eatingcroutons

Yeah, agreed. I know plenty of people who work hard and lead ambitious and successful lives while being in romantic relationships. I've always been a hardworking and busy person, but I don't think that has anything to do with being aro - I also put a lot of time and effort into maintaining my non-romantic relationships.

I personally do, absolutely. I mean there are levels of it - it's not often that I see someone I find hot enough to be outright distracting. But I definitely notice when I find someone sexually attractive. And there have been times I've approached and hooked up with people purely because I find them physically attractive. I can't say when exactly it started but I was definitely finding specific people attractive by the time I was a teenager.

Oh interesting, I'd be curious to see how others feel about the experience! Do you know if there's a transcript anywhere?

When someone who's posted a question thread marks one of your replies as the answer to their question, your "solved count" goes up.

Funnily enough, back when I was doing my PhD (and well before I'd ever heard of aromanticism as a concept) this used to be my go-to excuse for avoiding romantic relationships: I didn't want to have to take anyone else's academic/professional plans into account when deciding which country to move to next...!

Is there a reason you can't be one of his close friends? Are there any ways in which being his close friend would be dissatisfying to you?

I identify as aro but not ace. I started identifying as aro when I was in my mid 30s.

Legend! I'm so happy for you!

.....mate, there is no situation where it's okay to have a relationship with someone without their consent. That said: A "queerplatonic relationship" can mean all sorts of different things. Most generally, it's a relationship that isn't romantic, but may not fit into the typical social norms expected of strictly platonic relationships or friendships. But what that means in practice can vary dramatically from person to person, and from relationship to relationship. I'd recommend taking some time to sit down and ask yourself what specific things you want from a relationship, emotional

Most of the jobs I've had have involved regular travel. It always used to baffle me why this would be treated as a negative thing in job descriptions or interviews. Because dude. Free travel! Work wants me to fly overseas for a meeting or conference? Fuck yeah, I'm gonna tack on a few days of holiday and explore the area! Who wouldn't be stoked about a free return trip to another country or city?? I only finally understood why others might feel differently about this about five years ago, when my boss and I were both expected to go on the same international trip, and I mentioned to him th

This pretty much sums it up, to be honest 😂 Sexual attraction for me is an active desire to get close and physical with someone, based on their appearance. It can be entirely distinct from how I feel about them as a person - I might detest their personality but still find them physically attractive and want to have sex with them possibly as long as they keep their mouth shut.

I've long since given up on defining "romance", although there are a lot of things associated with it that I could complain about! But most fundamentally, I really dislike the idea of making a long-term commitment to any person.

If there were any kind of foreign body in your skull then an MRI scan would have picked it up. I'd recommend seeing a psychiatrist about the neurological symptoms you're experiencing.

Today I remembered the relationship between Tholme and T'ra Saa in the Star Wars: Republic comics and how much I fucking loved that as an example of people who were in a "relationship" of sorts, but with the explicit understanding that they would never let it become an "attachment" of the sort forbidden to Jedi (e.g. romantic relationships like Anakin and Padme's). I loved the portrayal of a relationship that wasn't possessive or demanding or loaded with expectations and which both parties knew was only one impermanent part of each other's lives. Apart from anything else it could never h

A lot of what I read and enjoy is about characters experiencing things I would never, ever want to experience in real life, and that is in fact an incredibly common way to enjoy fiction. For me sometimes that includes characters who are deep in romantic love - and sometimes it involves vicariously experiencing other powerful emotions like hatred, joy, fear... anything, really. So no, you're not unusual, and there's nothing at all wrong with enjoying things in fiction that you're repulsed by in real life :)

In my anecdotal experience it is true that a lot of aros aren't interested in having kids (myself included), and I can imagine that would absolutely make people who do want kids feel excluded, which sucks. I'm sorry. I do have a few bits and pieces that relate to choosing to be a single parent in my rather shambolic personal collection of aro-related resources and links, in case any of these are helpful for anyone in this thread: This table shows countries where it is legal for a single LGBT parent to adopt Things to consider about adopting as a single parent (UK website but t

I've only ever heard the first meaning, not the downvoted ones below it. See e.g. https://www.theurbanlist.com/nz/a-list/50-ideas-for-a-mate-date

Every year for the last... eight? or so years* now, I've organised a Valentine's Day dinner for single people only, and invited everyone I know who's not in a relationship. The point of the dinner absolutely is not for people to meet potential partners, just an excuse to dress up and have a fun night out while everyone else we know is busy doing couply things. I highly recommend it as a Valentine's Day activity ✌️ *Yeah, I started doing this before I'd ever heard the word "aromantic". Yet another "early signs you were aro" moment...

Pretty much everyone who knows me had figured out that I'm "not a relationship person" before I started saying so explicitly, so I'm not sure how much more "out" I could be lol

To be completely honest, at this point you might benefit from talking to a professional about what you're going through - your history with bullying, your social isolation, and other resentments and anxieties you might have. Making the kind of fundamental changes to your life that will help get you out of this rut is much, much easier with the help of a professional like a counsellor or psychologist.

Personally I've seen quite a few messages from younger people who seem to be stressed out, for want of a better phrase, about finding the "right" label to define Who They Are and What They Are Experiencing. Which isn't surprising! A huge part of the typical teenage experience is being confused about and experimenting with how your perceive yourself and your identity. And so certainly when I've said things like "it's okay if you're not sure about what label(s) you want to use right now, and it's okay if they change later", my intent has been to reassure people that they don't have to have every

Nah, I don't think it would have changed much for me. In my case "discovering I was aro" mostly meant I found out there was a word for things I'd already known and accepted about myself, and came to the conclusion that those things were unlikely to ever change. Before that I'd never had a problem with the fact that I'd never met anyone I wanted a romantic relationship with. As far as I was concerned if it happened one day then great, but in the meantime I had far more important things going on in my life. Whenever my parents started to make noises about marriage and children I'd be like,

Looking back at the history of people I've been sexually attracted to, the general pattern seems to be slender, toned, long legs, skinny wrists, thick dark hair, sharp facial features, and expressive mouths.

I agree. For me sex is sex and it's a physical act. Whether or not I have sex with someone doesn't have any bearing on what my emotional relationship with them is. And it doesn't make sense to me to describe the act of sex itself as being somehow a different act depending on whether the person I'm having sex with is a friend or stranger or whatever. As for "aromantic dates", mate dates are definitely a thing even among alloromantic people.

Coming back again because there's now a feature-length film loosely based on Creswick called Relic, which I also really enjoyed and also has no romance whatsoever in it - in fact it's entirely about the relationship between a grandmother, mother, and daughter. And a couple of other thrillers without romance I've enjoyed since I last dropped by this thread: Crawl (2019): A daughter and her father get trapped during a hurricane in a house that turns out to be full of alligators. A fun survival horror/thriller! Fracture (2007): Crime/thriller, an attorney tries to prove that