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aro_elise

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Personal Information

  • Name
    Elise
  • Orientation
    aromantic heterosexual
  • Gender
    female
  • Pronouns
    she/her
  • Location
    Ontario
  • Occupation
    barista

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  1. don't like it. if the other person sees it as romantic, like with my ex-bf, it's very uncomfortable for me. as for platonic, it just doesn't do anything for me; physical touch isn't one of my love languages or whatever. i like my space. or if i do want physical (non-sexual) contact, it would be hugging. my former fwb liked to cuddle in bed so i would, i didn't mind. (tmi: especially since he did so much of what i wanted.) but i wouldn't want to when we were just like hanging out in the living room. so yeah, it ranges from neutral to strongly dislike.
  2. i was trying to find a way to ask about aesthetic attraction too. for me it can be a contributing factor in squishes, but as i say, they can certainly be just platonic. and my aesthetic attraction can also be toward any gender, so you know, whatever. yes, sometimes it's just aesthetic; i don't count that as a squish. it doesn't give me the feelings, so for me it's not hard to tell that's all it is. actually same, i guess my last one was this guy at university a couple years ago. no reason, just haven't happened to have one recently. exactly, yeah, like my feelings for my best friend are stronger than for anyone else, but it's comfortable, platonic love, not a platonic crush or however you define a squish. (never was, actually, we were basically friends from the first time we met. actually most of my squishes never became friendships, at least not close/long ones, and i'm fine with that.) always? and it's not separate? interesting. does one type of attraction necessarily precede the other? oh i have another question for everyone! how old were you when you had your first squish? (even though you probably didn't know to call it that until much later) i had them almost as early as i can remember, like 4 or 6, idk. more of them back then too, i think.
  3. i've told a bunch of people. in an actual coming-out thing like where i bring it up--first my bf at the time, then my parents, then a close friend at school, then my best friend. all in the beginning, 6 years ago. other than that, just if it comes up and it's easier to say it than hide it. so some friends, therapists, a fwb.
  4. a poll for those of us who experience squishes. my answers and clarifications: 1: 20-99. hard to say where in that range--depends where you draw the line between a squish and just thinking they're cool or whatever. however you define it for yourself, that works. 2. over a year. way over. we had dance classes together for several years and i had a squish on her the whole time. some other squishes would fade over time even when i continued to see them. again, draw the line wherever you will of when it begins and ends (since it's probably not abrupt). 3. no. here's the important clarification i couldn't put succinctly in the question: happening to experience a different, unrelated type of attraction at the same time as platonic attraction is irrelevant. my sexual attraction (where gender is obviously a factor) is unrelated to anything else--i may experience it toward a guy on whom i also have a squish, but the platonic part is the same as ever. i can have purely platonic squishes on any gender. i'd be interested to hear your elaborations on your own answers to this one.
  5. how do you do, fellow heterosexual aro ✌️
  6. lots. what stands out most is probably his displays of his romantic attraction to me. like certain things he would say, like compliments--which generally of course would be a good thing but in a romantic context, the tone of voice or the way i felt obligated to respond...idk. and sometimes he would just look at me a certain way, like we'd just be watching tv or whatever and i'd just be reminded it wasn't like hanging out with a friend. also more obvious stuff like holding hands, cuddling, kissing goodbye, celebrating a semi-anniversary. but it was more about the vibe than the actual stuff we did.
  7. i saw a movie from 1955 where this girl legit said the words "you just haven't met the right one" to her sister, and i'm like, oh heck, people have been saying that for a long time, eh?

  8. not a thing for me. everything which could be considered sensual--like physical stuff, right?--is either sexual, romantic, or platonic to me. so like the way(s) i'm attracted to someone would indicate the types of things i want to do with them. since i never experience romantic attraction, i never want to do the romantic things. for some activities, like kissing, there are different types; they again get sorted into the categories. so i'm very into sexual kissing and very not into romantic kissing. that's my best attempt to explain it.
  9. i wouldn't say it's important for me to call myself that, but it's important that nobody tries to tell me not to. and the term doesn't suggest anything about who is or isn't oppressed--it groups those people together because they are in the same group of people who experience sexual attraction, that's a fact. and i'm still waiting for a gay, bi, etc. aro to tell me they have a problem with being referred to as allo, but if they did, i wouldn't refer to that individual as such.
  10. while i agree aromanticism is queer, i don't use it for myself, i just use aro. probably because i'm heterosexual and cisgender. if i were asked a yes/no question of whether i identify as queer, i guess i would say yes. but it's not something i have to think about much.
  11. things just ended (mutually) with the guy i'd been sleeping with since October (albeit infrequently) and i have no feelings about it, just moving on.  yup, definitely aro.  also, it made him realize he's no longer interested in casual dating, so yeah, make of that what you will 😆

    1. DeltaV

      DeltaV

      nothing to see here, just a garden variety aro :aropride:

  12. yup, you can be any sexual orientation and any romantic orientation. even though for a lot of people they're connected (i guess?), they can totally be separate things. as you can see, a bunch of us experience sexual but not romantic attraction.
  13. i'm domme af but it's just sexual for me, like when my fwb and i are just hanging out we're, well, just hanging out. but yeah, that's how i am with any sexual partner, it's kind of non-negotiable.
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