, let it go. sometimes you'll be unhappy for no reason. get help. it's ok to not be ok, and it won't always be like this. god loves you and is with you always. you're perfect. i love you. oh, and love allison the best way you know how, forever. i hope you know how lucky you are.
  10. relatable. just try to remember crushes and romantic relationships aren't the only fun/happy experience, or even the only sort you can have with another person. idk whether you have or want squishes/qprs or sexual partners, but friends, surely. pretty much anything you wish you could do with a romantic partner, you could do with a friend or qpp, and lots you can do alone. and even if i try to imagine being allo (which, to be fair, i can't), i really can't imagine loving anyone more than my best friend--it's just the best love i could hope for.
  11. thanks, i did some group therapy, where no one's orientation came up, but at some point i'm sure i'll be looking for individual so yeah good luck to all of us who are.
  12. that sucks. it happens to me a lot because basically in therapy it'll come up some way or another. if i don't bring it up, they'll ask my orientation (i've even had a general practitioner ask that), or whether i'm in a relationship, and when i say i haven't been since i was 17 that'll raise further questions. and, you know, you don't want to feel like you have to lie or hide stuff from your therapist, but every time i'm about to say the word 'aromantic,' i'm thinking, here we go. i talked about a particularly bad experience here a while ago. even the best therapist i've had didn't get it and it seemed like she wanted to find some reason for it, but since it has nothing to with what i was seeing her about, i didn't talk about it much and she just let it go. but i agree, in a way you want to get it out of the way right away so you can assess their response and decide whether you want to keep seeing them. i hope you find the right solution, if it comes to telling your current therapist that if he can't accept what he knows about you already, you don't feel comfortable confiding in him any more, whether he accepts it or you find someone else.
  13. i'm 22 now!  i guess i've known i'm aro for about 5 years...it feels like ages.  

    1. Apathetic Echidna

      Apathetic Echidna

      Happy Birthday! 🎆💚💐🎇

    2. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      thanks!  i was also born on a tuesday, may 26th.

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